Renesmee is that blood?
by Misslittlepinkbag
Summary: Renesmee is on the prowl and can't wait to sink her teeth into the Volturi. Will she cross the line and kill them?
1. Renesmee is that blood?

No infringement meant to Stephanie Myers- this is just for some fun

Renesmee VO

I always have found myself drawn to the amazing tales of which my family have shared with me over the years, and I am now shocked that I complained at how plain life seemed now.

Carlisle tells me of how lucky I have been not to see the terrors which they have faced and that myself meeting the Volturi when I was a few months old should be enough excitement for eternity.

But I always feel that I have a bit of Emmett 'rubbed' of on me as I like excitement, but now as I stand here. I regret not only this decision, but ones I have made in the past few weeks.

I stare helplessly into familiar faces, knowing that there is little I can do to escape and that I may only have two decisions to make but can I be sure which one is the correct to chose.

* * *

I can feel my eyes grow heavy and even though I want to will them to stay awake. But it is a losing battle.

I suddenly feel a slight breeze and as I pry open my eyes I can see that my father has moved from his original place on the couch to under my head, I am now resting on my 'couch parents' with my head over my father and my legs and suppose torso on my mother.

Aunt Rosie had taken Dads space and she is tickling my toes with her long fingers. I wiggle them and she lets of a quiet chuckle.

I can feel a dry sensation sore across my tongue and mouth, I am so comfortable and don't feel like moving.

"I didn't know we were playing musical chairs", I said, cracking through my tired voice. A laugh soared higher than the rest of the quiet giggles.

Before even glancing over I can already picture Emmett's grin, and as I guessed it was his laugh booming over the others. It's hard not to smile when you hear an unusual laugh than that, its almost ape like.

My father now stroking my hair-even though I should complain that he is making it flat- actually feels nice. Its like a head massage. He and mom always do this- especially when I was younger to sooth me.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to bed?" my father in his most gentle whispered in my ear.

"Hmmm..." ok get up! Come on if you fall asleep you will find yourself in bed.

Trying to swing my legs of my mother and Rosie was harder than I'd imagined- why can't I be forever awake then I wouldn't miss all the fun, I bet its like when I go to sleep they all go, 'finally the freak half human is asleep lets now start the fun'…

Ok so that would not be true- well it better not-but it's unfair. I get more tired than they do, like the other day when me and Emmett went hunting we went farther out cause its bear season and I was going to try to catch my first bear- oh that was so yummy…focus Renesmee- and after the kill we were half way back when, when I just felt so darn tired.

Emmett laughed so hard when he had to carry me.

"No dad. I said I was going to stay awake and that's what I am going to do. Well at least until midnight, then I can go to sleep."

He looked at me with warm honey eyes and then smiled his usual crooked smile- that's when I new that I had my way.

I have to keep awake, it's my birthday in three hours I will be 17 years old- well 17 in appearance- but in reality I will be seven. Seven! How can I be seven…..its so embarrassing but at least I made everyone promise that from now on I will be officially 17 and I had Jasper go to his guy- the one who does the documents-Hmmm what was his name?- anyway and he's getting a new birth certificate.

Of course we will keep the other one, as we do with all of our birth certificates I think my father is on his 6th birth certificate and I can only wonder how many times Carlisle has his changed- especially when he has to show his every time he gets a new job at a different hospital- the birth date will be the same but the year will be different so I am happy.

Jazz was surprised when I told him that's what I wanted.

My parents now realizing my intention to rise have begun to help me up, I can feel their cool skin on pressure points on my back.

I heard a small crunch, "Ouch"

"Oops Sorry Jake, well deserves you right for falling asleep"

"Yeh right Nessie, you're just clumsy" I went to give him a slight slap on the head but he dodges it.

"I'll get you one day puppy" Jakes grin shone across his face reveling his teeth.

"Woof" Jake replied.

"Go back to sleep before I put you down"

My relationship with Jake is a little strange at the moment, I have had the conversation with my mother about the whole imprinting thing- while my father listened and his teeth grinding together-. She just said 'Jake will feel what you feel; when you're ready he will be ready'. At the moment we are just friends, but soon I do feel that it should proceed further. But how do I change the relationship just walk up to him and say 'hey wanna date now' or would he just naturally be my boyfriend- and then just kiss him straight out.

Hmmm I do love him, but I am actually happy as I am- I think it's weird that he used to love one of my parents in that way.

Ugh, that annoying bird is tweeting again. I look at my alarm clock still groggy oh its 6:30am……..wait! Oh no I fell asleep; nothing I can do about it now. But how could they have let me fall asleep.

That thirst is clawing its way up my throat again; I guess im going to have to have a glass of water.

Ugh water, it's just bearable to drink but what I wouldn't give for a warm artery full of mountain lions blood. Well I am going hunting today with my father, he said he'd take me today and we both really have a fancy for our favorite delicacy.

I make my way towards my ensuit bathroom; I always remember how small this room was. I simply had to suggest to Esme that I would like it bigger and with my own bathroom- even though no one else uses the bathroom, and a week later our little cottage had an extension put on it.

I always feel that I am pushing my luck when I ask for things like 'an extension but every member of my family says that they are happy to provide me with what ever I need, no matter what it is.

Jake always teases saying that I have them around my little finger. Oh Jake, Im going to miss him, tonight he is going away for the weekend with Sam and the rest of the gang even though it's only going to be two days and one night, well he should show his support to Sam.

I mean he is the best man, but even more delightful was when Emily asked me to be one of her bride maids, but even though I am brimming with excitement I feel that it was Alice which was the one have the fits. Emily asked her to do the weddings outfits for everyone seeing as she apparently did a great job for my mothers and fathers wedding.

The splash of cold water is nice and refreshing on my skin, and as I turn the tap off I turn in to much excitement and accidentally bump in to a wooden box which I have placed on the floor- it used to be a stand for me to stand on.

That's when I realize a strange feeling on my lower calf and as I look down I have a drizzle of blood seeping out of what it seems like a cut.

I stand there frozen in shock.

I can't bleed… well I have never before.

I've fought bears, wrestled with Emmett and never before come away with a scratch. So why am I now bleeding from a cut which shouldn't be there by a stupid measly wooden box.

Am I weakening?……….. This shouldn't be happening.

A million thoughts rush through my head.

How will I hunt? Was one of the main thoughts which kept reappearing……….

Please comment I love to hear what people have to say, I know that it is very wordy and I am sure that I have some grammar mistakes, but I just love getting my story across and it is late at night. If I get comments I will proceed for more chapters and I do have more excitement and action coming- especially as she is becoming more fragile.

Thanks for reading xxxxx


	2. Renesmee whats that on your arm?

Hey everyone, I hope that this isn't too wordy but I just let the writing take me. Anyway I love having reviews and the more reviews I get the more chance that I may continue on with this story because I have loads of action/ drama to come from each character.

Im sorry if there are any spelling mistakes and grammar it really isn't my forte but as long as you enjoy the story what's to complain about.

If there are any suggestions of anything you may like to appear in this series of chapters then please feel free to write them in the review box- whether it's a quote you would like in or a dedication. Thanks for reading this xxxx

I must have stood frozen for a good few minuets before I snapped back again into consciousness. I looked down again and was still shocked by the glistening scarlet droplet which was gliding down my calf leaving a thin snail trail of a sticky red substance. I didn't have to look in closer to see the formation of dry blood around the edge of the cut. I'd never seen blood come from a human yet and how similar it was to the animal race.

A gentle feather light tap came on the bathroom door, was it my parents? Have the smelt the blood?

"Ness, are you ok honey" My mother's song bird of a voice echoed around the room until it smacked me in the face.

"Yes…." My voice broke but I hoped that she didn't notice, "Just washing up. You know human moment."

I sensed that she was not knocking on my door because of the blood, because it had come to my realization that this blood which was trickling so effortlessly out my wound did not have a familiar smell to it.

My mother must have left because I could here the edges of a conversation continued in the next room.

To me it didn't even have a sent to it, not human nor animal. I couldn't afford to thing of this now so I pushed that far in the deepest depth of my mind. The main thing for me to do now was to get rid of the evidence so that no one else can become aware of this fact which I have found out today- and today of all days.

I would make the oblivious to this fact until it had managed to registrar with me first.

I'd remembered the time which Carlisle came home from the hospital with blood on one of his shirts, of course he had been reluctant to come home with the bloody shirt as not to tempt any of my veggie family members but he forgot about it until he looked in his bag when returning home one day.

Esme had got out the bleach and cleaned his medical bag as well as bleaching the shirt and setting fire to it in the garden- it was actually funny we made it like a mini bonfire and I roasted smores just to have a human experience as my father puts it but they tasted like warmed dirt.

Anyway that's what I need, a small pool of blood droplets have resigned on my wooden bathroom floor.

The bleached smelled strong and burned my throat even more, I now had two burning sensations in my throat.

Once the floor had been bleached and cleaned up, I leaned down and pulled one of the floor boards up and forced down the evidence. The rag snagged a little on the sharp edge of the wood but I ignored it and forced back down the flood board silently.

I turned on the tap again remembering that they may be listening, I cupped a slosh of water and forced it in my mouth. I placed my hand over my mouth forcing the water to creep down my blazing throat, and coughed when I had finally done it.

As soon as that sound left my throat I new that it was a mistake to do so.

"Nessie are you ok?" the door handle began to turn and I quickly ran to it putting force against it while I spoke.

"Dad! It's a girls bathroom don't come it."

"Are you ok" his voice turned more anxious?

"Yes" I said sharply. I tried to recover by saying "Just trying water again. Nasty substance, my body can't help but retch it out. Anyway getting washed here so doesn't come in…birthday orders". A short and quiet burst of laugh echoed thought the door, that's when I released that it was both my parents.

I quickly swung my leg up and rinsed it under the tap water, then reached for some hand disinfectant- as this is like the human bleach, or well I think so anyway- and poured it on the cut.

Immediately regretting my decision a sharp pain stung the whole cut, I had to bite down on my lips to ensure that no sound escaped.

I could find a plaster to cover the wound with because WE AREN'T GENERALLY MEANT TO BLEED, but I found some general house hold tape and wrapped it around my calf.

The next few hours are a blur; I hope no one noticed that I was only present to my gift giving in body and not mind.

When I finally left the bath room and got dressed I was hugged and kissed by my parents, and given some gifts.

I remember trying to tell then that I wished to open them later when every one else was present- and because I knew deep in my heart that I would be better focused and more excited later on, or well I hoped so.

I remember walking to the house slowly, I said to mum and dad that they could go ahead of me but they remain at my slow pace.

I glanced for a moment in the direction of my parents who we're both staring at me with a look of anxiousness in their eyes.

I paused and they imitated the same movement. We were now stood facing each other. I began to open my lips; I wanted more than anything just to tell them that I found out that I could bleed but before I had a chance to Alice shouted "Hey what's the hold up, we've been waiting"

"Well" I tried to say jokily "it's my birthday and I felt like a slow stroll, is there anything wrong with that. I mean I may have to return back to the cottage until I have my own unrushed way" I knew that I had covered my back and my parents no longer looked anxious. But Alice now looked frazzled. "Ok Alice what is the surprise, I know you have one"

Alice turned around and in the lowest voice possible said "Get ready", she then grasped my hand and my parents followed hand in hand as we walked closer to the open garden out of the busy forest.

This is when I snapped out of my daze, I looked at the previous empty garden to find a large marquee under the shelter I spotted Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rose, Jaz, Jake, Seth, Leah- still with her usual stone face, Sam, Quill, Embry and some of the other wolfs and 'imprinties' including Emily. They all had huge grins on their faces- obviously not Leah- and they all were holding glistening presents of all shaped and sizes.

The garden was decorated in a highly over the top fashion, and the tones of balloons flittered in the slight breeze. How could I not forget about my previous problem with a proud show of family that are all standing before me?

An hour passed quickly as I greeted my family one member by one member, hugging, kissing and swapping few words before moving onto the next waiting person- or should I say creature…friendly creature-, once every one had been greeted Alice had put on some music and as usual the couples gathered on the center dance floor.

I was dancing with Jake, his huge hands warmed my back and he pulled me closer to him chest, im sure that he got a warning glance of my father, I laughed to myself thinking either my father didn't like the closeness of us or Jake was thinking something which he should not be.

Jake leaned down so his lips were near my ear, "So beautiful birthday girl, what's it like being seventeen. Has anything changed?"

Without realizing I let the words slip out "Oh something defiantly has changed", this caused Jacob to quickly glance me in the eyes, and I was sure that it wasn't just his eyes on me, "Well what other girl is lucky enough to have a fabulous party thrown for her" while I said that I looked at Alice. She smiled and then continued dancing with Jasper so graceful it would earn 10 out of 10 for any professional competition.

That was a good recover.

Jacob continued looking in my eyes and asked me what I was thinking, well Jake you see im more human than we realized I may not be able to hunt again and I have a worrying thought that I may have to start liking water!

"I was just thinking whether wolfs can dance"

Jacob let of a roaring laugh, obviously every one else had heard the conversation and were giggling among themselves.

"Well" Jacob said as he stroked my cheek "Why don't we see"

He left the dance floor and made his way to the forest, obviously Seth had to follow as he looks up to Jacob. This caused the other wolves to follow I think that the other girl friends – even though I just consider myself to be a friend at the moment- wanted to join the fun of seeing if their other halves can dance when in their wolf form.

I even saw Emily kiss Sam on the neck and then he followed as well.

Once the males- wolves- returned Leah retreated to the 'wolf changing spot'- well she didn't want to be traumatized by the boys getting undressed, especially her brother.

Emmett and Rose potted pass us.

"Im surprised dumb mutts can dance" she said with a slight harsh tone in her voice.

Jacob smiled his big dopey smile- she may have gone one in now when he couldn't talk but he was sure to get her later.

It was a funny sight to look around the dance floor now, with humans, wolves and vampires all dancing. It would be a strange sight to see if you weren't in our little group of secrets.

Not to my surprise the wolves could dance- well if you'd call it dancing- they were all on the hind legs. I could see Embry trying to make a now older but still youngish Clair laugh by kicking his legs out- in a diagonal direction.

Jacob was on all of his four legs now, and pressed his wet nose against my cheek. He then looked away to the house.

"You need to go for a moment" I said as I stroked his soft shaggy hair, a low murmur burst from his mouth and I knew that I was right. "I'll wait right here, doggie"

And in a flash he was gone, after one wet lick across the face and a moving giggle as he ran towards the house.

I was unaware of the couples circling around me now; I was just dazed as I watched Jacob disappear into the huddled trees.

I turned in a haste to go grab a yummy piece of meat from the banquet table, meat was something I enjoyed especially if it was cooked quite rare.

But in my clouded haste to get back to the dance floor for Jake I accidentally stood on something furry.

It happed then happened so fast, even for me to follow. I heard one dominate growl, and then soon others followed.

I felt an unusual warm pressure on my arm and I assumed it was one of the wolves, but in my confusions I found myself on the floor with many hands touching me. Their voices blurred into one murmur as I saw patches of blood on my clothes.

Oh no I thought to myself, I must have hurt Leah when I stupidly stepped on her tail, but then the familiar stinging feeling returned my attention. It was the same feeling as this morning but 100 times worse.

I pulled my eyes down to the pain and found that my arm was covered in blood and it had no intention of slowing down.

Black dots covered my eyes and I sunk down further into the unfamiliar darkness………

To be continued…….


	3. Renesmee is that your heart?

The raging pain which was now pricking my arm is what brought me around from the drowning darkness. I tried to open my eyes but the flicker of light makes them reluctant to open.

I flung my good arm across my eyes to keep the light from burning them as well.

There are many voices now over lapping and I am finding it difficult to distinguish them from each other.

"Nessie, Nessie can you hear me… Carlisle"

"Nessie honey"

"What is taking so long?"

"Look how pale she is Carlisle"

I can feel slightly cool finger tips rest on the wrist of the arm I have thrown across my face, a warming and calming voice then spoke- obviously Carlisle.

"Please, please everyone can we please have some quiet. Renesmee can you hear me, how are you feeling"

I opened my mouth slightly and could feel the sudden flare of flames down my throat, I struggled to speak back though the flames but I managed to force out- thought a cracked and broken voice, "Im…fine" I don't want then to worry so much, but I don't feel fine. I feel far from fine but I don't want to make anyone feel worried or even upset at them for the situation which occurred. Oh and poor Leah im sure she is struggling more so than me. "Carlisle"

"Yes"

"Can people please leave the room, im sorry but I can't handle every one in here at once"

Carlisle didn't have to say anything to make some of the 'spectators' to leave.

Besides the sharp and dizzying headache I have I was able to tell who then left the room, Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jaz, Seth, and Esme.

But I could also tell who had stayed, the ones which loved me with their full hearts, Mum, dad and Jacob.

I wanted them to leave; I couldn't tell Carlisle how I really felt in front of them. It would destroy them no matter how little or serious it was.

"Can you make the room darker, the light hurts my eyes?" in swift and silent movements the dark became suddenly darker. Not midnight black but dimly lit.

I opened my heavy eyelids and looked at the anxious faces which looked right back at me, my father on one side and my mother on the other side of me, each were touching a piece of my skin.

Jacob was at the end of the bed, he had a horror look in his eyes and I could see that he had been crying from the small droplets on his dark t-shirt.

"Please I know how much you want to be in here but I really want you to leave. It is for the best"

I know my parents would be hesitant but fairly often grant me what I want, but I knew that it was going to be Jacob which was going to be the hard one to make leave. I was going to have to hurt him for the moment. I needed to remind myself again why I was doing this, I didn't want them to see me cry. I wanted to cry and tell Carlisle to give me some pain relief cause im in pain.

Im scared, not of Leah or my family but because I am frail- im a frail human as I have heard my family members say. If I have suddenly become able to get hurt then we do not know what else could happen in the future.

A final look at my parents gave them the signal to leave; both of them gave me a tender kiss on each cheek and left the room never taking their eyes off me.

Carlisle naturally knew to leave so that I could speak to Jacob, but would he be prepared what I was about to say to him.

Remember, he'll forgive you. It's just while you tell Carlisle what's wrong and how much pain you are actually in. I can imagine that that would hurt him even more.

Jacob started moving closer to me, this was my chance. He lifted his hand to go and touch my hand when I moved it away.

A look of pain filled his eyes, and I had to bite my lip to stop it from quivering. I quickly turned my head so that I was facing the opposite direction. This was at the time just to make sure that he didn't notice the tear fall free from my eye.

"Im sorry, I shouldn't have left you" What! Why is he apologizing please Jake, what is he doing?

"I want you to leave. Not because of the reason you may think but because I want you to."

Jake quickly stroked my face and left the room, but under his breath I heard him whisper something which I feel I was not meant to hear.

"I love you with all my heart, and I know that I am a monster. I should have protected you or Leah…….."

I didn't hear the last part but I felt like he was saying something important about Leah.

A monster, Jakes not a monster, he's my bear. My friend, my……….. My soul mate

Ouch, I grasped my wound. Ow.

Carlisle rushed in, thankfully with no one following. He must have made sure no one was close by so that they could listen.

I held my hand up and Carlisle grasped it and placed it genteelly to his cheek, with my last bit of strength I showed him the varied forms of pain I was feeling.

Both physical and emotional, I had only just noticed the beeping machine which was attached to my arm.

"Carlisle, why am I hurt?"

"We do not know child. But your father and I intend to research what ever we can. Do not fear."

"Have you given me blood, I lost so much?"

"Yes, Leah felt so bad that she was sent to retrieve it from my office. It was such a big rush to get it into you."

"Why is my arm in so much pain?"

"I have given you pain relief, I will give you some more"

That's when the darkness started creeping in again; I could feel my heart in my ears and the strange sound of it slogging around foreign blood.

Something felt wrong, I didn't feel right. The blood inside me was sloshing sluggishly around my veins.

The pull of darkness was stronger than ever, and as I loss the silent fight I felt myself plunge into the free darkness. No longer attached by strings, but the only thing which seem to pierce the silence was the long uninterrupted beep of my heart, which I released no longer was beating before I fell into the darkness.


	4. Renesmee are you dying?

Hey. This is continued on from the previous chapters- and this is all bubbling in my head and I can't believe I have written so much today. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Look at my other stories if you haven't had a chance to yet. Also take a gander at my profile and I'd love some reviews people!!

Below is just a little silly thing for the copy right statement

Me: Hey Jasper

Jasper: why do I feel like your hiding something?

Me: Me Im not hiding anything

Alice: Yes she is

Me: Alice, you and your visions so unpredictable

Jasper' Alice what is it?

Alice: she wasn't going to tell the readers that these characters are copy righted to Stephanie Myers and that she has no intention of using the characters for anything other than writing fan fiction

Jasper: we're copy righted

Alice: I am, but you belong to me

And then they kissed.

* * * ok back to the main story...... **********************************************************************

Am I awake? I can't see anything. As a matter of fact I can't hear anything either. Am I dead?

I don't know where ever I am my whole body feels heavy, like having vampires applying pressure to every part of your body.

My blood could be lead for all I could tell, and Im sinking into the vast darkness of nothingness, pulled beyond my will.

It's even hard to concentrate, I feel a deep every lasting sleep creeping up and I feel too weak to fight against it.

I need something to hold on to….

But I have something…..my family. How could I leave them like this?

Their last memory of me, sending them out of a room with me covered in blood.

How can I leave this world with their pained facial expressions etched in my brain? No force could take that away from me.

I feel like I need to close my eyes, but I fear that they are already closed, it's cold down here.

No it's artic here, I want to move, to generate some heat but I can't im frozen.

I don't want to die, not now. Not when I have so much to say.

_Jacob I love you, I love you so much. You have always been there for me and I need you now._

_Please, please let me see his face, see his marvelous smile, touch his tingling warm skin. Kiss his lips, please don't let me die with out one finale kiss- my first kiss-from my……..my soul mate. _

_Mum, dad oh I love you guys so much. How could I ever not want parents like you, and Carlisle, Esme in the real world I am your child but in my heart you do have a place next to my real parents. _

_I just want to tell everyone else that I love them too…Emmett, Jaz, Alice, Rose……_

_I want to cry, want to call out your names, or just to say one finale thing._

_Don't be stupid, if I die please don't do anything like the story I have heard in the past about the Volturi. If you join me….I will be in more pain. _

I am unsure how to die, I feel a new sensation. Not a good sensation.

It's pulling me pulling me away from here and I am all alone as I face it.

The strange sensation is in my chest, its forcing pea sized flitter of hope around my body. But as I listen though the thick veil of silence, I can't hear my heart or my breathing.

Just nothingness, as I fear that the sensation in my chest is the finale shudder of my heart failing me for the finale time.

The last world which I shall every thing will be _I shall never leave you……….._

_********_

This is just a short part to show how she is feeling, where ever she is, hope you like. xxx


	5. Renesmee's awake but wheres Jake?

Hey guys I know I have dragged this on, but like I said I just let the writing take me. Lol.

Anyway read on, this one is more about the people she can her around her. I was going to do another POV but decided this was best. I think after this it will get into a better flow and will more on more steadily.

I do live for comments guys; I feel that the lack of comments means that it is completely crap??

BTW I have made it so that Edward cannot read Nessie's mind- this is just one of my tweaks, (I may have others to come, like I have a good ability she could have along with her touching thoughts one)

********************

Again I can feel the strange pound come from my chest, I am certain it is not my heart beating but I wonder what it could be.

That's when I also feel a force of cool air rush down what I assume is my throat towards my lungs, it makes no difference I still feel breathless, three seconds later the rush of air came again, and again, and again.

It's making me feel more tired. Suddenly I felt a strong shudder shock its way though my body.

It was slightly warmer for a moment but then that quickly left for a few seconds but then it returned again.

The dark veil which covered me was suddenly lifted as I heard a sound which was quiet but rang around in the empty silence.

It was a voice, but who's…..

"I knew we shouldn't have left"

"It was still inevitable Edward" Oh it was dad, ouch there's that pounding again, "Keep it a steady rhythm Edward. You need to compress her heart at her normal rhythm"

Compress my heart? Does that mean its not beating on its own?

I suppose you could describe it like having a baseball bat hit you constantly in the chest.

"Renesmee you better stay with me. I didn't break all of my bones, warn of the Volturi just to have you be taken away from me like this" mom?

It's so frustrating not being able to say anything back to them.

"Wait, do you hear that….Carlisle"

"Yes Edward look at the machine." A strange warm surge soared through my body- I could feel again. I could sense the warmth race down my arms, legs to the end of my toes.

It has been thirty minutes since I have woken up, thankfully I have been moved from that dreaded hospital style room and I am sat nice and comfortable on the couch in the main living room

Since waking up, I have been prodded, kissed, hugged, prodded some more, kissed again and have cried with my family while they dried sobbed.

The words about what has happened has not been spoken, but by the fierce look in my fathers eyes- in fact most eyes which were upon me now- as I mentioned a simple name.

"Leah" low growls ripped from Emmett's, Jaspers and my father's throats at simultaneous times, I looked at them all, of course they were all looking back at me, every one was and had been since I had woken up. All apart from any of the wolves, not even Jacob was here.

"Please don't, growl at her name. I hope you don't think that what ever happened with the blood. Yes Carlisle I know that it was the blood" I said because sadness crept over his face, "and I know that you are not to blame for what ever happened it was a stressful time for all"

"I should have checked my dear"

"No you were rushing to save me. What more could I ask for, please don't make me sad about yourself feeling guilty"

"If it is what you wish"

"And let's give Leah the same thoughts until proven guilty, ok. She was possibly in as much rush as Carlisle she may have made a mistake as well" even as the words are flowing out of my mouth I am even finding them difficult to believe. But I must Leah would never have done that on purpose, especially to her alpha's imprintie or so I think.

So as I asked Carlisle more about what had happened to me, he explained how I had been given the wrong form of blood. Leah had been asked to retrieve o but instead got a different kind.

I changed the subject when it came to how they managed to save me, I'd imagine it being something along the line of draining my blood- very quickly, fraction of a second- and then replacing it with the suitable blood.

After an hour of explaining the now daze memories of what I had heard thought the whole thing it came to the subject of were was Jacob or the other wolves.

Immediately Rose cut in, "Those mutts are not welcome on this property"

Great how could a simple bite turn into world war three?

"Yes they are, what about Jake?"

"You should have seen the boys, Edward, Jasper and my Emmett they all threw him out of the house" Rosalie said, with a huge grip across her face. But that soon disappeared when she noticed the look of horror splashed over my face.

"What! How could you do that? One simple bite from Leah- the PMS Queen- and you throw a hissy fit. How could you do that to Jacob? To my Jacob" I began to get up, obviously not very successfully, my legs still had the slight numbness and as soon as my legs reached the floor they collapsed under me, and try doing that with eight vampires holding you down.

I was unbelievably angry with them, my father, Jasper, Emmett and Rosie. "You treat my friend, my……." I was going to say man I love, but its best to not to tell them first before I tell Jacob. "My friend, I want you to go and get him, and bring him back to me, so you can apologize"

Im used to them doing as I usually say to make them happy, but I can see it in their eyes- not so much my mother, Esme, Carlisle or Alice's – that they are very upset about what has happened and I know that they will not easily put up with this request.

Rosalie was the first to speak "Im not apologizing to a Dog"

"Rose can't you do this for me?" I looked at my mother who was gazing at my father; she said to him in a quiet tone 'I think you should tell her what happened'.

"What?" I knew this wasn't going to be nice.

My father, looked at me, and continued on stoking my hand. He looked pained as he tried to get out the words but he couldn't, so after a few minuets of silence my mother cut in.

"You see Renesmee; your father was really upset by the situation as we all were. Its not easy seeing the thing in the world we all most cherish hurt. I even found it difficult not hurting Leah myself. So when your father wanted to have a confrontation with Leah obviously Jake being the alpha wasn't going to let anything happen to Leah. Well not until he had spoken to her himself. You see after she hurt your arm, she transformed back into her human self as she didn't want her mind to be read. But she said it was because she couldn't handle if they couldn't believe her with out reading her mind. Anyway, when Jake came back after your situation got worse, that's when your father and your uncles got angry and literally through him out of the house." It hurt me to hear this, how could they have done that to him, I felt the tears bubble up behind my eyes I fought to keep them back.

My mother sat beside me and placed her arm on my leg very gentle, "well you know that Jacob can't bear to be apart from you, so your father in his fury…."

She paused looking at dad. "He broke his jaw"

That was it, I could feel it I was about to flip……………


	6. Renesmee how can I make you leave?

Hey, thanks for reading I have a great number of six reviews Lol- thanks for those who have already reviewed, it is so lovely to hear that some people are enjoying my stories.

In one of them someone said that all the chapter titles start with Renesmee- yes I thought I should just say it's just connecting them together- and they are meant to be like questions…. But hey it's just the chapter name.

I also wonder if there are other people who like Renesmee as much as me, it would be nice to hear if you'd prefer stories on other characters- cause I are very adaptable.

Well sorry for the blab, thanks xxx

Oh and the other stories in the making are;

One on jasper and Emmett and how they protect/ save Renesmee, when something holds up the rest of the Cullen's I can imagine this being a short story but it gives me an opportunity to view Jasper and Emmett and depends on how people respond.

Another story is about another Cullen war to protect Renesmee and something very dramatic and almost unbelievable happens at the end of that! -but still being written. You can read the lead up to the dramatic thing- it is sort of similar to this series of chapters.

Erm, another on starts again with Renesmee and she gets sick- but something also dramatic happens and this pushes someone over the edge, it is also showing the relationship between Nessie and Jacob.

And then finally this story which is leading towards so major things and challenges… and will show Renesmee struggle and the burden she feels to her family of her new found fragileness.

All of these stories take place after breaking dawn when she is older……..Well bye again xxx

* * *

I saw red, my poor Jacob had been attacked by ….by my father. I can just imagine it, Jacob standing defenseless, my father punching him in the face- so hard that his jaw bone shattered.

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore; I let the tear drops trickle down my burning cheeks.

In the next few minutes a rage grew over me, I demanded that every one who had hurt Jacob to leave. They were to go and see if he was ok and bring him to me.

The hand which my father was holding, I had pulled away from his touch. Even though I saw the pain which crumpled over his face, it did not match the present fury which had engulfed me now.

No matter how much I loved my family, my better half had been hurt and at this moment my heart was being ripped from my chest.

I knew later I would regret making Jasper, My father, Emmett and Rose feel like they had seriously hurt me but it was too late to consider.

"I can't. No I won't leave your side" My father said- the others seemed to murmur in agreement with him- my fathers voice broke at the end of his sentence. He looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

I couldn't speak it took me a while to calm down, I suppose they were- or had been in pain as much as I was in now- about someone you love.

In stead of them feeling the pain of Jacob a wolf hurt by on of my 'team' for them is was one of the wolves which had hurt me.

I took in a deep breath, and again the burning returned, I had realized it had been a while since I had some 'proper' food. Not this stupid drip Carlisle had me on.

I had two things on my mind now, one I was to phone Jacob and two, I was to quench my thirst which has been building for I suppose the past 48 hours.

But wait what day is it? My throat sore and crackling let out a broken voice when I asked "What's they date?"

Alice who didn't seem her bubbly self- looked more worn out than me, I suppose it's with the worry- I must go easy on them now- came and sat on the floor by my head.

She brushed a fine strand of hair from my face and looked in my eyes. She purred out "It's the 17th, no you haven't missed the wedding. It's been postponed"

Of course she would know what I was about to ask, my foolishness had made them put the wedding on hold. Seriously im not worth it, But like Sam has previously said any brother's imprintie was one of their own, so they must be struggling with what happened as well.

Of course I hadn't thought about the pain Jacob and the rest of the wolves must be feeling, especially Leah- or well I think so.

"Can someone hand me the phone", Rosalie sat down in a huff- obviously she wasn't going to get the phone, she must be worried that I may ask her to apologize down the phone. But in one swift movement Esme glided gracefully over to the phone and was back to hand me it just as fast.

I needed some privacy to talk to Jacob- what if he can't talk? What if he is still healing from the Jaw incident?

I took in a shaky breath, shaking I was shaking- from worry. Why did I have to rush to get back to Jacob on the dance floor? Why did my clumsiness make me stand on poor Leah's tail?

One glance at Carlisle made him realize that I wanted some privacy, he- just as graceful as Esme had been (as always), walked gently to Uncle Jaz and Emmett who he placed a hand on each of their shoulders and also most whispered "Sons, it's time to go."

Emmett nodded and lovingly held a hand out for Rosie; she with out hesitating fluttered to his side and grasped his hand.

In one swift movement, Emmett kissed the back of her hand. The both glanced my way trying to smile- but the fear of loss still hidden on their faces and they left though the doors to the garden.

At the same time, Alice had danced over to Jasper and placed both of her hands on his shoulders- this made him release the hard posture he had been doing since I had said for them to leave.

Her skinny pale fingers intertwined with his- so perfectly matched- and one small tug from her lead them both up the stairs. One finale 'put on smile' from her worn face and then they were gone.

In they time since handing me the phone Esme had joined Carlisle, he had his hand wrapped around her waist and she leaned her head adoringly on his shoulder. They twisted as if one person and left the room heading towards the kitchen. I knew that Esme would want something to keep her busy so I whispered "It's been a while since I had your lovely cookies", my voice barely audible to me, made its way perfectly clear to her. Her face lit up and she smiled her sweet smile just as Carlisle kissed her on the cheek and made a small waving gesture in my direction.

Ok that was the easy people to get out of the room, now it was just the problem of my loving protective parents………


	7. Renesmee have you found your heart?

My fathers head was faced down and his hands covered his face, my mother was on the other side of me kept and was constantly staring at me.

I sort of felt bad now that I had been horrible to them asking them to leave, I had only really noticed how much they were- or had been hurting.

"I love you… both", I felt that I needed to say it, and as soon as those words escaped my lips a 'flash back' soared over me.

* * *

"_Mum, dad oh I love you guys so much. How could I ever not want parents like you, and Carlisle, Esme in the real world I am your child but in my heart you do have a place next to my real parents. _

_I just want to tell everyone else that I love them too…Emmett, Jaz, Alice, Rose……_

_I want to cry, want to call out your names, or just to say one finale thing._

_Don't be stupid, if I die please don't do anything like the story I have heard in the past about the Volturi. If you join me….I will be in more pain. _

_I am unsure how to die, I feel a new sensation. Not a good sensation_."

* * *

I groaned from the memory, and suddenly two hands cradled my face. My father and his usual pained expression on his face and my mother who was now leaning more closely to me also had a worried expression on her face.

"Nessie, what's wrong?" My father spoke his words fast and moved his eyes from mine to my mothers and back again.

"Are you in pain?" My mother's hands grazed all over my body as if searching for something.

"No im fine, sorry just a hard memory" I lifted both of my hands, and this caused my arm to twinge in pain, I let a small noise escape from my teeth. My father fell back to his knees and with his two balled up fists pressed them to his eyes.

With my raised hands I grasped one of his wrists and edged it away from his face, and moved my other towards my mother who had already anticipated my action and moved her hands- both of them- and cupped mine.

"Please don't look so worried or sad, you don't know how horrible it is for me to see you two in so much pain." Now I suppose that's how they must be feeling when I am in pain. "I know that you were upset, and I hope that you aren't happy about what you did to Jacob because taking your sadness and anxiousness out on him wasn't the best idea", I forced a wonky smile at the two darkened eyes which followed mine. "Imagine how much pain he is in" even though I hate to say it "you know how much I mean to him, I am his planet and he orbs around me. I am the gravity which holds him in place. Don't you realize the pain he may be feeling now, especially since you wouldn't let him see me" I swallowed hard, ignoring the burning. I had a lump forming in my throat. Every thing I had just said about Jacob was true for me too, He is the sunrise and I am the rooster who sings joyfully to it, he is the books spine and I am the pages. "You know how much he means to me" instantly two eyes focused back on my face. "When I was……dying" they both let out dry cries, my father leaned his head on my knee and my mother moved one of her hands and wrapped her arm over my shoulder. "I had that thought process; they say you have, except instead of replaying over my life I thought about what was most important to me. You guys, this whole family but also the wolves, and especially Jacob. They are family, and have been since you joined forces. Jacobs not just imprinted on me but me to him as well, and it takes dying to see this. So please, mistakes have been made on either side but let this be a lesson that you can't break the bonds in a family no matter if you push them away, the bonds are always there"

I sort of had an idea of what I was babbling about, I just let my heart speak and not my brain. I know it started out as trying to make them leave but I needed them to understand for future references as well as my own clear understanding.

"As you can see im not going anywhere at the moment, so if you could please just give me a moment to talk to Jake. I want to see if he is healed yet and to invite him over so that I can tell him what I have told you….before him" though I wanted to at least tell him first and then have my father hear his thoughts- the way it should be.

My mother rose, she new that this is what I needed, she kissed me on the forehead and whispered in my ear "I love you too my beautify child, I will find it in my heart to be parted from you again for a little while."

"Ok mom, I shall be quick. Im ………sorry that you are finding it difficult to leave me"

My father snapped his head up, "We thought we had lost you, our miracle of a child. I and your mother cannot handle that worry and nearly loss again. It would make life unbearable"

The story of which I have been told- only once- suddenly came into my thoughts. What foolishness and near loss had come of that simple misunderstanding. And that's when it joined me again- from my flashback "_Don't be stupid, if I die please don't do anything like the story I have heard in the past about the Volturi. If you join me….I will be in more pain."_

Now hearing what my father had just said, and my mother's agreement I felt that this too could make an appearance if I ever died. But I couldn't handle anymore thoughts of this subject today. I felt drained both physically and emotionally, and before I was to try to rest there was just one thing which still had to be accomplished today over everything else.

And that was to speak and see my Jacob.


	8. Renesmee things aren't as planned?

Hey everyone I hope you are liking the story so far, like i said drama.. drama... drama. but hey it makes an hopefully interesting read. Thanks again to the few reviews i have recieved and to the ones who have favorited my story- you dont know how happy that makes me. i also hope you like the direction it is taking. take care and thanks for reading- keep an eye out for more stories (and read my other little stories if you have the time).....bye.

Once the room was empty- obviously my parents were going to stay close- I began dialing the numbers into the phone and hit dial.

I held the phone to my ear hoping that it was to be Jacob to answer the phone and then at least I would have known that his jaw had been able to heal correctly with out the help of Carlisle.

The phone rang, and rang. I was worried that I may have dialed the wrong number in my haste to dial in the numbers. But then on the tenth ring the ringing stopped and a deep sounding breath came over the phone.

It was silent so I felt it be best to speak first. "Jacob?"

A crackled voice replied "no…….its Billy" it sounded like he was crying or was fighting back the tears.

"Billy. It's …..It's Ness is Jake there?" I wanted to hear Jake run up to the phone and grab it off his father. I wanted Jakes deep voice to boom down, but something felt wrong. I didn't think that Billy would have been crying for me, Billy wouldn't be that worried about me.

So a number of things shot through my head and then it became obvious there was only one thing which Billy would cry over and that would be his children, Rachel, Rebecca and Jacob. My heart jolted when I thought of his name.

I sorely stood up off the couch as I was not able to sit still; I had to know what was wrong.

Maybe I was just thinking of the worse. Maybe they were tears of laughter and he had heard a funny joke before he answered the phone? Or maybe he ……he…. I couldn't think of another thing which would make him sound this sad.

But immediately after I had said- _'Billy. It's …..Its Ness is Jake there'_ Billy filled up the previous silence.

"Renesmee, is it really you? But….. You …..And …….you….Jake" I had to cut in because Billy's words were now becoming a jumbled mess.

"Billy yes it is me. I woke up; look you are making my heart literally stop what is it?

I waited but again only silence filled the phone call, he it came again the twisted fear in my stomach.

I opened my mouth to ask a question of Jacob, but nothing came out. A long minute of silence seemed to drag on forever and neither of us could seem to bear to get any words out.

I broke the silence in a rushed attempt, "Billy please tells me Jacob is alright …I mean his jaw…….."

In a cold voice Billy cut me off "His Jaw was fine….." His Jaw _was_ fine….. What does was mean. The fear and shakiness came back more so strongly than before and as I spoke the words came out as if I was shivering from coldness.

"Billy please tell me what's happened" I wanted him to say '_nothings happened, don't be silly. Jacob is just sleeping but do you want to me go and wake him up' _But that's not what he said.

"I don't know how to tell you this Renesmee. I'll start of with im ……happy that you are ok. It is nice to hear your voice as always. But im a little bit shocked that you are talking to me"

"What do you mean by that' I said, I tried to think what it could mean but I could not think of anything.

"Well it looks like history is repeating its self" what? What could that mean? "You see Nessie I…we thought you were dead. Paul had gone down in his wolf form to your house, he was sent by Jacob and he apparently over heard a conversation- which now turns out to be deadly wrong"

"What did he hear?" I was almost talking to myself by now, not even realizing I was speaking. It was supposed to be a thought.

"Well your Rosalie and her husband"

"Emmett" I don't know why I kept interrupting; I did want to know if Jacob was ok. Now that is seems to be he thinks- or though that I was dead. Huh Billy was right about history repeating itself……………………………wait what?

"Yes Emmett, well Paul came back saying these exact words of which he had heard coming out of your families mouths. ' _dead. It's been a few hours. Do you think we should tell the mutts?'_ but it seems now what ever they were talking about it has turned out to be a whole misunderstanding. But Renesmee" I hated the fact that he seemed to change from Renesmee to Nessie, I'd realized he used Renesmee when he was going to say something serious. "that is what then brings us to this now, something which I am even having tr…..trouble with" he stuttered on the word trouble. I could feel the dread coming. I felt like I should sit down again but I had lost the will to move or even breath. I listened carefully to the next words to come out of his mouth- even though I was willed to slam down the phone and convince myself that this was a nightmare.


	9. Renesmee whats wrong?

"Right I will just say it…and I can't prepare you for this."

Oh that's a great thing to say to someone who is about to have a nervous break down. I thought to myself, just breath Ness. "You see when Paul returned, he had a very sad look on his face. As you know Ness you aren't just a part of Jacob's life but all of ours. So it must have been about over an hour ago when Paul returned. Jacob had been pacing around our house in worry that he was going to wear my carpets out. Jacob would have turned into his wolf, but with his Jaw still mending it is a difficult thing to do. Well we both knew that something terrible must have happened when Paul came back; it takes a big thing to make Paul cry and even me for that matter of a fact."

I listened in silence waiting for what I imagined the worse part to come- Jacob hurt- emotionally, he thought I was dead.

"Paul found it very difficult to tell Jacob what he had heard- but I can imagine this would be the same for any of us. Paul's exact words were '_I heard it from the Cullen's, Nessie died a few hours ago', _Jacob immediately dropped to the floor when he heard it. I never seen my son so devastated, I was shocked in my own way as was Paul. It was then when the others turned up. Paul had already told the others thought his thoughts and they had made there way down to our house to show their own grief and support to Jacob. But the one person which seemed to make Jacob fly of the handle was when Leah showed up. One minute he's broken hearted and the next he his thrashing his way through Paul, Sam, Quill and Embry to get at Leah"

I gasped in shock, my legs felt like jelly but they stood in place.

"He then started taking out his anger on everyone else that stood in that room, including me, he literally threw everyone out. The last I saw of him was when he slammed his bedroom door in my face."

Tears stormed out of my eyes, "Tell him Billy, bang on his door. Tell him I'm here." I only just managed to get the words out.

"I wish I was able to, we left him to have his own space. But deep in my gut something felt off about the situation. So I ordered Sam to take me back to the house. When I got there his bedroom door was open but then I saw that the bathroom door was locked. I knocked for a good ten minutes, and got no reply thought the door.

Sam kicked the door in; we found it covered in blood."

I then choked on my gasp.

"The bathroom was empty but there was a note left which read _'Nessie, we will be in our place together'. _We feel that he is trying to kill himself but the only way that is possible if he makes himself leave the treaty. For the past thirty minuets every one has been out searching for him, but we have nothing to show for it. I still have hope that he hasn't left the treaty as it is a difficult thing to do. But if he wants this more than anything then it is possible that it can happen. Im sorry Nessie that is the way it has turned out"

I tried to reply but no sound came out.

"I should go, if I spread the word that you are alive, he may find out and then be able to come home and stop trying to……." he couldn't find the will to say kill himself again, "Good bye"

The phone line went dead, and even so, I kept the phone to my ear frozen just listening to the sound of the dead line buzz.

After what it felt like a life time passed- it didn't matter.- The words kept playing over and over in my head '_he thinks your dead' _and_ 'trying to kill himself'_- ugh what was the thing I most wanted when I thought I was dying was for them especially my Jacob not to follow me.

I suddenly dropped the phone I was holding, let out an uncontrolled scream and dropped to my knees. Of course this set an alarm for my family and they all came into the room and surrounded me.

I shook violently and let out tearful sobs.

Two hands were cradling me immediately, Alice had Carlisle's medical bag in her hands and was holding it out towards him, but he didn't take it and then whispered something so that everyone could her- but I couldn't I feel the same feeling as when I was dying except this time I wasn't it was just the wave of sudden sadness mixed in with worry that clouded my hearing.

My mother was the one who was cradling me and as I pulled the will to tell them what happened, each of them showed a form of pain in their faces. Whether it was because they feared for Jacob or for the pain that it was now causing me, the stood silent while i choked on the words. After that i remember the silence to grow louder in my ears until i couldn't hear any sound out of my body.

The only sounds which filled my ears was my fast heart and racing breathing, when the realisation hit me again. It felt too much and I threw up on Esme's white rug. I was still violently shaking when the sound returned to my ears and i forced out the words "We have to find him before.........before......."

My father stroked my cheek and finished my sentence. I could see that he wasn't happy at how worse this was making me, but if he knew me. he knew that I needed us- them- to do everything that was possible to have Jacob returned to me in Pristinecondition- but knowing Jacob he wouldn't hesitate anything and wouldn't drag out the inevitable ........... that just left me with hope that he couldn't get out of the immortal shell of his wolf existence.


	10. Renesmee are you pain?

Hey everyone- I hope you like the story so Far.: p. I know I keep asking guys but I would love a review because I need to know if you are enjoying the story and whether you want me to carry on with this or start one on a different character (if so who?)

Well thanks to those who are reading it. Xxxx

* * *

Every thing had begun picking up pace again, everything apart from me. I was staring hopelessly at our home phone waiting for one simple call. It is this call which could either reply good or bad news to me.

The pain I was feeling now was a strange but overwhelming feeling- well actually a mixture of feelings.

The more dominate one pressed itself to the surface of my every being. It was this pain which was about the 'pain' of loosing my Jacob- or the though of losing him, which is one that I couldn't bear.

It's strange how it takes me dying to realize my true feelings for Jacob- other than the comfortable love of friendship- but it also takes this mess with Jake to realize- or wish- that I had taken action a while ago.

Just to tell him the simple words, which would roll right out of my heart- but now I was worried that I was never going to be able to say the words to him, and just have the words burden my parents.

I can only pray that some where deep in his heart he can't leave the pack of wolves to be human- he has to be at a strange point of his life and in too much of a mess to be able to be strong enough to become mortal. _Please all I ask is let Jacob be ok….._

But then that brings me to my second less dominate pain, was that I had hurt Jacob. That this stupid mess caused by ME was causing him pain of both emotional and physical.

'_Physical'_ I shuddered at the thought, so I quickly moved on.

The lesser form of the 'pain's' which I have had for a while- even before Jacob went AWOL- was the stinging soreness of my arm. The morphine was wearing off fast and I could feel every dent of Leah's teeth that had been pressed deep into my skin. I gritted my teeth and made a fist so hard that my nails cut into my flesh.

It was nice having a new pain fill- or covers the old pain for the moment.

And finally the pain- well more discomfort- was again the sand paper soaring burn in my throat. I swallowed hard but it didn't take the sensation away- and I found now that the more I thought about it the more it became the elephant in the room.

My eyes closed tight, and I found myself taking in jagged short breaths. I listened carefully in the silence and that is when the first smell hit me just as a northerly breeze broke its way into our home.

Towards the couch.

Towards me- though the open window.

My eyes bulged in their hungry dark way, as the beautiful smell soared down my nose towards the burning. It sparked a ignition and the whole fire in my throat exploded in hunger.

My mouth drooling, and my mind pre-occupied for the moment- sadly away from the previous Jake trauma- as my instincts kicked in and I smelled the warm flowing blood of …………. Of a human.

* * *

Gosh this poor girl Renesmee has a lot on her plate, I hope you like this little interruption of the Jacob action- but it is showing that she has a lot on her plate and even though the man she loves is in jeopardy it doesn't mean that she can control her wild side….

Thanks for reading xxxx comment please.


	11. Renesmee what are you doing?

I immediately found myself crouched on the ground, my head in the direction of the delicious smell- this was done in one swift movement- and the pain which had been throbbing in my arm was no longer an issue as I was in my primal mode, and even though a tear drop of glossy blood escaped the wound it found its way out and seeped through the perfectly white cotton bandage, it was perfectly bent to hold my body stable with out a glint of unstableness.

My senses became suddenly sharpened and my midnight black eyes scanned the whole room, and then they extended the search further outside- thought the windows.

I inhaled again, but this time not to breathe for living, but to taste the tinted air.

The meal was by the highway, it was walking on foot in a southerly direction.

I began to subconsciously notice that I was calling this tempting thing a '_meal' _and "_it"_ and even though it didn't affect my conscious now- it was turning my human subconscious sick with hate… but it was tempting my inner vampire.

Suddenly before I was registering what I was doing, I had the air rushing though my hair and chasing the scent which was pulling me freely now.

The chase of cat and mouse had begun, and the innocent mouse didn't know of the monster which was chasing it- and even though if this poor fragile human did know of my presence… what would he be able to do about it.

But that's when it hit me, for the first time since the smell had smacked me in the face I had finally called this poor helpless person a '_Human'_, not a 'it' nor a 'thing' but a human, a _'poor fragile human' _and I the monster.

I dug my feet deep in the ground and came to an absolute halt, I gripped the nearest tree and held it with all my able strength.

Within seconds the tree crumbled between my fingers, at least with my newly found fragileness I had not completely lost my strength – though I believe it has weakened a little bit.

I was shaking again but not in pain but fear, fear of myself the monster now in this nightmare of a day- of the past few days- I had finally felt the rush of human blood, and I had never wanted it at all before.

I moved on to grasping another tree, unable to run away. The constant smell kept dancing towards my nose.

One thing which I hated more than anything now was my human need to breath, I held my breath for as long as I were able. But when I dragged a breathless first breath in the sent pricked my throat again.

But I no longer felt the need to chase the human for my next drink, as I had seen myself like I was looking in a mirror.

I was the fierce crinkled faced monster and I was darting towards a small and cute mouse, and as I thought more about the lucky person whose life was not to end this second I realized that I may have known who it was- this is a small town.

Im more reassured of myself- that I was never intending to drink the pulsing thick rich blood, because I could never look in the eyes of a human and drain the life source from their eyes.

So even though I stopped myself before I got to far, I was sure that I would have stopped when I had dragged that defenseless human from the road side to the hidden bush and saw the look of terror in their eyes……….I had to be sure of that.

Obviously my parents have not yet noticed my movement from the couch, im sort of lucky that I have the ability to be very silent even to vampires and have a bit of my fathers speed- even though I can't go very far as I get tired easily-, but once one word was to leave my lips I knew they would be able to hear and would be her in a flash of a second.

"Please…..help me", I whispered out, and as I had anticipated two vampires now stood next to me.

"Nessie are you…….." My fathers voice trailed off, he must have identified the scent.

"I stopped my self" I said it as if it were a huge achievement.

"Of course you did sweetie" my mother's voice surrounded me. I had my back to them as I pressed my head on the rough bark of the tree I was hugging.

"I……lost it" unsure whether they noticed a tear escaped down my cheek, what a day this has been. Full to the brim of many strong emotions, that im just feeling that I can't go on any longer…..

A calming voice disturbed my train of thought, "Im not saying that it was expected but … you have been through a lot in the past few days", my father spoke while curling a piece of hair on the back of my head.

"Is that supposed to mean that I can ….can … Murder an innocent man today and it would be ok? Just because I've had a hard time" my tone was a little bit harsh but who isn't when they are hungry.

I breathed in deep again, waiting for the scent to smolder again but it didn't- thankfully the scent had past and I was free- for at least the moment.

A short ring of the phone echoed through the quiet woods, and in a rapid movement the phone was out of my father's jacket pocked and swung gracefully to his ear.

"Hello…….Ah Carlisle, yes Alice has not failed us yet. Yes it is true but she has strength and has kept up her excellent record"

I couldn't hear the other side of the conversation but from catching bits and bobs it seemed to be that Alice has seen my little episode and had told Carlisle. I hated this feeling of disappointment on top of every thing else.

My heart twinged, and I knew that I had something important to ask. I lifted my head- still the burning present, and let out a smoky broken voice "Jaco…"

My voice broke so that the 'b' sound came out silent even though my lips continued on moving.

After my father had asked the question to Carlisle there was no babble just one simple answer to be returned backs to me "Nothing".


	12. Renesmee fed like a baby

Hello everyone, yeh! It's Friday- the sun is shining and soon- if you keep reading we will finally get to Jacobs storyline. Sorry if its slow pacing, but I felt that there should be this waiting element as Renesmee has been though a lot and I didn't want the story line to rush to fast, cause for what I want to happen I want her to be a bit less 'hurt' anyway thanks for reading and this chapter is just leading her up to looking for Jacob.

So im sorry if it is long but it is just cutting up some loose ends .

Keep commenting I would like to know what you think so far.

* * *

"She should go hunting….. I choose grizzly" a deep and booming voice said.

"She can't go hunting stupid! Because she can't fight a bear without getting clawed to death herself" as I gazed up I saw Alice giving Emmett a fed up look, "Do I have to keep explaining. Every time I see you make that decision I see her getting hurt"

"I wouldn't allow anything to hurt her" Emmett shouted in slight anger

"Yes well when you go primal bear hunting- big shot you get distracted", Emmett let off a huge sigh, "it would be the same with all of us-sadly. We can't hunt and focus on protecting her at the same time"

A small but close voice whispered in my ear "Are you sure that you don't want some blood from the hospital, it would give you the nutrience you need and it is donated blood, no one misses it"

Without thinking I immediately shouted "No. No. No human blood! Ever!" Looking at the shocked faces I knew that I had been a little bit dramatic but heck I was telling the truth, I never want to feel what I had felt in the woods a few moments ago ever again.

This annoying new development with my hunger being a issue and them not being sure about how to get me to have some fresh blood- as Carlisle says this will make me much stronger more quickly- but as usual its not as easy as it once was previously.

I could not go for the living kill- of an animal- because of my new found fragileness I could get hurt and this was something which my family was not willing to allow happen- even though at this point I didn't care at all.

But even though I new I should feed- on something- it was the need to find Jacob which was preventing me to join in this 'idea' fest, I wanted to look for him.

I wanted my family to be looking for him, not here in our basement discussing my feeding arrangements.

Yes we are all in the basement, the only part of the house which would ensure that no temping gusts of wind would bring a sweet tasting snack smell and cause me to go berserk, I was not taking any chances and neither was my family- as they didn't question me when I had suggested, no demanded it.

That's what made me more anxious now that they didn't seem to think that I could handle the tempting smells……..

"Look" I began to say, everyone turned to look at me. I was sat in the corned of the room, crouched down and my arms were wrapped around my legs- holding them in place as if they were to run away. "Why doesn't someone hunt for me?"

Eight confused faces stood silent as I continued my explanation, I had to look away- I hated being this pathetic half human.

"If you can master it, without being temped yourself, get an animal, kill it but don't drain it yourself, and bring it back for me"

"You want to drink cold animal blood……nasty"

"It would be the same as drinking the cold donated human blood" I said defending my idea.

Carlisle seemed to look like he was thinking for a while- while I had taken a glance up to his face.

Then he spoke "Yes, I think that would work. Of course why didn't I think of it?" He began to say "Jasper why don't you………" when I cut in.

"Forgive me Carlisle for cutting in but I have some demands of my own. Yes sure my feeding is a priority but that doesn't mean that you can forget about Jacob."

My father cut in "we can't put your feeding on hold"

"I know and I intend to feed, so that I can gain the strength to search for him. Look I know that you have suffered today, but just because I have had an accident and became more breakable doesn't mean that I want anything to change. You need to let me go, I can't be wrapped up in cotton wool for my life time. Sure I may get hurt again in the future but that is something I will have to deal with."

A small cry escaped my mother's lips.

"It's not a life to be protected constantly, so that is what leads me to my demands. Number one it looks like im not the only person who is hungry around here. Look at your dark eyes; you must be as uncomfortable as me."

I held a hand up to stop my father from speaking.

"Jasper, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie, Mum, Dad and Esme you will all go hunting first for yourselves and then who ever can manage it will hunt for me." I was now looking at my parents -who both had growled when I mentioned their names.

"You can't always be there for me, you need to feed. Carlisle will be here, he can change my dressing and then once I have fed we can all split up and look for Jacob. You can't stop me …… this is what would make me happy."

* ok after this chapter it will jump ahead only a few hours…..will update today. Xxx COMMENTS are appreciated.


	13. Renesmee will you forgive me?

* * *

The sun is starting to rise, and the first peaks of sunlight are starting to glint of my slightly sparkly skin.

It's been all night and I have not yet even caught a glimpse of scent from a trail which Jake would have left.

It's been the same for everyone else, when I spoke to Sam last night he said that they have been trying to pick up a scent but it seems that from the small perimeter around Billy's home that the scent just disappears.

"_Jacobs is a very naturally talented alpha wolf and if he wanted to disappear it looks like he has the skills and ability to do so."_ Sam's words had sliced though me. If Jake wanted to disappear it would seem that he would be able to.

As Sam spoke more about their empty search, Quill kept whimpering. I found myself going up to him- while he was in his wolf form, and stroked his fur.

To sooth him -and I suppose myself as well- I touched his cheek and found myself showing happy times of Jake and Quill tumbling around on the first beach- when we had all decided to go on night out, that lead onto Jake and us all playing inhuman chase.- but as I reached that thought I felt a warming hand on mine- when I looked to my side it was Sam- he too wanted to see what I was showing my family of Jake.

I left them with my thoughts of us finding Jake in pristine condition with a huge loopy grin on his face.

This sparked something in us all and we began the search immediately splitting up again.

There was nothing to stop us, if it were to take us our eternity I would- they would- search and search and search…….

I had been running all night and it was starting to take its toll on me, of course though out the night I had my mobile ringing 'all the time', it was always my father and mother.

They were just checking in- even though this annoyed me, I felt appreciative to them because they did finally let me look for Jake on my own but that had only occurred after trying to explain that I was going to be ok and after an hour of my search for Jake and my father following me- thinking that I couldn't realize.

But after explaining that the more we were split up the quicker this search may come to an end, so they finally left me be.

On the human side of the search- which Billy was heading this time as he knew it was a important search this time than what it had been before my parents wedding- he had rounded up the humans of the La push area.

But they can only do so much with out becoming exhausted themselves, Billy was phoning everyone that was possible outside of the la push area, we still had the hope that Jake was human-seeing as Seth and Leah couldn't hear their alpha wolves thoughts- and not because he 'wasn't with us was not a possibility that any of us can consider.

So he had friends in each of the surrounding towns, start their own personal searches. We all knew that we couldn't involve the police. Number one because we couldn't afford them investigating in to the reason for his disappearance and that would involve a close look at both of our families- and that wasn't a possibility.

Just as I had finally started the search on my own- with my parents following now not a issue- I had been approached by a very cautious and distraught Leah and Paul, each of which feel that they have caused this whole problem.

They both came up to me in their human forms, Leah stayed far behind Paul until I had called her forward saying that it was 'ok' and that I didn't hold anything against them- but I knew I couldn't speak for the others.

When Leah approached she wasn't radiating her usual anger/ sarcastic facial expression, even as she tried to speak I could hear the trembling in her whispered sounds.

"Look I'll start with you Leah" I stopped and looked at her until she looked up from her depressed expression, "I don't blame you one little bit, I should have been more aware of my surroundings, I was just a little bit eager to return to Jacob, I know that if you hadn't been hurt you would have never hurt me, and I would always put my life in your hands- every time"

"Im sorry…" I knew that was a hard thing for her to say, "But then the blood incident"

I cut in "another mistake, you tried to help and in your rush you wanted to just get the blood back to me, look its no harm no fowl im still hear to annoy the hell out of you"

I chuckled, but was not joined by the sad faces presented in front of me, this wasn't just about hurting me but by them letting down their friend- their leader, their brother….."

The conversation between us continued on for a further ten minuets, it took me a while for me to convince the horrible things which had been said to her by my family, by her brothers by Jacob, were all words spoken in worry and grief and that they didn't mean any of what was said.- Ok so I lied a little, but I was certain my family would never say a bad word about Leah again- well not to her face anyway.

Leah left to continue the human search, Paul had said to me that she had not transformed since her attack. So instead of the search for Jacob she was supporting Billy- he felt it was because she was worried about meeting Jacob face to face-on her own- and then not having the opportunity to explain that I was ok before she expects a fight to go between them- though Paul feels that Leah would just let Jacob tear at her.

It was then Paul's time to apologize; I assured him that he was just doing what he thought was best and that it was no ones fault about the mix up of my death.

So here I am now, staring at the sunrise alone, tired and suddenly more aware that I was not aware as I thought I had been……………………………….

* * *


	14. renesmee is your heart singing?

I actually like this chapter, would be to see how you feel........ its a little different (from my own style- i think it has been done before???- oh well here is my version of adding songs)

* * *

Swinging my whole body around round, in a worn out movement, my eyes were met with other cautious eyes.

"Don't attack Ness, it's just me"

"Alice! Why are you sneaking up on me? Wait have you found anything?"

"No im sorry I didn't mean to, well anyway I thought you would be a bit lonely?"

I interrupted "I don't need any company"

"No that's not what I mean's, I couldn't leave Jasper at a time like this"

"What does that mean?"

"Well im sorry Nessie but haven't you noticed that since you have been going thought the pain of losing….. im mean of being parted from Jacob that we have all grown slightly more closer to our partners. Even Sam returns home regularly to just give Emily a kiss, and it's the same with Paul and Rachel and even Embry and Clair."

"Oh.. I hadn't realized. So then what brings you hear" I said trying to sound a bit happy that I was talking to her, I had gotten my hopes up about it being Jake.

A smile grew across her pixie face and she skipped over to me in her usual fashion. "Well" she said "I have something for you. I was going to give you this at your birthday party but seeing as that went out the window here it is, oh and im sorry it's not wrapped. I couldn't present it with blood splashed all over it"

Even though I wasn't in the mood to see what it was, I looked for Alice's sake. She always tried her hardest- as they all did- to keep me happy. So I held out my hand with as much enthusiasm as I could, and she placed a small but shiny rectangle on my palm.

"An I-pod" I said.

"Oh you don't like it, well I can always get you something else. Would you want a more fashionable mobile……" she trailed off with a slight disappointed look on her face, she hated it that she couldn't see my future as clearly so she was always less confident with gifts she presented me.

"No don't I love it" and I truly did, as I turned the I-pod over so that I could see the back of it, it looks like Alice had carved in an inscription.

_May the music fill your heart as you have completed mine, all my love your fab aunt Alice xxx_

"awe Alice I do absolutely love it"

"Well great" she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, I hugged her back.

"You are a fab person indeed" I said smiling, it was nice to smile. For real instead of the fake smile I have been presenting for the past days.

"Well I should go, Jasper and I were about to head out over the water to see if he has swam away from here, I even programmed some music in for you. I know you like your funky 'pop' music-if you call it music- but I also intend it to be educational and I have put some of my favorites on it……classics you could call them."

"Thank you, and thank you for searching….." she cut me off in mid sentence.

"I know, we are all now happy to look for him Nessie. Believe it or not he is as much as a part of this family as you or I. We are all taking the correct amount of passion to find him" and with that she was gone, I felt a wave of happiness fall over me- for just a split second, and then I knew I needed to continue on searching.

I put the head phones in my ears and pressed play……….._The _lyrics which followed were……

I recognized the song to be 'love story', and as each verse was sung -I had memories and thoughts flash in my head.

'**We were both young when I first saw you'**

_Yes I was an infant, and I remember your face so clear smiling that heart breaking smile……..oh Jacob._**  
**

**'I close my eyes and the flashback starts'**

_That was so true for this moment; I slowed down as if they were making my heart bleed pain. _

**  
'I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air, See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns. See you make your way through the crowd. **And say hello, little did I know**'**

_A flash back of my birthday soared through my pained brain, I could see us dancing…………this memory was sending quick rough breaths to my lungs and I was trying to catch my breath. Waiting pain strickened for the next words to come._

'**That you were Romeo, You were throwing pebbles And my daddy said stay away from Juliet'**

_So true in its ironic way, but as the names 'Romeo' and 'Juilet' flooded my mind, all I could think about was the love they shared but the serious loss of both which they shared at the end….. they both died._

My throat budged with sobs and I fell to my knees. I quickly moved onto the next song hoping it wasn't something which would spiral my heart into the vortex of pain again.

It took me a while to calm myself down and listen to the next song. I picked it up at the chorus- I think, the words swirled around my heart ……

**'Cause we belong together now, yeah  
**

**Forever united here somehow, yeah  
**

**You got a piece of me  
**

**And honestly,  
**

**My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you**

This song didn't help me any further, but for some strange reason, this song seemed to sing exactly what I was feeling.

I and Jacob did indeed belong together, and we would always be forever united.

This was done by the ropes he had on my heart and the strong strings of imprinting which held us together, and before I turned the song over again (seeing that it was called My life would suck with out you), which would be entirely true.

It already sucked, and I knew in my heart that if Jake was taken away from me. I would have to follow him where ever he was to go- even though I knew of the consequences of the pain my family would feel and the ironic re-run of history of my mother and father.

But in that chorus which I heard there was another few words which stood out over the others, "you got a piece of me", this was true.

Jake has my heart, and that is why I have felt that since he has been departed from my side my chest has felt empty……

I quickly turned off the I- pod, I couldn't handle any more strong memories or feeling to take over me again. I had to keep a clear head and focus on finding him. I was about to throw the I-pod into the woods, but I felt that it wasn't best. I placed it in my bra as I was worried about it slipping out of my pockets when I would run…

I steadied myself on my feet, gazed into the rising sun and took a deep breath and thought to myself.

'_Romeo I shall travel to the ends of the world in search for you, but either way this could turn out very differently, but I would still follow you as my heart is your heart._

_My heart pumps in rythm to yours, and my heart dies simultaneous to yours ………" _


	15. Renesmee watch where your going!

Romeo I shall travel to the ends of the world in search for you, but either way this could turn out very differently, but I would still follow you as my heart is your heart.

My heart pumps when yours does, and mine dies when yours does………" 

HELLO, TGFF – PLEASE REVIEW 'DO YOU LIKE THE STORY SO FAR?' IT WOULD MAKE MY DAY TO FIND OUT- AND ONLY TAKES THE FRACTION OF A SECOND TO WRITE 

* * *

The wind was ripping though my hectic hair, I was looking for any sign of Jacob's passing through this part of the woods.

A piece of dazzling long dark hair……no

A hint of his delicious musky scent…...no

The day was rushing by, it must have been afternoon now and there has still not yet been a sign of Jacob.

Alice and Jasper are acting as coast guards and checking every point of the beach and near by beaches, and long stretches of sea- of course Sam has let the point of both groups to cross the treaty boundary lines.

Quill and Embry were searching every inch of La Push, trying extra hard to follow the scent away from the bathroom window, but every time a little breeze comes they have to begin again-as the smell is already very weak.

Paul and Sam are going well out of the La push and Forks areas; they are moving on to the edge of Seattle. Jared has taken the route to run in a spiral- starting at La push and moving out, so basically he is going to go very far out, towards Canada and other countries.

Seth and Collin have joined together and are searching the mountains; Emmett and Rosalie- much to her dislike- are in the car driving down any and every road that is possible.

Esme and Carlisle are checking all the hospitals, because if Jacob did manage to let go of his wolf heritage and did hurt himself- the idea makes me shudder- then someone could have found him and taken him to the hospital.

But I suppose also the morgue…………. But I can't belief that he would be in there, it just isn't possible.

Mum and dad are checking if anyone under the name of 'Jacob Black' has booked a flight, boat or coach trip, they are also checking his details just incase he went under a different name.

Now they leave's me- apart from Leah and the human search party-, I am making my way to the cemetery. At a time of grief it always makes you think about the people who aren't in your life so I think he may have gone to see his mothers 'Sarah's' grave.

It's just a whim and I need to check everywhere that is possible.

As I ran onto La Push territory- it didn't make a difference to me because I was always welcome, which used to be funny. I would stand on one side and tease my parents, and especially Emmett and they couldn't come and get me…...- I dodged my way secretly through the trees, but something caught my eye, which was unexpected- as I had been lost in thought of what I would say to Jacob if I saw him.

I lost my full train of thought fully now, which included watching where I was running. I therefore ran head on into a tall big towering tree.

The impact made the tree shake and crumble but it left me crumpled on the woodsy floor thinking deep about what I had just seen………………..


	16. Renesmee all in the box

The thing which I had seen unfortunally had not been Jacob, but at this time in my life was something much…much worse. It was Jacob's home, the scene of the crime I suppose you could say.

I suddenly heard the crunch of snapping twigs, and the rustle of dried leaves and as I turned my head to the side I saw Embry as his wolf form.

He whimpered, "Hey Embry, Im ok just will have to look where im going next time"

He let off a 'wolfie' laugh and grinned wide letting his tongue fall out- that caused my heart to secretly twinge as it reminded me so much of Jacob.

"Any sign" I said to him, he immediately shook his head. "Where's Quill?" and then what Alice had said to me suddenly made me realize before Embry could have answered- well growled…or what every- "is he checking on Claire?"

As before Embry nodded.

I sat and stared at him and he stood and stared back. I felt a slight warm sensation on my head and as soon as I had reached towards it – this made Embry aware and he whimpered again.

I touched it and as I pulled my finger I felt the sticky substance and when I looked I had touched a glossy droplet of blood.

Embry went to move more into the woods- I expected that he was going to change into his human form- so that's when I said "Its ok Embry, I'll just nip into Billy's and clean up. You can stay as you are- im fine really and it would be more beneficial to look for Jacob" as I said his name Embry's eyes looked as pained as my heart. But he barked and then walked me to Billy's house, his wet nose touched the back of my hand and I naturally stroked his head again.

"Thanks for walking me" I said to him as he turned and ran away.

I couldn't believe what I was about to do, go into the most painful place that I could imagine. Nearly every thing in this house has a scent of Jacob, has been touched by him and shares his bubbly character.

My heart jutted and my breathing sped up, my hand hesitated at the door handle and then I let myself into the small but homely house.

It was the smell which first hit me, not Jacobs usual woodsy smell which layered his skin but this was different it was 'as my mother would describe' rusty smell- well when she was human- but this blood smell didn't effect my vampire side because I had never felt that way towards Jacob.

I walked in slowly and the smell was getting more and more saturated, it pulled me to look in the bathroom. But before I reached the bathroom I saw Jakes bedroom and I felt the urge to go into it.

I stood statue like at the door way, just looking at every inch of his bedroom. But that's when I noticed a small shoe box on the floor obviously sticking out from under his bed.

I sat on the floor next to it crossing my legs. The wooden floor was slightly cold on my bare skin but it didn't bother me.

I dragged the box directly in font of me, and with my long pale finger I traced the large writing on the top of it.

It was Jacobs writing and I knew it immediately knew that it was Jacob's scruffy lettering.

_Nessie_

I lifted off top of the box, and was happily shocked by what I found in it. I was a Nessie box; things which he kept that must have reminded him of me……

I felt the tears bubble to the surface, but they were not strong enough to escape. I looked at the many possessions in the box.

A note from a diner-of which I wrote on it "I owe you a rematch……sorry for cheating ", I could immediately remember that day. He wasn't upset with me at all but I felt bad- even though I was only a bit of fun…even at the age of twelve I hated lying to him.

Then as I moved on though the box I came across a small drawing of a wolf- even when I was only five I could draw fantastically… but it was the fact that he still had it which was very…….sweet.

Once I had finished routing I had realized that most of the things which I had given him were in this box- the small sized things anyway.

Many pictures of us….fun days at the beach, here in his garage, birthdays……..

Pebbles, shells, twigs, old dried leaves……all picked up by me from our expeditions.

But I did notice that there where something's which weren't her like a bracelet I gave him- but I knew he didn't wear it on his wrist- and some other bits and bobs but that didn't matter of course. He can't have kept everything.

After daydreaming for a few moments with the box I replaced the lid leaned down and kissed the top. _"My Romeo you are a great man, now you have another object for your box. My heart"_

I put the box back under the bed, and then sat on the end of the bed and repositioned myself so that I was lying face down on his pillow.

I breathed in heavily and could taste him, it was just like he was here with me……but not quite.

When I felt that I could drag myself from this perfect place I shut the door behind me and was then faced with the bathroom door again.

I slowly opened the door, my nose was suddenly burned with the strong smell blood, it was a shock to my nose but when my eyes adjusted it was a horror sight to see for myself.

It was like La pushes first crime scene, on the pale white floor were pools of blood, he had obviously hit a artery because on the walls were flecks of splattered blood.

Im a vampire- well part vampire- and I drink blood but this was discussing it made my stomach turn- maybe it was just because it was Jacobs blood- but it made me dry retch…

I noticed the small yellow note floating in the blood, with out thinking I dropped down and my legs splashed in the blood.

It sloshed all over my bare legs and my shorts and little flicks dotted over my t-shirt, I immediately jumped up in horror and started wiping it off with my hands.

But I was distracted again by the note, so I again bent down to pick it up this time being careful not to get more blood on me- though it wouldn't have mattered, and I glared at the note.

_Nessie, we will be in our place together'_

Was all it read.........

* * *

cant believe I am up to chapter 16- i promise that in the next chapter that the story on Jacob will develop more- PLEASE REVIEW WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK SO FAR- PERSONALLY THIS IS THE MOST FUN I HAVE HAD WITH A STORY- AND I NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN UNTILL I WRITE IT ON THE COMPUTER

LOVE LITTLEPINKSAC XX


	17. Renesmee Jacobs changed

* * *

_'Thinking about the note he left'_

Be in our place together? I wouldn't actually call heaven our place.

I stared out of the open window and walked to it. I wonder if I could track his sent.

I put the discolored note in my pocket and sniffed around the window, I jumped out of the window and just like Sam had said I followed it the scent to a certain point, then came to a halt of where the sent ends.

I leaned against the tree and took out the crumpled note and looked at it again. It was made for me- even though he thought I was dead- it was for me, I looked at it every way that was possible just incase a hidden message could have been behind the meaning.

But nothing came to mind……..

I slumped down and the dirt clung to the sticky blood still on my legs and shorts, I was absorbing in the lovely quiet atmosphere when I suddenly jumped by the loud noise from my ringing mobile.

"Hello"

A sad voice said "Hello Nessie?"

"Yes….. Seth is that you"

"Yes"

"Hey, so what is it an update? Have you found something?" I said excitedly but then decreased in tone when I realized that something other than the live and kicking Jacob could be found.

"Not exactly"

"Well….."

The line was silent, I couldn't handle the silence "Seth!"

"It's Sam" Ahh my heart slowed down, I nearly had a panic attack thinking that it was to be about Jake.

"What's happened with Sam?"

"He felt it……" Seth trailed off; this was so frustrating damn it Seth speak.

"He felt……." I urged.

"Jacob" That name is sending too many quivers down my body for today- if only they were only quivers of joy. He continued, "Sam said he felt the transformation, he knows Jake has changed"

"What….Jac….but….sam?...he…Jake…can't…what….."I couldn't speak; this is what we had dreaded...what i had dreaded.

"Im sorry but I will talk quick, I have to talk to the others. But the cliff notes. Sam was just running in his search when suddenly he said that he felt it….he said he couldn't breath and felt like part of him was being ripped away. We thought it was strange that it was only him that felt it but after talking to the elders they said that it was some alpha thing………..Nessie……..Ness………….Renesmee?"

My heart was not in my throat yet because there was still time, there had to be time left.

My Jacob was now human and I could not…….no I will not lose him……ever!

I ended my phone call with Seth and threw my phone into the far trees- there was no way that I was going to get another phone call to disturb my search, and I wasn't going to stop until I find him- and I don't care if it takes me the rest of my life.

I could hear the phone ring in the distance- it was going to be my father, or well I thought- but I didn't care.

I stared to circle Jacobs small back garden. Just trying to clear my head. Ok so Jacob had transformed, but what if he didn't notice- no that can't be possible, can it?

I fell to all my fours ( on knees and hands) and let out a huge and uncontrollable scream...............

A few moments later I felt better that I had gotten out some of my anger....Jacob how could you be so stupid, how could you do this.

But as I spoke the sent trail popped into my head again- vampires luckily could think about more than one thing- it was strange how the trail just ended. But how could that be possible.....and then it occurred to me.

Of course it had been so obvious, how many times had me and Jacob done this. Foolish Nessie.

_Flashback..._

_"Jake, wait. Wait for me" I ran up to Jake who was hovering by this big based tree._

_"I have a game for you Ness.....hide and seek"_

_phew "I could play hide and seek with both of my hands behind my back, and blind folded. You will be so simple to find"_

_"Listen do you trust me, I ensure that you will not find me"_

_* * *_

I remember that day perfectly, he hid and sure enough I found it very hard to find him. It was the same at today, the trail which I had of him ended. But when I gave up and he called out sure enough he jumped down from a tree. A tree can you believe it, his scent was not on the ground but above it in the tree's like a monkey.

So ' what I did, I fantasticallyfast climbed up the tree- of which the floor trail ended at- and sure enough, there it was the scent which i have been looking for. All this time it has been in plain sight- well smell- but still invisible.

I breathed in heavily and naturally began jumping from tree to tree following the increasing smell of my Jacob. I didn't even acknowledge the fact that the twigs were sticking hard into my once hard skin. I didnt care where I was going but i knew that i must follow it with as much strength as I can master.

Further and further the trail dragged on, I was tiring a little but still I kept up the pace- the push through the pain thing-, and then the trail ended again. I looked down to find myself at a unfamiliar piece of hidden cliff top.

I jumped down, falling hard on my hands. I wiped them on my shirt- dusting off the gravel which clung to the small cuts. But again I didn't care, because I suddenly noticed what I had been looking for.

I screamed "No" with all my heart- lungs- could muster. My heart stopped and I gazed in shock.............


	18. Renesmee are you too late?

*I screamed "No" with all my heart- lungs- could muster. My heart stopped and I gazed in shock.............

suddenly before I knew what I was doing, I started running.

I realized that my first scream had gone unnoticed and as I tried again to get my scream across the sky towards my Jacob I found that no sound could come out from my now broken voice- from what I presume was from the first throat scraping scream or from the fear which now had a hold of my 'flight or fight' (in my situation was flight or save) moment.

I ran and ran and ran, but it seemed to take me forever to cross the opening.

I was now running across a very large cliff top, I could see Jacob in the distance with my vampire vision, but he had not noticed me. I tried to call him, to flap my arms around my head but still nothing- my voice became a crumbled whisper.

I could see his crumpled face, he held something which I couldn't see- nor did I care. One thing was on my mind now to save him, and the one thing which I assumed was on his mind was to jump of this very high and jagged cliff face into the darkness of the artic ocean below- to a vampire this was like falling onto a bed of feathers, to a wolf this was like falling on your bum on a ice patch on the sidewalk, but to a human this was certain death.

I could see him edge himself towards the edge, I felt my heart stop. Even though I was closer now I was worried that I was a second to late.....

A moment to slow.....

A voice too broken.........

* * *

Hey guys I know this is a very very short chapter but I wanted to give you some more suspense......I promise that in the next chapter you will get what you have waited for (even though I have decided this is not the end of the road for this whole story-just the storyline) Anyway I really want to know what you think.

DO YOU LIKE THIS STORYLINE?

IS THE SUSPENSE GOOD?

DO YOU ACTULLY KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON 'LOL'?

CAN YOU ANTICIPATE THE NEXT PART?

DO YOU WANT MORE.....

PLEASE LET ME KNOW- AND CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORIES INCLUDING "THATS WHAT BIG UNCLES ARE FOR"- ABOUT EMMETT, NESSIE AND JASPER (MAINLY"

"BELLA'S FATE" WHICH IS CHOSEN BY YOU THE READER- I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH MANY OPTIONS STARTING WITH WHICH GUY SHE CHOOSE- TO WHAT MUSIC WOULD PLAY....E.T.C..

AND MUCH MUCH MORE......

THANKS XXXX


	19. Renesmee keep fighting?

Jacob lifted one of his feet off from the cliff top so that it was hovering over the empty space, then he did it- I couldnt belive what I was seeing, this has to be a nightmare.

For a fraction of a second Jake simply stood in the air and thats when I decided to do it, I leaped from the space on the ground I was running and then with the speed I had gained I leapt over the full space toward him, he started to fall only slightly and thats when I collided with him.

I didn't have the opportunity to see him face as I was trying to force our body weights back towards the cliff top but it was a failed attempt.........

We fell, the adrenaline cracking inboth of us. I felt his hands grasp tighter around my waist. I Could see what was clearly happing with my good vision but because he was now human I thought that this would just be a complete mixed blur and I was certain that he wouldn't have even realized much of what was happing at this moment of time.

I would have take this time just to whisper that I loved him- even if he were not able to hear. I had no idea what was going to happen when we reached the bottom and nor did I know whether we would both survive.

I was suddenly interupted from my thoughts not because we were headed for the water below but because we were headed to a sharp rock edge poking out of the cliff edge- it was not near the bottom but was just a ragged bit of rock which had not worn away with the rest of the cliff.

In my heart I couldn't let Jacob hit this sharp rock face, but even though I knew it would hurt me I didn't care at the moment- sure it would be nice if we could get out of this together- but I wasn't going to let Jake not get out of this- not if there was something I could do.

I twisted in the air and put my back to the rock face- so I was falling backwards and at least was now facing Jake in the face. In the fraction of a second I smiled and then felt the huge blow.

My back and skull cracked with the rock face, Jake followed crushing me in further. The stinging pain was horrible, like being bitten by Leah a thousand cold times. I felt my grasp of Jacob weaken as we continued our fall in to the deep ocean.

My thoughts became blury and even though hitting the rock face sucked it was at least nice falling to my death knowing that I had seen Jacob for the final moments and when he 'crushed' me I had felt the suddent closeness of his warm body and even though I didn't want to die for the second time in the last two days I was happier this time because I knew that I had been with my Jake.

As I thought my grasp with Jake had failed and his was no longer present.

We fell separately and finally hit the hard icy waters surface.

Even though I was surprised I was still alive it was horrible being away from Jacob and being in the same position I had been in during the last few minutes not knowing whether he was alive.

I was being pulled further under, down and down I kept moving. The dark murky water growing darker and darker, it stung my eyes and froze my body but I kicked effortlessly.

But then I stopped, I was tired, worn out, emotionally and physically strained.

I stopped fighting the inevitable, stopped kicking, stopped breathing, stopped living.......................but then I realised if Jacob was doing the same, what if he thought that just seeing me was part of a dream. What if he was like me and wasn't trying but was just fading away with the sea life.

I forced my 'rock torn skin' legs to move, in sincrise with my arms. I pushed and pushed, but then I couldn't breath.... I was breathless.

I couldn't help my body's reaction, I automatically breathed in, but obviously there isn't any water down here. I not swallowed but breathed in a gallon of water. I now panicked the sick slt taste of rotten water entered down my throat. I felt it sand its way into my lungs, the panic made me speed up and I reached the surface.

But the gasps of air was failed as my air way was trapped with the water, I did not lose consiousness but I was adrenally aware of the water that filled my lungs. I coughed up automatically but was failed.

A wave came and swung me back towards the rock surface, I quicky placed myself so that I would again be back first to it- it may be like a slap on the back and help me to remove the heavy weight in my lungs.

It came fast and hard and luckily my plan worked- sure I was spiked in the back- but I endlessly coughed ip the water, while also taking in somemore when a new wave came. It was a endless game....and I was not having fun.

In the next wave which forced me back to the rock face, with all my might I grasped a sharp piece of rock, but managed to pull myself up higher out of the water. In the few seconds of finally getting small breathes in I looked around.

My heart sunk when I looked around, I saw endless water and the only solid piece of land was the steep un-climbable rock face which I clung weakly to. My eyes searched every inch of the waters surface to find any glimpse of Jacob, any disturbed wave which could be him........................................

When I was certain I couldn't see him I naturally jumped back into the water, I was not lead by pain, or adreline, or even Jacob but my heart.

When I had returned back to the dark and scary icy water, I just stopped, not like before but I was listening. Using my senses- as far as I knew I wasn't aware whether the same theory presented itself to the water as it did on the land, but I was not in a position to let that stop me now.


	20. Renesmee Im all numb

I waited for a few moments, just listening. Even under the water I could hear the seagulls above, the water sloshing against the rocks, I could even hear my mobile ringing- but I didn't care who it was, and just then it hit me. I could here the very fast beating heart of a human in distress. Listening harder I could tell that it was north of were I was about 50 yards out.

I let my heart take control and was just swimming in body while my mind raced, searching every inch of the dark ocean, when I knew I was close I burst up to the surface of the water. Quickly put my arm over his shoulders, for support for both of us.

In the bobbing of the water our eyes met for the first time again, a wave of water exploded over us but we were now clenched together. My heart racing and his heart racing now together in syncrynise.

My legs were aching, and the new cuts on my legs and back stung from the salt water- I have had worse, but under my adreline I knew that it could be- my first words to him were "Are you hurt?", oh no it couldnt be I love you are you hurt, so before he answered I blurted it out "I love you".

"Nessie is it really you?" His face was at first crumpled and then grew to confusion and following shock. "I dont care, Im just glad your in my arms. Whether were dead or alive- either seems possible, oh I love you too. I really do"

"Jake..." a splash of water, covered my mouth. *cough* "Were alive" my arms wrapped around him and we embraced in a hug. Now before we could kiss and catch up, we needed to get out of this pit of vast emptyness. "We need to get to land" I spluttered. We both looked around just as his hand clamped down on mine.

our eyes fell even more empty as we found there was nothing beyond nothing...... even the rock face had vanished. Like it had been quietly moved from sight.

Suddenly I felt that only one of my legs was moving, I tried to kick the other one but nothing happened. I reached down with my free hand to feel if it was 'still there' and even though I felt it-it strangly felt like it wasn't, and the numbness didn't stop there I could feel it climbing up the foot of the other foot. I kicked it faster, causing my breath to increase.

"Jake" I spluttered again, "I can't......" what I wanted to say was that I can't fight any further. I looked into his also worried eyes. I could see that he was to like me fighting in his own way to keep going. "What are we......*cough* going to do?" I really wanted him to say he has a plan, but the look in his eyes I knew that he was just as clueless as I was.

So nothing new this time- again this parade of death was looming. "Jake, I..... I......" I couldn't find the words to say 'hey we're going to die but im glad im with you'. "I sorry your here but then im not"- whoa that sounded worse than the other thought. But his big dark eyes looked at me, he tried to smile his usual wide grinned smile but failed as his lip quivered with the cold or sadness- mine was quivering with both.

"I know" and he must of, he moved in closer to me and we embrased again. His arms tried to weakly move up and down my back to spark a little heat, but it failed. We were usually so warm. But the cold was killing our human selves, and with that thought I pushed with all my might and my lips found his.

Even though this situation was crap, our lips moved together. His felt like ice and im sure mine felt the same. both of my hands flew up around his neck and I gentally pulled myself closer. I could have kissed him forever, but our death perfect kiss was interrupted by a strong wave.

We held our grasps on each other as we knew that this was all we had left, He kissed me again. "I love you" Jacob said, this time with a genuin smile on his face. But terror in his eyes.

"I love you too. Just dont ever leave me" I said, with a little bit of terror of my own in my voice.

"I could say the same too". Jacob said and then we fell silent. In each others arms waiting to die.

Even if we tried to swim, it could be hours away, and I feel that nothing could help us now anyway. It would just be quicker and we wouldn't be able to die in each others arms.

"I'll bet you that Ill go first Romeo" I said trying to fill in the silence, just as I did the numbness hit my second leg and it stopped flat. Jake was holding me up with his last kicks.

"Not......if I can help it. Ness." My eyes felt heavy and my mind was fading. All I could muster was

"Hmmm"......

"Juilet. You have my soul, you have my heart and you have......." that was the last thing I heard. I either faded away, or he stopped speaking.


	21. Renesmee dont lose your fight!

There was darkness all around and all I had in my arms as I looked down was Jacob, but as I began to notice the darkness that surrounded us wasn't the cold water anymore but just.....empty blackness. I think I was standing, or I could have been lying down- I wasn't sure. If this was heaven it sure was not what I had expected, but as long as Jake was in my arms I suppose it would be heaven- my heaven.

The thing I noticed was that, I couldn't feel my body at all, I couldn't even feel Jacob in my arms. When I looked again Jacob had suddently dissapeared and it was just me alone in this dark place.

I tried to move but couldn't....

I tried to speak but couldn't.......

I tried to find myself........but as I looked down I saw nothing. It was just dark and I was coldly invisable and slowly disapearing.

But what broke the sudden darkness was a voice, it was withered and it sounded like I was still underwater-because the voice was blurred. _Jacob is that you?_ I tried to speak but my lips were clamped together. _Jacob come back to me, come back into my arms...._

The voice of should I say voices became more dominant now. Was this heaven was I now entering into the 'busy place'?

"Call the others quick, I can't do this without...." It fell silent again for a moment and I felt like my head was falling.

"Whoa she almost went again" Said a slightly worried voice, I wanted to say _No I wasn't im here let me in, let me see. _

"Keep it up quicker, you know she doesn't go at normal human pace" That voice sounded familiar but I couldn't place the voice. In fact I couldn't place anything. All I knew was that I was looking for Jacob, but my mind blurred when I tried to think about myself or things in my life. I was fading away- as was my memory- but I wouldn't let Jacob slip from me. _Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob......_was all I thought.

The voice how had said "Whoa she almost went again" spoke again this time saying "I can't do this, I can't be responsible."

"Well I can't leave Jacob. You have to keep going Seth", Jacob, why can't he leave Jacob.....Seth how can seth be here as well. Unless I wasn't dead.

"Wait Sam something is happening",said Seth worried. I wasn't dead. These are the word which unlocked my mind. I gave all my might to open my eyes but still nothing. Speak.....nope.

But then a sudden pound came on my chest- I felt that, in fact that was the first thing I had felt in how ever long I have been out, and then the rest came.

I could feel tiny grains press into my back and legs- in fact they stung my wounds, but I couldn't care less I felt the earth beneath me-. Then I heared the sudden pounding of my heart fill my ears- I hadn't even thought about the silence due to the lack of my heart pumping. It wasn't the same as before when I could feel the heat sore thought my body-but I suppose then my blood hadn't frozen in the icy water.

The next thing to hit me was the salt sea smell, even though it wasn't something I usually thought so high of it was making my nose smell with joy- I could smell. One by one my senses came back. Firstly was touch, then sound, now smell.......then the saltly taste reached my mouth- must be from my salt drinks I had early on when I was drowning. Now all I wait for was sight.

But the next sound to fill my ears was....air...oh breathing- but not my breathing. I could feel something press hard on my nose and around my mouth, then warm but burning air travelled down my salty but throbbing throat. I could feel the air force my chest to rise and then fall just as fast. This was repeated and repeated.

Come on breathe Nessie, you can do it. In and out....in and out. But nothing, I couldn't force my weak and water logged lungs to breath for themselves, so it continued the silence apart from my beating heart and forced breath filled the air.

But then a growl came followed by now many voices,

"Oh no please, please not again. Not my Nessie. I can't lose you." I recognised that straight away it was my fathers voice. "I shouldn't have gone so far out, I should have been here"

"Shh... Its ok, she will be ok. She has to. " That was my mothers voice. "Seth dear. Why don't we take over. You look exhausted." and with that for a fraction of a second I felt the grasp around my lips and mouth release. But in a flash they were replaced. I should have felt the change in temperature, but I was much too cold.

"Shes very cold. It may be best if I get her something to wrap her up in. Jake as well" this was Seth again. I couldn't tell who he was speaking to as two voices overlapping answered him.

"Yes do that Seth, it a good idea." and "Yes!" both voices were filled with anxiousness. I then heard new foot steps approach as Seth's left.

"Oh god Ness. Edward if I knew that she was going to do this, I would have checked earlier" Immedietly I knew it was Alice. I could hear the pain in her voice.

My mother spoke next "Lets not dwell on it at this period in time. Can you help Seth. Jasper can you stay here and rub her legs to get some movement and heat."and with that her quick one second speech finished as she breathed for me, I knew it was her because I could now here my father as she did.

"Carlisle?" Alice must have left because Jasper only answered, and there I felt it the rubbing on my legs.

"10 minutes out" Jasper said, his voice was also filled with worry.

Why is it when you want to speak you can't. Jacob, please someone mention him. Is he awake, unconscious, dea....... I want to know if he is then I can stop this charade and just slip way now.

A bit of the numbness reduced in my arms slightly because I could feel someone rubbing my arms. But even with the rubbing I still felt like I was lying on ice.

"Sam do you want a break. I could take over" I heard someone from a distance say. Emmett is that you?

"No. I can save my brother" He voice wasn't angry but weak, broken. But Jacob. Jake still had to be saved like me. If he was here right now with me, im sure I would open my eyes for him- not meaning that Im not trying for my vampire family. But the would open for him whether I wanted them to or not. Just to see his face.

I felt someone kneel beside my other leg opposite of Jasper and took over from Jaspers one hand. It must have been Emmett, but were was Rosie, and then I heard her she must have been there all along. My vampire sense are certainly going out the window- but hello, I have nearly died......twice.

He unusual sharp tongue spoke. "I hope that mutt dies, he's done enought trouble for today", I wanted to scream 'how can you say that about someone I care about, but I didn't have to someone spoke for me instead.

"Rose. STOP. We are all aware of your dislike to the dog.....to the wolf tribe but if you say another bad word about Jacob about any of them again I swear I will..... "the voice weakened, "Can't you see how much it keeps her alive. How much she cares for him. Jacob is your Emmett......."My father growled she must have thought something. My father was actually speaking up for the wolves. Has he finally seen the importance of them to our lives, to my life? If I had been awake- and not dying- I would have died of shock from the words that left his lips.

A shout interrupted us all, my thoughts, my families conversation. It was sam. Sam- Jake, please Jacob, Please be ok. But the words that escaped Sam's mouth send my heart into more darkness.

"NOOO, Jake. Jacob. Don't you dare leave me. Leave us. I swear I will follow you and kick your ass." No Jake, please fight. Fight like me. My Romeo, I may have been willing to die next to you when we were in the middle of the ocean, but don't leave now as we are nearly out of this nightmare.

The next words spoken also, killed my soul. "Sam. ....Sam. His heart is not beating anymore. He's gone" gone, no he can't be gone. How can my father say that. One minute he's saying he's part of our family and the next he's proucing Jacob to be dead.

But that was it, that was the shock my heart, my lungs needed. No lightning, nor machine could make my heart as alive as it was now. I felt it as my lungs took control and my heart raced.

My eyes flew open and before I realised I was covered in pleased vampires. "Oh Ness", "Can you hear us", "Are you ok?"

"Stop, stop stop. Jacob" and with that I weakly pushed my way through them. Of course I would appologise and hug them all later because they are a big part of my heart as well. But the matter of a fight which I was not going to give up on today was loosing Jacob.

When I saw Sam, he had already backed away from Jacobs lifeless body. In my side water spotted vision I could see Seth and Alice run up. Alice ran up towards me but halted when she saw my families faces. Seth whimpered when he looked at Sam's tearful face.

I weakly kneeled beside Jacob, and nearly feel over on to my side. If I hadn't been steadied by my mothers hands. My lips still shaking from the cold, quivered more so as I held back the tears. I was then covered in a blanket by my father. But as I leaned in closer to Jacob- over him. It started to slip off but he caught it and held it in place.

Even though they were so close to me, the sat silent and didn't disturb me this time, as they knew I needed it.

Jacobs copper skin was slightly more paler than usual. "Damn it Jacob Black" I croaked out though my sand gritted throat, "Don't you dare leave me, not now." and with that I took my fist and wacked it hard against his chest- above his heart.

"If you leave me, Jake I swear that you would wish you weren't dead", follwed by another smack on the chest. Even though my muscled ached and I barely had the strength to sit up I continued on.

I leaned over and gave him the biggest breath I could muster. But my lungs were only just about able to keep me awake not him as well, this thought ripped my heart into to pieces.

"Jacob Black I order you to come back. You can't deny me anything remember- imprinted for life, now death.- so come back". A sweat droplet slid down my back.

I now increased the pounding. 'wack, wack, wack, wack' "Jacob.......Jacob.......Jacob" I screamed over and over again, my throat gave out and I whispered the last one "Jacob, please don't be Romeo. Be.....you now just come back" one final wack and the wait in silence to hope to hear the sudden breathing of a heart, but nothing.

The tears escaped my eyes and I let my body fall hard on to Jacobs chest, as I sobbed into his cold, hard lifeless, skin. ..........


	22. Renesmee 'Im a lily'

_I now increased the pounding. 'wack, wack, wack, wack' "Jacob.......Jacob.......Jacob" I screamed over and over again, my throat gave out and I whispered the last one "Jacob, please don't be Romeo. Be.....you now just come back" one final wack and the wait in silence to hope to hear the sudden breathing of a heart, but nothing._

_The tears escaped my eyes and I let my body fall hard on to Jacobs chest, as I sobbed into his cold, hard lifeless, skin. .........._

_* * * _

"Please 'Jakey' don't leave me, please. I need you. Jacob......" the sobbing filled my ears and I couldn't hardly hear anything which surrounded me. Just then someone placed there hand on the back of my shoulder.

"Nessie" spoke this voice. I think it was Carlisle.

"No! no, its too late." my voice broke again on the last word. It was still so hard to imagine.

"Nessie dear", I shrugged off his hand and positioned myself more so into Jacobs chest. "Just listen", confused by what he was saying I did. 'Bumbum' 'bumbum' it was the quiet sound of a heart beat. At first I thought that it was mine but then as I found myself listening more carefully - as the sobs subsided- and there is was the second weak- like my battered heart.

"Jacob?" I said as I looked up to find his face.

"Im not going anywhere Nessie, that was a hell of a wack" Jacob croaked out of his tired mouth. I threw my hands around his face so that we were at eye level, I climbed slighly on top of him.

"Oh Jake, Im sorry. Im sorry. Oh" I leaned in closer to his ear, "I love you. I do. It took me a while to realize. But I always have." With my weak and frail body I kissed his ear, then cheek, chin, and just before I reached his mouth he said.

"I love you too, Im so happy you aren't dead" and with that he smiled and lifted his head so that his now slightly warmer lips touched mine. Our lips became one as they curved around the others mouth perfectly. Im sure I heard my father let out a groan, but I didn't care.

I loved Jake and know the whole world was going to know- well not literately.

After a short time, we decided to catch out breaths, even though I felt like I could stay here forever I knew that we both needed some medical attention and then we could talk.

As I weakly looked around at the faces which stared back at us, I noticed that we were no longer the wolves or vampires but allies. They stood mixed. Paul near Emmett and Rose, Quill and Embry both stood either side of Jasper. Alice was still stood like a perfect small statue next to Seth- in fact she had her hand on his back. Carlisle, Esme, Mum and Dad surrounded Sam but were themselves surrounded by Jared, Leah and Collin. Leah was still abit uncomfortable about being around her alpha leader of whom she hurt.

"Carlisle.....Actually I want to thank all of you for what you have done for the past few days. Your support to me and your undisturbed search for Jacob is tremendous- but Jake is your brother so it was inevitable."

"Actually" Sam said, now in a happier tone than what I last heard him say, "You are family to Nessie, we would do the same if it was you instead of Jacob", just then my father- Edward- gave Sam a quick appreciative smile, my mother had reached out to squeeze his hand in thanks, and Sam was more than happy to let her do so. He continued, now looking at the head of our family Carlisle, "We also thank you for the energy you put in for our search, especially Alice who found them".

Wait Alice found us, but she came in later on with Jasper, I spoke up "How did Alice find us, her visions don't work and she arrived after my parents" I was a little confused.

"Yes well your aunt has a very cleaver mind, she doesn't like to give anyone thier privacy. Alice would you like to explain" My father said, Jacob tried to sit up. I slid off him, and we both propped each other up- with help from Sam who rushed to put a supportive hand on both of our backs. My father retrieved another blanket and put it on Jacob, and then sat on the floor by my feet. My mother took place at my back, after Sam moved his hand from my back but he kept hold on Jacob-it was her's which took his place.

Carlisle with some medical supplies in his hand came over to me and Jacob. He also sat on the floor by our feet. I stared at Alice as did Jacob, Jack grabbed my hand and placed it to his cheek then after kissing it both our hands fell and rested on the sand inbetween us. Carlisle was very quickly dabbing at the scrapes on my legs, and then moved on to my back- when he slighly lifted the top both of my parents groaned in aggony as if they had been the ones to hit the rock face. My father took over from Carlisle while Carlisle looked at Jacobs legs.

The both of us didn't look away from Alice who was now telling us her story, "well, I don't mean to invade anyones privacy," She said this and scowled at my father-pulled a tongue- and then continued on, she skippped more closely to us. The wolves all sat on the floor surrounding us- it was like a protective circle when Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie did the same. "I just care thats all" she paused.

"We know that Alice, but how did you find us"

"Well do you know that I-pod?"

"Yes the one you gave me for my birthday" I pulled it out of my bra- Jacob looked away trying to be a gentleman, and my father seemed to be happy by that gesture. It was a little water logged, "oops, I didn't know I was going swimming"

"Dont worry about that now- I always buy spares, even on birthday presents. But I was a little sneekie with that present." I looked at the dripping wet I-pod and then back to Alice's now anxious face.

"Alice just say it, I could never be mad at you."

"Well I sort of installed a......a.....tracking device into it. Thats why I kinda insured that I gave it you to earlier on, but I did also want to see your face for the pressie"

I actually couldn't be angry with Alice because, Firstly- even though the others find her sometimes to be annoying I just love her unbelievably she's just so chipper, and secondly this tracker seems to have save our lives to day.

She continued to say in a blabble "Well and when you left your phone, and Edward and Bella were ringing and ringing you- even all of us tried. Then Emmett and Rose found your phone, because both myself Jaz and your parents were to far out to get to you in time." she then glanced at Rose as if for her to tell the rest of the story.

"Ouch" I called, when Carlisle put some solution on to the wounds, Jacob held my hand tighter and shuffled more over to me, but again all frightened faces came onto my face. "It's ok just stings like a 'daisy', continue on. Rosie was it" Just before Rosie spoke, Carlisle turned to me and Jacob.

"It would be better if we were at our home so that I would have all of the equipment needed. You guys need some serious stitches, and I would like to perform a full body medical examination seeing as you are both more human than normal, well our version of normal" a few muted giggles soared through the crowds of ....of family. Yes I did want to listen to the story, but Carlisle was right and he did have a anxious tone in his voice.

My father then spoke to me, "you have been......you body has been thought a lot and it would make us all feel more 'happier' if you did all this Ness.....Jacob you too." he then stroked my cheek and wrapped his arms around my mother. It was so gentle that it didn't even effect her supporting me.

"Ok sure, Rosie"

"Yes"

"Will you tell us during the examination?"

"If you wish me too"

"Yes, I am happy to hear the story. Its been a lot today that its all getting hazy"

She flashed a smile. "I will look forward to tell you the 'great' story of how we nearly lost you for the second time"

"Rosie"

"Yes"

"Im not that easy to get rid of, Im like a weed that wont go away" I gave them the best smile which I could muster.

"I wouldn't call you a weed, more like a gracefull beautiful lilly.......don't you agree Jacob" my father said that to me, and did he just include Jacob. Bless he was trying. I peered around and gave him a sweet 'daughter- father smile' and looked at Jacob as he answered.

"No question about it."


	23. Renesmee 'so much to say to you'

Review please and a big thanks to those who already have- it means so much to me to hear your thoughts. WARNING this is a very wordy chapter but it is tying off some ends. I can't find it easily to jump wide gaps when there is so much to be said. Love you all- of those who read this and especially share your thoughts, "im sorry if I make any mistakes"lol I keep writing Jack instead of Jake.

* * *

OK so embarrassingly when I had tried to stand up I literately lost my balance straight away. So from then on I remember being carried so carefully by my father- with my mother by our sides. The other 'Cullens'- its easier to say that than all of their names- also ran behind us.

Just like me Jake also found himself in a weak position- we're going to be a great couple aren't we, a pair of old fragile biddies'. But he huffed and puffed his manliness when Sam said that he was going to carry him. But a suggestion from me and Jake literally can't disobey it. So I had Emmett carry him. 'It was so funny' Jake carried like a baby.

Aww his manliness took a blow today. Any way we returned to our house in very quick time. We rushed past the front garden and to my surprise I found it back to normal- there was no sign that a party had even taken place. Obviously vampires have too much time on their hands- well when I was unconscious that is, must have been keeping busy with worry- I must remember to thank them as I wasn't the only one under emotional strain today, certainly with all the actions I pulled.

Me and Jacob were taken upstairs, the large room which I had been in earlier today- the last time I had seen Jacob- it did bring back some painful memories ' I sent him away' when I would have rather him seen me in pain rather than leave, then he got punched my my father, was told that I was dead, try to slice open his wrists, run away, jump of a cliff, nearly-well actually drown, die, then come back to life........whoa he has had as much as a busy day as any of us.

Once we were sat nicely on individual beds and even though I was still so close I wanted to be in his arms again- never to part- Carlisle started his probing again. The large room became very crowded as everyone and I mean everyone was in there. Sam had by now called Emily, who had called Billy who had brought a worried Sue (only of he Son), who called every one else- but thankfully they all didn't want to come aswell- the only family member who wasn't here was Charlie- I think no one wanted to worry him with the 'need to know' information.

So in this room we had, myself, Jacob, 'Edward aka dad, Bella aka mom, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Sam, Emily, Billy, Sue Clearwater, Seth, Paul, Embry, Quil- who had clair on his back (brought by Emily), Jared, Collin. - Im glad I didnt have to say that out loud because I would be out of breath right now, anyway the only person not here was Leah oh and Brady who was apparently on holiday with his grandparents, Sue obviously was only here for the 'Jacob' support group as she still wasn't happy with us vamps.

"Right guys this is ridiculous, you don't all need to be here. I know that you may want to show your support or what ever but this is far out- beyond space ridiculous. We're not going anywhere as it seems you have a large say in that. Look Sam why don't you take the boys" Sue cleared her throat, "and the ladies and relax. Your bound to be as tired as I am, Esme maybe you would like to offer our guests some food. They look famished, look at Seth he is wasting away" I laughed with the others, not seth though- so young at heart.

"Ok Seth not literially wasting away." I said to him.

Esme said "What a lovely idea our way to say thank you for helping we can at least make sure that you are well fed."

A quiet voice followed it was Emily's "Would you like some help Esme, these boys do sure need a lot of food, and you need a kitchen full of chefs to make sure that there is enough" she let out a quiet laugh.

"That is so very kind, I appreciate your help." turning to me and in a flash was next to me, "My dearest Nessie my heart is healed now that I know that you are alright." she kissed my head.

"I am so very sorry" I said.

"You don't need to apologise, its just a unfortunate series of events which has occurred, but never blame yourself" Jacob let out a little sigh. "Nor you Jacob. Seeing as Nessie's new found feelings for you, you are as much part of our family now, so please dont you feel that this is your fault either." She went to hug Jacob but then hesitated when she thought it would be inappropriate but I feel from my pleading eyes- that he filled the space and the two shared a small hug.

With that done she skipped towards Emily and the two held hands as they walked out of the room, "I shall make your favourites" Emily said to both me and Jacob before she left. After them Sue, clair and the boys left- each of course saying bye in their own ways.

"By bro, Lock ness mon" Quil said with Clair repeating it after him.

Paul said looking at Jake "Bro.....Im.. Sorry, little Ness" Jake stuck out his clenched fist as did Paul and the two exchanged a knuckle 'knock' and then he left.

"Dude, your crazy over heels for this girl, but today I have actually seen it through your eyes. Just don't do that again ok" Embry said,

Jacob replied, "I don't know you would have to check with Ness first", I wanted to scowl at him, but found in my heart that I couldn't even jokily hate him today. So I replied.

"Well you never know Embry I may get bored of him.....someday." me and Jacob smiled at each other.

"No actually, sorry to say it Ness but you'll never going to get rid of me" Jacob was saying this human if he didnt actually turn back soon....if its possible-i think it is-.

"Yeh you say that like its hard, I just have to play dead" I thought that I had gone to far but Jacob laughed, I just wish I could say that same about my parents.

"True true" Jake said.

"Hey Emmett why dont you go and see if there is a match on. Im sure the boys would love that. Unless you give arm wrestles for those who dare to challenge you." a grin crossed his face.

"But Be careful Emmett, remember if you snap their arms off they can't be reconnected" My mother said.

Emmett charged out the room.

"Jasper, did you want to be the one to challenge him. Show the boys how it is done" I said, they knew that I was slowly reducing the amount of people in the room. So they seemed to play along. "Alice boys will be boys so....."

"So I need to show them how to do it" she said cheekily, grabbing Jazz's hand. They both fluttered over towards me and kissed me on each cheek. "Bye" and left.

Seth was the last to speak of the remaining wolves apart from Sam, -And Billy stood silent next to him-, before they went, "Urm Jacob. I know that you are human and all that. But you that you were a great leader" Sam gave him a slight gentle slap on the head and he stopped talking.

"Sams the better leader anyway" Jake told Seth.

All the wolves apart from Sam, left and in the room there was Rosie, Carlisle and my parents oh and quiet Billy.

Sam just looked at the brother he had almost lost today and turned to walk out the room with out saying anything, but it was Jacob which called after him, "Sam. Can I just say that......thanks", boys are so good at words aren't they.

"No need, blood brother" Sam said and then he left.

Carlisle had now put a cuff around my arm and was doing my blood pressure. The room was quiet until Rose spoke.

"Ok so you wanted me to tell you how we found you. Well we got a call from Alice and then we were on the next route to make sure that you were ok. So we were sent to find your phone by ringing it and listening to the sound. We were waiting for Alice and Jaz to return to the house to go on the computer so they could see the tracker. We found your phone around the mut.....Jacobs house. We didn't know why you had left your phone. So we tried your scent, and it stopped where we could also faintly smell Jacob. But before we could go any further we got the call from a panicked Alice and straight away ran for the cliff top." Both she and my parents looked pained by this part. My father sat on the floor followed by my mother.

"Well when we got there we could smell that you had gone over the edge. So we both jumped in. It was hard as we couldn't see you both at first on the surface that was, we dove very deep and to our greatest luck we found you both."

"We were under the water" I interrupted.

"Yes" Rose said. My mother fidgeted and my fathers hand stroked her cheek. "we brought you to the sand very quickly. It was then we were approached by the the mutts...sorry Sam and Seth. They took over for Jacob, Emmett ran to get the message out to carlisle as our phones were wet from the water. But one thing which I must apologise for my dear Nessie is that I froze. Not normal for me, but I couldn't see you like that I couldn't -so Seth took over. Whats even worse was that I couldn't stay to watch a dog slobber over you...."

"Rose its ok I understand. No harm done. You saved us"

"Yes nice work blondie, your not as dumb as you look" Jake said jokily.

"Jake" I said to him.

"But even so, I have the rest of time to make up for it" rose said.

"You truly dont Rosie" I held my arms out for a hug and she immediately curled up into my body. "I love you Rose, Thank you" she kissed my forehead and returned to the corner of the room and watched me.

"Whats wrong Carlisle?" my father suddenly asked. My mother blinked in horror and watched Carlisle in terror.

"Nothing Its just amazing" Carlisle said. He was looking at me, my father looked like he was listening hard to Carlisle's thoughts and my mother wasn't liking the fact that she wasn't in on it.

"What is it" she said impatiently.

"She's.....sure she's hurt on the outside. Like the scrapes and cuts, oh and her cold skin temperature. But on the inside it seems to have heeled faster." He said.

"What does that mean?" Jacob asked, he was now as curious.

"It seems that she is healing from the inside out. Yes it is a worry that we found out that her skin can bleed, but we never tried it before and sure you may have eaten lions but I feel that you were to fast to get scratched. But even though your heart has been under such strain, you fell from a cliff edge onto a jagged rock" both my father and Jacob winced, "on the inside you should have internal bleeding, something, some sign. But it seems that you have no sign of trauma at all. Just the tales on your skin."

"So even though Im more fragile than what we thought, Im not?" I said confused.

"It seems to be. Scientifically you should be dead but your not. Even with vampires and wolves to save you you -still unfortunately should be dead. But I wonder...."

"No" my father shouted.

"I know my son, it was just a medical thought. You know we would never sit back and not try if heaven forbid this happens again" Carlisle responded. Before I had time to ask i was interrupted with Carlisle again. "Jacob you too are lucky. It seems that the remaining wolve inside your body resurrected you. If you had jumped any later I fear you wouldn't have been so lucky. So I am perfectly happy that you to are both fine. Of course I will watch over your vitals tonight and give you morphine for the cuts on your skin's but you are as they say 'ok'."

And with that he left.

"What was it which you said 'no' to dad?" I asked.

"It was nothing you need to worry about" he said. "Now you two get some rest, even though it hurts us to do so, we shall leave to give you two some quiet time. But Nessie try not to make a replay of what stress you have put us under today a regular thing. I tell you you'd be the death of me" my father said.

I giggled from the last comment "Well Im glad thats not possible because you would have died a long time ago. I love you both with all my heart. Your my parents and even though I may be trouble sometimes like a true half vampire teen- which is mainly around me nearly dying- I do love you and I hate myself for even putting this stress on you."

"Well I love you soo much my darling little girl. You mean the world to me." My mother almost cooed. They both hugged me and gave me kissed me. With one final drag on Rosalie's arm the rest of my related family left.

Billy was the only one left. I had almost forgotten him cause he was so silent. He wasn't a man of words so I knew this was to be short "My son, I am glad you are ok. As you are too Nessie. You are always welcome back into the 'tribe' when you feel you want to join. Love you son"

"Love you to dad. Make sure you hug Rachel for me- though Im sure Paul is already doing that, and I will join as soon as I can" and with that they exchanged a look and then he left. It felt so better knowing that Jacob would soon be immortal again. Now all that was left was me and him and I knew I had a lot to say..... I felt stronger and as I looked down at my arm I knew that I was healing faster than a human but slower than a Wolf. So at least that was something.

"Jake........."

* * *

If you made it through this chapter well done! I apologise that it was wordy but it was tying off some lose ends now we can get to the next chapter which was bubbling in my head last night. Jacob and Nessie finally get to talk through things properly. Please make some reviews what you thought of that main story line. but dont fret I have much more to come- I did say at the beginning that I loved drama and I still have to get to my preface at the start of chapter one.

Review please and a big thanks to those who already have- it means so much to me to hear your thoughts. P.s I have received such lovely comments that it just makes my Day to hear your reactions to my stories xxxx


	24. AUTHORS NOTE

_Hey this is just a little note, just to tell you that I have another story which will be the same as this story but will begin again from others POV, check it out in my stories it will include POV's from Jacob, Edward, Bella and many many more._

_Thanks so much for those who are reading these stories and the lovely reviews- dont fret this story will still continued on as normal._

_thanks xxx_


	25. Renesmees ending but beginning

The room was now quiet, I had tried to speak but nothing else came out apart from his name. I felt slightly better now that it seemed the worse of today had ended and I was finally alone with Jacob for the first safe time again.

I swung my legs off the bed and walked over to him- my injuries felt slighly better. My muscles had relaxed and my temperature seemed like it was back to normal, the wounds on my legs were now wound up tight (closed) and I was in little pain.

Jacob was looking at me with his wide dark eyes, they did not show anxiousness, nor sadness they seemed to beam joy. He also turned on his bed and now had his legs dangling over the edge. He shone a gleaming smile at me and I returned the gesture.

"So do you want to talk about what happened, and the hopefully we can forget all the things of what has happened in the past few days" I said. I just wanted to get this out the way, to clear up the mishaps of todays incidents.

"I dont think I can forget" he said, this tore threw me. Was he going to remember the terrible pain which I had felt when I'd thought I'd lost him forever. Of course I cannot completely forget and it will always be with me. But Im really not a person who tries to hang on to the painful memories when some good ones had clearly come out of today.

"Look I understand that its been a rough day......." he interrupted me.

"Ness, I wont remember it because of ....... and ......well. I will remember it because it was the first day you kissed me and said you loved me" Jacob said. He pulled me into his arms and we shared a tight hug. My heat was radiating onto his now cooler human skin. "mmmm my lovely warm Lock ness monster" he continued on to say.

"Well thats all I will remember of this day, because it is true, and I meant every word. I wasn't just saying it because I might have lost you there and then. What has come out of this day has finally taken the blindfold off my heart and .......Jake......is it to early to say that its yours?" I waffled it out, but Its true like I thought early on was it now that we are just naturally dating or just plain out boyfriend and girlfriend. I suppose I would like to start as original as possible- even though we aren't original and nor is saying I love you part of the early stages of a romance, I guess it will just be a mystery until I hear someone actually speak the words 'girlfriend or boyfriend' but words or not, it didn't matter either way I belonged to him.

"Nessie" he whispered leaning closer to my ear. He brushed the strands of hair away and his lips grazed my cheek. Then his lips spoke, "I gave you my heart ages ago. It is always yours to keep".

After what it felt like hours of silently staring into his eyes, I broke the silence. "Jake......"

"Shhhh.......We lived through it now we dont have to repeat it." He said in a carming voice, and that was it. That was exactly what I was going to ask, I felt my heart skip a beat. We were more in tuned now....surprisingly.

His lushous lips broke mine apart and we kissed like it was the first time, and again and .....again. His perfect warm breath flew over my face and my cheeks burned a slight pink blush. I was utterly spell bound by this fairy tale ending. We had survived the hard part and what was just left was just the happily ever after.......................or was it? I lay in Jacobs arms while we both watched the sunset.

* * *

I hope you like this simple ending to what has happened. I didn't feel that they would endlessly talk about loosing each other- but just instead simple said 'i love you'. This will be slightly mentioned again in future chapters as a memory.

Hope you liked this Jacob and Ness little hiccup. In future chapters I will involve ness with some other characters. If you enjoyed then please drop a comment as I am all ears. xxxxx


	26. A year later, where to start?

One year later...... two days before Renesmee's birthday .

I asked very kindly of Alice not to do anything to dramatic this year- thought the dramatic part had been down to me- she did sulk for a little bit and even though that broke my heart to see, I think that she knew deep down that it was best after the drama that had gone on. So anyway here I am standing with Alice, while she prepares my casual dress for the small and immediate family 'gathering' that was to take place in two nights time.

The birthday 'stuff' was to be kept to a minimal, but this didn't go too well with every one so therefore I stated that I would individually go to each of them one by one on the day. Then they could individually give me hugs, kiss, gifts.......yada yada. I did suggest at first that they should just get me gifts as couples but no if Alice was not allowed to have a party she was to be damned if I wasn't getting extra attention- which meant one to one meetings with basically every one- and yes even Alice was going to create 'A non-birthday related schedule'. - I had to give her somethings to do- and it was this intention to keep the birthday craziness down.

After last year, Sam nor Emily didn't reschedule their wedding. Not that they didn't want to get married they just wanted to get 'settled' again as Emily had put- I still don't know exactly what that had meant and I didn't press the matter further either- so sometime in the future it would happen, but that doesn't help the little bit of guilt I have for contributing to the hold off of it.

My parents had just left a few minuets ago, they had left with Carlisle and Esme to go hunting, and even though they hated- especially to go far away- they couldn't how shall we say 'eat' nearby anymore. The populations of the animals were not at a stong enough level, so as an emergency only are we too go hunting nearby. They forever tried to convince me to go, but since last year I tried my hand at more 'human foods'

I found that I really like eggs, fish, meats, and some sugar fantastic foods like, sweets (candy) and chocolate, cookies and cakes. They seem to be the only things which so far I have found to fill my hunger. Carlisle laughts saying I am the most lucky teenager in the world because I dont have to be force fed veg and fruit simple because it does me no help when apparently to the human race they are the bare healthy essentials.

I have to hunt around about twice a month, because we found that when I didn't I became more week and slighly ill- I got chills and aches. So I have my days planned, and today was not a day to go- even though it does no harm to have a extra grizzly or lion, but my favourite has to be fox. There is just something in its blood which makes it so sweet and I find that I prefer the smaller animals. I am glad that I started trying more foods because I am now more able to fit in with the human race. I make the rest of my family less conspicuous to the our side world and Charlie likes it when out of my family I am the only one who is able to comment on his tasty fish-of which he caught earlier that morning.

Yes I have started seen Charlie more often now, for some reason since I stopped growing. Im so glad that due to me we were able to stay longer in Forks, but since my dramatic 'growing up' I am the Cullens new adopted daughter- this is because we couldn't have the outside world see me change day by day, so I have been in hiding to the outside world, apart from the La Push gang of wolves and 'knowers of the secrets' and Charlie. Im so glad that I wasn't kept from Charlie. Sure I remember him being more and more shocked when he saw me grow but Im treated no different- he is actually kinda cool.

Alice snapped me out of my thoughts "So what do you think" she eyed the dress up and down and spun me around so that I could see myself in the mirror.

"Oh Alice its lovely. Not OTT but still special. I love it", it was very nice and as I said this she bubbled in happiness. It was just above my knees, and was a beautiful ocean blue color- it matched my dark brown eyes perfectly- it was joined with a cream silk wrap, which hung around my shoulders- a simple summers dress but perfect for a casual evening gathering.

"Im so glad, of course I knew you would like it. I didn't see my self returning it, or throwing it away or even wearing it myself." she buzzed with excitement, a piece of thread which had been hanging off the bottom of the dress was snipped elegantly off by Alice.

"I don't think you need to be psychic to know what I like, I like what you like- its the style thing we share" I said gleaming a smile at her.

"Well I have taught you well"

"ok so ...." I looked down and wiggled my toes, "Shoes?"

"Oh yes. Here you are" and with one swift movement she put some simple black shoes on my feet, they had a slight heel also great for the evening. "Well what do you think of them?"

"They are nice black shoes"

"Nice black shoes" she repeated. "Those aren't just any old shoes, they are Jimmy choo" she rolled her eyes when she saw my 'uninterested expression'.

"Does it matter who made them, I love anytype of shoes, whether they were made by Johnny Shoe" she interrupted me.

"JIMMY CHOO" she almost shouted.

"Ok, ok Jimmy Choo, but I couldn't care less if they were made by a hobo as long as they lookfashionable!" and with that I kissed her on the cheek, "thanks for the dress" and walked out to get changed out of it and put it in my own wardrobe at the cottage. Im sure I heard her say _'she still needs to be taught about fashion names'. _

* * *

I hoped you like this beggining, like the first chapter it is just another starting off point- dont worry Im not going to do another party fiasco. xxxxx


	27. human Jakes got me worried

I was sat dreamily on the edge of couch, Emmett was watching a football game- Im really not interested in who was playing- and Jasper and Alice were in the background arranging flowers in the dinning room for our family gathering- even though we still had two days left- I can't imagine that Jasper is having any fun prodding at the bouquet of flowers he is holding but im sure he is more than happy to help Alice.

Rosalie ran down the stairs in a flash and towards me,

"Ok" she said in her beautiful toned voice, "I have curling irons and straighteners. Which one do you want?" she asked holding one in each hand towards me.

"Erm, I don't know. Alice what do you think? "I called through the lounge to the dinning room. I knew I didn't have to shout, but I did anyway.

"Curling irons" she called back with out even being disturbed, she continued on her flower arranging session.

"Irons it is then" I smiled at Rosalie and followed after her as she made her way back up the stairs towards her personal bathroom. Yes it was usually Alice which liked to fluff and prep me, but we were basically doing this for fun. I usually wasted time while I waited for Jacob to return from school. He still attended his school on reservation, and I was growing bored with the home schooling I was receiving- well if you can call it home schooling, anyway who wants to think about school- it was only going to be a few more months until I was to start my first day of secondary school- and even though I would be in the same class as half of my family I still looked forward to be able to interact more with the humans.

I sat on a high salon type chair while Rosalie pulled out my hair band and let my already slighly curvy hair fall over my shoulders.

"Rose"

"Hmm" she said while she quickly plug in the curling irons and was almost impatient by the slow heating of them.

"Can we work on my shield later?" I asked sweetly. A few weeks ago, my father thought that because he couldn't read my mind then I may possess a ability similar to my mothers. I told him that my mind was just broken, and had been passed down from mother to daughter- because my ability was to touch and pass on my thoughts. Though I seemed to be using it less and less lately, there is just no reason too when I can simply talk. Of course it is great when you can pass secret messages on but in our house hold thats a problem as well due to father patrol. But he says that there is always a chance that there is something we are missing, I also think it is just another time killer, for when I constantly ask when is Jake coming over.

"Yes, If you want to. But as you know im not really any help in that department due to my lack of ability. But I soppose it is only really yourself which you need to practise, so yes I would love too" She said as she pulled the first warm curl from the iron and placed it around my face.

"Rose"

"What is it Ness?"

"Do you think I will ever get married?" I asked, to be honest I was just making girly conversations. I was sure any minute now we would pull out 'The Notebook' and have a good cry to it.

"Im sure you will some day, why do you ask?"

"To be honest Im just worried about Jake" I said, looking away because this was a little worried spot for me.

"How so?"

"Well he hasn't gone back to his immortal self yet, and I don't want to ask him because he keeps saying to me that he likes to get a little older. But I always feel that that is a truth but not the full truth and it is not fair if I always use my imprinting to question him on a subject he truly doesn't want to discuss."

"and your worried you may need to marry him before his human self is lost to the world" she said as she took another strand of hair.

"Hell no, He's not leaving me ever. I want to know so we could decide whether he should be changed into a vampire" I said back to her.

She crumpled her face a little- I think it was the thought of her having Jake as her 'brother' per say. "Im not sure that is something he would want to become. Especially that its his nature to kill vampires" she looked at me and added, "Human eating vamps".

"Do you really think he would choose humanity over, being immortal again" over being with me was what I wanted to add, sure of course I knew that I was the apple in his eye as he was the one in mine. But it worried my so much while he was human, maybe im just being silly. Maybe he does just want to age a little. He say's he wants to be a year or so older than me- but I told him it wasn't necessary.

"I truly don't know, sweet Nessie. This is something you will have to resolve with him. I am sorry that I can't give you anymore than that" She said, while giving me a hug-from the back.

I watched her as she finished my hair in silence. It ripped my stomach, - anything could happen to Jake when he is human and thats what worried me. The fear and memory of loosing him once before.

Once Rose had finished I thanked her for lovely hair. She asked me if there was anything I wanted as she was going down stairs for a moment and I told her that I would like a drink.- the only human drink I will consume is strawberry milk, don't ask me why- and I already get stick off Emmett as he calls me a milk drinking baby. But I love it and my family are supportive with any human food I eat. Though when Esme does the grocery shopping I can imagine the looks she gets when she buys extra junk food.

I was alone in the room, and was messing around with some of the products on the counter. I was taking the lids of on creams, and gels and .......some sticky glupe when I accidentially knocked the curling iron of the counter onto the floor.

I jumped happily- as I could be- off the chair and bent down to get it. That is when my hand touched the wrong still 'hot' end of the iron.................

* * *

Ok readers I hope you like it- its not as dramatic as the other chapters but 'All good things come to those who wait" lol, I really wanted to write something very happy, but my mind was blank so here we go again some action, but it will sill contain happiness. Jacob bit is coming up soon. ......xx


	28. It burns but I like it!

_I jumped happily- as I could be- off the chair and bent down to get it. That is when my hand touched the wrong still 'hot' end of the iron................._

The ice hot metal sizzled my skin, I could feel the throbbing pain travel through my hand. I knew that I should draw my hand a way as quickly as possible, but something kept it there..just for a while longer. My heart was racing, and even though the pain was getting unbearable I knew that I have had worse and for some strange reason I was not shocked by my 'want' to keep holding it- to keep the pain going.

Finally I let go when I could hear Rosalie making her way back up the stairs, I quickly returned the curling iron back to the counter and propped myself back on the high chair after spritzing the room with some perfume.

I couldn't let Rose see my hand- because I hate the panic that would come with it- so I sat on both of my hands- not in a unusual way, but bored way- and then she entered the room.

My hand was throbbing more so now as the pain was now continually burning like I had still kept it on- as was now still holding it- it was grating against my rough jeans and even though my body was screaming 'get some pain relief' but my heart- or at least mind- did not want to.

Its hard to explain, it felt like in that second of instant pain- all other worries, or dilemmas or even conscious unimportant thoughts disappeared and it rolled into this one more dominate pain.

I have not felt any pain- physical- since a year ago with all that mess- which I don't even want to think about again, Rose snapped me out of my daydream of thoughts.

"Hey. If you must know Jake is here" she said not impressed.

"Really where?" I asked a little bit more excited.

"At the cottage. I really don't like being a servent. I do not answer to dogs" she said a little bitter.

"Yes, but you say it because its me. Thanks for the hair Rose" I said while I was running out of the door. But then I stopped in my tracks, he would notice if I was hiding my hand from him, I had been lucky that Rose was so frustrated with being angry at Jake that she didn't notice me slipping my hand into my pocket- but Jake would.

I creeped towards Carlisle office- no one would actually think twice about me coming in here because basically we were allowed every where. Seeing as no secrets are ever kept- except for a few- that we all thought there is no matter is having personal spaces- 'every one is allowed everywhere', I once heard Carlisle say to Rosalie when she was shouting at Alice for going through her wardrobe-so luckily no one would think twice about my scent in Carlisle's office, not even Carlisle.

I approached the large wooden door and forced it open, I then closed it after myself. I dragged my non-frassled hand over some of the books so I would have a excuse if someone was to ask out of curiosity.

I made my way to his large wooden desk, and sat down on his midnight black leather chair. It was not a strange feeling me being sat here, I usually have been here before. I have spent many hours here with Carlisle I sort of have my history lessons here- he tells me some stories of the past, all involving vampire history and human history, and some from members of our family. We've not come to any interesting parts yet, but he has said that he would like me to ask my fellow family members individually about their pasts- sort of like a 'homework' assignment.

I opened up his bottom draw and pulled out a small medical kit- this was rarely used because Carlisle always had his big black case with him, so no one would notice that some materials were lost from here-, As I opened the box, I could smell the new freshness of bandages and antibacterial solution. Grabbing the solution I splashed some on my raw red hand, yes it stung a little but I found it exhilarating, so I splashed some more on for the same feeling.

It didn't seem to worry me about this new found likeness to pain, but I thought nothing of it at the time and I wasn't going to waste my time thinking when my beautiful Jacob was waiting for me.

I wasn't going to bandage my hand up because that would be very noticeable. I just wanted to clean it before I was to cover it up, placing the materials back into the box I caught the glimpse of something shiny. When I examined it closer I found it to be one of Carlisle's scalpels, but I was just wondering why it was he needed a scalpel in a house full of vampires.

After putting away the box, I began to leave when I tought it would be best to take a book with me- then at least I can do some reading tonight. I grabbed a dusty old book, one which I have not read before because I didn't recognise the sea green colour but I didn't stop to take a look- not even at the title.

After entering Alice's bathroom I had grabbed the nearest piece of make up that would cover my skin and also match my ivory skin. I rubbed it in and was actually pleased with the result, I could even have forgotten that I was there myself, if it wasn't squealing in pain to my nerves- but again worryingly that didn't bother me, I thought nothing big of it.

I skipped past Emmett and Jasper who were now wrestling in the front yard, I called out "who's winning",

"I am" Jasper gracefully blasted out.

"In your dreams" Emmett boomed over Jasper, and he followed that with a cheeky grin.

I ran towards the cottage, the wind was ruffling though my curls, and my heart jumped a beat when I found him standing outside waiting.......

* * *

I would like to hear your thoughts on this chapter- it is one just leading on to something else. I can't just immediately jump into the action. Comment please- I am so worried that these are crap.......xxxxx


	29. Not even I was ready for this

"Jake" I called and ran straight into his open arms. He picked me up and held me more closer to his body. I looked into his eyes, "Hi". I smiled and then moved in for a kiss.

"Hey, Ness", his face turned and his full lips pressed gently against my lips and we kissed. Electric impulses shot from my lips though the rest of my body- just like every time I kiss him-and I almost fainted into his muscly chest- from a major head rush- again something usual for me, but this was nothing he recognised as he was too far human to notice the little differences in me.

We walked hand in hand into the cottage towards my bedroom. He sat on the floor at my feet and I sat on the edge of the bed, his head rested on my lap. I stroked his shaggy hair and then I had a flash of memories from his wolf days- I missed the lovely big brown soft wolf-. "I miss your......" I stopped, he probably wouldn't want me to say '_I miss your wolf shape' _so I rephrased "I missed you, how was class?"

"I missed you too Ness" He said as he got onto his knee's and leaned forward and kissed me again on the lips. Once he had finished he continued on to say, "I always miss not being able to kiss you, Im sure I was day dreaming and Quill had to kick me just before I kissed him!" He said, I loved it when he told funny exasperated stories, "School was.......school. Truly there's nothing to be excited about until the bell rings and I run back to see you".

His big brown eyes met mine and I stroked his cheek with my sore hand, I flinched a little and he noticed, "Ness?" he suddenly said. His hands took mine and he looked at the pale palm. "What's......." He took his finger and stroked it over the make up patch, he then looked at his finger and saw the make up on the tip of it. He kissed the palm and looked at me for an explanation.

Busted, he is much more observant that what I gave him credit for, I pulled my hand away and pretended to look at it myself. "Make up, you know Alice" I said to him, hoping it was the make up he was questioning. He replied nothing more, "So what do you want to do" I pulled my book which I had stuffed in my back pocket out and threw it on the bed, it bounced off and landed on the floor.

We both laughed, "Your coordination is just like your mothers- when she was human" Jake spluttered out.

I spanked him on the back, "Hey. Im not that bad. I meant to do that" I said.

He laughed even more, and his teeth made a his usual adorable toothy grin, "Sure you did". He settled himself back onto the floor and I slithered off the bed onto his lap and into his arms. "So you said you wanted to do something"

"Yes. Do you want to go for a drive, or a walk or......." I said, when he interrupted.

"Can we go for a drive I really want to have a ride in the Ferrari. I like your hair by the way" he said while pulling on one of the loose curls.

"Ahhh, trying to persuade me by commenting on my hair" I replied.

"Trying to butter you up. Is it working", He said.

I paused trying to make it like I was thinking hard. "hmm. Sure lets go for a drive." I looked into his excited eyes.

On the walk to the garage Jake then whispered in my ear, "I do like the hair" as he said that he took in a whiff of my hair- he likes this lime and lemon shampoo I use.

"I know you do......" and with that he kissed my cheek and we walked with our arms interlocking around each others back.

Jasper and Emmett were still in the front yard. It looks like they have moved on to fighting with arms behind the back, its funny to watch how we amuse ourselves. I waved to them knowing that they couldn't wave back- I giggled to myself when I saw Emmett trying to make a waving jesture with his leg and then Jasper taking advantage to knock him over.

"Going for a drive" I said, very casually knowing that they would be able to hear as crystal clear as if I were to say it into their own ears. Me and Jake broke off our grasp on each other and climbed into the car. I of course in the drivers seat- because human Jake didn't have the fast responses to be able to drive fast- which is what we both wanted to do.

Its winter so the nights are coming in fast and it is already getting dark, but thats no problem for me. I tightly grasped both of my hands over the steering wheel- ignoring the slight sting from my hand and started the engine. The car purred ever so slightly and as I sped away from the house I could feel Jake's excitement rub off onto me as the trees blurred past the car windows.

We drove invisable to the naked eye through Forks, towards the more 'country style mud roads' were we could go super fast. The car was silent for a while and I could here is fast beating heart and increased breathing.

"Enjoying yourself" I said glancing over towards him.

"Sure, Its not just the car I love" He said smiling back. We had found it that there was no need to rush through questions or conversations because we would have the rest of our lifes for that- '_let them come as they may' _he had said one day. So sitting in silence was nice and not uncomfortable. It was nice just to be sitting here next to him.

I swerved and dodged the small mud roads, I looked down and saw that we were doing 80 miles per hour. But even though Jacob once explained that when he looked out the window it was a blur of dizzying colours to me it was just like I was walking calmly down the road.

To me the tree's did not blend in one mass of colour, I could still see one bird flying over head, or the single rabbit head poking out of his burrow in the woods next to us.

Suddenly to fast for even me to see, a figure stepped out into the road right in front of the direction we were driving. I tried to halt the car or swerve around the dark figure but it was too late- for even my vampire reactions, and before I could even realise our car smashed hard- sending everything into a mess of destruction..................

* * *

Ok finally some action, this is a little thing which will lead on to two separate things to happen to ness which will then move onto a major thing which I have planned. Hope you are enjoying and this gives you some excitement about what is to come.


	30. I will always be with you

I could hear a loud banging sound, and as I came to realize more so where I was it began to increase in sound- getting louder and louder......

I opened my eyes slowly, At first all I could see was a dark cloud of smoke. It was trickling in throughout the car and was thick and heavy. My eyes drifting open and close I realised that I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I shook my head as a way to wake myself up, and nearly jumped when I heard the next bang.

It was on my car door side. As I peered out I found a face that would be the joy in this nightmare. It was Jake, he was wacking the window with his wrist. _Bang, bang, bang. _

_"_Jake" I croaked out thought the thick fog.

"Nessie" He shouted back and I could then hear him run around what was left of the front of the car and climbed in throught his open door. As I looked I could see that his side of the car was perfectly untouched.

It was when I looked at the side of my car when It looked wrecked. I remember seeing something in the middle of the road- but having no idea what it was because it came in view so fast that the only reaction time I had was to skid the car sideways and for myside of the car to take the hit and I ensured that Jacob was as safe- as he could be.

The ringing of the broken engine was buzzing in my ears making it more harder to focus on what was happening now. Why is it always near my birthday when stuff like this has to happen? Is my birthday cursed?

Jacob had climbed in close to me know and had turned my face so that he was cradling it between his hands. "Are you ok?" I asked him.

"Yes. But I wish we could say the same about you" He said with red worried eyes looking back at me. "Where is your mobile Nessie?" He asked me more anxious now.

"In my left pocket, but theres nothing wrong with me" ok I lied a little, and even though I felt like I had a few cuts and bruises, I felt fine. He looked at me more worried as he stepped back out of the car.

"Ness Im just going to be over here. If you feel anything, any change tell me ok?" He asked.

"Yes, yes" I croaked out over the more intense thicking black smoke. The dark smoke had taken up every visible inch of the car. It was coating everything and was intoxicating to my lungs. The dense smoke and car fumes was also making it hard to breath as it dragged its way down my throat into my lungs -polluting them-, I could feel my lungs shrivel with the thin air and I found my self trying to gasp for clean air but failed as there wasn't any.

I tried to listen to Jake but my ears filled with a sloshy sound and muffled his conversation. "Jake, What did I hit" I was worried as it had looked like a person. What if I had hit a person at the speeds I was going. They would have immediately been battered and forced miles away. A big lump entered my throat and I tried to speak again by foufn that I only let out a worried sob.

I was glad that Jacob seemed ok, he only seemed to have a few minor scrapes on himself. So at least I wasn't going to have to worry if he was going to die because I just could't have that on my conscious again- nor do I feel that my bruised heart could handle more heart ache, when involving Jake.

I could feel that my legs felt a little tingly and cold, but I assumed that was because of the hole in my NEW FERRARI- Dad is going to flip, actually from the waste down I feel a bit weird......

I slowly tilted my head down and was horrified by what I saw. I tried to move and this time a stabbing pain shudded its way through my body. I almost retched from the pain, It was the worse I have ever felt. I let out a cry in agonony. This seemed to alert Jake he ran to me with the phone pressed against his ear, he climbed back in and carefully cupped my hand.

The black smoke had begun to blow out of the open car door, and as I looked more at my stomach I could see that a wide and thick shiny piece of plastic. It was sticking at a vertical angle out of my torso, it had speared its way- from the car- into my pale skin. Jake looked at me in the eyes, I could see the pain and fear I had once seen before. The day when we thought we were both going to drown. I dragged that painful memory from my mind and focused on the situation at hand.

The cold ness was crawling its way up though my body, "Jake" I now splutted out, "Dont we get ourselves in......" My lip quivered- a sign of the past repeating itself- and I continued to stutter out, "a...a lot of.... ttroubble", I looked into his pleading eyes, I couldn't hear the other side of the conversation but Jake automatically dropped the phone when I then said, "I need..... .....pull it ooouut...."

"No" he immediatley cried out, "You can't wait for.....just wait. Please" he continued to plead.

"It may heal faster. Like the other time.......I heal on the inside..." I spluttered out. Coughing my way through the smoke and then retreating by breathing heavily. I wasn't going to waste my time worrying about whether I was going to die, I have already given my heart and soul into that before, and now I have had so much to be happy for. Every single say for a year Iv'e been able to tell the man I love how I feel, I have spent nearly every day with him and I couldn't be happier. Yes there are some ups and downs- some little worried- but I have realized that just stop worrying and life.

Spend your life with the ones you cherish and then be grateful for the time which you have spent with them when it is your time to go. Now I don't know whether I can die? and I know that if there was anything in the whole world my family would find away, but I need to get off my chest just so that there isn't a repeat of last year.

"Jake" he was trying to put his arms around me with out causing me pain. I looked into his eyes and seriously said, "I need you to promise me something"

"Nessie please....." He said

"No, please. Now Im getting out of this- im sure thats what my body will ensure. But what ever happens please, please do not do anything stupid. .......You know what I mean." I said almost choking on the last words.

"Yes" he whispered. He pushed his head into my hair, and Im sure that I heard a little sob,

"One last thing, take care of everyone- if I do......die" he shivered when I said that word, "and make sure that you tell them I love them and that they should not follow me......ok"..

"Ok" He pulled his head around so he was looking me in the eyes. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips, when he realized that I was cold he took of his jacket and wrapped it around me- as best as he was able to.

I was fully alert now. More so than what I have been since this crash. "Jake" I said and waited for him to look at me again. "Can you open my door" I asked him.

He looked at me and the door and then replied, "I think so?"

"Ok, can you open it....." He looked at me, brushed the hair surrounding my face- set free by the chilly breeze soaring its way though the car- behind my ears. With one final glance he hopped out of the car and ran around to the other side. While he was gone I shivered- which caused my wound to 'sting white hot pain' and I took in a staggered breath.

I pulled hard on the car door handle a few times until he managed to dislodge it....the door swung open and a new bitter wind blew past me raising the hairs on my arms. He kneeled next to me, his face near mine. I looked away from him toward the spear- I was going to be the only one strong enough to be able to pull it out- even though I was slightly weak from it- I grasped both of my hands on the spear and .........

"Wait" he shouted. I looked at him, tears were flooding his eyes.

"Jake its going to be ok. Please dont cry" only because I will cry as well, I hate him seeing me weak.

"Just let me say something......just in ca...." His voice broke on the word 'case', "Do you know how happy you have made me. Ever since you came into my life you have been my sun. But even more resent when you first said you loved me you have become my... my sun and moon. You make me so happy that it is painful to say how much. My heart doesn't work until you kick it to life with a simple touch or kiss. You are not just my soul mate but my soul. I do you love you Renesmee Cullen, with every fraction of my heart. It is forever yours...."

"I love you too" I whispered.

My heart bleed with the words he spoke, he cupped my cold face again and as if for the last time kissed me very passionaltly, our lips tangled together and our tongues grazed each others. His sweet human tasting mouth made me see even more clear- that I was going to be home with him soon enough lying on my bed, and soon enough we would share our first experience as a couple- when we were both ready.

When our lips parted our final spark flew across our mouths and with that a huge ripping noise sounded out the car followed by an agonising scream..............

* * *

I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS ...........REVIW YOUR THOUGHTS, P.S THE QUICKNESS OF REVIEWS DOES INCREASE MY ABILITY TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER AND POST IT FAST AS IT GIVES ME A BUZZ (JUST THINK ABOUT IT- BUT ITS YOUR CHOICE) LOVE YOU ALL ANF BIG THANKS FOR THE MAJOR EMOTIONAL RESPONCES I HAVE GOT- IT TOTALLY MAKES MY DAY :)

P.S JUST FOR YOUR INFORMATION I was in tears when writting Jakes little speech to Ness........


	31. You are my sunshine

"Nessie.........Ness. Oh please, please.........." his voice was almost shouting but then it returned to a crackling almost a whisper, "My Ness....please." I could hear my mobile ringing in the background. I tried not to focus on it but instead on his deep heart wrenching voice.

I couldn't feel the pain anymore, infact I couldn't feel anything from the waste down- but as I said Im not afraid to die but just to lose more time with the man I love, and with that last thought I strained my eyes open for the second time this night.

A perfect angel filled my vision, "Oh Ness....you had me worried there for a moment......" he said with a little bit of relief in his voice that filled my ears. He was sitting on top of me, one leg was kneeling either side of my body and his bloody hands were pressing in a tight spot where the spear had been.

I couldn't feel it, I couldn't feel his perfect hands pressing on my bare skin and again I was cold but my body was too broken to shiver, as I weakly looked over Jacob I found that he was shirtless, but I think that my head was resting on it, because I couldn't feel the hard tarmac pressing into my skull- his copper skin almost shimmered in the moon light. I wanted to reach out and touch his skin but my arms stayed weighted to the floor.

This whole dying this is over rated and I have experienced it enough for a life time, I was certain in my heart that I wouldn't, couldn't leave Jacob. I also trusted Carlisle and believed that I would soon heal inside and then be fine.........but all I can do is hope- for Jacob's sake. But It was starting to occur to me that all of this seemed too familiar, the coldness, numbness, slight unconsciousness- where I seem just to have unlimited time for thinking- maybe.....just maybe this was the process which my body had to go through?

One of his hands left the pouring blood fountain wound and found my cheek, his dark strong eyes gazed into mine, and his thumb moved in a soothing up and down motion leaving tiny sparks of warmth.

"You worry too much" I croaked out to him, I tried to smile and found that more heart break was entering his eyes, I took in staggered breath. It was me this time, me who lying here while he tried to save me- the beach scene flickered in my brain. The phone was still ringing..... "Why aren't you answering that?" I almost breathed out. I was glad I could feel no pain, it made it so much easier to concentrate on his angelic face.

"I .....I ... can't leave you..." he whispered out, while turning his face away from mine and towards the phone. He looked exhausted his eyes were blood shot red and filled with a few glistening tears. "Not now, not ever......." it was almost as if he was talking to himself when he said that, obviously he wasn't the only one in 'memory mode' tonight.

"You'll......never leave me Jacob.....never" meaning that he will always be in my heart. Either cold or warm. He tried to smile, But thats when I felt the strange rush of warmth rush over body. I shook slightly under Jacobs arms and he nearly toppled off me.

"Ness..." He called again. "Damn it........" I felt him let go of his grasp on my wound, he climbed on the floor- in a sitting position and pulled me so I was lying on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled my head close to his face, he leaned his chin on the top of my head. I started to shake more violently that I found I couldn't move nor speak.

His tight embrase held me close to his body, his shaggy hair brushed my cheeks and a drop of salty wetness hit my arm and rolled down it.....He began gently moving backwards and forwards in a kind of rocking motion, his wishful voice said, "_You are my sunshine.....my only sunshine. You make me happy when sky's are grey. You'll never know dear how much I love you....till you take my sunshine away........." _He was saying lyrics of a song which I sung him one sunny day- we had a picnic and lay under the sky while we gazed at the sunset together, I lay in his arms- more graceful than now- and I sung him those perfect words, of course I sung them with more happiness, but from when he called me his 'sun' previously tonight it was become sort of a song for us......our song.

He whispered them in my ears, occasionally adapting them- he was trying to sooth both myself and himself I feel-, "_You are my sunshine......." _he released another tear and as before it trickled down my arm_, "my only sunshine........you make me so happy all the time. Your'e always know how much I love you"_ his lips grazed my ear and then cheek_, "please don't take my sunshine away......."_ he sighed and pulled me closer into his chest. I did feel different, strange almost but not like I was dying but......regenerating.

My back arched and a cry forced its way out of my clenched teeth, he watched me in horror still cradling me in his arms, "I love you my sweet sunshine"he hushed at me. I gazed up into his puppy dog eyes and was shocked when I glanced over his shoulder and in the darkness I could see two blood curdling crimson eyes staring hungrily at Jacob in his blood stained clothes...........

* * *

I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS ...........REVIEW YOUR THOUGHTS, P.S THE QUICKNESS OF REVIEWS DOES INCREASE MY ABILITY TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER AND POST IT FAST AS IT GIVES ME A BUZZ (JUST THINK ABOUT IT- BUT ITS YOUR CHOICE) LOVE YOU ALL ANF BIG THANKS FOR THE MAJOR EMOTIONAL RESPONSE'S I HAVE GOT- IT TOTALLY MAKES MY DAY :)

p.s do you like the song I chose and do you have any Jacob or Nessie songs which you like (maybe used in a future chapter with a note saying who it was from)- think about it :)

Erm just a note- Im trying not to make it all familiar but these things have to happen- I do have planned for the future my own version of something that happened in book no 2, but it has my own twist on it and obviously not involving the same characters- I dont want to give too much away but im trying to give you something to look forward too- it is more Jacob and Nessie love, heart break? ...............

I may do a Jacob one off POV.....if you want? so you dont hate me with what I have planned.

And many more characters will be involved.......


	32. The adrealine's pumping

_My back arched and a cry forced its way out of my clenched teeth, he watched me in horror still cradling me in his arms, "I love you my sweet sunshine"he hushed at me. I gazed up into his puppy dog eyes and was shocked when I glanced over his shoulder and in the darkness I could see two blood curdling crimson eyes staring hungrily at Jacob in his blood stained clothes..........._

* * *

Those flaming eyes burned though the midnight sky, never moving- just frozen at what I can imagine, us to be the eye catching prey.

The moonlight glinted of its pale skin and scatted tiny flecks of glitter- like my skin but only more splendor, like my families flawless skin- itself stood memorised at the sight it saw- we must be very irresistible to it right now, Jake's warm blood flowing effortlessly through his veins, trickling around his body reaching every bit of his his skin. The radiating heat as - I presume- letting off a mouth watering scent.

But then there was me, yes half a vampire but still human. My limited blood is original- as there are only a few 'half breeds'-I must be a luxury, a rare commodity, and here we lie. Easy targets dipped in the sweetest alluring scent known to a vampire..... we are to it- seductive.

It seemed to move closer, if I were to alert Jacob his weak human eyes would not be able to see this creature as it danced around us. It moved closer and stood motionless behind Jacob- it wasn't close enough that if Jake were to look around all he would see would be a black wall of darkness- but I can see it clearly now.

Its deadly eyes, glinting with pleasure.

Its torn, filthly clothes...and thats when the blood smell hit me. It wasn't mine nor Jakes but was seeping out of the limp human it held in its arms. But as I stared closely at the human- even though my stomach slightly turned with this image- I could see that its injuried hadn't been caused by this vampire but had taken some impact from ......from my car.

A dark twist of pain built up in my stomach, not physical pain but emotional pain. That is what I hit....but there was no way that that human could have appeared as fast as it did, but as I searched my brain for the answer that is when I saw it.....

_flashback-memory....._

_The car was reaching full speed now, and I looked over to Jacob. His eyes were full of excitement that it made me smile to know how much he loved my immortality, and the cool additions that go with being part vampire. My right hand which he was holding, was gently squeezed and as my eyes met his my heart melted from the deep chocolate eyes that stared back. But in a fraction of a second a 'thing' suddenly appeared in the middle of the road- its was so fast that I had even trouble reacting to it. As I realized that I was not going to be able to move out of its way with out endangering Jake , I tugged hard on the steering wheel and stamped on the breaks, the car spun sideways so that it was my side drifting at high speeds towards this 'thing'. Just before the impact I glimpsed for a fraction of a second a tall dark figure watching us, and it was this creature who looked like it had just thrown something deliberately at our car, in the brief second of looking back at the thing, I realized that it was a living helpless human........._

* * *

A dry lump filled my throat......but I couldn't think about that now- I had killed a human- Now it was more important to think how I can get us out of this situation, I couldn't have my Jake drained by some filthy rogue human drinking vampire.....

I grasped my hands tight so that they formed fists, luckily I could feel Carlisles theory proving itself to be more true than false as the blood flow had reduced and I was beginning to get my strengh back...either that or the adrenaline was kicking in and I was going into 'flight or fight mode'. Jake quickly noticed my transformation and joy gleamed in his glistening eyes.

He went to say something but I silently touched my finger to his soft damp lips, that is when I saw the vampire realize what I was doing and it suddenly bent down into a leaping crouch. I began to think primal, she would want to take me out first because if I were here- if she has realized what I am....but what if she is not that clever and what if she just confuses my blood to be a normal humans............what ever she wasn't getting a claw on my Jacob.

Before I realised what I was doing I swung my body off the floor and around Jacob, he fell hard onto his knees but unfortunately there was no time to waste- my heart cried out to help him.

In the corner of my eyes I saw him look at me, firstly happy....but that turned to confusion but then as he looked at how I was positioned he didn't have to have good vision to know what I was glaring at.

"Nessie..whats...." He asked slightly worried.

I cut in trying to be as calming as I could in this situation, "Vampire", ands thats all that was needed. I watched him as he placed himself in a fighting position- there would be no reason to tell him that is silly because he knows that if it were between them he would lose.......my heart tightened again. This vampire was getting no where near him.....but I've never fought before, a new scense of panic rushed over me as I realized I could lose this fight...very easily.

If this vampire snapped off my arms we didn't know if they could be replaced as easily as a normal vampires.... I bit my lip, and a rush of anger swept over me as I saw the vampire lick its lips and dive into the open sky towards us...................towards Jake

* * *

Hey I hoped you liked this......?


	33. Brown fur and vampire skin

_If this vampire snapped off my arms we didn't know if they could be replaced as easily as a normal vampires.... I bit my lip, and a rush of anger swept over me as I saw the vampire lick its lips and dive into the open sky towards us...................towards Jake_

* * *

I could feel the red hazed cloud over me- but it wasn't having a negative effect on me but the opposite- I felt my senses roar to life. Every scent in the air was suddenly more dominate, the scent of the fresh crisp green leaves danced in my nose, the dark and decaying floral scent swayed of my opponent and sent a burning fire of fury rage through me......and finally a scent that sent my heart in to a vortex of passion. Jake's woody twirling scent settled on my tongue and I felt a strong need to follow my heart and kiss him and even though that emotion was beginning to win over my soul.......it was weakened into a protective mode when the crimson eyes traced his strong blood flowing neck and grinned.

Its huge claws stretched out as it effortlessly soared its way through the air in a panther like attack- quick, silent and deadly-. Jake was the defenseless copper coloured deer, wide eye's and weak compared to us, I was now not the prey but the defender. To this creature I was its attacker....

As it edged more towards Jacob I felt myself soar forward, a huge smash rumbled through the empty land- which surrounded us- as I entwined with its steel bodyform. Before it was even able to regain its balance I was back in my first protective position- I even shocked myself, let alone the look of fear which washed over Jake's face, his hand trembled. But not in fear I feel, but in anger as if he wished for his wolf form......but nothing happened.

I quickly had to look away as the creature grew more beastly and let out a furious growl. It tore through the night sky, but was chased by my own uncontrollable throat rippling growl.

Jake still stood in his unmoved fighting persona, glaring as me and the creature dodged each blow, with me never allowing the creature to get one foot past my protective line.

My hand smashed against its face, but I couldn't process the flash of pain- but it disappeared as soon as the adrenaline soothed it-It was then in the corner of my eye when I saw something move. My heart failed me when I saw who it was.....it was Jake.

He was slowly walking towards the open car door, I presumed he was heading to get the phone to call for 'backup' which I knew in my heart would be too late for either outcome. He had only reached the front of the wrecked car when his eyes turned to panic as he saw what myself now saw....

The creature moved his attention towards the unguarded space of which Jake was now walking in, its evil eyes traced the quickest pathway to Jake and then suddenly it was lunging forward, with me on its tail.......I shouted with all of what my lungs could muster....." Jake......"

My heart was in my throat as I choked with the jumbled plans of attack that rushed though my mind. I was in panic mode as I saw it edge a inch closer towards Jakes neck with its teeth blaring to pierce his warm copper skin and I was dreading that I was to late. I leaped towards Jake, in a flash of emotion.

But I realized that I was too late to move Jake out of the way of its attack.....

I swung myself into the creatures path, rippling through the tiny space between both itself and Jake. As I dove in-font of Jake's path my force caused him to fall back. In the fractions of seconds I could hear Jakes skull crack against the wreakage. A new scent of blood flooded the air and in the brief seconds of glaring into the creatures eyes I could see that the blood sparked more of its determination.

But in that instant I had been the quickest one- must be a trate off my father- and I re-took Jake's position. With out the creature realizing its teeth wrapped around my neck and I felt the clear slice as its teeth penetrated my butter soft skin.

The next seconds blurred together in fuzzy sounds and images......

A sudden ripping sound filled my ears but then that was even more quickly followed by a steel tearing nose. It rippled through the atmosphere and the dense pain in my neck sudsided but did not fully disapear.

A brown blur fluttered infront of me as it seemed to clash with the pale tone that stormed past my vision. I blinked and after a few more seconds past it was then when I saw Jake.

His shaggy hair waved in the wind as he shook something from his mouth. Jake had transformed, his copper hard skin had turned into its wild shaggy brown fur, he stood on four legs instead of two and his piercing kind eyes watched me while he shook the limp pale slab of 'vampire' it held his mouth. He dropped it when he was finished and ran over to me halting at my feet.

He lay down on all of his fours so that his face was at my level. His long tongue licked my face and neck-wiping away the blood- as he let out a whimper. I was starting to come to terms with what had just happened, the adrenaline had worn off and even in my attempt to save him he had saved me- we were a team.

His anxious eyes studied my face. Even though it had been a while since I have seen this face, I knew the eyes well and could read what they were saying as if they were being shouted at me.

"Good boy" I said trying to lighten up this darkened atmosphere. I fell to my knees, and wrapped my arms around his neck. His fur tickled my face, and it felt like I was hugging a teddy bear- my big brown Jacob teddy bear-. "Jacob my big teddy bear, I am ok. Are you?"

He let out another wimper, and I held my hand to his face. He replied. '_I am, but im more worried about you'. _He thought.

_'Don't be my dear Jacob. Not just yet." I thought and passed it on though my touch into his mind. _

_'I love you'sunshine' _He then thought and shone a great toothy grin, his tongue flopped out of his mouth and dripped some drool on the floor. '_I will run us home'_

I spoke now, "Can we stay for just a little longer, and we should clean up this mess. But........lets just ....rest for just a moment" and with that I lay tired on the floor and Jake lay down next to me. His paws almost wrapped around me and his jaw lay on my chest. I kept my hand on his head and gently stroked it.- I just wanted to gather my thoughts.

Time seemed to slow and it was just then when the human flashed in my head. I jumped up and Jake quickly followed as if he thought we were being attacked. I ran to the wreckage and picked up a blanket from the squashed back seat and my mobile. I didn't have to run back to Jake because he was right behind me....."You should change. Put this blanket on, then you can call my family....I just....can't ...think..." he licked my face. "Worn them about the car- we need the jeep to tow this away and ask them what we should do with the pieces"

He continued to look at me, a low mummer coming from his jaws, "Im going to look for the vampire pieces and.........go be quick" and with that he ran off into the dark. I quickly turned around and looked towards the long grass where the 'human' was dropped.

The choking lump returned in my throat and I walked slowly up to 'it'. It was then when I saw her......

* * *

Hey I hoped you liked this......? i did have more to write but it was becoming to long- so the next chapter will feature her pain and guilt about this and Jakes struggle to console her in this time ( she blames herself) xxx


	34. Pain deep within

I never realized before how pretty she had been when I first saw her properly in the hands of that vampire, she would have been more pretty if her skin was radiating her pulsing blood. Her abnormal deathly pale skin didn't suit her and as I moved over her and touched her fragile skin she felt cold. I dropped to my knees beside her, and saw the first thing which caught my sight was that she had a locket around her neck.

It was simular to the one I had at home, the locket from my mother but the difference being that hers was a gleaming silver locket. Who did she get hers from? She was young. Fourteen, fifteen maybe and now she lay on the cold grass lifeless, away from her home, family, friends.......

I could hear Jake in the background rustling his way thought the tree's, but I continued on looking at the girl. As I looked closer at her locket I saw her name carved into it. '_Lucy_' A cold twinge pulled over me, Like a sudden wave of sadness or guilt.....I could then hear Jake on the phone but again I ignored what he was saying and focused on the girl.

I slid my arms under her and picked her up and cradled her to my chest, I could feel the tears build in my eyes and the bulge tighten in my throat and in an instantJacob was at my side. The girls head flopped back and her hair dragged along the floor. I couldn't take my eyes away from her, she was just a child........Jake put his large warming handa around my waist.

"Ness" He said in a worried tone.

"Shes so young Jacob...." I blurred out.

"Shhhs.....Its ok....its....." I cut into his words fast.

"How can it be ok? I kil....I killed her" A few tears escaped my battered eyes,

"Look at me." I couldn't move, "Ness look at me....." His hand lightly grasped my chin and pulled my head up. His deep brown eyes reflected my own horror but I suspect that his is not the same form as mine. "Don't you say you killed her...." I tried to cut in but his thumb pressed on my lips. "Do you hear me RenesmeeCullen? You did not kill this girl. It was an accident....thats all a accident."

He frowned his brow, and removed his thumb from my lips. Both of his hands moved to my face and in a simultaneous movement both of his hands messaged my cheeks, so gently, so lovingly.

"Im not meant to harm humans..." More pain flashed across his face- and I couldn't believe the words pouring out of my lips myself. I was naturally blaming myself, the human part of me cried out in the pain of taking anothers life. Its hard to explain its like if you cooked a meal for someone and then they suddenly start choking- even though you did nothing and the food was perfect you would still feel guilt as you gave them the food they choked on....

"You didn't" he whispered in my ear.

"No matter what I do, I end up hurting someone. Last year it was you, and now....." More tears were released free and streamed down my face, re-hydrating some of my dried blood from earlier on, "I've killed a human. A child................." My words trailed off.

Jake's horrified face could not believe the words at which I was saying, He picked up the girl from my lifeless grasp and placed her gently on the floor next to him. His hands grasped around my body pulling me into a tight hug. He positioned his body so that I was not looking at the girl but instead had my back to her.

"Listen....." He was choking on his words, "You can say that you have killed anyone, .....do you hear me. You are not akiller Ness, and you never could be.....You are the sweetest person in my life." I sighed at the term 'person', "How could a " he choked more so on the next words"killer' hold my heart.....because it simply can't be. You are a angel, my angel. You have brought me to life so many times. Your presence makes my life livable. You do not have a bad bone in your body, and I can see that. I can feel that, you are a piece of me Ness. Please don't hurt yourself........don't emotionally kill yourself from this...this accident.............Let me put it another way 'Did you bite this girl?" He waited for a answer....."Did you bite this girl?"

Through my tears I replied ....."No..but"

He caught the fleeting tears with his fingers, "No but's, Please don't do this to yourself. My Nessie I can't see you go through this pain....please see. Hear me. It was a accident caused by the vampire" I could tell he was careful on his choice for the 'vampire'.

He held me more tight to his chest, he tried to sooth me some more while I sobbed uncontrollably into his bare chest. "You are the petal on my stem, you are the wings on my butterfly, you are the sun in the sky, you are the heart in my soul" He was reciting the poem he once gave to me last valentines day. He had written it himself but even as it had turned my hear to goo it wasn't even breaking through my outer shell now.".........can't you see how pure you are Ness. Please ......" his voice broke and it fell silent.

This was stressing him out, the pain in his face as he tried to convince me that I wasn't .....evil. But I couldn't listen. I knew what had happened, but if I had of reacted faster, or not taken this road, or even not even suggested that we go for a ride......she could still be.....but no that creature would have still drained her body.

So was it inevitable either way? But I just couldn't shake off this lifeless girls face and even though I knew in my heart that she would have died anyway. But it still didn't take away the fact that the car I was driving had smashed into her fragile body and it was that which had killed her......

I couldn't look at them not yet, so in the fraction of a second- before they approached us. I sucked in my tears and wiped the few tears on my cheeks away with the corner of the blanket which was wrapped around Jake. This was a show even for Jake, even though I felt no were near fine, he was suffering from seeing me suffering and it seems to be inevitable in our relationship for us to be in pain-like last year and now- so for his sake I was going to pretend to be 'fine' so that at least he can be slightly happier.

"You..right" I whispered in his ear, my voice still crackling from the lump in my throat. "It was just the shock of seeing her like ..this"

"Its ok. Im here" he said, his hand was stroking my hair, He was here, and the tightness of his hug meant that he wasn't going anywhere. I melted into his chest just waiting for the others to now come up to us.....the three of us.

* * *

Hey I hoped you liked this......? I know she is blaming herself but I feel that it would be the human side of her to suffer like this (I mean imagine yourself in that position-I would be in tears too) I also am very sorry if you don't like me 'killing a young girl' but if you are remember that it is fiction. Nessie needs this to happen to have more emotional pain sort of drown her, its not that I like the thought of her taking pain this way (and as explained in the future) but I love it when other characters have to be there and support her......especially JACOB!

I have actually now decided to do Two JACOB POV'S just because in the next chapter I feel it would fit in well (and its only a short one :() but I still have one planned for future chapters - so yeah you get more of Jacobs thoughts- basically when he sees ness in pain.

P.S WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOU THOUGHTS ESPECIALLY ON THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE OUT OF THEM ALL SO FAR THIS WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT TO WRITE 'LOL'. I just love -(though not blowing my own 'trumpet') Jakes little poem- I like to make him sweet and just showing that he remembers nearly all things which have gone on between them......and how much Ness actually means to her in the way of imprinting. (because I feel that even if she didn't want to be with him, he would be happy with her decisions (not like he was with Bella).

Anyway sorry for rant....in next chap like i said Jakes POV and more on characters who arrived ....and the rest of family reactions xxxxxxlove you all and love all of you who have commented and made my day - literally ever time I read a review.


	35. Lockets for locked away pain

Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice had shown up, I bet that they had phoned the others- I suspect that I had reined their long lunch trip and by sure my mother and father are bound to be having heart attacks- they must be on there hurried way back.

I hardly gave them looks or even spoke to any of them, they all gave me hugs and asked if I were OK? The only words which I spoke were "Yes I'm fine", they all fluttered around then. Emmett made booming jokes on the car and my driving- his usual self but I feel that he was also trying to lighten up the mood- Rosalie and Alice 'dealt' with the girl, Alice had her mobile glued to her ear- I think she was talking to Carlisle, but I could be around her anymore nor could I see what they would do.

I didn't know if they would get rid of the 'evidence' but would that mean burning that innocent girl with the shatted vampire? or would they report that they had found her and then a huge investigation would go to find the killer of the 'hit and run'.

As I walked to Rosalie's car I could see all of their eyes on me, Jacob was hanging on me- but it was comforting- he never left my side but he knew that it was time not to speak but to let me be alone with my thoughts. His large hand stroked my back and his other grasped my hand occasionally squeezing it to remind me that he was here.

Rosalie had tried to come up to me to hand me her mobile, I heard her say that it was my parents and they were on there way back but wanted to speak to me. But to be honest I couldn't even try to talk to them, I refused to take the phone and she stalked off slightly annoyed because she was left to tell them that I didn't want to talk.

I was trying so hard to be my normal self but it was difficult, I felt that everything had built up. Not just this but the pain from the present but also from last year, I thought I was over the 'trauma' you could call it but really I was just realizing that I had just swept the stuff 'under the rug' and the 'dust mites' under that rug were bursting their way out and I am feeling everything now. At least there was one last worry- Jake had turned back, when I looked at his knees I was glad to see that his grazes had vanished- so thank god for immortality- I couldn't hurt him anymore at least.

Jasper seemed more quiet than me, he was the only one out of them who looked at me more carefully- no doubt reading my feelings, I could see the slight not pain but slight sadness behind his eyes. I tried so hard to try to conceal my feeling but they kept bubbling up to the surface.

Me and Jacob were now sat alone on the back seat of Rose's car, I wanted to sleep. It felt like this night had taken forever, a endless night. I looked up into his eyes, they were watching me as usual. I forced a slight smile across my face and his hand which was rested over my shoulders moved as his finger made small circles on my chin and then moved up to me cheek. He placed his warm hand over my cheek and I buried my face into his hand for a moment and then moved my lips up to touch his, he tilted his face down and lightly pressed his moist lips against mine. The usual warm sparks were there but something felt off, it was like I was numb all over and not getting the full effect- the sparks should be raging waves of passion and my heart should be pounding in my ears, but it wasn't.

Im not saying that I didn't love Jacob anymore, of course I did, he was the only piece of my soul which was living. I fear though that the rest of me was dying inside. Our kiss ended, he continued stroking my face in silence. I then moved so that I could bury my face into his bare warm chest, I closed my eyes and spoke very quietly "Love you" and then drifted into sleepy unconsciousness.

* * *

Jacobs POV

"I love you too" I whispered back. My hand wrapped around behind her pulling her closer towards me, her soft hair tickled my bare chest, Soft breath sounds began to escape her chest. I think that she had fallen asleep, I gently picked up her hand and placed it to my face, I saw two dominant faces the 'leech' and the girl, I hate that she feels this big pang of guilt. It hurts me so much to see her in pain like this.

Of course I am upset with myself because I am a protector. I am meant to protect the innocents from monsters and I had failed myself, but I am able to clearly see that that poor girl was a lost cause. She was dead before we were even able to save her. I also don't want to get involved in how these lee......Cullen's deal with this 'situation'. It had only been a hour or so since I was holding Ness in my arms, rocking her back and forth, but now I was holding her safe and sound.

I feel my worries about her frailness has disappeared a little, she healed quiet fast tonight so that is certainly reassuring. But she has such a angelic soul that this incident which was clearly not her fault is on her conscious. Even though I love my life, I just wish that it could be a little easier. If me and Ness were human, no wolves, no vampires, no killer siblings or volturi, or evil. Just us. It would be easier, but in this life I can spent eternity with her and even that it not enough time.

My love for her is such a strange thing, its a flame that burns uncontrollably for her. A light that she can only turn off and on and she can only be guided by the glow it gives off. I nessled my head into her hair taking in a deep breath- he hair smells floral with a hint of lime shampoo so mouth watering.

Emmett and that Blondie one I saw had taken the girl and out her in the jeep, by the time the two of them were zooming off Alice and Jasper had gotten in to this car and were now dodging through the streets towards Forks. At first the car was silent, but then Jasper broke the silence. "I can't handle it anymore. The pain, sadness, grief, guilt which is radiating off her is unbearable. I've tried my best to give her the scene of happiness even if it is just for a while....but her feelings are so strong. So dominant....I just...." He trailed off and I saw that Alice one grasp his hand so lovingly but secretly. Ugh I couldn't look anymore.

I rested my head on top of Nessie's and closed my eyes, but then Alice spoke and I think that she was speaking to me. "Jacob." She said in a very quiet quick voice. "You told us very little on the phone. I was just wondering if you could explain what exactly happened?"

We were now entering Forks so I spoke fast. I told them about the crash, and what caused it. The fact that Ness was really hurt, but then healed before my eyes before fighting the nomad, then my quick transformation after seeing that dirty blood sucker bite my Ness and then the painful memories of the words that had left Nessie's mouth about her being a killer. By the time I was finished we were blurring past the tree's of the Cullens drive.

Both Alice and Jasper sat very silent, they had not said a word yet since I started talking but also not now that I had finished. Maybe that was the end of the conversation- thats all they wanted...

I went to pick Nessie up when she woke up and refused to be picked up, but then yet again as I along with Alice and Jasper- I could see the jeep in the garage and hear Rose and Emmett talking inside, there was no sign of the others being here yet-she refused to go into the house saying that she wanted to go to her room.

I had to bite my tongue in agony when I saw how lifeless her eyes looked, like she was lost in them......I walked with her hand in hand towards the cottage. Silent as if they weren't there Alice and Jasper followed, I suppose they weren't going to leave her side, they must have been as worried as me. But when we got to the door of the cottage Nessie turned to me, reached up and put her soft full lips to mine and kissed me, my heart bulged out of my chest- my usual reaction to this- and then when she pulled her lips away she out her hand on my chest and spoke for the first time since before the car journey.

"You should go home and get some rest" She said in a softened voice. I couldn't leave her not tonight. I just wanted to hold her in my arms....

"Ness I....." She cut me off with her now pleading eyes.

"Please" Even though I didn't want to, I had to do as she asked. I gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the forehead and I stalked away from the house with an acking pain deep in my chest. _Sleep well and be safe my love._

_* * *_

Renesmee's POV

It ripped through me to see Jacobs face like that, but even though how much I wanted to lye in his arms I wouldn't be much company right now. I just wanted to be alone. I just wanted to block the world out, unfortunately Jake and all.

I shuved my way into the cottage and walked straight to my room, I walked in and turned around to face Jasper and Alice who had followed me into the house and were now angling themselves towards my bedroom.

"Let me be alone.....please" and with that I shut the door and collapsed on my bed face down and the memories of tonight came flooding back as I took 'Lucy's' locket out of my pocket and stared at it for a moment before putting it on around my neck. I forced my head into my pillow and let out a quiet scream, I didn't care who heard me......

* * *

Hey I hoped you liked this......? What did u think of Jakes POV?? thanks xxxx


	36. Its my birthday and I'll cry if I want 2

Im having anxiety- thinking no one like the stories now lol- Just before we start is there anything you want to see?( I mean read) between any of the characters- because this is your story and I like to make sure that you enjoy it- love you all xxx p.s this is going to be flash back central lol of the past 24 hours.

* * *

"Hey kiddo. Happy Birthday....... Don't I get a hug from my favourite granddaughter" Charlie said, he was very excited that it was my birthday. He handed me a poorly wrapped gift- it was Charlie- and I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks Grandpa." I loved Charlie, he was one of the coolest 'humans' I know. Even though he's still on this 'need to know' basis he is still very happy to plod along with what ever happens. "By the way Im your only granddaughter" I said with a small 'fake' laugh escaping my lips- fake as in, I really wished it wasn't my birthday. I wished I still didn't have a weight of worry or sadness forever clouding me. But for the past 24 hours I've mastered the art of hidding it- and I intend to do this for however long it takes- Im happy- as I can be- as long as my family is slighlty oblivious.

"Yeah, well your my favourite..." He said hugging me again. "Bella honey...." He called as he walked through the front door towards my mother, I followed him after shutting the door and placed his single present on the floor under the piano, I had already recieved my gifts this morning off my family.

I took in a ragged breath and made my way into the 'party area'.

* * *

_Late last night...._

"Nessie honey" two hands placed themselves on my back as I lay unmoved still faced down on my bed. I couldn't move, I lay silent and lifeless. "Please" pleaded the voice, I shuffled over to find both of my parents standing over me.

The just both stood there, staring endlessly..""I know, I know.....Dad im sorry about wrecking your car. I mean...." I knew he would be pretty peeved about the car, but I know that wouldn't be his major worry. He cut in- not harsh- but almost with a disapointed tone in his voice.

"Im not slightly bothed about the car Renesmee." Oh man, he used my full name., "Its you...." He balled up his hand and held them to his scrunched up face. I hated seeing him like this, my mother stood behind him now. Her hand resting on his shoulder.

"Dad......daddy" I said to him, nearly retching back the tears myself. Even though I felt like I was tumbling down into a endless dark pitt I couldn't bare to drag them with me, any of them..Alice, mum, dad, Emmett, Rose, Jacob, Esme, Carlisle, Jasper......anyone!. I think we see ourselves as one unit, and now Im standing out of line it is sending ripples to the others.

_Do your fine face Ness, Fine face. _I told myself. I had swept these feelings away before and been extremely happy with my Jacob and my lovely family, so why can't I do that again.....Oh yeah I forgot inside I feel like Im a cursed time bomb. Every little thing I do just drags everyone down. My jacob, he could have died tonight...again because of me. No matter how much my world revolves around him as he does to me. I would rather be gone myself than give them- any of them- more pain. From stories I've heard from Carlisle it seems like their lives were much less complicated without me.

When I looked at my mothers eyes, she was staring at something. But not my face, as I chased her eyes down to realize that she was looking at the locket. I then forced myself to sit up, now both of my parents watching me.

"You can sit down" I said to them both, gesturing to the free spaces on my bed. I knew that they could stand there forever but it was going to make me feel more comfortable. My mother sat closest to me- on the opposite side of the bed- and my father sat like me crossed legged, but was on the end of the bed. I took off the locket around my neck and handed it to my mother who instantly took it. He face showed concern- the same as my father- but I continued on with what I was going to say.

* * *

When I walked into the kichen, Esme was icing some cupcakes- for the humans and wolves- and Seth was sat on the counter with his long legs dangling down. "Hey birthday girl" he called as I walked closer toward him. "How does it feel to still be seventeen" he now said with a big cheesy chin on his face. It was hard not to smile when you are near Seth. He is such as big puppy dog that you want to go over and stroke his hair and say 'Such a cute little boy'. So a little smile crossed my recently plain face.

"I dont know, what do you think. Do I look older?" I said joining in with his teenage fun. Esme had now stopped icing and was looking at us, he face lit up slightly she was obvious happy at something she was seeing.

He let out a howling laugh, "Do I" and we all laughed. It felt nice to laugh- for real at least, for the past 24 hours its been doom and gloom around here- thanks to me-.

"So let me guess. Is that you seventh cupcake?" I asked hitting his belly as I walked past towards Esme.

"Nope. But getting there" he said rubbing his belly in circular movements. "These cupcakes are damn great for someone who can't even lick the batter bowl clean. Esme you can cook for me every day" He saluted to Esme.

"I though she already cooked for you every day. We can't get rid of you." I said in more of a jokey tone. "So grandma" that even felt weird for me to say, even though it was true she looked like she could be my sister. "Do I get a cupcake? Or are they all for greedy guts over there" Seth shoved another full cupcake in his mouth. I laughed at him, he face bulged like a hamster.

"Of course you can have one" She picked up a pink coloured one and gave it to me, while I stuck my finger in the icing and scooped some up and then licked my finger clean she placed her hand on my shoulder very motherly before she continued to ice the rest.

on my way out I said to them, "Oh they are totally to ...." I stopped before I choked out 'to die for' possibly not the best words for esme to hear. She was already recovering from her dry sobs last night.

* * *

Just before I began to explain to my parents what had happened, Esme and Carlisle walked in through my open bedroom door. Esme was sobbing uncontrollably- dry sobs- and Carlisle was holding her hand. His face to looked worried.

I must not have been out as long as I thought. Mom and dad must have just arrived with Carlisle and Esme trailing behind. "Oh Esie please dont cry." I hoped of the bed and ran over to her. She wrapped her thin arms around me and hugged me tight. "Im ok.....its ok" maybe not 100% true but close- kind of-. "Im sorry your hunting trip had to be cut short. It's very rude of me to interrupt your dinner"

Carlisle spoke, "You have no need to apologise my dear Nessie. We are more than willing to come home for any reason. Whether it is a situation like this or whether because you simply miss us" He gave a slight smile on that lask comment. I pulled one hand away from Esme and held it out for Carlisle. He held it with his other free hand and kissed it.

"Thank you. I suppose like my parents you want to hear " With my hands I created air quotes- "the story". I could hear everyone else standing outside- all apart from Jacob , I do regret sending him away. I wanted to nessel in his warm chest. He would be the only one I would want to cry with- "You can come and listen to. Emmett, Rose, Jaz, Alice" I also wanted Jasper to work his magic and give me some calming feelings.

They all gracefull came into my room and with that I began telling the full -painful- story beginning from me entering the car with Jacob, to the ending of when I took the necklace and my regret of being slighty horribe to Jacob but also Jaz and Alice. They listened very silently, my mother holding my hand on one side. Rosalie was holding my other hand crouched on the floor. My father had placed his hand comfortingly on my trembling knee, and just as I had wanted one unnoticed look at Jasper and my heart filled with calm.

* * *

"They are totally great!" and with that I left, the rush which I had with Seth was wearing off and the true pain was entering again. I walked right past the room where everyone was. I was making my way to the bathroom when I passed the windows to the back garden. Standing over by the river were Alice, Jake, my father and Emmett. It looked like they were deep in conversation, as a brown blur caught my eye in the trees I saw that it was Sam. What was Sam doing out there?- He was only inside with Emily a moment ago?. I would have wondered this point further if I hadn't of heard a small noise echo from the library.

I peered around the door to find Charlie, the glass he had been holding had smashed into a thousand pieces on the floor but what worried me more was when I saw Charlies position. His whole body was tilted over the desk, one hand was grasping the desk while the other was grasping his chest.......

* * *

Hey I hoped you liked this......?


	37. Charlie was just the icing in the cake

"Grandpa" I called and rushed over to his side. "Whats wrong? are you ok?"

"Yes, yes Im fine. No need to worry. Just a bad case of indigestion" it didn't look like indigestion to me, I listened hard and could heart his human heart racing. To be honest I had no idea what I was listening for but apart from his racing heart every thing seemed ok.

"Here sit down" I grabbed a chair from under the desk and placed it behind him. He sat down very slow, still grasping his chest. "Maybe I should go and get my mother or even Carlisle?"

"No no, no need. I'm as healthy as a horse. No need to cause panic when there is nothing to worry about. Anyway this is your party, don't let me distract you"

I was grateful for Charlie to be here. I knew how he hated bit parties but I'm glad that he came- but something deep inside me started to trigger my worries again. I know it wasn't his fault but why is it when you have to be sad or worried about something it comes in great bucket loads. I needed some air, I felt like I was drowning in it all again-but I couldn't leave charlie.

"Grandpa are you sure, please don't worry about telling me." I asked.

"Im fine"

"Well at least let me get you a glass of water"

His brow creased but I don't think that it was from my question, he nodded and I uneasily left the room. I ran to the kitchen, I couldn't bare leaving him. I grabbed a glass and turned on the tap. The kitchen was empty, I shoved off the tap once the glass was full.

I hurried past the brimming dining room- without spilling a drop of the brimming glass of water- As I walked past I could hear Seth's booming voice. It was quickly followed by Leah asking 'How much sugar have you had today?'.

I made my way swiftly into the library to find that Charlie had not moved a inch. I handed him the glass and he chugged down sips of water. He did look slightly better, maybe I was letting my mind get away with me- maybe I'm determined to worry about any thing and everything. After a while he began to force himself up out of the chair.

My hands naturally flung out to hold him but he shrugged them off cheerful saying "You make me feel like a old man" I walked with him by my side towards the dinning room again. I felt like he wasn't telling me the whole truth but to be honest he wasn't the first one today who I thought was lying to me- just as I thought that my head turned back to the windows and my eyes searched the now empty back garden.

* * *

The room was silent when I finished, Lucy's locket was now resting on the bed- all eyes tracing the detail on the cover. I wanted to know what happened to her but my mouth fell dry and I physically couldn't ask the question.

"You look tired, we should let you get some sleep" my mother said to me stroking the side of my face, and with that they all started to leave. Rosalie kissed my forehead followed by Alice. Emmett held out his hand and I reached up to slap his palm effortlessly. Jasper was about to give me a hug when I suddenly asked.

"Do you mind staying a little longer please Jasper. Just you" I added when I saw the looks on my fathers and mothers face. He also looked at them. A small nod from my father- Jasper must have asked him in his 'mind' and Jasper answered.

"Of course I will" He said, standing back in his previous position. Mother and father then each hugged me tight and kissed my cheeks.

"Love you both" I said to them.

In synchronise they both added, "Love you more" and with final glances they left the room shutting the door behind them. I could hear faint muttering in the other room but they soon disappeared as my family moved further away from the cottage. I was sure though that mother and father were still next door. Either in our small lounge or their bedroom.

"I'm sorry if it is an inconvenience for you to say. But I....." I trailed off.

"It is no trouble little Nessie, anything for you" A small smile crossed his face as he waved new feelings of happiness and calmness through my body. I sunk down on the bed relieved to get another dose- to numb the dreaded feelings which were presently hiding behind fake feelings Jasper was creating.

* * *

Charlie wandered off towards Billy and a still uncomfortable Sue "Did you catch that game last night" he said as he approached Billy. Luckily everyone had been prewarned about making a birthday fuss. So thankfully, happy birthday wasn't going to be sung, present weren't going to be opened in a big gathering ceremony-but individually, by my family that is. The wolves had gone together on a present and that had been given to me by Sam when I answered the door. I hadn't opened it yet and it was now placed next to Charlie's gift and one other small gift- Esme or Alice must be piling the 'allowed' presents together under the piano.

I walked up to the new present and looked at the lable. _To Renesmee from Bill. _I looked towards Billy, Charlie and Sue, Billy was looking over. I gave him a small wave and a smile- to gesture thank you- he replied by nodding his head then continued on with his conversation with Charlie.

I thought I should make the effort to talk to the guest, so I started making my rounds around the room. I first walked up to Paul who had Rachel on his arm but was also talking to my Jacob- another reason for my first stop-. When I reached them Jacob immediately took me in his arms and placed his hands on my waist, he kissed me on my cheek and whispered in my ear "You ok?"

I placed my hand on his cheek and showed him of me smiling with Seth in the Kitchen, I pulled my hand away and took another deep ragged breath- secretly- and plasted another fake smile across my face. _Its your birthday, big smile, forget about yesterday, forget about Luc...-_ Couldn't even think her name today_- today you are 'fine'_ - I thought this over and over in my head.

"Hi Rachel, Paul thank you for coming. Im bubbling inside to see the present you all got me. I'll make sure I call Sam tonight to pass my message on once I've opened it"

"Don't worry Nessie, I'm sure you'll love it. Me and Emily rained in some of their more crazy idea's.....what was the one you came up with Paul....oh yeah a live time supply of candy" Rachel said looking lovingly into Paul's eyes.

"What I would love a gift like that" he said cheerfully defending himself.

"Yes but was it Nessie you were thinking of or your own stomach" she said patting his stomach, she let out a small laugh and Paul replaced his hand from her waist to around her shoulders pulling her close.

"I was thinking of Nessie- she does enjoy her sweet things and she is very kind in her sharing" Paul said nudging me suggestively.

"Speaking of sweet things there is a bundle of fresh cupcakes in the kitchen, you better get them before Seth goes back for his eighth cupcake and possibly ninth." and with that Paul dragged Rachel to the kitchen. Me and Jake laughed. "What was that outside"

"What?" he asked- this better not be a birthday thing but because Sam was there I was starting to feel 'concerned' that it was something else.

"You know. Down by the river, you, my dad, Alice, Jaz, Emmett, Sam......ringing a bell" I asked tapping his forehead.

"ohh that. Was nothing" I looked at him- defiantly keeping something from me, but again I didn't want him to forcefully tell me, if he doesn't want to tell me then there must be a reason. Jake stayed with me when I went to talk to the other La push boys and girlfriends, it was then when I noticed none of my family was there.

When I had just finished talking to Sam and Emily- pre warning them about my phone call tonight-, when I then asked Jake. "Where is everyone" But just then Carlisle and Esme walked into the dining room and walked past us-smiling- and went to talk to our guests, but there was something about them which looked slightly worried.

He distracted me by whispering in my ear, "So do you want your birthday present now"

"Of course" I kissed him on the lips but then said, "I just need a 'human' moment- I got so used to saying that to every one else that I started saying it all the time, no matter who I was saying it to- "I'll meet you....."

"On the porch" he said. He grasped my hand, held it to his cheek and walked out towards the front door, and I made my way towards the upstairs bathroom. The closest was Rosalie's so I entered he empty bedroom and closed the door of her bathroom.

I let the previous pain and worry rain over me- this was harder than expected- I fell to my knees and they made a quiet bang as they hit the tiled floor. It was then when something caught my eye, the curling iron which Rose had used the other day on my hair was poking itsself out of a filled box- containing every electric beautifying device know to man- it was then then I had a flash back to the burning pain it had created on my palm, but also the release it gave me of my other worries........

* * *

Hey I hoped you liked this......?We will get to the present giving and the many secrets being kept as well as Nessie reveling some of her own and a storyline of charlie (which was touched on in this chapter) will return again....... xxx


	38. burns baby burns

Ok before you read this I just wanted to say that I have done some research on this topic, especially on youtube actually I have seen some terrible images- Self harming does effects real people. But Im sure you know it is not the best way to get rid of pain... thanks 'sorry for the downer' oh and P.S the way I have described it is exaggerated for fiction purposes. (i hope)

* * *

I plugged it in to the socket, and turned it on.

I truly didn't know yet what I was doing. It strangely felt right, like this would help. Even now as I felt the heat radiate off the metal it felt like something good would come out of it. I wasn't scared, I wasn't even thinking about it- my thoughts are already clouded with so much, I need this to burn my skin, to let the worries pour out of me, to just give me an instant of just one form of pain- and not the many I have caging me in.

I grasped the plastic handle in my hand as I sunk down to the floor. I pulled up my skirt so that it was reveling more of my upper thigh- a good hiding place until I healed. Without hesitation I pressed the scorching metal stick onto me leg, at first the sering pain shocked me a little but my hand stayed firm- if not even pressing down harder- after a few seconds It hit me.

My head felt lighter as the worries drained from me, the piercing pain on my leg was ....was painful yes, but it pulled every fraction of worry from my being- every other form of emotional pain was pushed aside while this dominate pain came over it- like a huge wave pushing it further down.

I pulled the metal off my leg- and I could hear the tiny rip as it was pulled from my melting skin- I looked down to find a long rectangle red stripe down my thigh. It was very noticeable on my ivory skin- but I didn't care by tomorrow it would be gone. A fresh canvas to destroy again...but was worth it.

I felt like I had done enough- for my first try- at the present all I could feel was the burning pain deep down in my thigh and that felt good to me- I felt free, for now. I shoved the curling iron back into the box. Jake would be waiting and the last thing I wanted was for him to come and find me like this, but on my way out I felt myself glancing back at it aswell as unconciously looking at the rusty pair of scissors- sticking out of a pot, which was used for trimming my forever growing hair-.

Walking down the stairs was the first time I noticed that my skirt was dragging along my burnt skin- it stung even more-, but before I could do anything Jake called me. "Ness. I thought you had ditched me" he said jokingly pointing to a bare spot on his wrist- imaginably pointing to a watch-.

"Im sorry. Here now" Ok to be honest I truly didn't feel happy. But I did feel slightly better but only by a fraction- but it still felt nice. It was like my own painful form of Jasper, but instead of happiness washing away the pain it was 'pain on pain'.

* * *

Jasper stood still, looking at me. "Jasper"

"Hmm" he hummed as he moved closer to me.

"Am I a......." why did I want to ask this question?

"Yes" He sat on the edge of my bed, tears bubbled up in my eyes. "Nessie what is it?"

Nope, I wasn't going to ask am I evil, because number one- no way was I going to let him know I felt like that ,number 2- it would get passed on to my father and number 3, he would deny it whether it was true or not. I sucked the tears back in and instead said.

"I am another year older! look midnight." I smiled at him and he chuckled.

"Yes you are, birthday girl. Happy birthday. ....Do you want your first present now" to be honest NO, but I couldn't really say that to him now could I?

"Sure" I tried to say enthusiastically.

"I have to leave but......"

"Go....." I orded in a friendly tone- of course. "Hey Jaz. Im sorry I slammed the door in yours and Alice's face earlier I just..."

"Enough said. We understand" He smiled and quickly left my room.

It was time to try and get back to normal. For a breif second I held my fists hard to the side of my head, closed my eyes and breathed in heavily. After a moment I hopped of the bed and walked in to the lounge area- no one was there so I decided to knock on my parents door- to their room.

Hope I wasn't disturbing, _Knock,_straight after my first knock the door opened and there stood both of my parents. - I don't see why one couldn't just answer the door, oh right the love, can't be separated thing.- Quiet gross for parents.

Before a word was spoken I walked in past them and flung myself into a seating position on the bed. I forced another huge smile across my face and looked at each of my parents faces.- the reason for doing this is so that they have less to worry about, I didn't want them to worry about me. I in fact didn't want them to worry full stop- I know what it feels like, I am at the moment miserable but I couldn't face it if they were too.

"Have you seen the time" I asked their mixed faces- a cross between worried and confused." Im getting my first gift of Jasper...he's just gone to get it"

"Happy birthday sweet heart" my mother came over and held me in a tight motherly hug. "I can't believe your a year older"

"Couldn't tell by looking"

"Still my beautiful baby" my father said, replacing my mothers arms to give me a hub. He whispered in my ear, "happy birthday"

Their anxious faces were making me feel worse, "Please don't look so worried. Im fine"

"Honey" my mother began to say.

"Truly I am. Tonight sure was not a good thing. But it wasn't my fault" oh gard here come the tears _suck them back! suck them back" _luckily thats what I managed to do. I was not believ ing a word, I wonder if they will?. "and it was just a shock at first but now I feel.....I feel happy. Thrilled thats its my birthday and I get yummy cake and gifts.....mainly the gifts" I said forcing a chuckly afterwards. "please don't make a big thing out of it. Lets try to have at least one birthday where it doesn't go belly up...ok"

"Anything you want" my mother said brushing the hair out of my face.

"Anything???" I was trying to be the anoyying kid now. "I am actually starving" truly wasn't I was just trying to remember some of my old phrases used- this was when I was being lazy to get my father to cook me some amazing eggs.

"Eggs a'la Edward" my mother said gesturing towards my father.

"A'la yes" I said.

"Of course" My father then said.

and with that my father entered our small kitchen- rarely used as I go to the main house, but for nights like this. Either I, or my mother and father cook for me- just like before this nightmare of a day. I sat on a stool watching until Jasper came back.....

* * * *

Jacob opened the front door for me, as I walked past he grabbed my hand and walked me towards the steps. Laying on the step was a very small black velvet box......

* * * *

Dun dun dunnnn.....lol

Tell me your lovely thoughts (unless there bad and make me cry lol) xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love

Hey I hoped you liked this......?We will get to the present giving and the many secrets being kept as well as Nessie reveling some of her own and a storyline of charlie- soon to come. xxxx


	39. Yes but no

_Jacob opened the front door for me, as I walked past he grabbed my hand and walked me towards the steps. Laying on the step was a very small black velvet box......_

* * * *

_Ok Nessie just breath. You don't know what it could be_.

I was now sat on one of the porch steps, one of my hands was holding down my skirt- just in case a gust of wind was to come and well revel my painful secret. The other hand was rested in Jakes large warm copper hand. His other hand reached behind him to grasp the small box- his eyes never left my face. His chestnut brown eyes stared lovingly back and then the small box was held in front of him, his bottom lip seemed to quiver slightly- due to nerves or some other emotion bubbling away inside him and then he spoke.

"For this present I only had to think about it for a few moments-if not less- to know that this was the perfect gift for me to give you. I hope you know how much of my heart you own, I truly do love you Renesmee Carlie Cullen and I intend to spend the rest of my life with you. We've been through so much that I do feel that our love has been tested"

I listened carefully to what he was saying. My heart was trying to break free from this emotional cage it is trapped in, but its failing against every other emotion I have staring up in my being. I know that I do love Jake with all my heart and that if he was saying this to me- any other day, before yesterday- I would have flung my arms around him and asked him myself - the question which I thought he was now asking- but im cold inside, the burn on my skin seemed to take away every feeling. I am an empty casing and would love nothing more to be myself again. But the emotional scars are burning deep in my soul, I can't hide, can't run, and can't fight it any more.

"and that is why" he now moved to kneel on the step infront of me- so he was slighly lower than my face. His eyes gased up at me and a slight smile quivered at the corners of his mouth, "Renesmee Carlie Cullen will you marry me" he opened up the box and a small glint glistened of the ring.

* * *

"Yes, of course"

"Im glad you like it" Jasper sung to me.

I looked at the two journals I had in front of me. One was a old, dusty, worn away one and the other was silver, shiny and had lots of written inscriptions on the front- and even though this was a gift from Jasper, my family members had written individual quotes on the front- I suppose to make it more personal.

_Life is long, so leave out the boring bits-Emmett_

_Great for shopping lists so you never forget, I don't have that problem- Alice_

_Silver and shiny, what more could you ask for- Your father, Edward Cullen_

_Feelings are better out than in- Jaz_

_Hold on to what is dear, those you never want to forget- Esme Cullen_

_Don't judge a book by its cover,but cherish the writing inside- Carlisle Cullen_

_Some memories just don't have words- Bella Cullen, mother_

_Beauty can't be written in words- Rose_

_"_Wow, this is great but whats with the old and new" I asked curious.

"This one" He said reaching for the older journal, "Was one I got as a human, just before I was changed. It was one of only a few personal possessions of which I kept. I used to keep a journal as a human, to remember things with the frail mind I used to have. But since becoming a vampire I have no need to write down my thougths mainly because now I have a photographic memory" he chuckled, "Im not saying that you have a frail memory but it felt time to do something with it so I have given it to you. It is completely blank apart from a few pages I have written but I feel they should be of interest to you. The new journal is if you don't like my journal of if you don't want to write in it or something....."

I cut in, "I love them. Both. Thanks Jaz, but are you sure you want to give me this, I mean its such a big thing from your past"

"It is yours" I leaned across the bed and gave him a hug.

He left the room shortly after as I said that I should go to sleep other wise I would not wake up tomorrow. I went into show my parents what I had got- even though they knew- I then wished them good night and entered my bedroom again.

I played the presents on my side table, looked at the locket and yanked it from the table. I wanted to scream, to punch the wall, to have my tears stream from my face. But I kept it tightly locked in- with it eating me silently from the inside-out. I chucked the locket under one of my ripped floor boards in my bathroom- a different one from the blood cloth- and placed it securely back.

* * *

"I" my mouth became suddenly dry and I croaked out 'I', - why now, please let me be happy. Please. I want to marry Jake, I know I would want to...but not, not now. I can feel the burn from earlier on wearing off and a sudden wave of panic and worry returned to me. "Yes" I breathed out.- I couldn't say no, how much pain would that cause Jake. Soon my pain would be gone and then I would want this, enjoy this......I hope.

Jake jumped up and pulled me up into a sudden embrase, I felt horrible from my next thoughts. _I fooled Jake, I just need to fool myself, my family and most importantly Jasper...._

_* * *_

Dun dun dunnnn.....lol I hope you don't hate me that she is not happy (but good things come to those who wait lol)

Tell me your lovely thoughts (unless there bad and make me cry lol) xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write

Hey I hoped you liked this......?We will get to the many present giving and the many secrets being kept as well as Nessie reveling some of her own and a storyline of charlie- soon to come. xxxx


	40. Things to be told, and secrets to hide

The atmosphere had changed in the room, and I felt like I was there in body and not mind. Jacob had dragged me back into the house and announced the news to everyone. There was a mixed reaction mainly the one different reaction was of my fathers shock and -sort of anger- towards Jake about him not asking him in the traditional way. But Jake didn't even notice, he glowed more so than usual. His face was lit up like a kid's in a candy store.

Crowds of people rushed up, Seth, Sam, Paul and a few of the other 'gang'; they kind of tackled Jacob, giving him congratulatory punches in the stomach and scratching him on the head messing up his already shaggy hair. They moved onto me all each taking me in huge hugs and lifting me off the floor. Seth even spun me around.

Their voices merged together into one big long sentence, 'Way to go man. Congrats. I've been waiting all day, so sick of you thinking about it- Leah almost hissed- Hey Nessie or should I say Mrs Black'....... laughs, cheers sored though the house.

The next crowd to merge in was Charlie, Billy, my mum and dad. "Oh honey. It's such a shock but as long as its what you want. Jacob, looks like we will be family after all" my mother hugged me tight and then hugged Jacob.

"Way to go son, I'm glad you asked for that ring. Its gone to a great girl" Billy called while shaking his sons hand, and then Jacob leaned down to give his dad a hug. "Nessie, its going to be an honor to have you in our family" I had to bend down to give Billy a hug. "Still in shock?" he asked me chuckling. All I could do was nod. I wanted to cry, I really just wanted to cry my eyes out- in fact my mind was drawn to pain, a escape route...which is what I really needed now.

This should be a happy day not miserable. Whats wrong with me, am I determined to stay unhappy...?

"Nessie" My father hugged me, "Are you sure...."

"Yes dad. I love Jake, can't you see I just wanna cry" A tear escaped and he caught it with his long finger. Unfortunately it wasn't the tears I should be expecting from this news but the complete opposite.

"Well Im glad that you are happy. Thats all that matters, Jake.....Im a little disappointed......" I tuned out just as charlie held me in a hug.

"Well it seems like just yesterday you were bouncing on my knee. Im glad you have a great boy...I mean man. Jake" He went off to shake Jakes free hand.

Through the whole process Jake didn't let go of my hand, his fingers kept caressing it.

"You have to let me plan the wedding" Alice squealed in excitement when she came up to me. "I've been expecting something like this soon. Not that I knew the exact date....but"

"Yes" and thats all she needed, she was off talking about wedding details.

"I have seen the perfect dress, oh and shoes. We just need to think of hair, colour schemes........"

"Great Alice" I choked out.

She danced to Jacobs other size and made hand gestures- like she was making mental measurements.

Emmett boomed up with Rosalie. "Well looks like we're forever going to have wet dog smell in our house" Emmett called to Jake, he took me in his arms and gave me a bear hug and then punched Jake in the shoulder. Emmett dropped me on my feet and Rosalie re took his space.

"Im glad your getting your happy day, my dear Ness" she kissed me on the cheek and fluttered off to Emmetts side. They were now by Alice who was talking about the way Rose should wear her hair.

"Renesmee" A deep but glorious voice chimed, I looked up to see Jasper staring at me.

"Hey Jaz" I called hugging him but immediately hiding my face in his side. "Great huh" I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath. _Be happy, Be happy......_ Please if there is a god, let me fool Jasper! "Why do you look so worried this is a great happy day". I forced a massive smile across my face.

"Its nothing. I just......." He didn't look worried, but confused about something

"Jaz"

"Its nothing Congratulations Ness" he cheered. Had I fooled Jaz? He then shook Jacobs hand and rushed over to my father....NO! but then I listened.

"What do you mean you can't read her feelings?" My father questioned Jasper.- Obviously Jaz didn't need to speak. "you think?, so you can't tell. Well she looks happy enough...."

That was it I couldn't listen any more. I quickly hugged Carlisle and Esme, Esme was dry sobbing. "Oh im so happy for you both. Finally our Nessie will have a partner, our family is complete"

"I happy for you, we have another addition to our family. A wolf, such a family we have" he smiled and hugged me. Once things had settled again I tugged on Jakes hand.

"Just excuse me" I kissed his hand.

"Where you of too?" he said cheerful.

"Bathroom"

"Well let me walk you" Oh please, let me have this. I need to drain it away.....

"Sure"

* * *

I lay on my bed just staring at the ceiling. There was no way I was going to fall a sleep. It hit me, it was the big elephant in the room. Lucy's locket, even though it was under the floor boards it just was sceaming out at me. What happened to her? What did she leave behind? My hands grasped hard at my face and I bit my lip hard. Why did she have to die? Why did she have to be so frail? Or even why do I have to care when it is not even my fault.

I flung my legs out of the bed so I was not sitting on the edge. I started to rock myself a little, the images flashed in my head over and over. He blonde blood stained hair, ice cold lifeless eyes, firm but fragile skin. I stayed that way the rest of the night, just sat there being haunted by images which made me feel like I was the monster.

* * *

"Doesn't it feel weird. I mean in a good way, like every thing has changed" he looked at me with huge bursts of happiness exploding from his eyes.

"Yes, Im going to spend forever with you" the words poured out with my brain even registering with what I was saying. Just before we left the room Sam quickly called Jake, he looked back at me slightly anxious.

"Oh man, You go ahead and do your business. I've got to talk to Sam" I wasn't just sam he was talking to but my father, Jasper, Emmett......in fact everyone who had been in the garden before

Jake kissed my lips hard and full with passion, I hated to think what my kiss felt like on the other side. But I tried my hardest but nothing...like I said a empty shell. Once he let my hand go, I secretly but super fast ran upstairs towards Rosalie's room again. But I halted, when it suddenly occurred to me that I needed something bigger than a measley burn........

* * *

Dun dun dunnnn.....lol I hope you don't hate me that she is not happy (but good things come to those who wait lol)

Tell me your lovely thoughts (unless there bad and make me cry lol) xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write

Hey I hoped you liked this......?We will get to the many present giving in the past and the many secrets being kept as well as Nessie reveling some of her own and a storyline of charlie- soon to come.

It seems never ending because I just keep writing and writing, with Nessie's pain as im writing it I feel like I want to cry awww. But fear not, some big story lines to come....(or well what I consider to be big xxx) and will any one ever notice her pain, and why is it that Jasper can't read her feelings .......


	41. A little peace and quiet please

The second floor was deserted but the now louder voices echoed from downstairs, roars of laughter and conversation. Why is it that I have a need this to help me survive- its like a gravitational pull - when I should be down their brimming in their happiness0 I am instead wanting to carve my skin.

Carlisle's office door seemed to pulse out making it impossible not to glare at it, the darkness was brimming out of me and I was finding that I would need my next 'fix' to make my feelings go away even if I was just realizing that it was for a hour or so at least- I couldn't do this forever...could I?

I was pulled towards Carlisle's office but suddenly, "Hey Nessie" I turned around to find Seth looking at me. I reigned in the black feelings that were pulsing in my veins- even just for a few moments.

"Seth" I crackled out. "What are you doing?" I grasped one of my hands into a hard fist, my fingernails dug deep into my skin. This was my control, harder I squeezed - I felt like I was just going to crumble away.

"Jake sent me up to see if you were ok" he said, slightly uneasy by my reaction.

"He's not going to turn into a needy old man is he, he can't feel uneasy if Im not around all the time" I said, forcing a smile over my face as my nails dug in further. Seth's laugh boomed down the empty hall.

"No I think he is just worried that you may disappear out the bathroom window" He said with a huge cheesy grin.

"Well you go and tell him, he's stuck with me unless he Sends someone again to check up" I laughed but it sounded unamused to me, but helpless joyful Seth didn't notice. He immediately turned around and marched off down the stairs.

I looked down at my fist, it was slightly shaking. I tried to open it up but it was slow and stiff. There piercing my palm were four glowing pink indentations, my eyes lost focus as they stared at the office again. I couldn't miss my opportunity, I rushed towards the office- looking quickly behind me- once I entered I again drew my hand over the book surface- just in case-.

I knew exactly where to look, and without hesitating I opened the door, move the first aid kit and found the still gleaming scalpel. I put everything back carefully- so that it looked untouched. I left the office shutting the door behind me....

"Nessie" Carlisle called. I looked up slightly shocked but also in a kind of panic about the object in my hand.

I held it tight in my palm- with some of the silver handle resting on my wrist- I also drew it very close to my dress, hoping that the material could conceal it.

"Carlisle" I choked out.

* * *

_Very early this morning_

The morning light which pierced through my window knocked me out of my nightmare daze, I glanced at the time....6:00am. Almost zombie like I got up and made my way to my bathroom. On my way in the floor board with the locket hidden under made - I found myself stepping over it, like it was a grave. I shuddered at the thought of the girl, dead, buried only god knows where. Alone, unnoticed, decaying. I grasped the basin hard with both of my hands.

_Breath in......and out. Breath in .......and out. _I stared at myself in the mirror. I was a horrid sight- if I were to leave this room looking like this, I was certain someone would notice my lack in interest- but that was it. I wanted to stay in here. Im my safe zone, locked away from the world, from Jake, my family......anyone which I could hurt.

I looked in my make up draw which was always freshly stocked by Alice and grabbed the nearest thing to give me my usual glow. Once I had succeeded, I walked back to my closet and rooted for the dress which Alice had got for me today. The green summers dress fluttered soft over my skin as I pulled it over my head- as usual she knew it was going to be a summers day, hence the summers dress.

Walking past my clock I saw that it was only 6:14 but its not like everyone else wouldn't be up. I walked into our kitchen/ lounge area- it was empty so my parents must still be in their room. I quietly crossed the room towards the single chair that faced the un burning fire, I reached up to the mantel and in a swift movement I lit a match with one simple toss it flew onto the log pile and soon blasted into a roar of fire- its not that a day today needed more heat but it was enchanting to watch.

A small tap came on our front door, there was no need to move because my father blurred past me and gracefully pulled it open. A huge wave of sunlight poured in followed by glittering Alice. She danced in immediately noticing me on the chair. _Happy face, Happy face._

"Good morning Nessie. Sleep well" she was obviously seeing if I was ok from yesterday before the huge excitement began.

"Super" I choked out.

"Excellent. Well Happy birthday" she fluttered over to me and gave me a huge hug with one hand. In her other hand was a pink wrapped box. My mother had now joined us all in the room carrying some more presents. Alice's topaz eyes glared at me in cheer-fullness as she handed me her gift. She softly sat on the floor with her legs crossed, looking up at me.

My fingers wanted to hesistated but I ordered them to rip open the paper. In one movement I had the paper torn off and in my hand lay a large bit slightly flat box- kind of like a pizza shaped box. He finger move up and tapped the roof of the box.

"Its a lap top" she said with a huge grin flashing over her face. "Top of the range, good for research and will be a be a very handy tool for when you start school next term"

A few days ago I was looking forward to going to school but now it just seemed like another thing to add to the pile. Its strange its like I am wearing beer gogles, the world looks so different to me now. It seems dim and depressing.

"Wow....utterly speechless"

"Great, of course you like it" She immediately stood up and started to glide towards the door. "Make sure you don't come to the house until..."

"Three" My father said to her.

"Yes no earlier. Bye Ness" She waved and then was gone.

* * *

"What are you doing up here" he asked, not in a serious tone but his usual friendly tone.

"Errr....I ...I was just.....bathroom" I stutted out- _for goodness sake, he's really not going to suspect anything now is he Ness.....stuttering fool._

He chuckled, "Quiet a day for you. But Im sure one that you will rememeber forever"

"Im sure I will"

"Well I was just checking to see if you were ok. You seemed to rush off"

"Yeh I really need a human moment but everyone seems to be intent on coming up stairs to talk to me"....was that a bit mean?

He chuckled, "Yes everyone is very excited. Well I shall let you have your moment then, and just a warning. Alice is going to go crazy on the wedding details. You should proabaly tell her what you want other wise it wont be considered"

I tried to laugh back, and with that he left. Peace at last?

I ran to the nearest bathroom which was the main bathroom- in which only I really used. I slammed the door shut in my rush and bolted the lock. My back hit the bathroom door and I slid down until my bum touched the floor. I pulled out the silver scalpel and just stared at it for a moment. I closed my eyes and had images of the car crash, lucy limp in my arms, last year with Jake dying in my arms, today with me lying my teeth out to everyone I loved.

Without openening my eyes my hand- with the scalpel reached down and cut my skin, I didn't look, I didn't flinch I just waited for it all to drain away from me again.....

* * *

Dun dun dunnnn.....lol I hope you don't hate me that she is not happy (but good things come to those who wait lol)

Tell me your lovely thoughts (unless there bad and make me cry lol) xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write

Hey I hoped you liked this......?We will get to the many present giving in the past and the many secrets being kept as well as Nessie reveling some of her own and a storyline of charlie- soon to come.

It seems never ending because I just keep writing and writing, with Nessie's pain as im writing it I feel like I want to cry awww. But fear not, some big story lines to come....(or well what I consider to be big xxx) and will any one ever notice her pain, and why is it that Jasper can't read her feelings .......


	42. One day and time to spill the beans

_A week later- jumped ahead a week for like a second 'preface'_

The hospital lights burned my eyes as we entered, a blur of people stormed around us in panic and shock. I was among them and I had a serge of graping pain soar through me. My hands quivered and tears started to stream down my cheeks. Why.....why us. Why is it that people I love are always near death.

Today it was serious and I was alone as I stared into the dying eyes of people who are important in my life. A sudden cry from a nurse and the rush be came hectic, doctors. Bleeping machines, the slowing of one heart and the other which was completely still and silent, I knew in my heart that this rush was inevitable. He was going to die and there is nothing anyone can do.

I could feel the storm of pain return to me in one huge wave, I couldn't handle to see someone else die in front of me, not him not ..................... I had fought this tetrous pain all week but now I was losing the fight and no one was here to help me...I would love nothing more than to take the pain away if not for a final time....

* * *

_The day morning my birthday- 7 days ago (like a second preface for this storyline)_

"Did you sleep well" my mother hummed as she retook Alice's spot on the floor. All the energy I could muster up was to just nod my head. I held up the box to make it look like I was admiring it.

"Im spoiled" I tried to chuckle out. "and I love it" I placed the box by my feet and glared at my mothers face. She seemed to also excited. My father joined her on the floor wrapping his legs around her- like he was the back to a chair.

"Well these are a few things from us" she held up the first small box, it was again wrapped in pink with a bow wrapped around it and tied on the top. I carefully unwrapped the first gift and pulled the lid off the small box.

"A bracelet"

"Yes like mine, the one you like." She picked it up and wrapped it around my hand. It was just like hers with the wolf and heart jewel which glistened in the soldering light of the fire.

"It was about time I gave you one of my diamond pieces, just like Esme, Alice and your mother and Jake was more than happy to make a wolf for you- slighlty different of course." my father went onto say.

"The wolf is holding a heart" my mother finished. "So I suppose its partly from us and Jake."

"Wow yes it's great. I just can't believe it" this was a nice thing and I could feel it crack at my heart.

My father reached around for the second present and handed it to me, "This is actually off Rose and Emmett, they said you could open it or wait for later" and pointing to the last present in my mothers arms. "This is the same with Carlisle's and Esme's"

"I wait for them later, so they can see me opening them" I spoke out, I just wasn't in the birthday mood.

* * *_ present time_

I looked down and saw the sticky blood trickle down my leg leaving a long trail behind it. I am realizing that instead of crying tears Im crying blood, Im draining away the pain and I know deep down that this is wrong, and that I shouldn't do this but I just can't stop myself. I just can't be happy.

I looked at where the scalpe had cut me, there was a long line down my thigh, the skin was torn open .I sunk my body down so that I was now lying on the bathroom floor, in the small pool of blood surrounding me. The pain prickled my leg and pulled the images away from my brain.

I just lay there and then I thought to myself..._You may hurt me but I can hurt myself even more, you may hurt me but I can hurt myself even more....... I _was talking about the emotional pain I have stored inside me, it can hurt me but this- cutting my heal-able skin- is my way of hurting myself to take the pain away.

I felt tired, this days were never ending and I still felt like it was yesterday. I looked at my bloody hands and immediately jumped up and threw them into the wash basin and scrubbed them clean....it felt like her blood.

I then caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, blood splodges were over my dress and lines down my leg. I immediately dragged my dress off me and climbed into the shower. I let the warm water trickle over me. After a while my legs gave way and I was slumped on the shower floor with the water washing away my blood.......

"Nessie" A small knock came at the door, it was my mothers voice. My hand reached up into my hair and grasped a huge chunk- I tugged slightly before I answered.

"Yes"

"Are you in the shower?"

"Yes...I just got some ....icing on my self"

"Well some of the guest are leaving shortly so..."

"Yes I'll be down soon"

I got out the shower and put the bloody towels and clothes in bin liner, I rushed into my fathers room- which held some things of mine and my mothers- I grabbed some clothes- not caring what they were and put them on- once I was done I rushed downstairs.

Emily, Sam, Leah, Sue, Billy, Charlie, Jared, Bradley, Collin, Paul, Kim, Quil, Embry, Seth, Clair, and rachel- basically the whole La push clan and Charlie were all getting ready to leave. Some of the boys had hand fulls of cupcakes, candy and soda....well we don't need it all here.

"Hey everyone, Thanks so much for showing up"

"Its our pleasure" Sam said, wrapping his arms around Emily. I held the front door open for them and waited while saying goodbye to each of them as they all left in single file.

"Bye" I waved them off, some of them running. Billy, charlie and sue as well as some of the human girlfriends left in two cars. Rachel driving one and Sue driving the other.

Alice had already begun the clear up, with Rosalie and Esme, and as I looked at Jacob I felt a wave of guilt soar in me. What was I doing, Why can't I just tell him. _Jacob, Im struggling here. I ....I hurt myself. _Im meant to be able to tell him every thing and what am I doing Im lying straight to his face.

"Thanks for the party guys"

"Its our pleasure" Esme sung out.

"Err Jake fancy going for a walk?" I asked.

"Love too" his usual big grin flashed across his face, his arms wrapped around his waist and we both walked out towards the green forest. I truly didn't know what I was doing. I must be the only person in history to just do this for one day. But my love for Jacob is strong and my hate for lying is stronger. I have to tell him....dont I

* * *

Tell me your lovely thoughts (unless there bad and make me cry lol) xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write

P.s I do have a nice storyline coming up soon.

I hope you don't mind the way this self harming is going, it is actually a really hard subject to write about so I am going to have it come to a quick climax because I want to bring in Jake to her pain and I want to show how strong there love is that the majority of this pain has built up because of her lies to him.......


	43. Jakes POV 'Nessie did you just say that?

Jakes POV

It's unbelievable how happy I feel, the girl who I love with my whole heart said 'yes', I want to run through the forest howling my excitement. I just want her to be mine and for myself to know, for everyone to know that we belong together forever. Her warm hand is grasping mine as we make our way towards the forest for a walk. Today has been such a roller coaster for me. At first I wasn't going to propose because of last night, but as I spent all night tossing and turning Im so glad that I went with my gut feeling.

To see Nessie wear my mothers engagement ring is so speical that my heart is bursting out of my chest, its unbelivable how happy I am but the thing is that if she had of said no...I still woulds be happy- even though I can't imagine it now- because as long as she is happy so am I and that includes whether she is with me as a husband, fiance or just friend. BUt even as I think those words - fiance and husband- I just can't contain my joy.

A huge smile crosses my face but I notice that as I look in her eyes I fear that she is a bit anxious.

"Nessie what is it?" I asked her. She came to a halt infront of me, we were now surrounded by tree's all around. I pulled her closer to me by her waist. She look's up at me with her big brown eyes and her wet curls dripping around her face.

"Lies" was the first words she spoke, and the first thing that came to me was the lies that I was keeping from her but there was no way she could no, and I was not really lying just not telling her the truth. I mean with all she has gone though the last thing she needs to know about is.................she cut my though process and continued on speaking.

"I...I can't start this .........hmm..." she struggled to say those words.

"Yes my lovely Ness what is it you are trying to say" I would love nothing more than to kiss her right now. My heart is bubbling and my pulse is quickening. Im just blissfully happy, but my heart froze when I noticed the serious look of 'horror?' on her face, she was telling me something serious. "Ness............" my heart clenched my throat and I stared into her eyes, they didn't not mirror my happiness but they expressed fear and .....and pain.

"The thing is Jake is that" she leaned forwards and placed both of her hands either side of my face, "I can't keep secrets from you and......." she took in a deep shaky breath and looked down away from me. "Im not ok....."

"About the engagement....?" I choked those words out, I don't whether I was rushing- but I felt like I was a kid having a cherished toy ripped from my hands.

"No...no.....I know that I would want to be engaged to you but" A few tears fled from my weak eyes, I closed them. "Jake please let me finish" Nessie held strong.

"Ok", I know I said that I would be happy if she said no, but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't feel the pain

"Jake......Jakey. This is not about the engagement,but I don't feel like it was the right time to ask......please don't cry other wise I won't be able to tell you the real reason"

"Its ok, just say it"

"Im....Im.....................Im not handling the. You know yesterday with ....and..well Im just not handling it very well, well as well as I should be. I don't feel anything Jake, and its not your fault. But I feel like I am drowning in this dark airless space, and that more and more painful things are just piling up...pressing me further down."

I listened carefully to what she was saying and I felt my heart stop, one things was that she wasn't saying that she didn't want to marry me but the she is ....in pain, emotional pain. Depressed- that was worse for me to hear, she has suffered in silence all day. Her birthday- of all days- and I piled on more pressure of asking her to marry me.....I just couldn't wait any longer.

"Ness" I tried to say but she stopped me, he finger traced along my lips.

"Please, this is hard enough for me to say with out breaking down. I want to be happy Jake, I want to feel the sunshine, love, excitement. But I feel nothing, and its not that its gone away. But that it is being trapped by every thing else, so I can't except this yet" She pulled off the ring and pressed it into my palm, "But I know I love you, some part of me does, But Im dying here. From the inside out, im a empty shell. I can't breath, can't think and..............I've hurt my self"

"What Nessie" Sudden panic flew over me and my hands traced her body. She pulled herself away and dropped to the floor. I followed and watched in horror as she lifted up her trouser leg, from her Knee upwards- I couldn't see how far- a dark blood crusted line scabbed her pale skin. I couldn't believe what I was hearing or seeing, my poor Nessie. She couldn't tell me how much pain she was in, I didn't care now about the ring but more about her and her shrinking emotions.

She was falling deep and I knew I had to pull her out of her pit and cradle her, my sunshine, to make her happy again. She flew into my open arms and I held her close to my body as she pulled me closer to herself. We- I- Knew that I needed to be therefore her, especially at this time.

But what was I going to do about the three mysterious deaths which had happened in Forks- which we all fear are another gang to come and feed- when I have to protect my Nessie from herself.

* * *

Tell me your lovely thoughts (unless there bad and make me cry lol) xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write

P.s I do have a nice storyline coming up soon.


	44. Tail between my legs

_But what was I going to do about the three mysterious deaths which had happened in Forks- which we all fear are another gang to come and feed- when I have to protect my Nessie from herself._

* * *

_Back to Nessie's POV- _

Jacob hadn't let go of my waist since I told him, it was quite comforting knowing that he was there. After what it seemed like hours just being held in his arms he finally rose and took my face in his large warming hands. His deep chocolate melting eyes stared at me, his thumb stroked my cheek and then he spoke. "Nessie, thank you for telling me. I know that must have been hard but we need to tell everyone else. Let Carlisle have a look at..." he trailed off and looked like he was going to cry.

"Jake its ok....but I can't talk about it again. Well at least not right now. Can you tell them" I asked. I pressed my head against his chest.

"Of course, but promise me something" he pulled me up so that we were face to face. "Please never ever.." he kissed my forehead, and whispered the rest, "hurt your self again.....please"

I pressed my lips to his and he curved his lips into mine, I waited for the spark but it sizzled out on my icy exterior- I couldn't wait for that to be gone and then I can appreciate Jakes touch again- I pulled away and whispered close to his ear, "I promise" but my stomach twisted because I didn't know whether I could actually keep that promise but I know that I would try- for Jake.

He wrapped his arm around me as we walked to the house, my hand felt lighter but also my pain felt like it was- not completely gone- but being shared, I wrapped my arms around his body and pressed my face hard into chest. I could feel his chest rise and fall as he breathed- it was very soothing. I just wanted to close my eyes and fall a sleep. I wish that this was just a bad dream and that I would wake up and feel fine and be planning my wedding, but in reality I was engaged for a few hours and I never even got to feel what it felt like......what's wrong with me?

As we entered the house I could hear everyone cheerfully chatting. "I thing you would suit a lavender colour but then Rose would suit baby pink and then Esme would suit baby blue...Oh this is going to need a lot of planning" I could hear Alice say to my mother and Rose.

"Emmett, Jasper..dont break my coffee table" Esme was calling towards a wrestling Emmett and Jasper.

But then suddenly the chatting came to a halt when my father shouted "What!" and rushed over towards us, I dug my face in more so that they couldn't see my face- but also so that I couldn't see their faces. On my arm I did feel a cool pressure, Im guessing that my father was gently grasping my arm. Everything was silent, I think that Jake was telling my father in his thoughts.

"What is it?" a impatient Alice called. I couldn't tell if anyone else had moved around me, I felt safe in Jake's chest. I just lost myself, I closed my eyes and concontrated on Jake's breathing- it was easy to get lost in usless thoughts.

* * *

_Jake POV (from when they walked into the house)_

_Edward please don't freak out, can you hear me yet. Don't freak out ok, for Nessie don't freak out. She said that she didn't want to tell you herself....she has been through so much I guess. Yesterday had a bigger effect on her than what we first thought....she's hurt herself. _Its still hard for me to imagine that, the huge scarlett line on her leg, it stops my heart to think of her in that much pain that she has to inflict that on herself.

The image of the cut on her leg was sharply interrupted by Edward shout 'What', I looked up at him and he was a blur and then by our side in an instant. _Wait! _I thought quickly. _She just wants you to listen to me with no fuss ok. _I saw him shake his head slightly. _I can't say it again in front of her so I'll go through it myself in 'here'. _

I quickly talked through what she had said, about the pain she feels but then how empty it leaves her. Then I quickly skimmed over the engagement- being over- because that wasn't the most important thing. But the image which I just couldn't erase from my mind was the look of pain and sadness in her eyes and the red drying bloody wound on her leg. I saw Edward wince a little when he saw it for the first time.

I held Nessie tighter to my chest, I felt like I might never let go again.

* * *

_Nessie's POV_

Even though I was trying to block out the 'world' I was beginning to feel uneasy from the silence of the room. I turned my head away from his chest, "Wait" I pulled my head away and stood up straight, my fingers entwined with his, my father had released his grip on my arms and as I looked at him his hands were at fists by his sides. "I should have told you yesterday" my mother had come to my side and the others had gathered around- even though they could have clearly heard what I was going to say where they stood before.

"I feel ....I feel nothing and its killing me. I keep seeing her- Lucy- in my head....all the time. Her bloody, lifeless, limp body in my arms and I feel like I was the one who killed her." My mother and Esme let out quiet gasps. "I know that I am wrong but I just can't believe it. I can't handle what I feel, and I took it out on my flesh. I burned my skin and cut it" I bit down hard on my lip to stop the tears from flowing.

Everyone kept silent and listened, "and I still want to, but it effected me even more keeping it away from you, from Jake" I squeezed his hand. "Please I can't handle fuss, but I know that I need help. I can't handle this alone anymore......Im so sorry"

The room was quiet for a few moments longer, but then Carlisle broke the ....shock. "You have no need to apologise, you have done well" he spoke in his doctor tone. I must seem like one of his self harm patients. "The first step is admitting you are feeling this way. I think that I should have a look at the injuries you have inflicted."

"Sure" that was all I could say, I had a wave of new strong emotions pour over me, I was weak and I have failed not just myself but my family. As I walked past my mother and father I could see the look of shock pasted on their faces. I felt so ashamed. Jake walked with me behind Carlisle but this time we were not followed by anyone else....

* * *

Tell me your lovely thoughts (unless there bad and make me cry lol) xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write

P.s I do have a nice storyline coming up soon.


	45. One Cullen at a time

I know Im late with this chapter 'reader' 'sorry' lol- I do try to get the chapters out but I will be busy lately due to my exams coming up, but to be honest I can't keep away for to long from writing. I have had good comments on the different POV'S - with some requests for other characters so I thought this would be the best chapter to do so. As usual I love to hear your thoughts and some of you are really cheering me up with saying how much you wait for my chapters- so I feel bad not getting one out in my usual pattern. Well sorry for the blab- xxxx

* * *

I lay staring at the white ceiling, strange enough I did feel lighter- emotionally that is- but I'm sure that I have hurt my family. I told them about ...my problem but if I think about it they have hardly spoken to me about it,

After going up stairs Carlisle checked my leg out with a worried look on his face. Jake stayed glued to my hand but the room stayed silent. I wanted to speak , to break the silence but my throat was dry and I couldn't. I could hear the hurried voices blur downstairs and it did sound like they were in a heated discussion with each other but I couldn't force myself to listen. If it was about me I just couldn't hear what they had to say.

_Jakes POV _

Her warm hand held mine tight, and I was sure that I was responding by squeezing harder- I wasn't going to let go of my Nessie, I know I would have to sometime but at the present my little wounded angel wasn't going to leave my grasp. Not while she was in this pain.

I was listening hard to what the other Cullen's were speaking about downstairs, it was a mixture of shock and pain towards this new revelation about what our loch ness monster has been doing- been suffering- but also about the small problem of the rebel vampires feeding on the town foke of Forks. Just the thought of vampires feeding on our land made my stomach twist with hatred.

It was three people which we all knew- including the Cullens-. The first to turn up was Maggie Forester but what made it worse was that in her bloodless body she clenched on to her eight year old son who had also been bled by the parasites.

Maggie was a nurse at the local hospital and has actual spent alot of time with Carlisle. Carlisle one of the Cullens- apart from Nessie- of whom I really like, was even hard for me to see his pained face when Sam told him the news- to the other Cullens as well- it twisted my heart to see him grieve like that for a human.

The latest victim to turn up was Johnny Oak, he was trainee teacher at Forks high school, what was even more disgusting was that he had been killed- not fed on- at the high school. It was predicted from Carlisles examination that he had been killed late in the night- he must have stayed for more preparation. A young student had come in early and found him in the careless position he was in.

It was this last victim which came to our notice a few moments ago just before Sam and the guys left. While Nessie had retreated upstairs- for what I now new was to cut herself, this image made me want to cry and pull her into the protective ness of my arms- Billy got a call from another Elder, we all decided it was best for the wolves to leave to see what they could find and then as a 'team'- I suppose we could say- we would fix the problem together depending on the danger level involved.

It was decided by the Cullen's that we were to keep this from Nessie, at first to just let her have a peaceful birthday- for once- and due to the painful excitement she had received in the previous day. But I could hear them downstairs now, I suspected that Carlisle could too due to the look on his face. We- they have decided not to tell her full stop.

I lean down and kiss Nessie on the head, I want to make sure that she doesn't concentrate on the conversation occurring downstairs.

"Hows the leg?....." I ask as her empty chocolate eyes look at me.

_Alice POV_

"I don't know Edward. I don't like the thought of lying to her" Bella whispered to us, we had to keep quiet because Ness was in hearing distance- if we weren't careful she could hear everything as clear as day. It had come as such as shock to see how our usually cheerful Ness was ....well miserable. I just wish that I was able to see her future clearly but it frustrates me to the highest furry tree that I can't.

At an instant Edward cupped his Bella's hand and brought it to his face, he whispered to her. "I know, Im not happy about it either" his usual pained expression flashed across his face- he wasn't the only one.

"Alice" Edward called frustrated.

"Come on Edward. Nessie means as much to us as she does to you. We are all not happy about 'lying' as you say. But its not lying just not telling the whole truth. She really doesn't need anymore on her shoulders. I wish I could see whether she could handle more news. I would have thought so..." Edward rushed in and finished my sentence- so annoying.

"Until the way she reacted over the death of Lucy. A fragile human who didn't mean anything to her, but still she has this pang of guilt flowing through her" He looked into his wife's eyes. I held my hand out and Jasper lovingly grasped it. I could feel the soothing wave of calmness as he swept the feeling though out the room. My Jasper so willing to make everyone feel good- such a kind soul.

I got a stinging headache rush its way into my brain.......

_Edwards POV_

As well as trying to reassure myself I felt my heart crumble knowing that my lovely Bella also suffered. But even worse was that my daughter had this depression of pain. A pain that I wasn't able to easily take away. I could feel it eat away at my heart- just seeing those thoughts in Jacobs head was ....torture.

The piercing red scar down her usual pale skin left it raw red around the long thin wound. If I were human I know that that image would make me want to heave in agony. No father should see his daughter like that, and I intended for it to never happen again.

My thoughts were interupted as I saw a new panicked and bitty vision seep into my mind. It was not hard to concentrate on what Alice was seeing but the thoughts of the others seeped into my mind as well.

_This thing with Nessie is a bummer but wait till I can take it out on those rogue vamps. Its been so long since a good fight. _Emmett trailed on and on with his excitement of the possible upcoming fight. I didn't feel the same, If we were to keep this from Nessie it would mean leaving her behind to go and fight- of course either way I would not want her fighting with us, but to leave her at a time like this.......

_Maybe I should go up to Nessie _Rosalie thought _That stinky dog is up there but, Nessie. Is she ok? I hate to have her like this. I don't want my monkey man fighting against some rebel vampires again. This whole process is tiresome. Don't we get a moments piece?_

At least she wasn't thinking about herself, I couldn't handle right now hearing another tail about how she hopes or knows how good she looks today- but over the past couple of years she has grown less selfish, another good trait brought on by our savior- Nessie.

I watched Alice's thoughts carefully as she gained glimpses of the future ahead.......

* * *

Tell me your lovely thoughts xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write and to the new readers which I gain.


	46. Little changes in a short time

_I watched Alice's thoughts carefully as she gained glimpses of the future ahead......._

_Edward's POV_

They came in shattered pieces, first was a flash of the grassy opening by our house. I could see white blurs flash past but it wasn't clear almost like we were viewing it from underwater. Brown spots soared past just before the vision fell dark you could see the glistening tears of rain as they fell from the sky- it fell dark again and then Alice was buzzing in her own thoughts.

_What, was that. It wasn't clear....my head is throbbing.....it was the wolves, always the wolves. Everything was so clear until they entered the picture. _

Then suddenly another flash came, it was a house, it was un-identable because the typical Forks forest was in the way. But this creature was waiting, crouched. Eyes burning with fire, mouth bleeding with venom. It was easily noticeable from the position it was in that it was getting ready to pounce on the prey or attack.....The dark vision ended and Alice returned- now in control of her thoughts.

It was only the other voices in my head which broke me from the daze I was in. _What is it, what can my Alice see....I hate seeing her suffer. _Jasper kept saying to himself, until Alice blank eyes filled with life again and he took her in his long pale arms.

"What is it" Emmett boasted out breaking the silence.

She was messaging her temples with both of her free hands. I felt like doing the same- it was hard seeing and hearing what she did as it also exhausted me...in the sense of the word.

"Nothing, wasn't clear enough" Alice almost snapped- due to her self annoyment.

"What does that mean?" Rosalie questioned.

"Once the wolves are involved, poof the vision gets dazed. I can't see. I need some space...Jasper" she looked at him with expectant eyes, he nodded and they both left the room and into the garden, they would go to their usual quiet spot on the mountain and all time that was needed for Alice to concentrate. They make a good pair especially when she is frustrated with herself the way she is now. He can sooth her adjusted feelings and make her relax.

Nessies POV

Carlisle seems satisfied enough after looking at the now fading line- I seem to be realising the deeper the cut the longer it takes to heal....well for me to heal- and he was less happy when he saw my 'orange peel' skin due to the burn. He kept his face statue as always and let his duties as a doctor take over. When he had finally finished his hand stroked my skin. "Dear Nessie, speaking in the terms as a doctor. The first step you have achieved which was telling us. Now I know that it will be difficult but you need to make sure that you don't allow yourself to get so......to get into the place you are. The best thing for you is to talk through your troubles and worries. Of course when you are ready."

He glanced at Jacob and left the room. Everything seemed to ........strange. It surely can't be down to this. Can it? there is no way that my news to them would make them act this strange, but wait no. Today my family have been a little distant, first the secret meeting in the garden and .......

"Nessie" Jacobs breaking voice spoke to me.

"Yes Jacob"

"Why...?" that was all he needed to say, for me to know the answer he was looking for. _No more lies....._

"Well.... I don't know like I said it got on top of me." I mumbled out.

"But you are so.....but you usually. Why didn't you say something last night....before it came to...." he choked out the last words.

"Im so sorry Jacob, if I had known it would have hurt you I would have never...."

"hurt yourself"

"Yes"

"But you would have been hurting more so..in side"

"I can deal with this, Im strong and now I have you"

"You always had me" he whispered, moving his face closer to my face.

"Im really sorry about the ......engagement" I whispered the last word, it seemed to grate my throat as it came out. I wasn't ready but that didn't mean that I would hesitate at spending the rest of my life with him. Jacob was my legs, he holds me strong.

"That doesn't matter only you,......"

"Shhhh......" my hand wrapped around his neck and I encouraged him to move down and reach my lips. His body towered over me while I lay helpless on the white cotton hospital style bed. His lips touched mine and a warm tingle returned, it bubbled to the surface of my lips- drawn out by his- our kissed became more passioned as my hands moved to his waist and I edged him to move closer. But he stopped.

"No...." he said, not in a harsh way but in a ...wounded way.

"Jake" I said, retreating from the .....rejection?

"You don't need this, you need to focus on ...." his eyes filled with pain.

"Getting better..." the words felt like acid on my tongue. There was nothing physically wrong with me but was there mentally? I can't handle stress and worry and even the slight bit of grieve without me losing my grip. There wasn't anything wrong with me.....but was I fooling myself? all I knew was that there was a bit of control lost, and in my first few moments I gained back that control by cutting myself- why was it that I could see that now, it wasn't about draining the pain away- because that is impossible- it was about gaining control. That is why the painful memories of my last birthday kept flooding me.......I lost control then, couldn't control life..could have lost my Jake. Just like yesterday and luc....

"No not getting better, your not...." he interrupted my deep thought process, but it was to late now I realized it all anyway. But I cut my way into his sentence.

"No...better. Its true. I need to have a break, talk about somethings and release it. And don't look so worried, I know its not that easy but I have you and.....we can get away. Just us, I can talk and you can listen. Jake I only want to tell you......" I stopped mid sentence when he face seemed to crumple.

_Jacobs POV_

Im torn, between my nature- my duty- and my heart. Of course I would listen to my Nessie hear her pain- wanted to share, if not release her of the burden- but people are dying. What am I saying. Of course Nessie comes first, she always will. If she wanted to leave..now....I would follow her all the way around the world.

I felt my face relax, she has no need to know about the killings in Forks, we have no idea what this could do. I mean her reaction yesterday to Lucy was strange....but she is so young, And the lesser violent person of us all. My heart bubbled as I felt my memories of Nessie fill my soul. She would get better- not that there was much wrong with her now- she would talk and I would listen....forever. She will be her usual self soon, as longs as she is not hurting herself. As long as she is happy- then so am I.

I feel that it is my job to ensure that she is.

I noticed that she had seen the 'undecided look on my face'. "Perfect" Was all I could say. Yes I was worried about her, and yes I was worried about the killings but the most important thing for me was Nessie and my allies and friends would take care of the problem.

Nessie slide over to the far side of the bed, and gestured for me to climb in next to her. I lay next to my Nessie just like normal, just like two days ago. I closed my eyes and hung my arm over her waist. She lifted her head and my other arm slid under it. She nestled into my chest and I felt alittle bit of ease knowing that she would be safe in my arms.

* * *

Tell me your lovely thoughts xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write and to the new readers which I gain.


	47. moving swiftly on

_Better late then never lol.....this is making the story move on past her depression. Enjoy and as usual my ears are open to your thoughts xxxxx_

_ * * * _

_Jacobs POV_

I could see her fragile chest rise and fall as she slept in a deep slumber, she seemed so peaceful in my arms, so relaxed and you couldn't imagine that this little loch ness monster was 'in the dark', and now there was me grasping on to her hand, pulling her back into the warmth, the light. She was no longer falling away alone into the dark pitt of pain, but she was holding on to my willing hand- never to let go.

I pulled my hand- the one resting over her waist- up to her cheek. Our warmth burned together as I massaged tiny circles, her cheeks flushed a slight rose colour. she turned her body so that she was facing me and held her face to my chest. My hand fell to her back, and I cradled her closer to me.

"Jake" she said in her tired voice.

"Mmmm"

"I do love you" she said, her soft lips kissed my chest. I felt the lava beneath my skin bubble, it echoed its blaze towards my heart. Those words, her kiss would send me heart into a race.

"I love you too.....forever and always" she leaned up and kissed my lips, the fire burned bright as our lips moved together but it was quickly stopped by some one clearing their throat by the entrance to the room.

_Nessie's POV_

I pulled my unwilling lips away from Jacob to see who had made that sound, I looked over to find my father standing in the door way. "Dad" As soon as those words left my lips he swept over towards me and was then pulling me into a gentle hug. I wrapped my arms tightly around his body, it felt nice.

My brave kind father whom I love as well with my mother, but now as I think about what I have done to myself shouldn't have all this love and support have been enough?

I mean I have Jake, Mom, Dad, Rose, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme and even Emmett who love me with all their hearts and soul. They would do anything for me and not judge my desisions, their strong. Stronger than me, so why couldn't the words escape my lips before I cut my body and damaged my bleeding soul.

"Sorry, Never never again" I mutted deep into his shoulder.

"Please don't apologise, just don't harm yourself again. There are better ways, I can't- we can't bare to see you in any form of pain. You should never feel like that again, I will never let you feel that strain again" My father, a heart and soul man. Me and my mother the most important things in the world to him and I easily know how to wound him. Not that I intend to do it on purpose but that I just naturally seem inclined to hurt the ones I love. The emotional pain I felt in my heart, hasn't completely gone. But I feel like it is retreating, I am stronger and I will never allow it to take over again.

But in my foolish blindness, I vowed not to tell them that I felt this way because It would have hurt them. But now I see that my actions and denial to tell them is what now causes them to wince when they see the fading rose line on my thigh.

"Never again" I said to him, repeating the words which just flowed freely out of his mouth. But did struggle as they escaped mine, and it confused me to why? "I haven't upset everyone else have I, I mean it may be to soon to feel optimistic but I do feel better. Of course it is still there hiding in my heart, pulling on it every time I think about what happened. But it is no longer the elephant in the room, no longer dominate over me, Im no longer inclined to ...." I trailed off not wanting to say the last words.

"No one is upset with you" Jacob said, leaping out out of the bed and placing his hand on the small of my back. "Never, you could poke me in the eye and I would never be upset with you" Jacob usual grin crossed his face, the one that makes me go weak at the knees- luckily my father was holding me hard enough that he wouldn't notice.

"Absolutely no one. Things will go on as normal and when you are ready to talk to anyone, we all will listen with ease" my father said in his glorious gently toned voice. I stayed there in his fatherly protective arms until I felt the need to go and try to get back to the normal routine- better late than never.

"OK, lets go downstairs there are a few things I need to to get rid of for me................" I said looking at the both of them.

"Things. What things?" Jacob said curious, while he reached out for my hand.

"Well, first of all I want you to give Carlisle his scalpel back. Its in the main bathroom with my bloody dress." They both stared hard, I could see they were trying not to crumple their faces with the image. I tugged on Jakes hand and lead him out of the room towards the stairs. "Daddy can you, or someone else deal with that. I have to have Jake get something else for me?"

"Of course" and with that he flew off with grace towards the main bathroom, I didn't need to tell him where to look. He would find them.

"Where are we going, my sweet" Jacob asked. Lifting my hand up to his chest- close to his heart.

"The cottage. There are a few things hidden which I need you to get for me. I just can't look at them."

"Sure"

When we entered the lounge area, Jasper and Alice weren't hear. Carlisle was on the phone to someone, and the rest were sat down on the couch. This was the first time I had seen them after blurting out what I had basically done. Their faces seemed normal enough- but we were great at hiding our true feelings...I had great experience in that department.

"Nessie dear" Esme called, "Are you ok?"

"Now I am, who would have thought just talking would be the 'key" I smiled back, this time it was real and not fake. I wanted to tell them that I was 100% fine, because now it was about making them happy again. A thought I had not considered when I was slicing my flesh.

"Mom" I looked at my mother on the couch and took a step towards her, I held out my arms and she gracefully flashed into them.

"Oh Nessie. I should have known" She cried as she held me in another tight hug.

"No mom, please no."

I danced around the room to me beautiful family members- except Carlisle who was busy on the phone, it didn't even occur to me to see who was calling- and tried to show them that I was 'ok' and I wanted to get things to normal as soon as possible then possibly as soon as my head is fully clear I could have a serious talk with Jacob about a little question he had asked me today.

Jake didn't need to be told anything else apart from that there are some objects under my lose floor boards I want to to remove them and just take them away from me- this included the bloody cloth and Lucy's necklace- the only thing that got me was like I was fully erasing her. But I was sure there was someone out there morning the loss of this beautiful girl. But it wasn't up to me to do so, It was silly to do this....and I could see than now. I will live forever, but in the world death is eminent and when I start school, the students who blend with me will die. Whether it is the next day or in eighty years- so It wasn't up to me to morn humans in their own circle of life. Other wise I would be a very depressed half vampire.

We retreted to our usual spot on the bed, me in Jakes arms. The world seemed small from here, safe, actually it felt non excistant. It felt like it was just me and Jake when ever I layed in his arms....me and Jake forever. We were both peaceful in the silence that surrounded us.....

But from the woods a unexpected howling soared though the sky. It was loud and impossible to identify who it was, but it seemed to be a panicked howl. I could feel Jake stiffen under me like it was a calling he didn't want to hear......................

* * *

Tell me your lovely thoughts xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write and to the new readers which I gain. I wanted to move past the depresson and move on to more excitement leading up to the second preface.


	48. Its begun

"Jake" I said. Again the howling pierced the quiet night sky. Jacob had leaped up and was headed for the front door. "Jake" I called again, following after him. He stood on the soil looking around in the black forest.

Before I could ask him anything else from the corner of my eye I saw my family enter the small area of woods that surrounded our cottage. I reached down and grasped Jakes trembling hand. "Jake go....." He looked down at me. Anxiousness filled his eyes, one swift kiss on my cheek and he ran off into the wooded area to transform.

I turned to my gathered family, "What is it?"

"Its nothing to worry about" my father said, but his face showed me that there was something to worry about. His eyes were filled with the same anxiousness as Jakes.

"Don't...." I trailed off, two more howls came from different people this time. I was seriously worried, I have never heard them like this before. "Tell me, there is no need for protection"

"Honey..." my mother started to say but she was suddenly interrupted by my father. He rushed to my side, grabbed me by the arm and was pulling me towards the main house.

"Dad" I yelled, shocked by his sudden actions. I used all the strenght I had to release my arm. "Stop!, slow down. Stop keeping me in the dark. What is going on or.....what did you just hear?"

He balled up his fists, "For once Nessie, just do this. For once....please" There was something big they were keeping from me, obvisouly now not trying to keep it a secret. But as I looked at my father his face slightly crumpled with pain.

He quickly ordered, "Carlisle", with one point of his finger Carlisle ran in that direction. "Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rose do a search of the area quick" that was it, no explanation and they ran off in split directions- gone in couples.

Something hit me, I felt the need to see what was going on. I turned around and ran with all my heart. Towards the howling, towards my Jake. I knew I may not out run my father but I was compelled to try. "Nessie No!" He tried to grab my arm again, not trying to be gentle. Something had really scared him and the only reason I could thing for him to react like this would be if I were in danger? But if that was true so was everyone else.

I dogged his grasp by falling backwards. My mother was at my side. "Edward" she said, "Just hold on" she said with a worried tone in her voice.

"There here" that was all she needed, she was now on his side to drag me away. But it was too late, I was up again and running away...but that was when I saw Jake, Sam and Paul. Carlisle was here as well. Paul was in his wolf form where as Jake and Sam were in human form. But it was not the fact that they were crouched on the floor, both trembling but the fact that something or someone was lying on the ground.

I could tell that it was a human, a male, and as I listened to the area around I could only hear four beating hearts- mine included. My mom and dad had come up close behind me but stopped when they realized what I had saw. In the corner of my eye I could see the both of them scanning the woods around us, but why? Had someone been attacked? Was there another vampire or .......a group?

A huge lump rose in my throat when I saw the look on their four faces. Each one of them- Carlisle, Jake, Sam and even Paul- who was slightly whimpering- had pained expressions across their faces. The smell hit me, fresh cold blood seeping into the atmosphere- it didn't pull my thirst instead it turned my stomach- it was tinged with another smell. A vampire smell.

I rushed up to Jake and immediately held his hand, he squeezed it and suddenly shook the building tears in his face when he realized I was next to him. He was about to spin me around- so that I couldn't see the body- but it was too late. I saw the tear of flesh at the neck of the body.

The pool of blood that seeped its way into the soil, and the wide open cold eyes of a familiar face. A person that had a place in my heart- the same as family and friends- the sight twinged at my heart.

This wasn't guilt, or pain I have experienced before not even with Lucy, -I did not grieve for her but instead felt guilty- but this was full on grieve because it was someone I knew. Some one that everyone knew.........

* * *

Tell me your lovely thoughts xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write and to the new readers which I gain. This is not going to be the only thing happening- in the next few chapters I have a lot going down, some new things will be reveled......and much more.


	49. One brother down

Silence just filled the room, what was I meant to say to them? To his brothers. Ever since we told Collin he has just sat mute, looking out of the window into the dark nights sky. "Collin" I said. He didn't even move- let alone answer me. "Collin honey.......please eat something" I moved closer to him and placed my hand on his shoulder. He turned around and pressed his face into my stomach, I could feel the wet patches on my top. "Sshhh....I know" I bent down and held him in a tight hug.

I looked to my left and could see Seth, his eyes raw red- but it was the same with all of us. All the tribe were in the same sad trance. Overwhelmed with sadness but piercing with revenge. I opened up my arm and gestured him to come, and he did. I held both of these young children close to my chest. In truth they were older than me, but in the heart I was the oldest.

I found myself looking out of the window as I held them. My swelled heart pounded even more when I thought about my friends and family out there looking for the killer. I had been told in the quick rush back to Jacobs fathers house that there was a vampire group in Forks, murdering innocent people. But this time, it was Brady. Our Brady, their blood brother, a child. He was walking back from a lunch at Emily's, in his form when he died.

Jasper feels that there were five vampires in total, and he was just out numbered. The pack wasn't close because they had caught a scent up in Seattle- so there were no where near- and what is more horrible is that they heard him die. So then when Jake, and Collin transformed into their wolf forms they heard Brady's last words in their brothers thoughts.

That was all that I had been told, in the rush there was no time for details- which I fear they couldn't speak anyway. That was only ten minutes ago, the shock I feel is still dominate in everyone- myself included- My and Billy were here with the young-ens. Sam was more than strict now, no one goes alone and the young ones of the pack are not allow to be in wolf form unless absolutely necessary and must not join the hunt.

So therefore that left them with me, I obviously had a huff when I was told that I needed to stay. I am 'apparently' the weakest of the vampires in our group-I was so happy to have that label- but it was not just that I could get hurt but that they should have someone who is partly strong with Collin, Seth and the humans- who is also good at comforting. But I felt the need to seek revenge, to join the fight.....but most likely I would die to and that would add to their pain.

We were waiting for Emily, Kim, Claire, and Sue to make their way down to Billy's house. They are being escorted by Jacob just to make sure that they get here safe. My father and mother weren't happy at leaving me, because I could be attacked. But I sent them away saying that we were safe here on La push land, especially now that everyone was on red alert.

Paul, Esme and Rosalie are taking the ground around Forks- any treaty line had been extinguished- they were also keeping an eye on all of us in this tiny little cramped house. I heard that Jacob, My father, Sam, Emmett and Jasper were taking front line and following the fresh scent. That really scared me, that men in fact everyone could be fighting soulless vampires.

Jared was leading, Carlisle, Alice, My mother, Quill and Embry further out of perimeter. They were checking on the residents in forks- particularly Charlie- once it was made sure that the town was safe they were to retreat back and depending on how this situation turns out they would be the ones to trap the rogue vampires in the area- if they were still here?

Billy had now taken Seth into the kitchen and they were sharing a back of crisps and talking of memories. They had taken orders from their alphas- Jake and Sam- but I was still surprices that they weren't moaning that they had to stay here. But I fear that they are scared, never before have they lost a brother who was beyond healing. It turned my stomach for the other wolves out there.

Collin had cried himself out- trying his hardest not to- he had fallen asleep in my arms as we were sat on Billy's couch. A tiny tap echoed from the front door. I slid my self from under Collin and walked to it. Billy and Seth did not move but their conversation came to a halt. I opened the door to find more red rimmed eyes.

"Nessie" Emily sobbed as she fell into my arms. "Its so terrible. Little Bradley." She moved on when Kim grasped at her hand. Kim was holding a very grown up Claire's hand, and in followed were two faces I had forgotten about. Bradley's parents, both torn to shreds. They both didn't look up and I could clearly see the streaming tears leaving their eyes. My heart twisted further, it hurt my chest.

I caught the glimpse of brown fur in the corner of my eye, I walked further out in the front garden to see Jake. "Jake" I almost whispered. I walked up to him and he fell to all fours. I took his shaggy face in my hands. He let out a whimper. I pulled my face and put it towards his fur face- cheek to furry cheek.

I knew he was needed, and had to go and catch Sam and the others up. "Please, be safe. My love" A single tear dropped from his dark eyes. I wiped my palm over his furry cheek. Another low whimper escaped his throat. "Sshh I know, I love you. Please just take care. I will wait for you forever" I said, "He was a good brother" Jake's head quivered, his nose touched my cheek and he ran off.

A sick thought echoed through my brain. 'The fight had only just begun and what feared me more was that Bradley may not be the only one to be lost in it. Wars are bloody and violent and always end in pain and one side has to win'....................

* * *

Tell me your lovely thoughts xxxxxx p.s thanks to my regular readers and 'reviewers' love you all- make me so happy to write and to the new readers which I gain. This is not going to be the only thing happening- in the next few chapters I have a lot going down, some new things will be reveled......and much more. Aww and can I just say poor Bradley- one of the babies of the group.


	50. Jakes POV lost a baby brother

Woah Chapter fifty can you believe it! I know that a lot of you love Jacob so I thought that I'd give you a whole chapter dedicated to Jacobs thoughts- seeing as we are at the fifty bench mark. I never thought I could write so many chapters- truly I thought I would only write about ten chapters of this story and then be finished but I am surprising myself.

Love to hear your thoughts, possibley a review on the whole story maybe? What was your favourite bit over the fifty chapters? what was the bit you least liked? (hope there is non) what surprised you the most? What do you think will happen next? .......Im just curious but you dont have to answer if you do not want to.

I have had a total of 24 people fave my story and 16 have it on alert yeh!! Thank you so much

A call out to xTwilighthardcorex , SpotlessMind1 , who are both vivid reviewers and make me less anxious about each chapter because they nearly review each chap. LYB xxxx and thanks to the other reviews and readers xxxxx

Woah its like being at the oscars lol speeh over- crowd boo's. I have recieved two people ask me to personally read their storys and I am so happy to be asked, so anyother writers I am happy to read and review the truth! plus I am kind about it. So PM me and I will always be happy to take a gander at your work...ALWAYs!!

P.s I am worried when I don't have time to get a chapter out on time and I am worried soon because I have exams coming up so if you are wondering when the next chap will go out or other author notes -go to my home page (on profile) and this takes you to my twitter page.. don't worry Im not forcing you to add me as a friend or anything but it saves me adding a author note in the story to tell you the news. This page will be for my FF infomation. xxxxx Just so you know lol xxxx it will be regulary up dated with kinda previews on up coming chapters and infomation about next posting. If you want you can leave me a message and I answer to all xxx

* * *

_Jacobs POV- back to the bed with Nessie_

I felt at easy again with Nessie in my arms. This was a time for me to forget about everything, her self harming, the fact that our engagement is over and lastly that blood suckers are attacking the town folk. Her warm breath tickled my chest and lit up my heart. I was about to turn to her when a startled howl tore through the nights sky. It was Paul, that I was sure of. But he sounded bad.

I ran outside. Nessie followed me I think she was calling my name but my pounding heart made it hard for me to hear. A warm pressure held my hand- it was Nessie. Cullens flooded in around us but my mind was focused on the howling and my eyes were attached to Nessie's face.

"Jake go....." Those were the reassuring words to leave her lips, I caressed her hand with my lips and ran away. Towards the pained howling. I knew they were close and I was undecided whether to go in my wolf form. But if there's trouble I can quickly change with no trouble. Before I could think about it any further that's when I saw them.

Paul was in his wolf form drapped over a.....a body lying on the floor. Sam was crouching with his back to me- he was blocking my view of the 'persons' face. From what I could make out Sam was gently slapping the face of the 'body' on the floor. Paul howled when he saw me, and this was immediately followed by a howl in the woods far away. My stomach flipped as I walked up towards Sam.

I almost held my breath as I walked up, when I peered around Sam My heart twinged and went in full panic mode. "Bradley" I fell to my knees and shook his legs. "Brad.....wake up" those words croaked out of my lips. Sam's hands cupped his face and he fell back so that he was sat on the dirt.

The new vampire smell sent my nose hairs on alert as it burned my respiratory passage way. I coughed, and leaned in closer. Bradley's face was pale and bloody. His shoulder and neck had been ripped with razor sharp teeth. My stomach turned with nausea, I felt like I wanted to retch. Our brother, our baby brother has been ........murdered on our land.

How had this happened? how did the blood sucking parasites get on our land? I felt the red haze pulse through my veins, I wanted blood. I wanted a cold dead vampire to be torn to shreds in my two hands.

I heard the twigs snap behind me, when I glanced to look it was my Nessie. I jumped in to my protective mode. She shouldn't see this. No one should. But it was to late my Nessies face turned to horror when she saw the little boy- Bradley- lying limp on the floor.

I took her terrified frame in my arms and craddled her close to myself- but also I wanted to be in her comforting arms.

* * *

After ensuring my Nessie got to my house safely I ran to get the gathering humans at Emily's house. I couldn't go inside, I couldn't look at my fathers weak face nor Collins or Seth's. The two remaining babies of the group, Bradley's death has made us more protective than ever. Me nor Sam could not imagine those kids fighting these soulless vampires. Me nor Sam could handle loosing another baby brother- that's what they are babies. Children, there not made for this life, too young, too willed by their emotions. If we were allow them to fight their emotions would win and we could loose more.......

I shuddered at the thought.

I couldn't change into my human form, seeing his parents and Emily crying was sure to start me. That couldn't happen. I needed to be strong, I was an alpha. Emily derived the group towards my home and I followed in the dark woods. I never took my eyes off them nor the surrounding woods.

Sam was in my head, as was Jared to make sure that I got their 'girls' to the house safe.

_How are they? _Sam thought to me

_How do you think. They are as .......bad_

_Kim?_ Jared thought

_Holding strong, shes trying to keep normal for Claire_

_Claire! _Quil thought, suddenly aware of the conversation

_Ok man. Kim is looking after her._

I could hear Sam edging towards asking about Emily. _Emily is upset of course, she is like a mother to us all. She has everyone here to comfort her. _I tried not to think about it but her tearful face fell into my thoughts. Sam heart gasped- and I could hear it in his thoughts.

_Rachel? _Paul came in asking

_Still in Port Angeles, Kim just phoned her. She is going to sat at a motel until one of us can be free to go and get her. _

_Can't she come down, I'd rather have her here to keep an eye on? _Paul said.

_I know man, but she's probably more safe out there. The group are resided in Forks....some where. _

The car came to a halt in my front yard. I could see through the window that Nessie was on the couch cradling Collin in her hands. It felt wrong to leave her, but I was more help finding this group. It would be safer for her...for everyone.

I saw her make her way to the door and let in the sobbing group. I wanted to leave now other wise I would not be able to drag myself away from her but she saw me- maybe unconsciously I wanted her too.

Her warm hand stroked my face, my heart swelled even more. I couldn't control the free falling tear from my eyes. Why can't I be strong in front of her? duh because she knows me to well.

She let me go tonight for the second time, _I love you Nessie _I thought- I was disappointed that she couldn't hear my thoughts......


	51. Wont help me

Emily took to her cooking as usual, a sweet smell of cupcakes swifted through out the small house- she was recieving help from Sue. She keeps loooking at me weird almost repulsed as if I was the one to bite....my throat turns dry from the thought.

Through the hall in Jakes bedroom I could see that Claire was asleep on his bed, I could hear her taking gentle breaths. Kim was on the phone to Rachel she was doing a lot of 'hmmm' and 'arrr's'. Rachel was devastated like the rest of us, she wanted to be here but knew that she should listen to the boys other wise it could just make them more stressed out- or well I hoped she knew to stay.

Seth was sat on the door step, the cool nights air swirled and made goosebumps on my arms. I wasn't happy that he was so out in the open but I was keeping my vampire senses alert as well. Of course I had no idea what I would do...I was as useless as a feather, but I would try my best. It reminded me of that night- which actually felt like it was ages ago but in truth just a few nights ago.

Those lava eyes piercing the coal black nights sky, the thought makes me shiver. I fought him then I remember it, I was fast and......would have lost if Jake hadn't transformed or would have I? I truly don't know. But at least I had some experience even if it was just one vampire- I can't imagine what would happen if a group crossed us crossed me? I would have to cause a distraction so that the others had a chance. Collin and Seth could transform and warn the others- in seconds they would be here....and......

But what am I worrying for, we are surrounded by revenge ridden wolves and vampires who have been here before- there is no way the rebel vamps can get through. It just isn't possible to think other wise...we will get them and everyone will be safe.

I stepped around Seth, touching his shoulder as I did and walked on to the damp grass. I looked around but could see nothing other than tree's and darkness. I sat myself on the grass, I could feel the dampness soak patches into my trousers- I didn't care. I wanted the vamps to be gone, I wanted Jake here in my arms, Kissing my cheek, holding my hand, telling silly jokes, or singing me a song. I wanted to feel the heaviness of the ring on my finger.

The reason I gave him it back was that I was worried that I wasn't in the sane frame of mind to say yes, but things change so dramatically- don't I know- that we should do things in the spare of the moment, we should live for each minute.

I want Jake to belong to me, and I want to be Jakes.....so why did I give him the ring back? What was I thinking?- obviously I must be nutty.....cut myself one minute and refuse a enagement the other. Am I cursed? Do I not deserve to be happy- to have a drama free life. To get married, have a honeymoon, experience school, have a home with Jake......children?

My thoughts were broken when I heard a russel in the shrubbery, I jumped up and felt the adrenaline pump in my veins- if only this was enough- my eyes scanned the woods.

"Ness its Leah" leah called, a moment later she walked out and was nearly knocked over by her brother. My fists relaxed and I walked towards them both- who were now walking arm in arm. She was comforting her brother.

"Leah, Have you heard?" I asked.

She nodded, gesturing to her brother to go back in the house. He did, but kept looking back. "Yes, Sam informed me. It was such a surprise when I arrived back here and transformed. It turned my stomach seeing what Sam and the others saw."

"How was Mark?" Mark was a friend of Billy's and Charlie's in Seattle. He is a cop that is on the cases about the missing people in Seattle. Leah was sent to see if the humans had anything- she wasn't happy to do it but Mark has shown a soft spot for her...he must be crazy?

She gritted her teeth, "Still has his hands.....there is no new news. They are clueless" she turned to go into the house when I stopped her.

"Leah"

"Yeh"

"Why aren't you out there" ok so that wasn't my first question but I was curious.

"Jake told me to" she said.

"And you listened?" I said almost in shock.

"Of course Im not happy about it but you should hear their thoughts.........its....I know when I should listen. Anyway there has to be someone here who can protect them" she poined to the house. My stomach twirled.

"Leah, what if I need to fight"

"It won't come to that"

"But what if it does?" I said, swallowing hard.

"You........" she trailed off. She didn't know what to say to me.

"Could you practice with me?"

"For what" she questioned.

"To fight. Leah your a woman, your here, your a good fighter and you wont go easy on me"

"Nessie you could get hurt" she said. This hurt me a little, I felt helpless and I hated it.

"I don't care. Im just like you I bleed but heal...maybe not as fast but I still heal. Quicker than humans, quick enough not to die" or I thought so, she didn't need to know.

"No Nessie. I can't" she said firmly and marched off into the house. I stayed and slumped back down on the floor. Why can't I be normal, a normal strong hard skinned vampire. Be like Emmett a great fighter, or even have a cool ability.

I lay down and stared at the stars. Why can't I move objects, then I could just fling the vampires into a fire, or just have the ability to control fire and then blast them. Flame thrower from my hands......

I mean my father thinks I may have this shield thing my mother has. I don't. All I have is the ability to show my thoughts- what is the use of that. Scare the vampires to death by showing them images of flowers and butterflies. Im useless....... Even if I did have this shield thing its not like I could protect anyone- whats to say that these vampires have a ability that's like Alec or Jane- I shuddered at the thought.

I could feel the frustration and worry bubble under the surface of my skin, I leaped up and went over to the nearest tree. My anger ripped through me and I tore a huge chunk of bark from the helpless tree trunk. Next my fist his the tree- dead center- the tree shook with the force but didn't fall or crumble. I brought my fist back and let out a scream, my fist flew forward and hit the quaking tree again.

A huge ripping sound echoed through the empty woods and the tree shatted in half. My breathing was loud and fast, but that didn't stop me from hearing the noise from behind me. It was quiet, almost too quiet. I spun around to look into the pitch black sky...........


	52. Volturi?

Before my eyes had a chance to see what it was that made that noise, some one shouted my name in panic from the house. "Nessie" I turned around and raced back to the house. I ran into the main room to see Billy being comforted by Emily- she had her hand on his shoulder.

"What is it?" I asked to the silent room.

Kim walked up to me. "Its Rachel, she decided to make her way back to Forks. She left me a message saying that she couldn't be away from Paul. Especially when he could be in a fight." All of us girls, Kim, Emily and myself all swallowed hard at the thought of _our men, _our hearts being in a dangerous fight against the vampires.

"She'll be ok, shes driving down right?" I said trying to reassure the room, Kim grabbed my hand and took me outside.

"She was in Forks when she last sent a message. That was twenty minutes ago, she should have been here by now" She looked into my eyes, her carved with worry. I stroked her hair and rested my hand on her shoulder.

"I'll go and look. She's probably......." I couldn't think of anything to say. I was scared for her as well, but I couldn't show them.

"No" Leah said, pushing Kim out of the way. "I should go"

"you have to stay here Leah. They need you, if......" I couldn't continue. "You need to stay here for you brother and 'humans'" She nodded, and both herself and Kim watched me as I made myway down the path towards the road.

Jacobs POV

The wind rushed through my fur as I sped to get to Edward, Sam, Emmett and Jasper. To get to my position in the 'team'. _Sam _I thought.

_Yes_

_Everyone got to the house safe, you found a trail yet?_

_I followed a trail to the outskirts of Forks and came to an dead end. Jasper thinks that they are playing by setting false trails. But he also says that if they were just feeding they would be too stupid- well he said to distracted to think of leading false trails._

_So this is planned? _I asked.

_Well the attack on _He struggled to say his name, _Bradley was a attack to kill not to feed. _I swallowed hard.

_So they could be after us wolves?_

_He seems to think so. _Sam answered.

_Is there any idea why or who? _I asked, stupid question I know but.........

_Why do you ask who? _Sam thought. But then I could see he had stopped running and was facing Edward Cullen. Through Sam's thoughts I could see what Edward was saying.

_Jacob, I wonder why you said who as well. _He said, with a confused look on his face. _The volturi?_

As he spoke these words I could hear the growls rip from Emmett and Jasper, but also Sam and myself.- and even the other wolves in the distance (as they can hear our thoughts).

_You think? _I almost shouted in my thoughts. I could smell them now as I ran up to the patch of forest.

My teeth were bare with the dense memory of meeting the Volturi. _What makes you think?_

"Well" he began to say. "You remember when we stood up to them, how surprised they were at us. A huge group of vampires but also wolves-shape shifters- they were simply out numbered. They are the only ones I can think that would have a kind of grudge against you. Against the wolves. Once they dispose of you then they are less frightened at facing us in the future..."

Jasper and Emmett who had been listening to Edward speak, were now up to date with the turn of the conversation and Jasper added.

"Yes. It would make sense. They way these tracks are set. It is almost professional, like a very old and knowledgeable vampire. If this is so, I do not think that it would be the whole group as last time but if we are correct then.........." he trailed off and Edward hissed.

"Demetri" he growled. "And the other guards".

_What do we do Sam? _I thought

_We......we should get all of the wolves together. If it is true and they want us then we shall be together as a unit and fight. _

_"_Perfect" Edward said, quickly turning to tell Emmett and Jasper. "Jasper, you are the expert in battle. What shall we do?" Edward asked.

"The wolves need to do what Sam said, get together. That is almost like bait- they will not resist to come when it is so easy. But we need to be careful, it could go wrong so easily. They may not use methods any of us have seen before. When you are in position we will surround you, wait for entry. Then sease the moment from behind and attack when hopefully they have their concentration on you."

Emmett smiled and cracked his knuckles- he can't wait for a war.

_When? _I thought.

"When Jasper" Edward asked.

"Now. They are here, they have killed. You should get everyone down to the opening- same as last time. We will retreat in a circle around, I will search further for signs of familiar smells then at least we can make sure that are assumptions are right. Edward can you speak to Alice. Take her away from the wolves and ask her if she can see if the vampires are going to feed on anymore humans- it is our only chance to see if it is Demetri"

Oh...I thought, because she can't see if they will attack us. This is the only time I wish she could see our futures. _Wait what about Nessie, the rest at my house?_

Edward looked up at me. "I will stay"

"Edward you are needed, we may need your ability" Jasper said.

_They are not after them. _Sam thought. _And maybe Alice could have a look for their futures._

"Yes of course. Leah will stay" he asked, worried like I was.

_Yes, and Seth is there as well. He has fought before...with you. _Sam thought, nodding at Edward. _There is no need to tell them the new plan, for them it doesn't change. _

Nessies POV.

The dark night sky filled every space around me, the house was falling into the distance and I was carefully walking towards the only main road to La Push- if she was driving 'home' then she would come here.

A sense of dread filled me when I heard a sharp noise behind me, a noise like before. I feel like I am being watched or worse stalked................

* * *

Your thoughts please :) xxxx


	53. Blonde and dangerous rewrite soz

Ok so I know you may hate me for posting this one again, but when I found the usual number of people reading it and no reviews yet I get anxious. So I was like having a panic attack so I read over it again and thought that the order was a bit confusing so I changed round the paragraphs which makes it more clear with the time frame. I think the order reads better now so that people are where they should be..yada..yada.

So don't feel the need to re-read this if you already have lol. I will do one soon to make up xxx

* * *

Charlie's POV

I let out a sigh of relief, I was finally at home. Lying on my comfortable couch infront of the box of my life- the television. -Not saying that I didn't enjoy myself at the Cullen's today. Nothing makes my day than seeing the two great girls in my life. But I prefer not to do it in big party type 'things'. I was looking forward to next weekend as I had arranged with Nessie to come over. I promised her that if it was a nice day, she could come on one of my famous fishing trips- Well its up to her grandpa to show her the ropes.

I kicked off my shoes and lay long across the couch. My hair was pressed against the side, and on the other my feet rested. Its been a long time since I-lost- well since Bella moved on with her life, and even though I was on my own for so long before she moved to Forks, it still seems hard to come back to the quiet house and not have her to come in, or down the stairs. Or even the delious food smells that wafted in from the kitchen.

I miss that.

But now I am a grandad. Nessie is over here sometimes, she has promised me that she is now allowed to come over more often. She even joked saying that she can be shown off to my friends. I'm sure its more about the 'need to know' information that truly I don't want to know. As long as my girls are fine, safe, still here then that is fine with me. There is just something about Nessie, she makes my dad when I see her...its almost magical.

Why is it that you think about things like this when you are alone? But hey I suppose Im not really alone, I mean Billy and of course lovely Sue comes over regualar enough.

"Aha" I let out just as the team- which I am now considering not to support anymore- lost. "Damn" Oh well there's another game on in five minutes, just enough time to jump in the shower and be back with some chips in my hand.

I stepped out of the shower and watched for a moment as the 'steam'-is it steam? condensation?- left my skin. A quick glance at the clock and I saw that I only had two minutes to go. I pulled on my shirt and trousers and was about to race out of the bathroom when I felt the hard tightening in my chest.

I could feel my pulse race with anxiousness....I took in a deep breath and staggered over to the bathroom cabinet. I looked through the different bottle and found it. A bottle which read '_Charlie Swan. Dr Woods- Seattle hospital.....Heart palpitations. Metoprolol'. _I put one in my mouth and turned on the faucet, I cupped my palm and sipped some water. I put the bottle back closed it and took another deep breath.

It was then when I heard a knock on the door. I walked downstairs and towards the door. Who would be calling by at this time?

"Rachel dear" I said, surprised to see Rachel.

"Hello Charlie, I'm sorry that it is so late" She said. I could see that she seemed slightly upset I think?

"Rachel. Have you just got back from Port Angeles?" I asked as I shut the door behind her. She stood in the foyer looking at me.

"Yes. Actually I was on my way back when my car died so...." she trailed off as I ended her sentence.

"So you want a lift home. Of course. Let me get my keys" I said to her as she started her way out the door again. I could feel my chest relax again as I closed the door behind me, I got in my cruiser along with Rachel and we headed off towards La Push.

Nessies POV

My eyes scanned the midnight sky. Nothing stirred, silence fell around me. The only sound was my own heart pounding in my ears and my racing breaths. Something suddenly caught my eye. It came right into my view, silently walking to the empty space in front of me.

A small blonde girl entered my full vision. "Jane" I almost hissed- could this be worse?...._keep calm Nessie....and breathe. _Her face is unforgettable- as are the other members of the volturi from the cold day in the opening- her face still the same, unchanged- but that didn't surprise me, vampires are my life.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Renesmee Cullen all grown up and in the flesh." She said, very calm and confident. "I was half expecting to see your mother........." She trailed off, her red eyes blazed at me. I'm slightly taller than her, but she seems so 'sweet' its almost repulsing how dangerous she is. I was half expecting the pain to come soaring at me but it didn't.

I took a step back and she imitated my movement- but moved towards me. "Jane" I said again, still shocked at seeing her here in Forks- with no pre-warning from Alice. I kept my eyes focused on her body position. _She wont attack, she can't attack.....can she?_

She smiled wide, beaming her sharp teeth at me.

She then tilted her face to the side, like she was concentrating hard. I could see her eyes focused on me. She took one step forward, her pale hands balled up into fists. She let out a unexpected cry. It echoed though the trees.

It startled me, the sudden loud growl in the silent cover of the tree's. "Like mother like daughter" she said through her teeth, I wasn't sure whether she was talking to me or herself.

"What? I answered slightly confused, but then it hit me. The way her whole body had been tense, the way her eyes burned me with fury but I felt no pain. I was like mom, immune to her pain....immune to Jane's power......_Yes! love you mom._

The long silence was suddenly cut short when I heard Jane let out a low growl, but when I looked up at her eyes it wasn't me she was looking at. But out behind me, in the woods. As I slowly turned my head- my eyes still on Jane- it was then I was hit by the familiar human smell. My blood curdled as I thought of the smells that was making Jane's venomous mouth water, her eyes glinted a more fierce red.

I swallowed hard as I thought at the best way to deal with this situation. I could hear two people approaching on foot, my mind swirled with busy thoughts.

"Jane" I yelled before I was flung backwards across the woods.......

* * *

Lol your lovely thoughts are always welcome xxx


	54. The war has begun

Nessie POV

I jumped up to my feet, my head spun a little. Suddenly a loud howl ripped through the air, it was so close that it hurt my ears. I could still see Jane moving- I didn't know where she was going, but she was not going to kill another human......well not when I was around- I leaped forward and pulled back hard on her arm. She fell backwards, it was then when I saw a blurred ball of fur join me.

It was Paul, and as Jane got to her feet he let out another ear wrecking howl. I glanced behind to see a shocked Rachel and Charlie. Charlie looked like he was slowly backing away and tugging on Rachel's arm. He didn't look scared, but surprised. I was worried at first, this was the first time he had seen me in my true nature but when our eyes met for a moment I was sure that he didn't seem scared of me, or repulsed, but......worried.

She leaped up and my head snapped around to face her. A look of anger crossed her face, just as Paul stalked forward towards her. He suddenly whimpered out in pain as he collapsed to the floor. In the background I could hear Rachel gasp.

"Jane" I shouted again, she didn't look at me. Instead she was looking at Paul and then glancing to Charlie and Rachel. I didn't know what I was doing but it kept echoing out of me- uncontrollable. "Jane!" I was about to lunge forward when suddenly a man leaped in front of her. His eyes where also crimson- dead-, I immediately knew who it was. Alec. A flash of thoughts came to me.

What am I going to do? They can't get to Charlie or Rachel. I can't fight them both. What are they doing here?

Paul's whimper was low, but you could here the pain he was in- or thought he was in. "Paul" I said, still looking and backing away from the evil twins, "Paul, I don't know whether this helps. But she's not really hurting you. Its in your head, just in your head".

Alec's eyes followed me, I could feel the shudders shake there way though my body. Paul should be showing the others- in his thoughts- they'll be coming. Unless they have already crossed them. A major lump rose in my throat. Jake- Is he ok? _Please oh god please, I love you._Dad, mom.......I could have gone on but my thoughts were disturbed when Collin and Seth ran up- I knew each and every wolf, that I could tell who was who. A cry escaped my lips when I saw them fall to the floor- just like Paul.

This was a loosing battle. Just me and wolves withering in pain. The only ones not withering in pain were Charlie- myself- and Rachel. I would have thought that was strange but I suppose that humans weren't a challenge to Jane nor Alec- Even thinking their names made my blood boil even more.

I found myself getting into a crouch position. Alec or Jane.......Alec or Jane??? A growl escaped my lips, it just happened I didn't even think about it......I could feel the red Haze in me blaze. All I could see was two repulsive vampires who were hurting my friends...no my family.

Alec made the same face as Jane had done, but nothing. I could see him give her a glance- and she nodded- and then he faced back at me. I leaped towards Jane hoping that I could stop her for a moment- just to stop her hurting the others- but Alec leaped at me to block my path.

Our bodies collided, I could feel the pain shake its way through my front- the site of the blow- his nail dug deep in my arm and his ripped his way from me. Drips of blood escaped the long Scarlett lines. I took in a sharp breath, it caused my lungs to wither in pain- I was slightly winded- but I tried to shake it off. I got to my feet again, in to the same crouched position.

Jakes POV

We were now retreated in the opening, we were just waiting for Paul to come. He has decided on his was past the house that he is going to quickly check on the others. No one has a problem with that as for the majority of us there is someone who carries our hearts in that house. I could picture Nessie's perfect smiling face, she was the one getting me through this. I needed to survive- what ever we are facing- I need to make sure that her family my brothers all get through this familiar scene.

It was then when we all fell silent as we watched a area of woods where some figures were starting to enter. There were two in the front, and behind them followed a small group- maybe seven or eight vampires. A low growl escaped Edwards lips as the group moved closer. His fists were balled up tight. Carlisle was stood next to him, and seeing his son's reaction he put his hand over Edwards chest- as if to stop him from attacking.

I wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was hearing. But then a panicked and familiar voice entered my head- and my brothers heads.

_Rachel is making her way down and shes not here yet. _The words were coming in flooded as Paul tried to get through the information, you could see from his thoughts how worried he was. His heart was withering in worry and pain. But then I was suddenly filled with the same fear. _And Nessie. _He finished.

_Nessie! What about Nessie. Paul. Damn it _I shouted at him, and then I saw his memories flood in. The passing of my fathers house, Paul noticing that Nessie was missing. Collin and Seth rushing out to tell him the story.

'Nessie left the house to find Rachel who should have arrived ages ago.' My heart pounded and I let out a whimper. It swept across the opening, Edward looked at me with the same eyes I was sure that I had.

_I have to go. _I ordered, to Sam and to Edward.

_Go _Was the last thing Sam directed at me before I turned around and headed towards the piece of woods I could see in Paul's head. The only thing that wrenched my stomach was the fact that I was a good run away and whether I could get to Nessie in time to make sure that she was ok.

My Nessie, So foolish with her huge heart. If she was worried about Rachel she should have called us, called her family. I had no idea yet whether she was ok, Paul hadn't reached her yet, he was just following her scent.

It was hard to concentrate. My head was full of worry for Ness and my sister and Paul was in panic mode about Rachel. But then my fears were answered when I saw the image in Paul's thoughts. Nessie was stood close to two small vampires- I couldn't remember their names. But the fierce look they were giving her made me more angry towards them. I wanted to rip their heads off.

As Paul dropped to the floor I could feel the pain he thought he was feeling, how could I help with out getting caught in the pain myself. I still raced ahead watching in anxiousness as I saw what was happening through Paul's eyes, Paul's thoughts.

_Sam _I quickly thought.

_Yes_

_We need Bella _I said, _Quick we need her shield other wise......._I trailed off.

I could see his thoughts now as I watched the scene unwrap in front of him. The two groups, ours and the rebel vamps were still stood on opposite sides. Both silent, it only sparked concern to the other side when they saw Bella and Edward speak, kiss and then she ran off leaving his hand trailing after her. Jasper walked forward- he was supposed to be leading the surrounding team- something must have changed........

I wanted to know what was happening with my brothers but also Nessie. From the pain Paul's thoughts and what he was seeing was hazy, the thought of pain grew more intense when I could hear Seth and Collin experiencing the same.

A loud howl ripped from my throat when I saw the male blood sucker block an attack from Nessie. _No _I screamed in my head. _Nessie. _Just then I could see her, crouching on the floor facing the two vampires. I felt the rage soar though my body as I raced to them.

But then I felt it, the soaring pain echo throughout my torso. My legs buckled, and my head flopped to the floor. Over the screams in my head I could hear Nessie give out a wail.

"No" she screamed "Stop". I could barely make out her anymore. The pain clouded my eyes, I tried to will myself up when I saw her blurry figure get another bash from the male vampire. A whimper escaped my throat.

I was watching helplessly as my Nessie fought two vampires. My heart twisted with the heart wrenching thought that I may watch her die right in front of me, and there is nothing I can do about it.

The pain of that doubled when I could feel from my brothers thoughts in the opening, of one of them receiving a harsh blow. From the war that has now begun..........


	55. Poison, Jake and me

Nessie's POV

I sceamed "No.......stop" at Jane, she was widely smiling at the pain she was causing Jake and the others. My heart burned and a red haze that clouded my eyes. Without thinking I crouched down and leapt towards Jane. I landed on her and forced her down to the ground with a loud bang. Her head snapped around at me as she lost concentration with the others. It was no more than a fraction of a second before Alec was coming at me- he knew his power was to slow before I was to attack him or his sister.

He growled and dragged me off Jane, I flew back hitting a tree- it shook violently. They are still not good fighters- but neither am I. Before Jane tried to use her power again I could see Jake, Paul, Collin and Seth race towards them. While I got my balance and breath back I turned to Charlie and Rachel and called "Go....Run". Rachel stared horrified at the sight she was seeing, it was Charlie that was strong and turned her around.

Before I had a chance to get close again, Jane Froze them in pain. Jake was so close to her that his teeth were bared at her small neck. Paul had been on top of Alec, his two paws pressing down his chest when he suddenly flopped to the side withering in pain again. I stepped forward and looked at them both.

"What do you want?" I shouted at them, almost hissing. She nor Alec answered me. I just stared at them, with my eyes glancing at Jake. I swallowed the rising lump down, it was a few moments in silence with just our breathing and whimpering filling the atmosphere.

When suddenly Jane looked at me and said, "You" Her face made a repulsed expression, like she was horrified at the words she had spoken or been ordered to say. I froze as I looked at them, that single word sent a shiver trembling down my spine. It was only when I saw my mother approach in the background when my heart started to race again. She was coming up behind Jane and Alec, with one swift clean fast movement she leaped onto Jane's back. Jane flinched immediately and Alec leaped towards her but it was too late. A large ripping noise filled the air. Janes hands failed to twitch any further and she flopped limp to the floor with my mother holding her small head.

Alec stared wide eyed at us, at Jane for a moment. While Jake and the others were getting to their feet from the ending pain, I saw the fury blase in Alec's eyes. Growl after growl soared from his lips, He kicked Paul in the ribs, the many cracks made Paul flich a little. My mother stepped towards Alec, but Alec turned his attention quickly to me. Before I had another chance to take a breath Alec raced to me. His claws pointed and ready, but then a flash of brown mixed with the pale of Alec's skin, I watched in horror as they both thrashed around.

It was then when my heart stopped when Jake's fur and skin was torn by the poisonous bite of Alec, Jake held back a bit surprised- or in pain, Alec slipped out from under him, dodged a barking Paul, Seth and Collin and disappeared into the woods. I didn't see it but it was then when I noticed that Jane's, torso and head was gone.......

Paul and Seth followed after Alec into the same patch of woods. I and my mother ran to Jacob. "Jake" I said to him, running my hand over his fur. He turned his face and his dark eyes looked at me, his nose nuzzled in my chest. I put my hand to his face and showed him a image of us kissing earlier on tonight. He let out a whimper and showed me what Sam had just said to him, I quickly turned to my mother who had her hand on my back.

"Mum they need you in the opening, maybe Paul as well." She nodded at me an swirled a piece of my hair around in her fingers. "Thanks for that, you saved us"

"Well when your a mother you will do anything for your child, even if it includes ripping someones head off" she smiled slightly and kissed my cheek. She didn't argue about leaving me, which surprised me. She turned and disappeared into the woods.

"Jake" I said again as he flopped to the floor. His body shook and he turned back into his human form- which surprised me. I took my jacket off and put it over him. When I saw the unhealed bite on his arm and I dropped to the floor. It was then when I remembered what a vampire bite can do to a wolf. I gasped. He was shaking and shivering, I pulled his head up and put my legs under him- so that he was resting on me.

I pulled my fingers through his shaggy hair, and kissed his forehead and then his lips. They moved with mine but quaked under me. I didn't know what to do, I was alone again. In the woods watching as poison soared though his system. I was scared and my heart was in my throat. I could feel the tears bubble to the surface. I looked at him, my face close to his, I whispered his name again.

"Jake"

"Ssshh" He said, lifting his uninjured hand to my face, "Im ok, I'll be ok....for you" he said, trying to smile his usual goofy smile. My mind raced about what to do, I didn't have the strenght to carry him anywhere- but where would I carry him. He couldn't go to the hospital could he? I would take the risk if it meant that he was going to be ok. How could I get Carlisle down here? my thoughts where broken when Jake said my name.

"Nessie", he grit his teeth in pain, I smoothed my hand over his face. "I love you. I need to you to know that"

"I know, I always know. Here" I took his hand from my face and put it to my chest. "Feel that, it only beats for you Jake" I said, "Just for you. I love you with all my heart it is yours and always will be" His back tensed up as the poison made its way further around his body. A tear escaped my eye and landed on his bare chest. I held back a sob that was about to escape my throat.

He can't die, not on me. Not like this. What can I do? WHAT CAN I DO!!

"I couldn't think" he said, "Of anything better, than having you in my arms right now" I put my head on his chest, his breaths were rapid and wheeze.

"Jake" I asked turning my head to look in his eyes.

"Yes" he whispered back.

"I think there's a question you need to ask me" I said to him, "Again" He looked at me confused but then it hit him and he realised what I was asking.

"You don't need" he started to say.

"Ssshhh, your ruining the moment. Just ask me and you'll find out" I brushed my lips along his as I waited for him to say the words.

"Renesmee Cullen will you make me the happiest dying man and marry me" he asked

"No" I said, "because you are not dying. I will marry you Jacob Black. No hesitation, no worries, no putting it off. I want to be your wife, I want to be yours. I love you Jacob so much" We pressed our lips together. "You are not going to die on me" I said, whispering in his ear. "Do you hear me. As your fiance, as your imprintie you do not have the right to die on me. You do not get out of this engagement that easily. I still need the ring" I smiled at him and he tried his best to smile back.

"Its in your jacket pocket" he whispered out.

"What?"

"The ring. I put it in your jacket pocket, because its yours. No one else deserves it but you" I reached down into the jacket that was covering him and pulled out the ring. It glistened in the moon light. He took it out of my hands- slightly shaking, I had to bite my lip. I was on the verge of crying- he put the ring to my ring finger and pushed it on. With the little strength he had he kissed my hand.

He suddenly groaned out in pain. "Im....fine" he breathed out. His eyes closed shut and his skin grew more pale.

"Jake" I said, waiting for a response. "Jake" I called louder. Nothing. "Jake" I screamed. "Help. Please someone.....help." I yelled, my voice echoed in the empty woods. "Please.....please. Jake" I whispered.........................

* * *

Your thoughts please guysxxxx LYA. Im back to what I do best lol. xx Could you answer one question for me. Are my stories unpredictible or not? thanks xxx


	56. I do

Hey guys Just wondering if you still like the story? Im only saying because things have gotten slow on reviews- I know you prob hate reviewing all the time, but honestly its whats fuel me for the next chapter. So even though I do have exams this month and next, if I got reviews I would prob update more. I hate asking this its just I was getting load of reviews and now its gone kinda silent. So if the story has gone crap I need to know?? - hopefully it hasn't- Im sorta lamo and a few of you have said before that you check your email for updates of this (sorry gone slow- just wait till summer lol- well thats the same with reviews for me, I've got an obsession that I need to see what people think of my chapters- its the same with the novel Im writing every like page I write I get a family member to read lol.

Anyway, hi to everyone. If anyone is like me and got exams good luck to you- I know thats what I need lol. xxx

* * *

(jumped forward a few hours to second preface- chapter 42) Nessie's POV

How is it that a situation can go from bad to worse. I was beginnnig to forget what it was like to not have a complicated life, to just be at peace with Jake by my side. With no other feelings in my heart apart from the glowing love and desire for the one who my heart beats for. Jacob.

But I was beginnning to realise that life is comlicated -even for immortals. But there is only so much one single heart can take. The room was blurring around me, like I was in the dead center of a twister.

My half vampire ears were picking up every sound around me, beeps, heart beats, cries, conversations, laughter, clatter of equipment. But the only dominant sound was my breath. It was fast and sharp.

Jake's ring on my finger was no longer a heavy object , but an object that felt like it belonged. Like my hand has been bare with out it. I fear though that this is the only thing keeping me strong.

I was here alone again, a situation which is more familiar, but earlier on today or should I say yesterday- as I glanced at the clock to see that it was the early hours of the morning- I wanted to be alone, I wanted to suffer alone- pushing everyone out. But now I regret even considering that when more than ever I wanted my friends and family. I wanted a touch or look or even some words of comfort- but instead I was alone, my mind racing with fear, panic, worry, grief- the day before was only starting to break through the shock. I was starting to feel the stinging pain, the numbness, the loss...

It was only ten minutes ago when I had burst the white doors, following two still bodies. The hospital lights burned my eyes. People in pale blue and white colours blurred past, they were rushing around. They were full of panic and shock, I was among them. I had a serge of graping pain soar through me. My hands were quivering and the tears began to stream down my cheeks. Why.....why us. Why is it that people I love are always near death.

Today it was serious and I was alone as I stared into the dying eyes of people who are important in my life. A sudden cry from a nurse and the rush be came hectic, doctors. Bleeping machines, the slowing of one heart and the other which was completely still and silent, I knew in my heart that this rush was inevitable. He was going to die and there is nothing anyone can do.

I could feel the storm of pain return to me in one huge wave, I couldn't handle to see someone else die in front of me, not him not ..................... I had fought this torturous pain all week but now I was losing the fight and no one was here to help me...I would love nothing more than to take the pain away if not for a final time....

I had no choice to do this, I had to think fast and just consider the present and not think about the consequences. If our secret was outed, we could leave, they could be silenced.- What was I saying, a Life for a life? I was alone, and stuck. I had only seconds to make the decision and I think it was the correct one. So what if we were outed- our secret- they'd only send the volturi- the though of them burned my throat- there here now. Jane, Alec, Demetri, felix- who knows who else. Here in Forks, sent for 'according to Jane' ME.

Who knows what the Volturi are thinking, I don't know what Jane had meant by that one single word '_You' _whether it was kill me- nothing else would fury both the wolves and vampires- my family- for the war against them and potentially the volturi's reason to finally kill my family. Or whether they wanted me, to join their group. To be a follower. I don't see why, Im not that special. No major powers- that I am aware of- just part human. Unless having me means they get, my mother, father or even Alice. Possibly the wolves......

It was in the finale moments, two people who are major in my life are holding on to the tiny threads of their life. But what was also wrecking my frail heart was not knowing what was happening in the opening. Mom, Dad, Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, Sam, Seth, Paul, Jared, Collin,........... Were they ok? The thought made me catch my breath.

I couldn't handle the wait anymore. I forced myself up to my shaky feet, my arms raised up in front of me as I reached towards the swinging doors. My feet moved, though I felt like I had no control, I was just pushing forward. My feet failing me. The doors pushed open effortlessly. I felt like I was there only in mind. The new sight doomed over me, the sights seemed worse. I could see other patients.

The sick smell of blood- much to my dismay, flamed my throat even more- it smelled even more metallic from iron supplements. Other smells hit me then, strong cleaning fluids, antiseptic, new baby smell. I looked to my right and could see a woman cradling a new baby. She was smiling, no she was gleaming. The father was staring lovingly at them both, holding a video camera in his shaky hands. He moved closer to his wife and child, he leaned down and they pressed their lips together. I could feel my heart pounding even more, I want that. I want happiness and love, I want Jake....

I continued on walking, some nurse walked past and stopped when she saw me. "Excuse me, Can I help you? Are you meant to be here?" I just stumbled past her, walking further down the corridoor, looking left and right to the many rooms. Some people with doctors, either unconcious or awake. I walked past one room to find a nurse pounding on a old man's chest. Still walking past I could here a deep mans voice "Time of death......" I tried to block him out....to block everything out.

Familiar smells snapped me out of my daze. I looked to find two rooms- next to each other- It was then I could see the copper skin of Jacob, flash in between the rushing nurses. I dragged my eyes away to the next room to see the pale, clammy skin of Charlie. These sights over whelmed me. I dropped to my knees right there and then, watching in horror as they worked on important men in my life. My knees made a large bang and they hit the hard floor.

A doctor- young- rushed to my side. "Are you ok?" He grabbed my arm and tried to pull me up, but I couldn't budge. I was weighed down by the swelling of my heart, and the twisted worry of my stomach. "Can you hear me" He knelt down in front of my view and pulled out a light. He shined it in my eyes, my hand pushed him weakly.

"Jake......" I croaked out, my throat dry and on fire. My tearing eyes looked to charlie..."Charlie...." I took in a deep breath, and he moved out of my view- I didn't care. Then suddenly a loud beeping came from the room, but it was silence that shocked me even more...the stopping of a heart.

_Flash back_

"Jake" I cried out. He moved in my arms. He let out a slight moan as he forced open his eyes. I let my hands fall to either side of his face. "I dont know what to do" I whispered. "Jake, please..." my tears fell on to his skin- evaporating from his heat- Our foreheads touched. "Tell me what to do....I can't lose you". My trembling lips pressed on his forehead, he was sweating and more hotter than usual. My mind was frozen, I truly didn't know what to do, all that existed in my mind was me and Jake.

More tears flowed free, "Jake" I whispered. "Please don't leave me, please..." I trailed of while sobbing. "I can't survive with out you. We've been here before, fight strong. My heart can't survive without you." My hands traced his face, remembering the shape- even line, "Jakey" I could feel it. Dying in me. Jake was slipping through my fingers, dying, and so was I. Every second that moved....closer to death.

He broke the slience with a gasp. My eyes flashed open. "Ness..." He said.

"Im here"

"don't leave" He said, his lips turning more pale as time went off.

"I wont" I promised. "You do do the same" I whispered even lower. "Jake"

"Mmm"

"Do you take me to be your wife" I didn't know exactly what I was doing, I was just following the moment. Even though I am at my fully developed age. In reality I've only been on this earth eight years. Eight years with Jake is not enough. Only last year did my feeling soar to the surface. I love him, and in my heart he is superman. He can't die, can he? I knew I should be doing something but what? My mind was blank, I was a wreck. Im only a child...what do I do. And the first words to leave my lips are words of marriage?

"Wh.....what" He whispered out, he was in pain. I could see it. I bit my lip hard and answered.

"Do you take me to be your wife" I said again. He dark fading eyes looked at me. I moved in close again to his face. I could feel and smell his weak breath on my face.

"Yes" He croaked out. His arm- the one with the bite- trembled under me. His hand curved into a fist and his muscles went tense. "I do......"

My tear fell on his cheek, buts thats when I noticed that his eyes were tearing as well. "I do" I said, whispering in his ear. My lips found his, now cold and shaking. I could feel the spark flash between us but that to was weak and fading. It wasn't binding in the terms of the 'law' but it was in my heart. In our hearts. I whispered very quietly "I now pronounce you man and"

He cut in "wife". The sobs came hard now, this is not how I imagined my life. "I love......" he fell silent........

* * *

I wonder if this gave you tears, because I was crying reading over the part between Jake and Ness- but thats just me LOL. xxx

Your thoughts please guysxxxx LYA. xx


	57. Charlie, Jake and me fighting for life

Thanks for reviews it put some faith in myself again xxx

* * *

"Charlie" I shouted as the doctor forced his way past me into his room. He was shouting orders to other staff members but I couldn't hear what he was saying. It was just silent, no heart beating. I found myself walking into the room feeling helpless. "Help him" I shouted even though I knew they were. "What's happening?" I asked.

The doctor nodded at a nurse and she came over to me. She was saying something to me, but I couldn't tell what she was saying. Everything was going blurred and unreal. "Don't touch me" I said pulling away. "Grandad can you hear me" I shouted as some paddles were put to his bare chest.

"Grandpa...." I whispered as the door was shut in my face. The nurse still attached to my arm.

The next words which disturbed the hazy silence was some one shouting. "I need some help in here" It was coming from Jake's room. I step sideways so that I was facing his room again. A lump rose in my throat, I didn't know what to do. I was drowning in this hospital. Losing two men in my life. I felt shaky and could see my hands shaking. "He's going on to hypothermia" The nurse said as the doctor walked in. She continued to speak to him, but I couldn't hear what. The doctor was prodding Jacob, but he wasn't responding.

"No. Thats not normal" I hardly whispered, barely hearing it myself. "Jake"

"Im sorry you can't be in here. Family only" The doctor said to me, I looked up. My eyes swelling with fresh tears.

"I am" I stutted out, "Im his ......fiance.....wife. Im his wife" I said. "Is he going to be ok?" I asked, through my sobs. I felt like I would drop dead right then when I saw the face he made.

"Well, it's difficult to say. We are unsure yet what substance is in his system. So it is impossible to know how to treat him. Do you know what he's taken or whats in his system" He said to me. I couldn't tell him that it was vampire venom because that wouldn't help the situation. Just probably with me being carted off to the psycharatric unit and then shocking them as I broke free.

"No" I said. "Is he going to die" I asked as a sob broke free of my throat.

"I can't say, but it doesn't look promising. We can do our best" He said as he passed me.

The nurse was working on a drip in Jakes arm. She left the room after getting a second beep on her pager. I walked up to him, my sight clouded from the tears. I could feel the heat from the heated drip- the ones they give to hypothermia patients. His whole body was covered in blankets and heating sheets.

It had only been a few minutes- I think- I tried to listen for a moment next door to Charlie. My heart bulged in my throat when I could still hear them working on him. "One, two, three, Clear" then a loud sort of electrical serge noise followed by forced heart beats from the nursing pressing on his chest.

Everything is falling apart, and I am in the middle of it. I need Carlisle...now. I sat on the nearby chair, dragging it forward to the hospital bed. It scraped along the floor. I took Jacob's hand. It was cold to touch, like a vampires hand- but Jacob wasn't turning into a vampire from the bite, he was dying-.

_Flash back_

"Jake" I whispered, as he fell quiet. "I love you too" I shook his shoulders, but he didn't react. "Jake?" From the panicked sobs I was doing I couldn't hear his heart- which made me even more panicked, I put my head on his weak rising chest. I felt myself release a breath when I heard his weak heart.

_Thud, thud, thud. R_ang in my ears. I kissed his chest and then his still lips. As I slid from under him and pulled him into a sitting position. With my hands under his arms I pulled him backward towards a tree. I knew that I needed to keep his heart above the entry wound of the poison. When he was leaning against a tree I took off my belt.

"Jake" I said, even though I new that he was unconscious. "Can you hear me. Your going to be ok" I said to him, but also telling it to myself. "Your going to be ok" I repeated. "This isn't how I wanted to spend my honeymoon" I tired to laugh, I knew he would have a goofy smile across his face. "Do you hear me?" I bent down to his arm with my belt, I wrapped it around his above the bite area and tied it tight. "Im going to have to go and get some help or something" I bent down to him.

I kissed his forehead, his cold skin making me shiver. I pressed my hand to his cheek and showed him a image of us kissing, he must be able to see that can't he? I didn't want to leave him, even just crossing the small section of woods I found myself looking back at his lifeless body. I walked back into the still woods, trees surrouding me. Jake, Jake, Jake... I kept saying to myself. I couldn't even think about what was happening in the opening.

I was running when suddenly I heard some one having staggered breaths. I looked around, and that's when I spotted someone lying face down on the floor. It took me a few seconds to see who it was. "Grandpa" I called as I ran over to him. I pulled him over, his eyes were open. "Grandpa" His hand was clutching his chest- just like the time at my birthday- his breaths where coming in rapid. His skin was pale and clammy. I took a few seconds to look around. Shouldn't Rachel be here?

I also propped him against a tree. What am I going to do now? "Grandpa." I said, kneeling down to his eye level. He looked at me, panic flashing in his eyes. "Im just going to get some help" His other hand grasped mine. "I need to get some help. I'll come back. I promise" I squeezed his hand and let it drop as I began to run, towards Jakes house.

I took in one deep breath and looked around very quickly. "Rachel" I shouted. But then I thought that she had gone to get some help. I ran as fast as my legs took me. The soil and twigs cracking beneath me. Then I hit the soft grass as I came up to his house. I burst in through the door suddenly shocked by the sight.........

* * *

"Jake" I said, my voice cracking. "Its Nessie. I......" I trailed off. "Just give me a sign. That your are still here Jake" I squeezed his hand tighter, and leaned in to his ear. "I need you here...Granddad is..." I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest.

"Don't leave Jake....its just not possible. I need you here." A small sob broke free. "I need you here. Its all I know, its all that makes sense. Me and you..." I looked up at his face. I rubbed his hand to generate heat. "I breath because you do, don't leave me. Don't you leave me! " I can't even imagine life with out Jake. It just seems impossible. "Do you know, my heart is your heart, I love you so much" My quivering lips kissed his cheek.

"Do you remeber, last winter. It was snowing outside" a single tear drop trickled down my cheek. "we were in my fathers old room. Remember, because it had the big window. We pulled the couch over." My fingers ran through his hair. "and I just lay there in your arms. Time just froze, it was just you and me. I want that back Jake. I want some peace, Im so tired."

I forced myself up and out of the room. "Love you" I said.

I made myway to the payphone down the hall. Still hearing the doctors working on Charlie next door. My heart bled, I just can't lose grandad or Jake....its impossible.

I dialed a number unsure if anyone would answer. _Ring, ring, ring. "_Hello" A familiar voice answered.

"Jasper its Nessie I..." I said.

"Nessie where are you? are you ok" Jasper said rushing. I could hear someone speaking in the background. _"Nessie. Is she ok? Its Nessie" _

"I" I took a deep breath. "No" Some more tears rolled down my cheeks. "No im not" the tears turned into big sobs. I just wanted someone to hug, I wanted my Jake. Some one else came on the line.

"Nessie Honey" It was my mother. Her voice was soothing.

"Mom......." I held the phone tight, " Mummy its Jake and Grandpa...they...." my throat fell dryer, the burning was still present under the cooling sobs. She stayed silent listening. "The opening" I asked.

"Its ok, they're gone. Nessie what is it? where are you honey?" She asked, with a worried tinge in her voice.

"I can't" I sobbed out, I just could speak the words, as if that would make them real. "They're dying"

"Dying?" she said.

"Carlisle....I need Carlisle" I blurted out. "He....needs to ......Jake......me....Charlie...engaged.." I was stuttering out single words. I took in a deep breath. " Put Carlisle on" There was some more sound- as it was being passed around.

"Hello. Nessie this is Carlisle." He said in a serious voice.

"Im at the hospital and........" I suddenly dropped the phone when I heard another long dead beep fill the hall. When I looked down I could see nurses running into a room. I ran down the corridoor- it was horrible like I was running in slow motion. It felt like time had stopped as I rushed to Jake's room.

Running past Charlies I could see that, his heart monitor had started the usual rythm again. I could hear his breath sounds and heart beat. He was being pumped full of different drugs and at this moment there was a nurse taking his blood pressure.

As I entered Jake's room, my stomach twisting when I saw was that his bed was empty.........

* * *

Your thoughts please guysxxxx LYA. xx


	58. You go, I go

It took me a moment to see him lying on the floor, there was a nurse at his side. She reached up and pressed a red call button. My stomach sank so deep, it felt like I was falling. I moved closer and saw his legs thrashing against the cold hard floor. "I need some help" the nurse called. I found myself moving closer to him. His usual copper warm skin was grey and pale, his face was lifeless. This wasn't my Jake, it didn't even look like him. His frail, failing body, uncontrollably hitting the floor with body spasms.

"Jake" I breathed out my throbbing throat. My eyes were worn, tired and red, my 'being' felt tired. It was like I was dying with every second he grew closer to death. No one was coming, time seemed now like it was flashing me by. I wanted to stay with Jake forever, but he was leaving me all too soon. "Get out" I whispered. The nurse carried on with putting pressure on Jake, to steady him. But she was weak against his weight.

"Get out" I screamed louder. She froze when she saw me. I must have looked crazed, but she did what I asked. Backing out of the room, I closed the door behind her and put a chair in the way as well as a bent metal pole (ripped from the bed) wedging the door shut. As I was doing this I could see her through the small window, running to her superior pointing back at me.

There's nothing to be done to save him, not medicine, nor miracles- we've have had our fair share for a life time- all I wanted was for him to be in my arms. I dropped to the floor next to him, even though it wrecked me to know he was going to die.

The venom was seeping into his entire body, sucking the life from him, I was romeo this time -instead of Juliet- seeing Juliet lying there dead- or in my case dying- from poison. My lips touch his- like romeo to taste the poison- but the poison is not on Jake's lips its in his blood.

My eyes scan the bandaged arm, I unravel the white cotton to see the decaying sight of the bite. Its black against his skin, I can smell the blood seeping through the wound. It smells old and rotten- the sight effected worse- My lips kissed the sight, the skin- it was rough to the touch. The blood burned my throat, not in hunger but repulsion.

What would the venom do to me? Would it kill me to? I couldn't be turned vampire because I am already half vampire. Would it do nothing? What if I bit Jacob, what would his wolf poisoned blood do to me?

Jacobs POV

I have been caved in darkness since the last place I remember- the woods. With my Nessie. I remember the words we spoke to each other, the marriage vows. How much I have wanted that, to belong to her. To love her unconditionally. I know that it is not binding to the state 'or what ever' but I can feel it in my heart. We belong together and always will be, in life or in my case death.

I remember the serge of pain from the bite, it wasn't like a normal bite but more like a lava spill on my skin. I guess that the feeling of change of a human to vampire, is the same of wolf to death. That burning sight of entry sparked my whole being into shock. Im used to being warm, but this was torture. The boiling lava spilled into my open wound and surrounded my body tissues, wrapping my lungs. I gasped for air, sharp intakes of cool air made the heat burn hotter.

Falling to the floor was nothing, a tickle with a feather compared to this. It was only when cool but butter melting hands rested on my skin. When I looked up at the prefect angelic face I'd entirely forget about the burning pain, for just one moment but the pain of loosing her- crept in. I would lose her. Never to see her brown eyes, perfect curls in the hair, her gleaming face. My heart thuds harder ever time I see her face, or hear her name or even catch her scent.

I am forever grateful for knowing her, for her to spark my heart alive. I thought it was Bella I loved but Nessie, its so different. So soul binding. Its true love, unconditional, heart melting love. I am forever thinking about her when I am away, or when I am with her I am truly joyed. When I see her sad or in pain, I can't help but find myself wrapping my arms around her willing to keep the dark world out.

I have faced death before, with her at my side. Im not scared, nor worried about myself. I just need to know that she will be safe, or just will myself to open my eyes for one last time to see her face. Its all I ask.

But the one voice that breaks through the dark silence is her's. Shes screaming to someone. _Nessie _I want to call out. To hear her is torture, I can't find her face, nor smell her near. Im chasing the dark to find the light, but it is empty. "Get out" I hear her shout again.

I can't feel where I am, Its just knowing that she is there- she keeps me strong. Keeps me fighting. The burning pain has gone, maybe it has fizzled out. Maybe I am dead, and this is heaven, hearing her voice sing out to me. But would it feel so cold here? So wrong, or Dark.

I try to move, to open my eyes but I fail. Its like my body and mind are no longer attached. But then I feel it. The warm glow on my skin, the hope. Nessie. Her touch, her spark that would shock me from death. I can feel my heart willing to thud, but it is weak and tired.

"Your not meant to leave me" she whispered, "you promised" I wanted her in my arms, I had lied- broken a promise I made.

_Flashback_

I looked at her now healing wounds, it had been close. I had nearly lost my Nessie. When I thought that she was dead from that attack from Leah, my heart exploded. Not in anger but pain, unbelievable pain. Never before have I felt pain like that, the thought off loss.

Now me and Nessie were staring into the sunset. She was in my arms, it was the first time as a couple. Today has been hell but its the day I will remember for ever because it was the day we became an item. She turned her head towards me, and looked into my eyes. My heart melted like butter. This was the time I decided that I couldn't live with out her.

"Jake" her lips sung.

"Yes" I said, brushing a piece of hair from her face.

"Im sorry" She said. Her eyes went glossy. I pulled her closer to me, my arm fully extended behind her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for" I said.

She leaned up so that she was eye level with me. She put her soft hands on either side of my face, I closed my eyes as my heart reacted to the touch. "Can you promise me something" she said. "Never leave me, again" she said, her lips grazing my cheek. "I can't....." she said trailing off.

I pulled my lips to hers, we kissed. Our lips dancing a slow dance together. "I promise" I whispered as I pulled my lips away for a second, before returning to her inviting lips. The bright orange heat from the sun, was beautiful but no match to the girl next to me.

I meant what I promised her, not just for Nessie but for myself as well. I knew in my heart that I would never be able to leave her.

* * *

My heart flipped, I was hurting my Nessie, and there was nothing I could do about it. "You promised" she sobbed out. The strings holding my heart to Nessie were being pulled, tugged. _Nessie _I wanted to call out, _Im here. Always and forever. With you I will never leave. Forever in your heart and mine. _I cried out, with only myself hearing it. _Nessie._

I felt the last breath enter my lungs, it was weird. It felt like my head was falling, deep into the darkness, _Nes.....Nessie. I love you. _One by one the strings beating my heart- beating for Nessie- were being cut. _Snip. snip, snip...._

It grew slower and weaker, _Why. _I wanted to scream, _Why me. Can't we be happy. Don't we deserve to be happy. Why is it that my life was damned to fight vampires, to be aware of the world around us. I wish I was human, me and Nessie both human. Oblivious to evil, just me and her. _

I want her, I wanted the wedding, and the children and the happy ever after. I know that I love the fight and the adrenaline that pumps in me when I kill a vampire, when I save Forks or La Push- but its not worth it. When in the end, it is what takes me away from her.

I wanted to fight it, to fight the venom bubbling inside of me. Buts its a losing battle, like fighting an invisible enemy.

_Snip, Snip, Snip............_

* * *

Nessie's POV

"No" I shouted out. "This is not inevitable, You are not dying. Do you hear me Jake. You are not dying" I had no idea what I was doing, but I needed to do something I wasn't one to just sit back and watch him die not yet. But if I was going to save him I was going to save myself.

I didn't know whether the vampire poison would have an effect on me, but I wasn't loosing anything from trying. I bit down into Jacobs arm. The artery burst in my mouth, under my bite. The cool blood tricked into my mouth. This blood did not effect my thirst, It was Jacobs blood, I never wanted his blood.

It flowed down my throat. After a few sucks I released my bite. Some stayed on my lips, I wiped it away with my arm. There was loud banging on the door, they couldn't see us on the floor from that door window. From the smell of wolf blood I knew what it should have tasted like, so when I sucked the blood I could easily taste the strange bitter taste of the venom.

I stood up not feeling any different. I bend down and with all my strength I pulled Jake up from the floor, his head flopped back and his arms dangled lifeless behind him. How do they treat poison in a normal human?

I then heard a familiar voice at the door. "Excuse me. Can we have some space"

"Dr Cullen, I tried to stay in but she's family- so I had to do as she said" The nurse from before said.

"Its ok Ann, I am here now. Can you check on Mr Swan next door and when you are finished come for me. But I will take care here ok" Carlisle said. "Oh and we may need to clear this area of the hospital. Charlie can stay but, if she is distressed it may be best not to have others around"

"Yes, of course" she said. I knew Carlisle was getting rid of the witnesses, He knocked on the door. I could also smell everyone else there, both vampires and Wolves. I put Jacob on the bed and placed the blankets back on top of him. I walked tired over to the door, ripped away the metal pole and flung the chair out the way. The door burst open and Carlisle walked in and took me in his arms.

I breathed in his scent deep. "Jake, just look at Jake" I didn't meet his eyes, but I could feel him look at me, he then went over to Jake. "He was bitten by Alec" I said, fury building on my tougue towards him.

My parents then rushed in and both gave me a hug at once. "Hmm" Carlisle said. I broke free from my parents and looked at him.

"What. What is it?" I asked looking over- but staying stood by the door.

"Well." he said, stroking his chin in thought. "It could be possible"

My father jumped in "Do you think?"

"What!" I asked. Everyone else stayed stood outside, or were next door with Charlie. I couldn't tell who was where.

"It could be like a normal animal bite- in the terms of venom" he said, taking Jake's pulse.

"So" I edged.

"Anti venom" my father jumped in, finishing Carlisles thoughts.

"Yes" Carlisle said, "It could be a long shot"

"So get the venom, yours any-ones" I said, my voice starting to get shaky.

"No" He said. "I know this, every vampires venom is different. So for this to work it would need to be Alec's" I didn' give him a chance to finish and already was headed for the door. My father grabbed my arm and Sam and Paul stood in front of the door way.

"We will go" They said, and then all the wolves left. Each looking at Jacob on there passing.

"Alive" Alice said calling after them.

Its been ten minutes since they left, the wolves, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Esme. My father, mother, Alice and Carlisle stayed. Billy was also here. It was only now the relieve of seeing them hit me. When I had ran to the house and saw that it was empty I thought the worse. That Alec had came, in revenge, but then he would have left bodies. But at the time I selfishly had worries of Charlie and Jacob. I considered calling a ambulance but I grabbed the keys for Billy's truck and drove through the woods, dodging trees. Picking up Jake and Charlie before breaking the speed limit racing towards the hospital.

My mother had edged next door followed by my father comforting her dry sobs. Charlie was still unconscious. Billy was waiting in the hall outside, Alice was with him and for the first time they were connecting. She was comforting him.

I was pacing around the room, it was only then when I suddenly felt strange...................

* * *

This is the longest chapter I've done for this- there was so much to say- would love your thoughts, trying to make it different from my other story lines. Do you like the direction it is going?

Your thoughts please guysxxxx LYA. xx Hey guys, If you are Jacob Lovers or Nessie I have another story called 'I love you Daisy but your real names Renesmee' story. This is different from this story- with it having different story lines and a bit harsher with abuse, but it will still contain some great moments entirely dedicated between Jake and Nessie. Its actually longer chapters than this (but I don't know why lol) and a different setting moving away from the story Little (with her ending up with a different family) I would love for you to take a look - its on chapter 2- and for you to give me your thoughts. Im just trying a different genre.....

so have a look and tell me what you think xxxx There is also another story called 'Cullen's chat room' so take a gander if you wish.


	59. Whats wrong with me?

I gripped the chair next to me. It was a bubbling deep in me, a burning. It didn't hurt, it just felt unusual. I couldn't see at first, my vision clouded over. I tried to stand up, but the room moved beneath my feet. I grasped the chair again as I vomited. I heard the rustle of feet move closer.

"Nessie" A worried voice asked. Carlisle.

I pushed myself to my feet, tremors rocking through my body. "I'm....fine" I coughed out. "I just need some air", I said staggering to the door. He was at my side supporting me. I wanted to get away to get some space, to figure what was happening to me. "Please". His hands stayed where they were it wasn't until we came out the room that I regretted the decision.

My father and sobbing mother were now sat on the chairs near Billy and Alice, when they saw me and Carlisle (and possibly the strange look on my face) they panicked. Rushing up to me, Billy of course stayed in his wheel chair and didn't move. His eyes stayed focused on his son through the window.

"Ness" My mother sobbed out. "Whats wrong"

"Carlisle?" my father said.

This was getting frustrating now. "I just need the bathroom" I burst out. I pushed off Carlisle and made my way down the hall, grasping at the wall. It was only then did I relalise that I wasn't alone. "Alice!" I shouted. The corridor grew very bright, what was wrong with my eyes? They were still clouded though. I could only just make out the disabled toilet door. I swung the door open and closed it behind me.

"Wait Ness...." Alice said when I shut the door. I could hear my mother come closer and they began a hushed conversation. I ignored them. The toilet area was quite large. There was a toilet and a sink with a mirror attached on the wall above it. There was a window on the opposite wall, covered in blinds. Still shaking I walked over to the mirror, I grasped the basin for support.

When I looked in the mirror I was almost shocked at the girl looking back at me. Her eyes seemed black, the pupils large that it was impossible to make out the chocolate brown iris surrounding it. My usual ivory rose tinted skin, was sweaty and blotchy. My eyes were red around the rims and watery.

A cool sweat burst out over my whole body, my palms- grasping the sink- were also damn under the grasp. I felt the warming pathway in my body. My mouth, throat, swallowing passageway, stomach. They all glowed with the heat. I could feel it growing. It wasn't a burning fire but a simmering liquid. I could feel it enter my whole body, every cell, every organ. Growing with intensity. My head fell back, not in pain but in ecstasy. Like a drug, it was pulling my body alive- out of this dark tired hole.

My body shook further, I lost my gripping and fell to my knees. My legs flapped against the floor. I felt a burst of strength echo through me.

The shaking stopped.

My eyes were black, I was almost afraid to open them again. I reached up for the sink and pulled on it to heave myself up. I placed the moved lightest hand on it and suddenly it angled forward beneath my fingers.

My eyes flashed open. The skin was hanging from the wall, you could see the walling crumbling and pealing away. Did I do that? I pushed off the floor and stared at my face in the mirror. It was no longer pale and patchy but was golden in glow. Beautiful, in fact the best I have looked. My eyes stayed dark, but they no longer stared blankly at me but glowed my inner essence. They looked familiar, like eyes I have seen- not mine of course- but.....Jacob's. His dark brown eyes, not in his human form but his................wolf form.

My hand flow to my face, it pressed the skin against the cheek and then the temple- following around the eyes. I could see as clear as day- better than before. Sharper, I thought I had good eye sight but this. I could see a dust mite crawling in the corner of the room, it circled around frolicking in the dirt. I looked back at the sink again, and pressed it lightly. It then ripped from the wall completely and landed on the floor in a large bang.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was running in the cool early morning air. The glass had shattered, as I leaped through it. The strange thing was that I could see every piece shatter- when I was in mid air- every tiny dot of glass, that flew past me bouncing off my skin. Not making a single mark.

I felt alive, I felt strong and still I felt the burning rage to find Alec.

Every smell was strong in the air, that at first it was hard to concentrate. The salty brine of the sea, lingering from the beaches. The damp wetness of the trees that basked in the midnight rain. The sweet, buttery, sugary smell of food wafting from the nearby restaurant- the only eating place- cooking for breakfast.

I could even smell, the wolves. They smell stronger, more earthy. They were west in the woods, still running. I could taste their sweat from the chasing. I pulled my nose further into the wind to get the smell of Alec. I hated to admit that he smelt nice, not the rotting flesh of evil that should reside on his skin but like honey, and lavender. They were not near Alec, They were chasing their tails (so to speak).

I ran the opposite way, catching the mixed floral smells. Roses, Daisy's, lily........mixed as one bouquet. My family, Emmett, Jasper, Esme, and Rosalie. Trailing their way across the dirt of the forest. But then the smell drifted, mixed with dirt, and damp. Honey and lavender.

I raced forward now, with more power. I didn't know, what had happened to me. Whether I had changed? Was this permanent? Was I still me? I didn't care, all that lingered in my thoughts was Jake's fading face.

I surprised myself, I was running double the speed- I was sure of it-, much quicker than my father. Then I saw them five miles ahead, but before I even finished that thought I had past them. Esme saying "Nessie?" Even as I ran past them and was now miles away I could hear one of their mobiles ring.

"Edward" one of them said.

The smell.

The fear.

The rage.

Was pulling me closer to Alec, but it was then when I smelt another smell with him. In fact three other smells. As I came closer- now out of Forks, past Seattle, well down the states, I saw them. Running together, hidden in the environment around them- keeping cover from the humans.

I couldn't believe that I could get so close with out them noticing. I grabbed at Felix- he was in my way to Alec- he jumped forward startled. They all looked at me, I stood there confident, raging, looking each one of them dead in the eye. Felix, Demetri, Alec, Jane.............Jane. Impossible.

A hiss left my lips. "Jane, we should have burnt you" I spat out. This rage was not mine, well not the burning intensity of it. This blood, Jake's blood was fueling it. It was fueling me, like a drug. Yes. A drug.

She smiled wide, but before her lips could answer I found my hands around her body flinging her forward. Felix and Demetri both moved forward but I hit them hard with palms. They also flung back. Felix hitting a tree and Demetri shattering a bolder. I could kill. But Jake needs me more.

My hand grasped around Alec's neck, I darted into a sprint again. Stopping, I turned around to them. "You better not follow" I shouted, their faces filled of shock. I didn't know what would happen if they were to follow. Or if they returned to the Volturi. I ran again, dragging a flailing and growling Alec.

"You better shut up" I said to Alec, "This is a human hospital" He did as well. He fell silent not saying a word. Probably planning an escape. I came up to the familiar corridoor to find my father pacing up and down.

"Nessie" He called in anxiousness when I walked up, Ignored him and pushed Alec into Jake's room. My mother, Edward and Alice all came in as well. They stayed by the door as Carlisle held Alec. I moved to Jake, anxious myself about Alec being near him again.

He looked even more pale, his lips cracking. I held his hand. When I looked back at my family, they were all looking at me. Faces of panic and worries.

I wanted to know what Carlisle was going to do to help Jake, but the darkness fell in- as the glowing heat fizzled out.......

* * *

Reviews xxxx In the next chapter you will find out if Jake survived??? A well as a dark secret from Nessie.


	60. heaven, hell, dead or alive?

Hey I know been a long time since posted one, and I really hope you like this. I tried to make it differnet from the other times when they have been close to death (and dont worry the answers will follow in next chapters as always) I may not post another one for a while due to crap exams- I was really naughty writing this one in the first place, but I had many emails asking for updates so I felt willed (or bullied lol) into doing it. I hope it was worth the weight. Please as always i love to hear your thoughts. xxxx

* * *

My head felt like it was spinning. I knew that I have been out for a while, out from my dose- of what can only be called a drug on my system. Jake's drug. It had the opposite effect of my desire. Instead of weakness and death (the same as Jake) it gave me strength and power.

I am scared to open my eyes. To see whether Jake is dead or alive. A world with out my Jake is not a world at all. Its a nightmare.

I know the story of my parents and how my father once thought that my mother- human at the time- killed herself by jumping off a cliff- of course she was not (so they tell me) but now as I think about it. If Jake left me like my father had left my mother. Then I would fight, fight to get him back. If all else fails then I suppose I would jump off a cliff? Try to kill myself like my father had- by venturing to the volturi, well maybe with with my half human self it is more easier for me-for death- than it was for him.

Just like Romeo and Juliet- as I have called me and Jake,- we are in a fight for our love. Not because our love is condemed by our family trifts but because we never seem to have a straight run of happiness, instead we have a rough road of heart ache.

Many times have I been in these tiresome dire situations and I am starting to lose the will to fight. Tired of my heart fighting for what it wants, for what it lives off...Jake. Is our love more of a poison than a 'high'?

The more we want to be together the further steps we take away from each other. The more my love hurts him, the more my being hurts him. Those venomous words from Jane's mouth about her apparently coming for me (her exact words 'you'). If that is true then if I hadn't been here. If I had not been born then Jake would not be dying.

I can fight if not once more, for my love. Just one more time.

But I will make a promise to myself, that if I shall put -not just Jake in danger- but my family, my friends. Then I Renesmee Carlie Cullen promise to do what is right for them. No matter if it is to leave then behind (though my heart aches at the thought) or to die. I will make sure that my being no longer causes them situations that will 'again' put the possiblity of death over them.

I've never been more afraid to see Jake. But if I wake will I see his beautiful torso rising and falling (breathing), while the golden copper glow of his skin wills me to touch him, or will I find my heart to no longer beat as I look over a life less body?

I want Jake, but I want to remember him one last time before my world can either rejoice or crumble.

_Flashback_

"Can I open my eyes yet. I mean you haven't even told me whats going on?"

Before I got into his VW rabbit, Jake had surprised me at the cottage. I thought it was going to be a normal night at home with Jake. We were going to order our usual spread of junk food (as we always do the night before I go on my hunting trip...mmm yum) but instead Jake pulled me off our usual walk to the cottage in a new direction. He wrapped a blind fold around my head- I think it was a tie the Alice had bought him, her nice way of saying 'you should dress nicer'.

Now his warm hands are on my shoulders guiding me- after he helped me out of the car- and every time he touches me, my skin glows with the warmth. Like it has just been kicked alive.

"Well thats the point to a surprise" he said, laughing.

One of his hands stayed on my shoulder while the other traced its way down my back, finally resting on my lower spine. I could feel my heart jump, I was ready to let that hand move further down, but I wasn't ready to let Jake know that- not with out my cheeks flushing a new shade of red.

I could smell Jake- his woods smell, and the slight smell of gasoline on his trousers (from working on yet more motorbikes- which I got him to work on for his birthday. I did want to get him a already finished bike but he said the whole fun was to fix them first. I did feel a bit anxious about this because this was something he had done with my mother. But I suppose he wants new memories of us doing stuff like this.

My feet were on sludgy grass before finally hitting sturdy dirt and then a cold hard floor. I had a guess that we were in his garage. I could smell more gasoline, wax, metal, old fumes and the best smell was that I could smell Jake all around me.

"Have I missed something?" I asked.

"I don't think so?" he said with a joking tone in his voice.

"Its not a particular holiday is it?"

"No. Well not that Im aware of"

"Have you bought me a puppy?" Puppy being my version of a pony, ok ok the price may not be the same but I just have a love for 'dogs' strange huh. I let out a laugh.

"Its on my to do list" he laughed back.

"Then what?"

"Ok well you can stop asking because were here"

His hands steadied my shoulders before he finally pealed off the blind fold. I looked around the usually oil stained garage to find........ in the center of the garage was a stack of boxes with what looks like a table cloth- its looks like the one from Emily's house. It makes a table, around the table on the floor are pillows. A blanket is layed on the floor, half under the garage roof and the other under the nights sky. On the table I notice that there are plates of food, with strawberries tips dipped in chocolate, and chocolates.

"Jake" I said, my voice shaking.

He came into my view, "Nessie, I wanted to give you something that we haven't really had yet. Our first real date." He looked at me with his brown eyes glistening in the moon light.

"But" I began to say. "Jake" I said again, I was lost for words. The sight of the garage was beautiful and the thought that Jake had done this for me gave me the bubble of love mixed with excitement. The one that makes you catch your breath. So instead of words, I pulled him close to me. My hands wrapping in his hair and kissed him. Our lips pressing together, merging with our love for each other.

I remember the night as if it was a fairytale. We ate, we talked and the best bit was that we laid on the blanket looking at the stars, but more importantly in each others arms. My head was resting on his chest, my fingers tracing his six pack. One of his arms was wrapped around me, his fingers stroking my arm. When I looked I could see that his touch brought goosebumps.

"Nessie" He said, I turned to look at him.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

"I hope that you will always know that, my love for you is unconditional" He said. The corners of his lips stretching into a smile. My heart melted like butter on warm toast.

"I know, as mine is for you" My heart exploded like fireworks when we kissed again, my hold body resting on top of his. His hands tracing my back, waist and legs. My hands on his face. This is when I knew, when I knew that I would always love Jake. That he was the one, my soul mate. The one I breathe for, or go through a day to see. The one I would run over miles of hot coals for just to get a glimpse of his heart wrenching smile. I knew that I would want Jake forever.

And in true Jacob tradition he re sighted a poem that said his feelings. This is what happens to a guy when he is in love, he shares it with -what it seems like the world.

"I carry your heart forever

because it is my heart.

I give you my heart forever

because it is your heart

Our love trembles deep forever

because my heart

beats only for your heart"

* * *

I could feel the warm tears trickle down my cheeks. How could something so perfect be taken away from me, from the world- it just cant be possible. I willed my eyes to open, the dim light at first making it hard to adjust. I could see that I was in my own room again, and I half had to pray for it to be a nightmare, but I knew I would not be so lucky. I pulled myself onto my elbows. I felt week, almost hungover- from what I have read about- my head, dizzy yet pounding, my stomach twisting with nausea or fear- I could not yet be sure, but as I looked around the room, there was a figure by the window.

Just stood still peering out at the nights sky. I could always know who's torso is shaped like that. Broad and buff, shaggy hair, tall. Was I still dreaming, my mouth fell dry and i still half asleep I didn't know whether this figure was real, whether I was dead and this was earth or heaven. But I knew who I was and who he was, so the first words to leave my lips weren't words of questions, or sadness. But words of love, words of Jake.

"I carry your heart forever

because it is my heart.

I give you my heart forever" I said, the dark figure turned around, and finished.

"because it is your heart

Our love trembles deep forever

because my heart

beats only for your heart.....

Nessie?" his voice spoke, with a worry tinged in it.

"Jacob" I croaked out.

A large sigh of relief filled the room, before I knew it Jake was at my side. His brown eyes looking into mine, and the warmth of his touch on my skin. Our lips touched, but whether I was living or non-living for the moment and I didn't interupt the kiss with whys? Hows? or what's? I just kissed my Jacob.

***

lol Im worried that this is crap- what with my mind filled with many other things, so tell me if it is and I will remove it and have to start again when I finished my exams xxx thanks


	61. Short and sweet, I love you

"Is it really you" I breathed out, our noses still touching. He began kissing the sides of my lips. "I thought, you....." my eyes fell wet.

"Its really me my- Loch Ness Monster" he said, sounding like him. I almost couldn't believe this, my Jacob, here in my room and....wait how did we get here? Oh questions later.

I pulled my arms around him tighter, pulled him close to my chest. My head buried tight in his skin and I breathed him in deep. His warm scent tricked down my throat, inflaming my heart. I fell back to the bed pulling him on top of me, our kissing now becoming more intense, more passionate, burning through my body.

My hands swept over his face, up his shoulders- my fingers tracing the groves of his muscles- down over his back- pulling him down further to my chest-, ending with my fingers clutching his thighs.

Our lips binding together, "Jake" I breathed out. His hot breath was on my cheeks, moving down my neck. "I love you" I said, pulling him into a tight embrace. Wisps of shaggy hair brushed my forehead.

"I love you too" he said, kissing my ear. I curled into his arms, both of them wrapped around me. We lay silent all night in the darkness, the darkness turned to a smoldering orange and then eventually the blue sky was visible. His fingers traced my arms, leaving goosebumps.

I was tired, extremely tired but I was afraid to close my eyes. What if this would disappear? What if Jake were to disappear? I turned my face towards him, "Are you real?" I whispered, and even though it sounded like a stupid question my heart needed the answer.

He smiled wide and I felt my heart melt like butter. "Yes" he kissed my forehead.

"Then how is it possible that you are here?" I said. I found myself pulling him closer to my body.

"Carlisle works wonders and apparently so do you" He said, his thumb stroked my cheek. "Why did you drink my blood?" he asked.

I hesistated, "Because if you die I die".

He sighed, "You sound like you mean that"

"I do" I had no hesitation in that answer, "What ever was in your blood I wanted it to kill me too, put me in pain, make me weak. Make us equals"

"Nessie" He said, but I continued.

"I. Love. You" I sounded out each word clearly, "I was going to marry you, I am going to marry you" I said suddenly smiling, he smiled back. His eyes lit up. "I couldn't bare not marrying you, not having you here with me"

"I understand" he said, and I knew what he was referring too.

"Yes you do"

"And, what is it that we promised each other?" He said, his lips moving close to my ear.

"That.....that if one of us is dying we wouldn't want the other to follow" I mumbled.

"Yes, Do you know how I felt hearing you bite my flesh and drink my poisoned blood" I gasped.

"You heard me, oh Jake I'm so sorry...." I trailed off.

"Shh. No that's OK, You could stab me a thousand times and it wouldn't bother me" He said, with a jokey tone in his voice. "But hearing you try to kill yourself for me..." His eyes closed tight.

"Im sorry, but life without you is.....unbearable" I meant that, it truly would be.

"I know"

"Jake, it was so hard for me to see you like that. You were dying in my arms, because of me and ...."

He cut in, "Because of you?" he questioned his brow frowning.

"Alec wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me, they were after me" I could feel the anger shake through my body,

"NO. No" he pulled me deep into his chest.

"Never leave me" I said, breathing his skin in deep.

"I will never leave you" He said very clear, but then he whispered- in a barely audible tone- "In life or death"

It felt like we stayed there for a life time, I didn't want to move from this bubble. "Are they mad?"

"No there not mad"

"Charlie?" Please be ok.

"He's better, not in the best shape but Carlise feels that he should make a full recovery" Feels?

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Yes" But I could sense that he wasn't telling the whole truth- his voice was hesitant for a moment.

"Jake"

He sighed. "Its nothing, Its just...."

I pulled away from his hug so that I could see his face, "Jake"

"From the venom there was some damage" he said, his face blank from emotion.

"Damage" I repeated, Damage what sort of Damage. Jake. "What?" My voice was quivering.

"Its nothing Im fine, just.......some of my organs have scarring, its nothing there just a little damaged"

My throat buldged, "What" Was that all I could say?

"They are working fine, its ok Nessie, its ok"

"Ok" I repeated, trying to digest it- "So you will be ok, back to normal?"

He smiled again, "Yes" I kissed him forcefully on the lips. He kissed back.

* **

I know short, but again really naughty for writing when should still be revising but I thought that I would finish off this storyline so that I can move on to the next main story line. So Jake is ok, Charlie is on recovery, there are still some things to be answered but when have time will go through in the following chapters.

Hope you liked this small chapter- I just thought that I'd give you something to keep you going. xxxx


	62. Do you RSVP?

Ok this has leaped forward a few weeks into the future, and I am totally happy that I finished my last exam today- and even though I have failed- lol- I am now able to spend the summer writing- how sad is that lol :)

* * *

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of_

_Renesmee Carlie Cullen _

_and _

_Jacob Black _

_On December 5th, at eleven o'clock _

_Washington, Forks. Cullen house_

* * *

"Don't" Alice snapped. Me and Jake both lifted our heads up to see who or what she was saying that to- but honestly I have no idea.

"What?" Jake said, his cute bow frowning.

"Kissing"

"We weren't kissing" Jake replied. We were both lying on our stomach's on the floor with tones of wedding books piled up in front or us. His hand was stroking my back.

"Yes, but you were planning to" she pressed her finger to her temple.

"Ohh, is it still there?" he asked a slight cheeky smile crossing his face.

"Yes" Alice hissed, flipping open a new file, "get on with it and then we can get back to the important stuff" Jake leaned closer and pressed his lips to mine. The lava bubbled though my entire being- that never gets old....

"Ok" Alice said, clicking her fingers. "Brides maid dresses, you have to choose a nice one. One that will suit each of us.....I have a few suggestions" She pulled out another wide file, " these are in alphabetical order according to designer, the coloured tags are obviously showing the colour of the dress" she placed it in front of me. "Which one?".

I already know that she finds it frustrating not seeing- well not clearly seeing- mine and Jake's future. A kiss she can see, but whether I would like what she will plan for my wedding- wow that is still weird to say. _My wedding_- she can't see. I feel a little overwhelmed, with this whole wedding planning. I never realised there was so much too do.

"You know what" I said,

"What" Alice replied.

"Can we take a break, we have been at this for....." woah, "Five hours......and I think its time to leave it till tomorrow" I can see the frustration cross Alice's face. "But Alice, you have really good taste and if you were to take the reins over...only involving me in the dress and a few other things"

Her face gleamed up, "Really"

"Yes, I mean what else are you going to do...you don't sleep?"

Jacob snorted, "Sleep....I could never live without sleep"

I began to rise, being pulled up by Jake- his warm hands melting with mine. "Wait....the wedding invitation?" Alice beamed.

"Loved it, its perfect. Simple yet classy"

Me and Jake literally ran away before she could ask us about anything else, We walked hand in hand towards the cottage, Jake was twisting my rings around my finger. I looked up and saw his gleaming face.

"What?" I said.

"Nothing" he said, his smile edging wider.

"Mr Black"

"Its just......" He stopped and took my face in his palms. "I keep thinking that this is a dream.....a really really great dream. I have got the most" his face leaned in closer, lips grazing my cheek, "Beautiful woman in the world and she......"

"Is 100% in love with you" I whispered. I pushed forward connecting our lips together again.

"Love you" Jake whispered, kissing a trail down my cheek, neck and finally finishing on my ring finger.

"Believe it _puppy_ your stuck with me"

Its been a month since the attack from the Volturi's followers, and it was four days ago that Carisle, my father and my mother left to pay them a visit. I have this constant churning in my stomach- Im worried about them, we've had no contact since they left....but Im sure they will be ok.......I hope.

So seeing as they have been away, Jake has been staying over keeping me company at night. But being the gentleman he is, he sleeps on the floor of my room. Its five weeks till my wedding- don't ask me, Alice chose the date- and I cannot wait.

_Mrs. Renesmee Carlie Cullen Black_

_Mrs. Jacob Black_

_Nessie Black_

_Nessie Cullen Black....._

There was a large noise at the front door, like a slamming noise. Then suddenly my bedroom door burst open it was Emmett. Jacob dove up to his feet, as did I. His body was shielding mine.

"You need to come quick" Emmett said, my stomach dropped.

"What, what is it?" I panicked.

"Please, quick...." Emmett begged. He took me by my hand and led me and Jake through the woods. My heart was pounding in my throat, what. What is it now? Don't we have any peace?

Jacob held my hand tight, slightly squeezing it every so often. His face looked tight and worried as well. When we came up to the house Emmett slowed down. The whole place was in darkness, there were no lights on. The house submerged in the eerie nights sky.

"Jake" I whispered.

We walked in through the a jar door, in to the dark lounge.......

"SURPRISE!!!!" A large merge of voices chimed.......

*****

Thoughts please..... Im trying to write some happy times (with a few surprises- i hope) but I don't think its my forte so is it any good?


	63. Engagement to remember

I didn't get my usual responses for my last chapter- told you I was crap at happiness. Im now in panic mode on how to write it in a good way- if it is crap jus tell me go 'littlepinksac this is crap start again"

lol anyway, hello to everyone. I wonder if you have finished your exams either (if you had any) let me just say A Levels (in UK) are a bugger. lol

* * *

A Bright light flashed on, it burned my eyes.

Someone ran into me before I had a chance to get my vision back. "Surprise" this person chimed again. Alice.

I blinked the black spots away, "Hey Alice. What..." I looked around to see the room full to the brim of people. Rose and Emmett rushed up next, Alice moved to Jacob. "So what is this?"

"Is your engagement party of course" Alice chimed, standing in front of Jacob. "Is it ok to hug my future nephew in law?" she asked. Jacob glanced at me, and smiled. I saw in the corner of my eye they both hug. Alice whispered something but I didn't really catch what she said.

"Hey Rose" I hugged her tight, "Emmett" he put his big bear arms around my and gave me a huge hug pulling my feet free from the floor. "You had me choking in fear there" I said, nudging him with my elbow. He chucked.

"That's my job"

Before Billy and Charlie came up, I saw them walk off into the kitchen. I wonder what they are doing. Jacob came up behind me and put his hands on my waist. His lips tickled my neck.

"Did you have any idea?" I whispered.

"No. Not a clue"

"Nessie" Charlie called, leaning in to give me a hug.

"Hey grandpa. Looking good" This is the biggest even he has been to since his heart attack. He was released and made to rest for two weeks at home- but he obviously hated that. It was nice of Sue though to move in with him. Though I still fear that she still hates us vampires still.

"Hi Sue" Sue held out a hand and I shook it. Her lips were pursed. "I suppose I should say Congratulations" She mumbled.

"Thanks" I replied. She hurried off. Hmm I'll make sure that changes.....

"Charlie" Jacob boomed as they dove in for a manly hug- pats on the back included. I have heard Charlie promise that he is going to have the manly talk with Jacob. I think it will go something like. 'If you break her heart I'll break your neck' or would my father say that?

"Billy" I leaned down to give Billy a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Its so weird lately I think he is ecstatic about the engagement. Its strange you can almost see his worn out eyes gleam with joy. "Or should it be Dad"

He chucked and smiled with his eyes. "So how long has Alice been planning this then?" I asked. By now the wolf pack has jumped on Jacob- literally- and are all patting him on the back.

"A while" he laughed.

"That long then"

I gave Billy one last kiss before he left. But as I was pulling away he grabbed my hand. I leaned in closer. "Renesmee...." He cleared his throat. "It will be a honor to call you my daughter someday" I felt the need to sob, but I swallowed hard.

"Thank you Billy"

I took a deep breath before turning back to Jacob and the boys.

"We've got a bet going for how long is it until she dumps your ass-

"yeah and goes for me-

"In your dreams Seth-

"Congraz man-

"Yeah contratulations great girl there-

"One lucky Son of a bitc....-

"Well hello boys" I said, breaking the hug mass of merged voices. I put my arm around Seth and he turned around for a hug. "Hey...thanks for coming"

One by one I went around and hugged each of them. They all had the opportunity to whisper in my ears....

"He's very messy, leaves his socks everywhere-

"He drinks milk from the carton-

"Just dump him for a day then I'll share hundred dollars with you-

"He snores-

"Hey. If marrying him does that make you our sister?" Seth boomed out.

"In law" I corrected.

"I suppose it does" Sam said, he gave me a tight hug.

I looked up at Sam and whispered, "what about your wedding. I still feel bad about you cancelling it due to ...." I trailed off, shaking away any negative thoughts.

"There's been talk, but now we can look forward to your wedding"

I feel really bad about renewing their wedding date, a idea struck me. "What about a double wedding" I whispered out.

He looked at me, his deep eyes thinking hard.

"I mean, its just an idea but think about it how special it would be" Most people would be crying out how a wedding day is the day for the bride, but I don't mind sharing. This is about me and Jake and as long as I marry him I don't mind how I do it.

"Talk later, when its a little quieter" he said.

"Yeah make sure you talk to Emily"

Sam joined the Banter of the wolves and I moved on, Hugging Emily and Rachel. I have been told that Rebecca will be flying down for the wedding, all expenses paid by us. Billy was ecstatic about his daughter coming.

It was then in the corner of my eye I saw three figures. I turned and gasped.

* * *

Thoughts please- have any ideas who the figures are ?

xxxx


	64. Face the music What's your problem?

"Mum, Dad" I called running up. "Carlisle" I slammed into my parents, wrapping an arm around them both. It is torture being away from them, and not knowing whether they were OK. My fingers buried in deep in their backs. My nose pressed in between them talking in their floral smells.

"Nessie" My father breathed, tightening his arms around me.

"Ness" My mother followed, almost dry sobbing. I wonder if they have missed me as much as I have missed them. I was finding myself physically unable to let go. Almost to tears.

"I was so worried about you." I cried out, now swallowing away the tears. God, what's wrong with me? "I missed you"

"Its OK. We're here now" my mother said, her breath on the back of my neck. I finally let go of my grip. But only to attach to Carlisle.

"Carlisle" I hugged him tight, and kissed him on the cheek.

"My dear Nessie"

A question was burning on my tongue but I knew that now would not be the best place to ask them. "I'm so glad your back for this, did you know about Alice's surprise party?"

"Yes" My father gave me his crooked smile.

"Hello Jacob" My mother said, leaning in for a hug.

"Bella" Jake said, "Edward" My father cleared his throat and shook Jacob's hand. Ah fathers, never like seeing their daughters going off with other men- Daughters are the apples in their fathers eyes.

Jacob grasped my hand, squeezing it slightly.

Dad's eyes looked tight, tired, full of worry. I swallowed hard, and put on my happy face. This was my engagement party after all. My mother took my other hand, and we walked back into the busyness of the party.

"There you are" Alice called rushing up to us. "Hey Bella, Come on you two" Alice tugged my mothers hand off mine and replaced it with hers, she then pulled us forward towards the piano. She handed me and Jacob a glass of golden champagne. "I think your old enough" Alice said amused.

She spun us around so that we were facing the whole room, who were now facing us each holding their own bubbling glass. I looked at Jake's face, he was smiling wide. "What"

"I think its speech time" he chuckled.

"Speeches? Aren't they more the wedding day?"

"You know Alice, far from normal"

Alice stepped forward clinking her glass. Yes even my vampire family were holding glasses- suppose they don't want to be excluded, or keep the pretence for Charlie. Though I am fairly sure he knows anyway.

"Hello" she said bearing her teeth to everyone, "thank you for coming. I am sure for most of you though you wouldn't miss an occasion like this for the world. Today we are celebrating the start of something, something that most of us carry in our hearts. Jacob and Renesmee are proof of it, they make a great couple but I am sure they will make each other very happy as man and wife"

"Here here" someone called out. Everyone raised their glasses, and sipped.

"Thank you" I mouthed to Alice.

"But, prepare for some speeches today as I was not the only one who wished to share some words" Alice stepped aside as Carlisle and Esme stepped forward. Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist, his face nestled in my neck.

"Those are hard words to match. Nessie and Jacob have shared some tough times, but it is through tough times when you find your love the strongest and whether it can live up to hype. Love shared between these two is certainly one which goes beyond normality. They are strong, well suited and mostly I have come to the conclusion that they are soul mates. Better halves of each other. With out one there is not another. I am glad to see love finally take flight, you belong together forever"

Again another, mummer from the _audience, _raise of the glasses and sips of the golden liquid.

Both my father and mother stepped up, along with Billy. My future father in-law, Jake's future mother and father in-law. "We are ones not to follow the norms of a engagement party" my father said, crooked smile and all. "It will be hard to say goodbye to my beautiful child, or well that is what I once thought. But I am not losing a child, I am gaining one. I cannot imagine Nessie with a more suited man, it is a man which has caught her heart one worthy"

A stray tear fled my eye, I blinked. Was my father actually speaking these words? "At first he certainly wasn't my first choice" some laughs echoed from some people. "But I can see they way they light each other.

More friends and family members stepped up to say a few words for us and each time I felt the strings at my heart pull, it is so nice that we have the support or everyone it almost gives my the feeling that everything will be OK.

The night continued on and I have to say that the drinks kept on flowing, I'm a little bit tipsy, but I think my half vampire liver can handle it. Alice turned it into a real night party by fiddling with some lights and now suddenly we have a sort of disco- she is amazing- and the room is full of mainly teenagers dancing their socks or should I say paws off.

Yes the wolves certainly have some moves. Some of the older members are stood off to the side but I am tempted to drag Sue onto the dance floor though she'd probably kill me- If looks could kill.

The furniture in the lounge have been easily moved as if they were simply polystyrene. Paul is working his moves on Rachel thrusting to the music, she is giggling her head off plus going red but she loves it really.

Quill has a grown Claire dancing on his feet, she needs the little step up to reach his lips- well all the boys are well built and very tall. Rose, Emmett, Jasp and Alice are all dancing to the music getting into the club type vibe, in fact everyone apart from Charlie, Sue, Billy, Carlisle and Esme aren't on the dance floor. But I'm sure that can be changed.

"I'll be back in a minute honey" I kiss Jake on the lips and walk away- wobbling in the high heels Alice re-dressed me in for the dancing- "Hey guys"

"Hi" they all chimed in together.

"Come and dance" I look at the faces staring back, "Come on, I'm not taking no for an answer" I take Billy's hand in one while his other pushes his wheel chair, and in the other I grab Sue's. She tries to pull her hand free but I still keep hold of it. "Come on, Grandad just a little dance" He frowned his brow.

" Anything for you Nessie" He said forcing a smile.

"I owe you grandad" I said smiling. "Why don't you show mum you still got some good moves" he chuckled his deep laugh and pushed forward along with Esme and Carlilse. I went to walk forward, but my hand was pulled. I looked at Sue. "It's just a dance Sue" I said. Billy hadn't noticed us- most likely due to the loud blasting music, I leaned down to him. "Why don't you go and show that boy of yours some real dancing moves"

"He does need some help" He flashed a smile, "Im down with the kids". He pushed him self to the center of the dance floor and swung around the top half of his body to the music. I turned back to Sue.

"Look Im just..." She cut me off.

"Take your hand off me.." she almost hissed, pulling her hand from my grasp.

"Your going to have to like me sometime" I said, losing my balance again I grasped her arm for support. Wrong thing to do. She snatched her body from my touch like I was diseased.

"Like you, a leech. Never" Her voice was low, her eyes fierce, and to be honest I was shell shocked. "You should not be here period" she said, doing sharp movements with her hands. "I can't stomach seeing Jake date such a monster" My stomach flipped, "can't you see he's almost died because of you" each and every word was full of hate, "Your a bad influence on them, Jake, My son, My daughter, and I would never be here if it wasn't for them. One day you and your disgusting family will turn and I will loss someone I love, but be sure I will be ready to kill you when you do. So don't touch me, we are not friends"

She pulled down on her shirt freeing it of any creases and pushed forward until she was lost in the bodies on the dance floor. I swallowed hard, she hates me that much. I felt a sob crawl its way up my throat. No! How dare she speak to me like that, who does she think she is? This is my engagement, does she think so little of me? of Jake. Does she say he has bad judgement in picking his future wife.

I could feel a new wave of anger hit me, she was not going to ruin my happiness like that, I forced my way forward towards the area I last saw her walk to. She was Stroking Seth's hair while he guzzled a large glass of water.

Her eyes blazed as I walked up to them, Seth was joyfully unaware.

"How dare you" I spat out of my throat, loud enough for her to hear me over the music, loud enough for a room full of supernatural creatures to hear me. "How dare you come here and speak to me like that" The music died out, and I felt the warmth of more bodies move in around us.

"Nessie" Jakes voice spoke, a hand on my shoulder.

Seth face fell to shock, he looked at his mother. "Mom?"

"You come here and act like you are better than us, its almost racial the way you speak about us. Me and my family are not the norm, and I can ensure you that anyone in this room would speak highly of us" she snorted, but Seth stepped away- towards me, my side-. "We may not be proud of the curse that was put upon us but I am glad to call myself a Cullen. Disgusting, you called us but what is disgusting about vampires who shy away from the norm of murder and live each day on a better path. Whats disgusting about that? because I sure as hell wouldn't call it that. I'd say special, kind, warm hearted, one hundred percent better than you"

I saw Seth screw his face a little, I was being horrible to his mother. But the words kept coming, I was angry at this woman, "So how dare you stand here in this room, for my engagement and speak to me like I am lesser than you, we welcome you here with open arms, I even try to include you but you say how must you despise being here. Well there you go" I point to the door, "leave, if this is so hard for you to share a room full of descent vampires leave this house now".

She stuck her nose up, "come on Seth, Leah" she called, "Lets leave" she stepped forward but no one else moved. She turned, "Lets Go" she called louder.

"Is it true?" Seth's innocent voice asked. Huge puppy eyes watching his mother. "Did you say all of that?"

"Seth" she said, moving closer to them.

"No mom, I love the Cullen's. They are family now, can't you see how good they are. They are nicer than everyone in this room combined, " his adam apple moved hard up and down his throat, "I think it _was _you that was asked to leave"

I can handle this, "Seth, are you sure you want to go against your mother" I whispered in his ear. He nodded and reached down for my hand. Sue left the room, not even Leah leaving. I didn't want to exclude her. "Grandpa" I called.

"Yes Ness"

"I hate to think of her alone" I didn't want him to leave, and even though Sue may not be the nicest person she's hurting. "Or even a ride home"

"Of course" I gave him a kiss.

"See you tomorrow grandpa" I said, watching him leave after her. I had planned to go over to his tomorrow to have some grandpa and grand daughter time together. I can be certain that Sue will not be there tomorrow.

The room was silent, my breathing was fast and wild. Even though I had spoke the words lingering on my chest, I felt bad for the way I shouted them at her, in front of a room full of people.

"I shouldn't have been so rude, I'm sorry" I said to everyone.

"Nessie" Jake said stepping forward.

I held my palm up, "I'm fine just.....need a moment" I said, turning around towards the bathroom. I was left to go alone.

* * *

To be continued........

Thoughts ppl. xxxxx


	65. Vampires aren't the only ones with venom

OK I have made someone the bad guy and I hope you don't hate me for it, you'll see who it is. If you ultimately hate this chapter no biggie I may change it- If a lot of you do-. I was going to have plain happy sailing but this idea popped in my head so I ran with it- but don't worry there will be some light at the end of this dark tunnel.

Please leave your reviews- I live to read them literally, especially for this chap- because I feel it is a different one- but that could just be me. Happy reading (I hope) thank you all so much xxxxx

* * *

I looked in the mirror at my face, splashed it with cold water and released a large breath. It was only then did I realise my hands were shaking. God who knew she could have this reaction on me.

_Knock. _There was a small knock on the door.

"Please just.....I'm fine" I said, dabbing off the excess water from my cheeks and forehead.

"Renesmee its Leah"

I pushed off the basin and opened the door. A blast of music echoed in, at least that blow out didn't stop the 'party'.

"Look I know what you may say, 'that I was out of line to speak to your mother like that' but I sort of don't want to apologise, that's been festering in me for a while. So I'm sorry for that"

I went to shut the door again but she wedged her foot in the door.

"No" she said, stepping further in. She closed the door behind her.

"Look Leah I...." She cut me off.

"You speak about things festering but I'm the one who's been keeping secrets. My mother was kind of worked up by what I told her"

I just stood there watching Leah, and I still had no clue to what she was getting at.

"I don't think she got there by you, she's always hated us vampires"

"Yes that is true" she said, "but she never would have been a cow to you if not what I told her"

I slumped against the wall, watching Leah pacing up and down the bathroom floor.

"Just tell me Leah, by this point nothing will surprise me..." I said.

"I love Jacob"

Maybe I was wrong....

The room fell silent.

"I....you...." I stuttered. The words getting caught on my tongue.

Oh God this is supposed to be a great night, now I had a argument with Sue and thrown her out the house and now Leah is telling me she loves my Jacob.

I feel suddenly emotionally tired. My head is spinning.

"You love Jacob" I finally managed to repeat, choking on the words.

She nodded biting her bottom lip.

"You do realise this is my engagement" I said.

"Yes"

"Well what do you expect me to say?"

"I don't know I.......I just thought you should know the truth"

I turned facing the mirror, looking at the shock in my eyes.

"I've already lost Sam and I don't know whether I could lose Jacob" she said.

The heat ran through my veins again.

"Lose Jacob, you never had him in the first place. Oh God what is it with the Clearwater's tonight. Is Seth going to come in and tell me he is actually a girl?" I shouted.

"Look I am sorry Nessie, but its been a year of these feeling building in me and....."

"A year, let me guess right around the time you nearly killed me?" OK so I didn't really mean that, but my whole body was burning with anger. This is not supposed to happen, why is my life so complicated.

"Nessie" she gasped, tears nearly running down her face.

"Look I'm sorry......why am I apologising" I turned to look at her, "What do you expect me to do Leah? Why are you telling me this? I love Jacob, he loves me, not just because of the imprinting but because we LOVE each other"

"I know"

"Then force these feelings away"

"I can't" she said. "But..."

"But what?"

"What if he doesn't love you? what if he thinks that he does just because of the whole imprinting thing?"

"Leah it doesn't matter. He loves me. Me, Renesmee Cullen. You're falling in love with the wrong guys" I said.

She turned around and hit her fist to the door.

"So thats why you mom hates me, she thinks I've stolen your man, Is that it?"

"Sort of"

"Well thats just great. I'm hated because of who I love" I shouted. I took in a deep breath, "What do you want Leah. I......." I dropped to the hard tiles, "I'm losing hope. Me and Jake are supposed to be, I know it deep in my heart. There is a man out there for you, you just need to look for him"

She sighed.

"Do you want to tell Jake? Do you want to speak to him in private?" I can't believe I was saying this but I can understand her pain, if she truly loves him she will be hurting.

"You would do that?"

"I suppose so" I said shrugging my shoulders. "Is that why you haven't been your wolf-self in so long. Your worried about sharing your thoughts?"

She nodded.

"I am sorry that you feel this way Leah, I am but just think about this. Do you want Jake to be happy?"

"Yes" she whispered.

"Even if thats with me?"

"Yes" she said even lower.

"Then....." I sighed, "Lets just wait until you speak to him"

"Tonight"

"You want to speak to him tonight? I don't know whether that is a good idea, I mean its our ENGAGEMENT party or has everyone forgotten"

"Please" she said.

"fine, do you want me to get him"

She nodded. I brushed myself off and pushed myself past her, reluctant to get Jake.

* * *

_Leah's POV_

It's true I do love him, and I hate it that he is going to marry a vampire. That is just not supposed to happen, I'm fine with hanging out with them, even though it still makes my skin crawl. I only put up with them for Jake.

How can he love such a blood sucking creature?

Why else would I have left alpha male Sam's group to join Jacob's, because I love him.

It wasn't true that my mother had a go at Nessie because of my love for Jacob. She has her own problems with them especially when I tell her that my father could have died because of them- even though it is completely impossible. She just ain't got the brains to figure it out.

How could he love her and not me?

It was just the same for Sam and Emily? How could he love her and her deformed face. It turns my stomach.

I hope my plan for tonight works, so enough the engagement will be off and I will finally get the man I love. Because I am not letting another one slip through my fingers.

* * *

I hope I haven't made Leah to much of a bitch but she is just suppost to be very bitter. I hate her venomus words I have had her say in her POV- because I'm just not a horrible person myself lol

To be continued........

Thoughts ppl. xxxxx

lol p.s Leah sounds like a bad villian from a cartoon or something lol. But not to fear I do have something good and unexpected to happen xxx

Oh and btw I hate her speaking bad about Emily- I love her character scar on face and all :P


	66. Bad to the bone

Jacob's POV

I didn't hesitate at all when Nessie came up to me. She took my hand and lead me through the wandering eyes towards the bathroom. I knew in my heart that something was up but whether is was still about Sue or not- I was clueless.

I let the silence stay between us, but I couldn't miss an opportunity to touch my fiancee. My hands wrapped around her waist and my lips kissed her beautiful neck. Outside the door for the bathroom she spun around in my arms. Slid her hands up my face and around my neck, electricity burning my skin from her touch. Her soft lips pressed to mine, and for a moment we went into our bubble. The world of me and Nessie, our lips wrapping around each others.

Our lips parted and she rested her forehead on mine.

"Jake" she whispered, catching her breath. "There is someone in this bathroom who needs to talk to you. All I ask is that you listen, and try not to get hot headed. I trust you, and I love you forever" trust me? who's behind this door.

"Nessie what is it?"

"Leah needs to talk to you, I promised her"

"What.." her finger pressed against my lips, I stopped talking. I kissed the tip of her finger, she moved it and stroked my jaw line. "I love you too Nessie, with my whole heart"

"I know" she said, she put her hand to her heart. "In here I know, its yours"

I was wondering why she was telling me this before speaking to Leah, but I started to get a anxious feeling deep in my stomach. She drew herself away, "I'll be back here" she said, walking her way to the library across the hall.

I nodded and knocked on the door.

* * *

Leah POV

OK so I know what I am going to try and do is such a cliché but anything to break them up. Do you know how hard it is to always have your heart choose the wrong guy and then for it to be shattered into a thousand pieces, well Nessie hasn't had what that feels like has she?

She just gets everything handed to her on a plate, she was a baby when she gets the promise that a guy will love her. When does it happen for me hey? Just because I'm a girl- the only girl- I'm deformed that I'm never meant to be happy.

_Knock_

That's him.

I walked over and opened the door.

"Hey" Jake said, "Nessie said you wanted to talk"

"Yes, come in" I opened the door more and closed it after him, checking the hall for Nessie. Nothing.

OK. What the hell do I say?

"What is it Leah?"

"Well I.....You see........" I tightened my fists, "I like you"

Jake looked at me, a blank look plastered over this face.

"Yeah I like you too" he said.

"No I don't think you understand"

"Just tell me Leah!"

"I love you Jacob Black" Even though I wasn't ashamed of what I was doing I still couldn't meet his eyes. The room suddenly felt small- as if the walls were closing in.

He was breathing heavy.

"What is wrong with you?" He asked. His eyes stern, "I love Nessie Leah. What do you expect to happen?"

_I expect to break you too up_

_for me to finally get the guy_

"Nothing" I lied, "I just thought you should know"

I opened the door and walked away.....still with the plan in action

* * *

Nessie's POV

I heard the door open and close from the hallway, why were my palms sweating its wasn't just like I was going to catch them making out. I pushed out of the libeary to find Jake standing leaning against the wall.

"Hey" I said, Wrapping my arms around his tense neck, "you ok?" I kissed his forehead.

"It's just an inconvenience" he said sighing.

"Of someone loving you.....just shows you I have the stud- Lucky me" I said trying to lighten the mood.

His chocolate brown eyes looked up and found mine, "You the lucky one....I think I'm the lucky one for sure" He smiled wide and leaned forward. Our lips touched. Heat bursting through my body.

I wasn't going to ask him about it, it seemed like it was behind us. Tonight was about us and I knew there was one topic which I was going to bring up tonight. Does our wedding night have to be the wedding night or can it be before- I mean it ain't the olden days, nor my parents (but that's a subject I don't want to think about ...parents...sex....I shudder)

I entwined our fingers. "Do you think the drama is over yet" I said- hoping it was- but half joking.

"I hope so" he gave me a goofy grin, and started to walk back towards the blaring music.

"Hold your horses"

"What?" he asked.

I felt the smile cross my face, "Hmmm I was thinking some more kissing, then kissing and then who knows" I giggled, I really wanted a make out session with the cutest puppy on the planet.

Our lips met again.

* * *

Jakes POV

My lips touched her full tasty lips, and sent the usual shivers down my spine. I can't wait to marry her, to hold her in my arms forever. Her lips parted and our tongues danced together, my hands traced her face, down her neck she trembled from my touch. I rested my hands on her back pulling her closer to my body.

Her warmth radiating to my body, her sent was mouthwatering- vanilla and daisies- one of her hands cradled my face while the other rested on my chest. We broke away catching our breath.

My lips traced her jaw line and neck, she let her head fall back. Her chest heaving breaths in and out. She let out a moan, her hands now in my hair, grasping my shaggy hair oulling my face back to hers.

"I love you" I whispered,

She pulled her lips to my ear, "I love you" she kissed my ear.

Our lips met again, I felt blissfully happy....

* * *

Leah's POV

I was waiting at the edge of the lounge, I could see everyone clearly and now where I needed to go to take the plan to the next level. I knew Edward Cullen, Nessie's father would not be able to hear my thoughts yet due to the loud blaring music.

_Remember Leah your the innocent party, just think what you have planned and then it will go perfectly. No one will even guess....._

I straightened myself up and put a worried look on my face. I was in luck Edward and Bella were near the front door- that at least gives me an excuse for walking past them. I took my first step forward and filled my mind with important facts I wanted Edward to hear- everything else was pushed right out of my thoughts.

_I can't believe Jake did that, I mean we we're just talking and then he does something like that. How could he do that to Nessie? _I could already see Edwards ear turn towards me, his lips pursed, I continued on walking not looking at him.

_I mean he is marring her, but then he tries it on with me. Kissing me in the bathroom, putting his hands up my shirt. _I tried to imagine it to give Edward a better look at the picture. _I mean I feel so violated._

I wrapped my arms around me tight, trying to come across as a little defenceless girl who has just been harassed by Jacob Black. _I trusted him as well, I _thought as I made my way out the door. I could see Edwards face twisted in fury. This was my chance to add the last blow...anything I can think of.

_He used his strength on me, poor Renesmee is weaker as well...I dread to think what he forces her to do?....._

I walked out, it was best for me to go and then if my name isn't mentioned as I don't think possible due to the possible rage Edward will do- don't you love fathers, especially vampire ones- and then no one can point the finger at me- then when Jacob is low and upset in sweeps super Leah for the shoulder to cry on.

I walked deeper in to the forest heading for the main road- at times like this, it is time to celebrate, dinner at the local restaurant? Sure why not....

* * *

Hey guys what do you think?

Did you ever guess that would have been her plan because- and this is why it is late- I was trying to think of the perfect way she would do a cunning plan. I did have the traditional things on the table such as she tries to kiss him and then Nessie walks in- but hey might as well use the over protective father who can mind read- who most likely will be to raged to listen to Jake...or will he. lol

I will try to be quicker on the next chapter but we will just have to see.

xxxxxxx


	67. Edward, Leah and me

Nessie's POV

My mind was lost in the kiss, magic exploding through my entire being. Suddenly our lips parted, my hand reached out for his chest again but he was gone. "Jake?" I whispered as I slowly opened my eyes.

A knife stabbed my heart- well that's the pain I felt- when I saw my father holding Jacob tightly by his neck. He was forcing him roughly into the wall. Jacobs eyes were wide, staring back at my father who had a wild look in his face.

It was contorted with anger.

"Dad" I screamed, running lunging at my father. He was strong against me and held his grasp undisturbed on Jake. "Dad, let go now" I screamed again clawing at his arm.

"Edward?" I heard my mother say.

"Get off" Jake called trying to push my father off. He managed with a shove, "Whats wrong with you?" Jake asked. But my father had none of it he lunged forward again and I stepped forward blocking Jake from him.

"Stop!" I screamed again, my voice cracked at the end. My heart was pounding in my chest, my breaths coming in fast. A single tear ran down my face, what was he doing.

"Nessie" my father tried to say. I stuck my hand out, and fell to my knee's.

"Are we never to be happy? For some haunted reason we can't even get through a engagement party without there being drama. I don't even want to know what is going through you head, I'm tired and want to go"

I truly didn't want to hear his story, nothing now could even surprise me. I walked forward forcing my way through Carlisle and Esme. "I'm sorry Nessie, I really am" Carlisle said, Esme gave me a small quick hug. I kissed her innocent cheek.

"Where do you think your going?" My father hissed, and I didn't have to guess who too. Something inside me snapped.

"What! What is it now? Tell me huh" I got up close in his face.

"He kissed" he spat out, "and assaulted Leah"

I laughed. "And who FOOLISH" I raised my voice, "Person told you that?"

"I didn't have to be told, I heard Leah....."

"Enough....I simply don't believe you"

"Nessie please I know this is hard"

I turned to face a now angry Jake, I put my hand on his face. His chocolate eyes melting with tears. "I know in my heart I don't have to ask you the question Jake, so I'm not going to. Before my father turns into a fit of rage again can I ask you father one thing?" Jake moved his head further into my palm.

"Of course" his voice was shaking.

"Listen to his thoughts"

"I...." my father cut short his sentence, and the room grew silence.

Jacob's eyes stayed on mine, little sparks flying between us. My heart was throbbing, but I trust Jake with my heart. Even if he kissed Leah- which I highly doubt- I would still love him, and if he is happy with me fantastic, and if he is happy with anyone else then as long as he is happy then I shall be slightly happy.

He gasped slightly, "Nessie I'm sorry"

"Its not me you need to apologise too is it" I said, not meeting his eyes.

"Jake I'm sorry" My father said. He tried to put a hand on my shoulder but I shook it off.

"I think we should go Jake" I said, taking his hand and pulling him outside.

It was quiet as we left the house, as we stepped off the porch, as we walked down the dark driveway. I knew where we we're going to go. Even if one of the enemy's were to be there. Grandpa's house.

"Nessie" Jake said, with his hand caressing my hand.

"Let's just leave it please. I just want to be happy Jake"

"I'm not angry or upset by that situation or at your father.."

"I'm not"

"Nessie please, I can't have you..."

"Angry at my father. Jake" I stopped and turned to look at his face, "Do you know how important you are to me? I love you with the whole of my heart. You make me. It's you and me now, I believe you, I trust you, I want you. Do you think my mother cared about her parents when she decided to become immortal? Well grandpa nearly shot him once if I remember the story clearly but not once did he attack my father. I just want you now and forever ok"

"I do too"

"Lets go now"

"Where?" He asked kissing my jaw line.

"Anywhere......Vegas. My parents were going to do Vegas why can't we?"

"Nessie I would love too, I would cut my tail off to, but I know you and I know that you are upset and need sometime to think clearly"

I kissed him and sighed. He knew me too well. But I would keep Vegas still in my mind, I suppose I don't hate my father I'm just hurt. He seems to just want to see the bad in Jake even though he has no bad in him.

"What about Leah?" I asked as we started to walk again.

Jake gritted his teeth. "She's out the pack"

"Jake I.....I think she's really confused. She lost Sam, and now she's hurting. She's Leah for Christ sake we know she's trouble. I'll speak to her, girl to girl"

He sighed, his cute nose wrinkled. "What about Sue?"

"Was I too harsh, maybe I should apologise?"

"She was a bit mean to you" Jake said, rubbing my shoulder. Moving his hands down to my waist.

"But grandpa likes her, being her enemy even though I doubt that we'd be sharing a piece of cake anytime soon can't be good on him. Like taking sides" I said.

"Uh huh"

"Nessie"

"Mmmm"

"I love you, your even sexy when you come to my rescue"

"Is that only when I'm sexy" I said, suddenly finding being a tease easy.

"No, 24/7. You think I'm hot- temperature- due to my wolf gene....nope its because of you" he smiled wide.

"Jake" I giggled, "That is so cheesy....but so damn cute for trying"

I jumped up and kissed his lips.

Right now, when I'm with Jake. The world, my feelings- apart from love, lust...- fizzle away. It's always just me and him.

Our hands linked together and they swung between us as we made our way to Grandpa's house.

* * *

Leah's POV

Wow this place is crap. I'd rather eat raw deer.

"Hi" A spotty faced high school kid came up, note pad in her hand. "I'm Mandy, what can I get for you?"

"Diet coke"

"Is that all ma'am" Did she just call me ma'am? Do I look like an old woman? _Don't answer that. _

"Yes" I slightly hissed, as she walked away I heard her call me a _bitch._

I was sat in a booth near the window. It was dark, and even though this is a restaurant/ dinner it's basically open 24/7. I don't actually know why they call it a restaurant?

There was a dark pit im my stomach.

What if he kills Jake?

What if he already has?

Oh God what have I done.

No.

Idiot.

What are you doing?

Its fine, I wouldn't make a very good villain would I.....

Does this plan make me a villain?

Stop Leah! A conscience doesn't get you anywhere. You want Jake.

Holly crap! Who is that?

A tall blond boy walks into the dinner _oops I mean restaurant. _Jeans and a black t-shirt, beneath his top you can see his muscles YUM.

I close my mouth, as it is dry from being wide open.

My heart thumps hard, my palms are sweating.

I've never felt like this. I can feel a strange invisible bond forming. Is this the guy? But what about Jake?

The guy smiles, and sits down on the booth in front of me. We are facing each other, with two seats between us. His blue eyes look up at me. _Click. _I've fallen.

No.

I'm flying.

Our eyes lock. He smiles and my heart melts, I find him coming towards me our eyes never loosing eye contact.

"Hi" his sweet voice spoke. His words spiralled around me.

"Hello" I spoke. The words more stable that I ever would have thought possible.

"I'm Dan Oak, may I"

I nodded and he took the seat in front of me. It was only me and him- as customers- in here.

"I'm Leah"

"Leah" He repeated to himself.

Oh God I've imprinted.

YES!

Oh God what have I done to Jake!.....

* * *

Bella's POV

"Edward honey?"

Edward was sat in the corner of our bedroom his head in his hands. I moved closer and wrapped my hands around him.

"I just can't help myself. I want her to be safe and happy and to me she still seems so young...but shes not. It's just a natural thing for me to want to protect her" His face was crinkled in pain.

"It's ok. She will understand. She knows you love her, and that you feel this way. She was shocked thats all. It's ok" I kissed his ear.

"I hope so" he whispered.

"You know so" I said back.

He turned his face up to me and we kissed.

"She's our daughter. Sometimes we have to hurt her, even though we don't intend to, to make sure she has the best and is happy. Thats all you were doing"

We embraced.

* * *

Nessie's POV

"Here you go guys" Grandpa said as he brought us a plate of cookies. We where in my mothers old bedroom. "I'm hitting the sac" he said as he closed the bedroom door. Sue was no where to be seen she must be at her own home.

Before we entered the house I asked Jake if he was ok about that outburst back out the house he said "Nessie truly its ok. I'm fine. I would walk over hot coals and they still wouldn't burn me. I love you too much."

"Thank you for not fighting"

"I promised right" he said before we knocked on the door.

Jake had now wolfed down a few of the cookies, it was only when Jake pointed it out that I realised that I was picking at my cookie. "Do you think I should call, I mean I was horrid to him. He is my father I will love him always, and I'm tired. I can't even hate Leah, I've lost the strength to fight. We have been through so much that I can only hang on by a thread"

"Well your hanging on great"

I lay in his arms, on top of his body and kissed him. He reached over and got the cordless phone by the bed, "You know you want to" he said, brushing hair behind my ear.

His hands gripped my back, his lips caressing my neck as I dialed the numbers of his mobile. _Ring Ring._

"Hello" my fathers voice spoke. It cracked.

"Oh Dad...I'm sorry"

"Nessie"

"Yeah dad I shouldn't have been so terrible, I was just upset seeing Jake like that"

"No please I'm sorry. It was my fault. I should Have know that Jake wouldn't do such a thing"

"I love you dad. Forever. I'll always be your daughter"

"I know, I love you Nessie"

I felt better as if a weight had been lifted. I'm not good at hating someone- for a long period anyway.

"Jake" I whispered. The moon light coming in from the window lighting up the room.

"Yes"

"Are we going to have sex before the wedding?" With Jake I found it easy to speak what was on my mind rather than dancing around the subject.

Both of our breathing became heavy.

He let out a breath that sounded like a laugh. "What kind of a question is that. You can sure make me tongue tied. Well let me ask you do you want to?"

"I did. I really did, but then I thought about it and even though I would be special and magic anytime we decided to do it just think how exciting it makes the honeymoon. It makes it special. Plus my mother sort of said she thought it was amazing on the honeymoon especially on the island. Were they were alone all night long"

My tongue traced his lips.

"Then I think you have your answer"

"But that's mine?"

"Yes, and mine. Nessie I think that is perfect. Of course I could throw- or gently place- you down now, but I can wait because our love is more than that...but when we can do _that _it will make our love more intense"

He smiled, and parted his lips as I gave him a french kiss. Our tongues dancing, moist mouths moving. His hands sliding up and down my body, we made out through the rest of the wonderful night.


	68. Chit chat

* * *

Nessie's POV

One week to go to the wedding.....

It's been a good few days since I last saw Leah. She's sort of been missing since, well since she tried to have my father murder Jake- but thats water under the bridge now.

I have heard though that, and this is according to Seth that she has imprinted on someone. We, including him have yet to see this person.

It has also been that long since I lived at home, and no not because I'm mad at my father now or anything- I went around the next morning, he apologised and we hugged- our first fight as father and daughter, our first fight like a normal family.....well almost normal if you ignore what it was about.

Anyway as I was saying I have been staying in my mothers room at grandpa's. Alice is decorating the house apparently, and I figured that seeing as it wasn't being done on the day (like my mothers) I think they are doing construction work? but I could be wrong.

It's nice here, peaceful and it is almost impossible to once thing of my mother as human. Being in her room is strange, especially when I look though some of her draws. There are many books here, one that is absolutly torn to shreads. Withering heights. I think it is called, and even though I haven't read it yet I get the feeling that she used to like this book a lot. I will have to ask her about it.

She did take somethings to her new life at the cottage, but I suppose she couldn't leave grandpa with an empty room and the thought that she might never come back. Grandpa was going to clear it out, he said he could make it into a spare room, but I was having none of that and I'm here more than anyone. I wanted it just as my mother left it.

What scares me the most though is the conversation me and him are having now....

"Do you want chips and dip or....... cookies and milk? I'll say cookies and milk but you have the over all decision" I said routing through the cuboards.

"Huh tricky" Grandpa said, streching his legs on the chair in front. "Why not both?"

I chuckled. "Sounds great"

_No. This wasn't the conversation I mean- it was this one._

"So as I said before I've been talking to my solicitor about my will" He said, I swallowed hard. The thought of him not being here, when we live forever.

"Your will?"

"Yes, and I wanted to talk to you about it"

"Me?" I said, sitting across from him. Not wanting to talk about this.

"Yes. Don't worry I've already talked to your mother"

"Oh"

I pushed his glass of milk in front of him. Also pushing the cookies, chips and dip to the middle of the table.

"I'm leaving you the house" A chunk of cookie went down the wrong way. I coughed.

"What!" I splutted out, choking crumbs of cookie across the room.

"Actually your getting it sooner than you think"

Cough. "Erm grandpa what are you saying?"

"Well think of it as a wedding gift"

"Your giving me your house?" I downed the milk. My throat hurt.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine. The house grandpa?"

"Its yours....well in one week"

This was a strange day. It was just like the movies, I sprayed grandpa with the milk. "But.....but where are you going to live. I mean your living with us aren't you, cause thats ok with me...."

He cut me off. "Ness, I'm moving in with Sue"

"You are?"

"Yes"

"So your giving me your house" I said. Still in a state of shock.

"Yep" he grabbed a chip and dunked it in the dip. Crumbs sprinkled down his shirt.

"Your house.....here"

"Yes"

"BUt your house?" Ok I was in serious state of shock, "Why?"

"I'm getting old poppet. Living alone is starting to lose its glare, and Sue and I are......."

"Are what? Are you dating her?"

His eyes diverted away from mine, the dip suddenly looked interested.

"Because grandpa thats great"

"It is" he said sounding shocked.

"You look happy"

"I am"

"I'm glad you are grandpa.....but a house! That is so cool" I lept up and he did the same. I held him tight in a hug.

He chuckled. "I'm glad your happy"

"Happy grandpa....this is great. I mean your always welcome but here its.......its ........I couldn't think of anywhere better" I wrapped my arms around him again.

"And your mother said that they were a little un-easy about you not being nearer them, but at least your in between the two camps. Cullen's and Quiletue's.

"Does Jake know?" I asked, kissing him on the cheek.

"Nope, we thought you might like too"

"Yes" I said jumping up and down. "So seriously you and Sue hey"

I said laughing and sitting back down.

"What is that such a shock"

"Not really"

"So will you help this old man move"

"Of course I will"

"It will be this week if your not too busy with wedding stuff"

"No I'm not busy, you know Alice. I'd be bored otherwise. So when you starting packing?"

"Today"

"Today?" I asked

"Yes. Like I said, its yours by the wedding day. Not that you wont be here but on your honey moon but the key's will be yours"

"Wow. Sure I help"

Ok so it sucked a little that he was dating the demon from hell - Sue- and that she wanted me and my family to burn, but the glow from his worn out eyes is......love. He really likes her. Maybe soon I'll have a step- grandma?

* * *

Jake was on his usual patrol of the land, I was walking down the road towards Billy's. The night was crisp, and the moon was full and crystal clear. I had just been packing up some boxes from grandpa's loft- I didn't know he kept so much junk-. It's basically old fishing gear, some from when he was little. It was pretty amazing hearing him tell me the stories.

I can't believe he has given me and Jake his house. It's unbelievable. It's the most perfect place ever. A house that has history from my mothers side. I have yet to tell Jake. I know that he will be just as thrilled. Tonight is some talk on whether Emily and Sam are joining the wedding as bride and groom or not. I'm game either way, I'm not about to force them to get married.

Then after this, me and Jake are going to mine- but still not allowed inside or around the back of the house- Alice has greated a gazebo type thing for us to have dinner outside. Well me and Jake to have dinner. They'll most likely hunt after.

I heard crunches of branches behind me. I bet it's Jake messing around. There is no wind tonight for me to pick up his scent. He's trying to sneak up on me. Big lovable goofball.

"It wont work Mr Jacob Black....I'm too good. Vampire trumps wolf"

"Jacob?"

A wimper escaped the throat. It wasn't Jakes. I turned around to find a big none Jake wolf standing in front of me. I'm not scared.

"Leah?"

A small agreeing growl came deep from the throat.

"Can't speak to me face to face? Because it's ok, seriosly.......I'm to tired to keep any grudges. Jake on the other hand is a different story but he should for me....If I bribe and ask nicely with sugar on top" I smiled but noticed a stray tear fall from her cheek down her strands of fur.

She wimpered. I moved closer. Her dark eyes were glazing over.

"Leah its ok"

She walked off into the shaded woods. A few moments later she walked back in human form. I shrugged my coat off and gave it too her. Her face was red and puffy.

"I am sorry Nessie. I truly am, you give me so much. Always forgive and I just throw that in your face. I nearly killed you and you forgave. I tried to split you to up for what....for my selfishness I...."

"Please there is no need for this, I know that deep down you are good. Your a wolf for heavens sake. You save people, you saved me. You saved my mother- maybe not you personally- but you were there. If she had died I wouldn't be here, same for when I was younger and the volturi came. You stood there proud with the rest of the boys. Your special too, the only female. It's a lot of responsibility, so sure you may be a .....bitch" I chuckled, and she did too, "but your family.....your great"

"See there you go again....forgiving me. You have a heart like gold, Jake is lucky to have you"

"Thank you"

"I was confussed about loving him"

"I know, I heard you imprinted"

"Yes. Dan, he was great. I.....I think I love him"

"Thats great"

"Yes. I've also told him everything"

"Everything?"

"Yep, me being a wolf. Vampires, about hurting you....and.....he still likes me. He was like you, saying that cause I regret it I'm better from it"

"Yeh...there you see. Its ok"

"He's a bit different. Not from the tribe, but hey I'm not one to follow the usual" She wiped her tears away with the sleeve of the coat.

"And thats a good thing"

"He just moved here, the old Newton house"

"So can I ask you.....why the tears. It seems more than just the I and Jake thing"

"It's still Jake"

"Have you talked?" I sat down on the side of the road. Leah joined me.

"I tried to"

"What about your thoughts I mean if he can hear your 'remorse'"

"I can't" She said a new sob rising in her chest.

"What do you mean? of course you can, you came to me..."

"No, I mean I physically can't. It's like I've been throw out. I can't hear anyones......I suppose this is my deserved punishment"

"No" I said, quickly getting to my feet. "Of course not. Leah I'm sure its a misunderstanding. You know how hot headed he can get. Maybe he needs more cooling off. I'll talk to him though, but Leah"

"Yeah"

"I can't promise anything, and you know I have to side with Jake"

"Yeah. Thank you Nessie" A tear fell down her rosey cheek.

"I'm going to be late, but make sure you tell me more about this guy. He sounds great" I dusted off the leaves from my bum.

"Sure"

"Come and help me and grandpa tomorrow. Come around the house"

"Ok"

I gave Leah a hug before leaving, she ran off and I headed on down to Billy's. I just wanted Jake in my arms.

* * *

Reviews please- I know this was a very chatty chapter but needed to get somethings done.


	69. Blink twice cause this ain't real?

"Hi Babe" Jake called as he ran up to me. I was near Billy's house now, just making my way down the long driveway. He ran in to my arms. I hugged him close, breathing in his smell.

"Hello" The silver moon glinted in his warm chocolate eyes. My fingers curled around his hair as I pulled his lips to mine. "I missed you"

He smiled and kissed me again, "I missed you too" he panted in between breaths. His hands traced down my arms, Leah still had my coat. I could feel more goosebumps rise from his electric touch. He draped his arm over me as we started walking again.

Would I ask him about Leah or tell him about the house?

Good news, Bad news- well is Leah's bad news or sad news?-

"Jake"

"mmm"

"I ran into Leah on the way" Leah first, then cheer up with house news.

"Oh" I could swear that I heard his jaw clench.

"Please don't tell me that it is true, that you have sort of kicked her out of your pack" My fingers ran along his back and grasped at his waist.

"I...." He let out a long breath, "I didn't mean too"

"What do you mean?"

"Nessie I can't help how I feel" his words came out jumbled, "But I didn't intend to just block her out but I have, and I know that I shouldn't but it is sort of out of my control. I hate her for what she tried to do, and I hate myself for feeling that way"

"Shhh" his face was crinkled in pain, "It's ok" I stroked his cheek. "I know that you must feel something towards her, but she is sorry"

"I know"

"And she didn't succeed, and wont now that she has got her own 'imprintee'. So..."

"It's about trust Ness" He said, taking his free hand and running it through his hair. "As a leader- alpha- I need to trust my pack and she has done so much that....I don't trust her anymore"

"Honey" I wrapped both arms around him so it was like I was hugging him- while still walking-.

"I'm not saying that I will never trust her again, its just that I can't at the moment"

"Ok sure. She's coming over tomorrow so I'll tell her then if you want?"

"No, I'll tell her. You should be there though as well"

"Of course. Where you go I go" I smiled at him. "Jake"

"Yes"

"Do you want to hear the good news now?"

"Good news, defiantly"

"Try and guess" I said, giggling.

"Hmmmm, Your running of with Brad Pitt and marrying him instead? Oh wait is it good news for me or you?" he said showing his goofy grin.

"Both...and by the way Brad Pitt was busy tonight" He chuckled.

"I would never be busy for you" Jake said.

"Are you reading a cheesy line book?" I giggled, "cause you know I love it"

"Ok, second guess...Brad and Angelina are...."

"Don't push it Mr. Other wise I'll have to pay them a little vampire visit"

"Ok. Ok. I don't have a clue. I give up"

I felt the excitement bubble inside me. "We have a house!"

"What" he said.

I laughed, "that's what I said. Grandpa gave us his house, something about him moving in with his new love interest Sue. But he gave us the house, can you believe it. Our own little perfect house"

"Wow, that's great. I...I can't believe it"

"I know"

We stopped just in front of Billy's door. "We have a house" he said.

"We have a house" I repeated. Jake wrapped his large arms around me and hugged me tight. He lifted me up so that we were face to face- my feet just off the ground- and kissed me hard. "It just makes this fairy tale even more real" I said, kissing his jaw line.

"It sure does."

* * *

"We have decided that we will get married with you" Emily said placing cups of coffee on the table.

"Really" I said, "That's great" I just hope I don't do anything this time to put their marriage on hold. "A double wedding, should be great and I bet Alice is going to flip"

"You should come around and talk to Alice, so that you can choose somethings. I game for what ever she chooses, just as long as this big creature turns up at the alter"

"Yeah I'm basically the same, I'll call her tonight" Emily said.

Jake yawned. "I can see you love talking wedding shop" I said in a joking tone. He's been doing long hours lately, making sure nothing will turn up and disrupt the wedding. Its sweet.

"This is an area left to the woman" Sam said, he and Emily chuckled.

"You two look tired" I said to Jake and Sam. "I know that you are making sure everything goes smoothly, but make sure you don't push yourselves"

"I'm fine" Jake said, "Hey did Nessie tell you yet? Charlie is giving us his house, and moving in with Sue. Did you guys know anything about that?" I moved towards Jake and sat on his lap. I nestled into his chest. Emily and Sam were holding hands-resting on the table-.

"Him and Sue" Sam said, "that's great, and the house well congratz man" Sam reached over and shook Jake's hand.

"Thats brilliant guys" Emily added.

"Yeah, I couldn't think of somewhere better, and the concept I love is that its in between us both. You know the wolves and vampires" I added. Jake's hand stroked my cheek. The skin burned from the touch.

Billy was in the living area watching a football game, there were a lot of cheers and moans coming from . I wasn't sure whether we were losing or winning. Billy knew about the house- of course his best friend. aka Charlie, told him. He congratulated us as we came in.

"We should really go, we have a family dinner" I said standing up. We said our goodbyes to everyone, hugging Sam, Emily and Billy, and me and Jake stepped out the house.

"Wanna race?" I said as we stood on the edge of the woods.

Jake took off and exploded into his wolf form. I took off after him. I could see his brown fur flap in the wind, I dodged the trees and pushed further forward ending up running side to side with him.

A blur of pale skin caught the corner of my eye. I stopped. Jake pushed forward unnoticed that I had stopped. The pale figure stood hidden behind the trees I moved forward. I stepped around the tree and stood face to face with him.

My heart nearly stopped, it bulged up in my throat. My breaths came in fast, fear pumping through my veins. My lips trembled, the silver moonlight bounced off its skin. My breathing filled the silent still air.

"Bradley?" My voice came out shaky. Bradley stood still in front of me.

Young Bradley a quileute wolf, Bradley who died...........

* * *

Hey Review please :) Love to hear your thoughts.

I felt like something should happen. So tell me what you think about Bradley?


	70. Just when things couldn't get worse

Lol In the last chapter I kept calling him Bradley- his name is Brady. Oops.

* * *

"Brady" I said again, my voice quaking even more. My foot stepped forward, reluctant to make a sound.

His skin looked almost translucent in the moonlight. He looked so small and fragile, just like he did when we found his body. He was just thirteen years old, and even though he was a Quileute wolf he was never the build like Jacob nor the others. He shouldn't have died that night, but what was he or should I say _it_ doing here?

He didn't look like him and I had seen his dead body, I had been at his funeral- after all the trouble had been sorted out- I had said words about him when Jake couldn't. I watched the pain in not only Jake's eyes but the other wolves, Brady's parents eyes. He was certainly gone.

He just stood there, like a statue. I was no longer breathing- from shock- so I couldn't smell any scent in the air, but this isn't possible.

"Brady? I....is it you" his eyes were vibrant in the dark.

Suddenly a twig snapped to my right, I looked over. Jacob was running towards me. "Jake" My shaking voice said. I looked back to Brady but he was gone. The space where he stood empty, silent like no one had ever been there.

I rushed forward and stood in the place he had just been seconds before, I didn't know whether it was my imagination or not but the air seemed to be more cold here than anywhere else. How strange.

"Nessie?" Jakes voice echoed through the still woods. "What is it?" his voice was full of concern.

Should I tell him?

Should I tell him something that would cause him pain? It sure was heck causing me emotional pain. The air was clean, if he were some creature wouldn't I be able to pick up some kind of scent? I know I wasn't an expert at it but surely some smell would linger in the air?

Or are my pre-wedding nerves getting to me? But why would I make myself see Brady? I let out a large breath. I suddenly felt very tired.

"Ness" Jake put his warm hand on my shoulder, I jumped from it. "Nessie" his voice was now seriously concerned. I shook my head, banishing away the impossible image I had just seen.

"It's.....er.....it's ok" I stuttered out. "I just thought I saw _something, _but it was nothing" I plastered a false smile across my face. I would not tell Jake, not until I was sure and that would take a very good tracker....

* * *

"Wow Esme that meal was so delicious" I said, stretching my legs out under the table.

"I agree, for someone who can't actually taste the food you sure as heck cook a great meal" Jake boasted in. He patted his stomach.

A sweet smile crossed Esme's face. "It is my pleasure, I am glad you enjoyed it".

The nights sky was beautiful to sit beneath, Alice had certainly 'gone to town' for this simple meal. It was sort of a gazebo type thing apart from the roof part was made of netting so that you were able to clearly see the sky. Also her little touch was thousands of fairy lights draped over everything. I wouldn't be surprised if we were stealing all the electricity from Forks.

"So Alice, has Emily called you yet?" I asked, reaching for my glass of juice.

"Yes" Alice cheeped, "just before you came. So exciting. Two weddings can you believe it!" Her face was beaming. "Actually that reminds me, Jacob I wanted to have a private word with you"

"Private as in 'not in front of Nessie'" I said.

"Basically yes"

"Go on, I think I can manage with out you for a few minutes" I joked, Jacob shrugged his shoulders as Alice nearly pulled his arm off his torso leading him towards the house. Now how is it that Jake is allowed to go near the house but I'm not? Unfair.

"So.....er hows it looking....in there?" I asked.

"My lips are sealed" Rose said.

"Well if you like...." Rosalie slapped Emmett on the chest. He let out a winded breath, "Sorry little loch Ness, I'm dead from both women if I spill the beans" He gave me a goofy grin.

I pulled a tongue back.

"Don't worry honey, I've been there done that with Alice, and in the end she lived up to more than expectations. Trust me and her, you'll love it" My mother said.

"Well seeing as we have time with out Jake how is the Isle Esme coming along?" I asked, my finger traced the rim of my glass.

"It is all sorted, the plane tickets are booked and transportation" Esme said.

I could tell by the look on my fathers face that he wasn't very happy about my honey moon. Most likely because he knows what is going to happen. I mean it was where I was conceived- eww I actually do not want to think about that-.

"It will be nice to have a private beach and sea, I just love swimming" I don't know why I felt it nessessary to add that, but my fathers Jaw did seem to relax a little.

I took a sip of my drink, a pale flesh blur appeared again in the corner of my eye. I spluttered the drink over the table in front of me. I coughed up the rest I had breathed in.

"Ness?" they all chimed in. My father and mother now standing came rushing over to me, blocking the pale blob. I knew who it would be. I tried leaning back on my chair, to look around them but I leaned back too far. My father caught the chair before it hit the grass.

"Nessie whats wrong?" my father asked, placing the chair up right again.

"Nothing I just remembered something....that.......Jasper can I speak to you in private please?"

With out hesitation Jasper followed me out into the woods, I looked around to make sure no one was following. Esme had started to clean up the smashed glass from the floor, and Rose and Emmett were being forced to carry the dirty dishes back to the mother and father were looking this way, I pushed further into the distance so I knew they couldn't see us.

I stood where I had seen the last figure of pale flesh. My breathing was fast, Jasper was silent beside me.

"Can you smell anything?" I asked, his brow knitted together in confusion.

He breathed in deep and exhaled. "Nothing out of the ordinary" he replied. "Your anxious are you ok?" a feeling of safety and warmth washed over me, but it didn't help.

"Are you sure? You can't smell anything?"

"I'm positive Nessie, why?"

My head fell back and I laughed, I was hysterical. "I'm just loosing my mind that's all. I keep seeing someone that shouldn't be here!" A new wave of calm washed through me. "Do you believe in ghosts?" As soon as the words left my lips I knew they sounded just as crazy.

"No, because there is just no such thing. Who do you keep seeing?"

"Brady"

"Oh, maybe we should speak to Carlisle?"

"No, I'm most likely just nervous, seeing things. I mean humans get nervous so maybe so do we and we have it more so" did that make any sense?

I fell to the floor, feeling exhausted. "Maybe I'm just creating something, I mean we're so used to a heckic mess that I can't believe that I have had a few days of normalcy" I shivered as a breeze of cool air hit my skin. Jasper shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. "Thanks"

A strange sence of familarity hit me. The cool air? My head snapped up, behind Jasper in the deep darkness of the woods one red blazing eye and one dark almost bronze eye burned through, burned through my soul. A violent shiver passed down my spine, and before I had a chance to use my vampire quickness to warn Jasper the figure snapped Jasper from his stance and flung him past the tree's into the darkness. My vampire eyes lost sight of him.

I sucked in a breath as strong hands grasped me and tugged hard, I tried to break free but it felt like I was trying to pull off a steel grasp. Not even I could fight away him. His hands clasped around my waist, a tearing sound filled my ears.

I looked at the figure, Half human? vampire? half wolf.

Brady.....

* * *

Hey Review please :) Love to hear your thoughts.


	71. Is this the end for Nessie?

The wind whipped past me, we were travelling very fast. He was racing through the forest, doging trees in his way. I shook my whole body, but it barely made him flinch. I tried to scream but his arms held my chest tight, I gasped for breath.

"Brady listen to me..." I whispered, "this is not you I..." Smash, my head was smashed purposely against a tree. I felt my head jolt backwards. The forest seemed to blur away, I tried to blink away the grey cloud engulfing my vision. My hand grasped weakly onto his furry back. The wolf hair wrapped around his top half, his legs seemed to bulge more muscly, I could feel the veins protruding through, but they were hairless.

It was only when I suddenly felt myself being thrusted against a cold hard surface that I knew I had been slighlty out of it. We were out of the woods but not to far away from it, I could see the tops of trees nearby. The cave or allcove wrapped around us, him blocking the entrance, it was light in there because the roof was far back allowing the moon light to shine in.

"Brady" A growl ripped through the cave, his deadly eyes set on me. He looked blood thirsty, another ripping sound filled my ears, the wolf features blurred away until a boy stood in front of me. His face was twisted with anger.

"You..." he shouted, his voice cracking. My body actually quivered from his blood curdling voice.

"Brady..."

"Stop calling me that" he screamed back, a vein in his forehead pulsing out.

I jolted away from him. His hands clawed at his own face, he almost seemed rabid.

His mouth was foaming, his eyes both blood shot.

"How are you?....." my voice trailed off. "Alive"

"I....I" he growled, "You killed me" he roared.

"Me" I gasped shocked, "No...I..."

"Your scent, You scent screams at me.....I remember ....you" he seemed to choke out the words.

"Yes" I whispered standing up, I slowly walked over to him. His pained face watched me. "You were like....a little brother to me...and"

"Nooooo!" he screamed again, his arm flashed out and swept against my stomach. The force pushed me far back, the I hit the cave wall. Thats when I actually saw his eyes properly, they where dark, very dark, like two black holes. They where soulless.

"You're not him are you"

His nose sniffed the air, "Your just his shell"

He launched forward, crouching in a dog position, his teeth bared. He snarled.

"You can't be him, Brady was a good boy, your.......your a monster" His teeth snapped at me, his hole body quivered. He cried out in pain. I saw a chunk of hair fall out from his scalp. My heart dropped.

What ever this is its not Brady, but what ever it is, it is suffering, confused, alive but also rotting. The dark rotting flesh smell hit my nose, I uncontrollably retched.

"It hurts" he screamed. 'Ahhhhh'

"I'm sorry....I'm so sorry" I whispered.

* * *

Jake's POV

"Yeah Thanks Alice" I called as I returned to the table. The cool air brushed through my shaggy hair. "Hey Bell's where's Ness?"

"She walked off with Jasper....I don't know she wanted to ask him something?" she brushed the crumbs of the table.

Edward suddenly went still, his head flashed towards the woods. Jasper raced out shouting something.

"He's got Nessie" he shouted, my heart choked my throat and before another word was spoken I leaped through the air and changed into my wolf form. My shredded clothes fell to the floor in a heap. I raced towards the woods, my nose in the air.

Edward was a little ahead of me and I could hear the footsteps of many of the Cullens behind me. Jasper shouted "Split up". I raced straight on, I had a gut feeling just to keep going straight.

I tried not to think about my Nessie nor _what _has got her, I forced out my worries, I just allowed myself 10 seconds to freak out. I cried out, a growl echoing through the woods. I screamed with all of what my lungs could muster. In return I heard my pack howl back- I hadn't intentionally done that- but I was glad. Thoughts raced in my head and I gave them the only thing I could;

_Nessie is missing, few moments ago. Find her and don't stop until you do. If you find what has got her, keep it alive for me. _I ordered in my head.

_Yes boss-_

_You got it Jake-_

_Yes sir-_

_Jacob- _A worried voice spoke, it was Sam's I didn't reply, and nor did he say anything else.

My nose sniffed the air heavily. I could smell damp moss, ocean brine, I could even smell the nose burning Cullens but no Nessie....

Damn!

My paws pushed hard on the ground, I forced myself to take wider paces. I can't let my Nessie down, I.....I can't lose her....not now...not ever.

A single tear ran down my cheek, the wind blew it away.

A heart breaking scream echoed from the distance, I panted hard. Suddenly the smell hit me, a stomach churning rotting smell. The smell of death, it was tinged with Nessies floral smell. My heart choked my throat, If what ever has hurt her I'll kill him, I'll kill them all....

Her scent grew stronger, it pushed me towards the end of the woods, towards the rock caves over by the sea.

My tongue held out as I panted wildly.

My paws hit the cold rock surface, I headed towards a open shallow cave where their scents where pulling me. I ran inside and stopped dead still. The fresh metallic smell burned my nose, it was hard for me to breath. Nessie's smell was so strong, and so was the rotting smell but also was the fresh blood smell.

My four legs gave away, I tumbled to the rock floor.

Bright red blood was covering almost every surface of the walls and floor. Sobs escaped my chest.

Nessie.....

* * *

Hey Review please :) Love to hear your thoughts.


	72. Over the edgeagain

Nessie's POV

We were stood face to face in the cave, his revolting mouth panting sickly hot over my body. His hands clawed at his own face, screaming in pain. My hand reached out towards him, I lightly touched his arm. His whole body froze. His dark dead eyes teared up, his body was shaking in pain.

I knew this wasn't Brady but it was now I knew that this _thing _wasn't evil, instead he was acting out. Withering in pain, and even though I knew he was dead I suspected that he had not become something like us. A immortal frozen in time, instead he was rotting, decaying from the inside out whilst still alive, whilst feeling his body painfully crumble away.

"It hurts" he whimpered, a slight anger tone in his voice.

I kept back a sob, "I know....shhh" my hand stroked his green flesh, it had changed so quickly from the first time I had seen him. Chunks stuck to my hand I shook them off, trying not to think of what it was.

"Make it stop, please make it stop" I opened my mind to him, using my touch to read his thoughts. My head swirled, my knee's buckled. The pain, he was in excruciating pain. It was all his was thinking. No, shouting.

He was scared, all he had seen was darkness. He had woken up alone, been alone, dug out of his grave unknown to why this was happening. It had only happened 48 hours ago, some kind of delayed reaction?

He had no thoughts of why he was here, of how this body was still breathing.

"Make it stop, make it stop...stop. stop......please" he whispered over and over again.

My hand dropped away, I felt awful. My body retched more so, my skin crawled. His thoughts had been so powerful, the smells, sights, the fear and anger he felt, that it pulsed into my being.

My hand move to his hand, more clumps of hair fell loose.

"I'll make it stop" I whispered, his dark but sad eyes move up to mine. He seemed to smile internally. I stepped to the back of him, my shaking hands moving to his thick neck. "I'm so sorry Brady, I still love you so much"

His breathing had slowed, his pained sobs the loudest sound in the cave. My heart was racing in my chest, and the looming realisation was starting to creep over me. I was about to kill him.

_Its for the best Nessie, remember that. He shouldn't be here.....he just shouldn't. _I kept chanting those words over and over again in my head.

I snapped his neck quick and swiftly. The loud crack of a broken neck filled the cave. My stomach dove deep down. I jolted back suddenly when a blood curdling scream filled my ears.

Brady's body clenched, his arms still moving flapped around.

What? he should be dead.

_Isn't he already. _A quiet voice spoke in my head.

His body fell to the floor heavily, a new smell hit my nose. It smelled so dark, such like death or how the devil would smell that it made me want to run out of the cave forever. But I couldn't, I couldn't leave him. Not like this.

Thick black blood pumped out of his neck. The snapped bone had teared through his throat. It was slime like, holding large clumps of clotted blood.

My feet hit the black blood splattering some of it over the cave walls.

Brady shook violently, his teeth caught my skin on my arm. They ripped further down ending at my wrist, fresh blood seeped out. I quickly wiped my arm down the back of my t-shirt. It stung.

I need to get him to Carlisle or something, this is way out of my league.

I helped him off his knees, and took most of his weight. I wobbled my way out of the cave, with him hobbling beside me.

The ground slanted slightly, I felt my far knee give way. Brady let out a breathless howl as we both tumbled far down towards the edge of the cliff. His heavy body crushed onto of mine. Forcing me further forward. I screamed as my body flipped over the edge of the cliff, my fingers clawing at the soft ground. It gave away at my fingers. Suddenly large hands grasped mine, a muzzled face peered over the edge.

"Hold on" I screamed, I was dangled over the edge of the cliff somewhere I have been before. My hand grasped his, his flesh breaking away from my touch. "Please" we were far over, hovering above the jagged rocks below. Brady's muscles quivered, shaking my body. I hit the side of the cliff, his grasp started to fall looser. I felt my stomach hit the roof of my chest as I saw Brady's legs give away beneath him. He tumbled forward, over the cliff taking me with him.

His heavy body sunk down fast through the air, his weight pulling me down. His hand still held me, I was nearly on top of him. His back face the dangers below, I almost lay on his chest. More chunks of hair blew away with the force of the air on his skin.

I closed my eyes as we reached the bottom as there was nothing I could do.

_Jake _I gasped, _I love you....._

* * *

Jakes POV

I ran out of the cave, the stale blood burning my nose. Even though I was sure that black blood wasn't Nessie's I could still smell her blood mixed in with it. My eyes searched the area around the cave. The trees moved in the wind.

_Please don't let her be dead, please....please._

Suddenly I heard another scream. Nessie.

I ran, ran as fast as my legs would take me towards her scream. It lead me to the cliffs edge. I don't care whats below, if Nessie went over then so am I. My paws hit the soft ground pounding further towards the edge.

_Boss..._

Sharp teeth wrapped around my torso. I tried to shake it free.

_Boss_

_Get off Seth_ I shouted back

_Sam said you could die_

_I don't care_

_Boss..._

_I order you to let go Seth_

_But..._

_But what Seth?_

_Nessie fell over with something horrible, but_

_Stop saying but just tell me _I shouted.

_Shes not down there.... _I started hyperventilating. _We got here first, Paul's checking the water he jumped off further down away from the rocks long with Sam. Sam checked the rocks but there's nothing. There's just blood, stale revolting blood._

My heart stopped, and right at this moment the world seemed to explode. I wanted to launch myself off the cliff, but I couldn't even move. My body completely jelly.

A howl escaped my throat....

* * *

Nessie's POV.

I fell hard on to his chest, I felt it fall as the air forced out. It didn't rise again. I flexed my arms and legs, I seemed to be fine. I actually felt great considering. I crawled off Brady, his body seemed to be shrinking on itself.

"Brady?" I whispered, poking his cheek lightly. His head rolled, but only from my touch.

He was officially dead.

Again.

The rocks had twisted far into his body that you could see the tips poking through. I didn't waste time, I heaved his body ripping him free from the rocks. I pushed him into the icy water. I jumped in after him.

My arm grasped at his neck, I pulled him as I paddled forward. His body was lighter in the water, and I found it much easier to pull him along than I had on land. I could see the banks of the beach.

Salt water splashed in my mouth, I spat it out. I felt very tired when my feet hit the grainy bank, I dragged Brady along the sand. His body left a long trail from the sea.

I couldn't leave him could I.

My heart leaped when I heard someone howl in the distance.

Jake?

Surely there looking for me.

I screamed, "Jake" I shouted, "Hey...anyone out there?"

My fists clenched hard as I let out another scream, it was much louder than shouting words.

I could see the trees shake in the distance. My eyes scanned the land.

The trees stopped shaking just ahead of me, my heart sunk thinking that it was just the wind but then a blur of copper skin race out. Jake

"Jake" I cried out.

"Nessie, Oh Nessie" he panted.

His body ran into mine, his large arms wrapping around me. He lifted me off the floor and kissed my cheeks and lips repeatedly. I kissed back. My heart fiercely pounding in my chest.


	73. Hen do night for Nessie

Hey guys sorry I'm late with this, I'm just finding it difficult to find time to do it- You know that I will always try my best :)

* * *

"Are you really going to let them take you on a stag do?" I asked.

"You know that I would rather stay here with you but you've got to give it to the guys this is the part of the whole wedding thing they are allowed to do, and I even think that Alice was still part of it" Jake said, a smile that would melt butter over his face.

"Well all I'm going to say about it is; Have fun, don't get mixed up with any hot girls and if you do remember to give them back in the morning" we both gave a chuckle, "and go and live your last night of freedom- or so they say-"

He kissed my lips, "No I think its more the last day of the rest of your fabulous life" he said kissing me again.

"Good reply, now go before they break the door down" I said, pinching his bum on his way to the door. He was tackled and dragged out by Paul and Jared, who both stopped to say, "Pardon us we're just stealing the groom"

"Go" I said giggling to myself.

The whole stag do was made up of every male possible.

Jared, Paul, Sam- of course because it is half his- Quill, Embry, Jake - of course as well- Billy, even Collin- so I guess then it must at least be a little PG?- Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Charlie, and Dan- Leah's new boyfriend-.

As soon as the door to the cottage had shut there was another knock.

"Alice hey"

"Come on" she said holding out her hand.

"Why?"

"For your hen night" I followed her out the door.

"I thought I wasn't allowed to the house" I questioned.

"Your not going to the house"

"oh ok" I stayed silent as she led me through woods. Towards the opening?

She pushed past the last of the trees to the large grassy opening, but this time there was something there which wasn't before. It was like a huge- and I mean huge camping tent.

"Where the heck did you find a tent like that?" were my first shocked words.

He chuckled, and smiled wide. "Custom made for this"

I could hear Lady Gaga in the back ground, 'Just dance' Alice unzipped the huge tent entrance and pushed me in. The floors were covered in masses of blankets and comfy girly pillows. On some of the pillows sat, Bella, Esme, Rose, Emily, Leah, Clair, Rachel, Rebecca,- I rushed over and gave her a hug- "It is so nice to finally meet you"

Sue was no where in sight.

Her dark hair glistened in the candle light as she smiled, "You too sister in law"

I smiled. My heart giving a little flutter.

"Alice" I said wryly turning to her, "there's not going to be and strippers, popping out is there"

"Of course not" she smiled, wide seeming like she held a secret but I think that she's just trying to fool me.

"This" she said gesturing to the whole tent, "is our little boudoir, its girl time plus prep for the wedding" Emily squeezed my hand in excitement. "So sit down and lets start this"

I sat down on a pillow which had Bride- embroided on it- the same as Emily next to me. Alice clicked her fingers and each girl raced up to do their own little bits and pieces.

My mother who whispered in my ear- I couldn't rein Alice in- slapped on a fair amount of a blueberry face mask. Rebecca did the same to Emily. Esme was putting some glossy glop on both of our hairs messaging gently one hand on each head.

Alice did my finger nails- manicures- and Rose did Emily's, Clair and Leah were on pedicures.

"Are you sure your all happy to do this?" I asked.

"Of course" they chimed in together.

"Bella" Alice said, "It's time"

"Time for what?" I wondered.

"For real love stories" she replied, "and it starts with your mother, most likely the greatest love story here"

"Alice do you have to say it like that" my mother said, sitting cross legged on a cushion.

"Just remember mom, I am your child no gross details"

"Don't worry your safe. This isn't about the ...sex, well maybe a little bit as you will find out"

"Mom"

"Your about to start the rest of your life, and as I well know, for us it is for life- eternal life-" she began telling me the story of how she and dad met, the whole tent fell silent, and each of us listened intently, and even though some of us new this story we still listened.

She told us of the story of how they met, and how my father saved her from being turned that one night with James, not because he didn't love her enough for them to already be together forever but because he loved her enough to ensure that she live her life instead of this curse life (he once thought it to be)

She went on to tell us about how he left her after the attack from Jasper, it wasn't because he didn't love her enough to stay but because he loved her enough to leave her to keep her safe. Some where in that time when they were apart it wsa thought to him that my mother had died, killed herself because they weren't together (which was obviously not true) but his life was unbearable with out her so he tried to kill himself.

Just like a real modern day Romeo and Juilet.

He loved her enough to save her from a bunch of vampire, killing Victoria. (as well as a few other people to help), and well she left the part out about being changed because we well know what little problems I caused, but he saved her by having a thought out plan of giving her venom in her heart and around her body...

The room was silent when she finished, even I had never heard the story told in as much detail as that.

It was nice to know that love like that exsists but it was also nice to think as me and Jake like that, because we had been through just as much as them.

"Wow, mom. That is one hell of a story. Thank you for sharing"

"Its hard to believe that you are getting married tomorrow. My little girl"

"I'm not leaving, we'll still be with you...just in grandpa's house and possibly our own house as well when we next move"

"Are you nevous?" Clair asked looking at both me and Emily.

"No" Emily answered, "because I know this is right, and me and Sam don't have as long as any of you guys, so this is special to me" I nodded along, but its hard to think in the future some of these women, even Dan wont be here. Our friends, my friends gone. Unless they do a me and Jake.

Wolves and vampires can easily live as one together.

"I am slightly" I answered. "But the one thing I am certain of is that I do want to marry him and be together forever"

"Plus the honeymoon night" Rose chimed in.

"Rose" I said slightly blushing.

"What? We're all girls, some virgin and some way past in oblivion but why else do you think me and Emmett get married so much?"

"Your love for each other and cause each town we move too needs one?" I lightly suggested.

"Sort of but mostly its the honey moon night. Like your mother said, I can't even believe how grown up you are. I'm so proud"

"I second that" My mother said.

"Me too" Alice chipped in.

"Thank you, and thank you for this. Its so nice to have great friends and brides maids to have, and tomorrow Emily me and you walk down the isle to start the new chapter in our lives"

I leaned over and hugged her, my face mask flaking dry crumbs in the process.

I felt like I just wanted to jump in bed and for it to be tomorrow already. I love Jake, and I can't wait for tomorrow, I just wonder how he is getting on?

* * *

I need your help readers lol

1) If I were to do Jakes POV or something else, I seriously can't think of what the boys would do for their stag do? So any ideas- you can contact me in private or review it, either way if you do offer an idea and if I do choose it ;your name will get mention (so not to make it seem like my idea), just at the moment I can't think of anything lol

2)For the upcoming wedding you are invited lol, I need song suggestions (think romantic if you can) and if you help you can be a guest at the wedding if you wish.

*Shrugs* just a suggestion :)

Thanks for reading and extra thank you's if your a reviewer. - Just love getting reviews-.


	74. Not a funny Joke

Thank you everyone who has offered help, I have still yet to look through the song ideas so I think the wedding will be in the next chapter. (so names and thanks you's in the next chapter)

and for anyone still wishing to help, there is still time to offer some song ideas :) looking for ones greatly suited to Nessie's and Jake's love (aww) lol

* * *

Jake's POV

My head was banging, this was the only time I wished I was a vampire. Alcohol doesn't even effect them -so lucky- they can't get hung over. A nice cold shower and strong coffee should do the trick.

Last night was starting to look blurred. I remember beers, a lot of beers but what else happened?

I shuffled around in my bed, but it sounded different. In fact it felt different, sharp pricks pressed into my face. I lifted my head up, Straw?

My head swirled as I looked around, the first thing I saw was Paul and Jared in a heap sleeping in the far corner, Sam was in the opposite corner. Who was that red head with him?

Where was everyone else? and why are we in a barn?

Something moaned beside me, I gathered just enough strength to look over.

A small blond girl, was slumped on top of my arm. Her silk hair flowing over her face.

I swallowed hard, why was I shirtless?

* * *

_Back a few hours to the start of the night....._

We ran for a few miles, running away from Forks.

"We're are we going?" I shouted once we had stopped and changed back.

"Well we were told by the girls that we couldn't do anything stripper related" Jasper started to say.

Emmett jumped in, "So we thought that I'd strip for you instead" he started pulling up his shirt revealing his six pack.

"Stop" I said whacking him in the stomach. He grinned back.

"What" he teased, "Don't you think I'm sexy?"

"That isn't what I'd call sexy" I muttered.

"So what are we doing?" Sam asked.

Emmett grinned wider, "Can I show them now?" he said almost child like.

"Go on" Carlisle said.

"Follow me" Emmett ordered.

So we did, he pushed back through some trees, onto a open space. Just like the opening, but not.

"Whats this?" I asked.

"Well we'd love to say we did this with out help but that would be a lie" Jasper said.

Seth bounced in, "Alice helped as well as me and some of the other guys"

"Wow its great bud" I said shaking his hair.

I walked closer to the set up, it was a bar. Set out in the middle of the woods. The bar was wide and had stacks of drinks behind it, I could smell blood- but I suppose its only fair for them to have a drink as well-.

Bar stools lined the bar, comfortable chairs were set in a circle. A ash tray and box of cigars set in the middle on a sort of coffee table.

Paul slapped me on my back, "Let me buy you two a beer" he nodded towards Sam.

"Its a free bar" Quil chimed in.

"Exactly"

"Cheap skate" I said slapping him on the head.

Me and Sam sat down on the comfortable chairs, this was totally a mans land. Emmett stood behind the bar, acting like a bar tender.

"Hello, I'm Emmett and this is Emmett's bar. For you girls I have some cocktails, or maybe a lemonade?"

"I'll have a beer" Sam chimed in, "I'll leave those girlie drinks for you"

"Me too" I added.

"Don't for get me" Seth said.

"Do you have a root _beer _for the kiddo" I asked, ignoring the looks from Seth.

Emmett handed out beers, and a root beer to the mortals and blood to the vamps. We each sat on our single chairs set in the circle.

"You know what?" I said, "I feel blissfully happy and..."

"No don't get soppy on us man" Jared chimed in.

"Shut up....I have no worries about tomorrow. So.." I raised my can, "here's to the women we love, to the past present and the future to come" Every one raised their cans of beer and glasses of blood.

Seth slurped up his third root beer.

"Tomorrow is a big day guys, your marrying Emily and your marrying my daughter and I hope you know that if you hurt her I'll break your legs" A crooked smile crossed Edwards face.

_I'd break my own legs Edward if I ever hurt her _I thought, I saw him give me a look. _I love her, truly. _

"I know you do" he whispered.

"I was asked by Alice to ask Edward if he would do this" Jasper said, Edward smiled.

"What?" Sam asked taking a sip of beer.

"Telling you a love story"

"love stories are for girls" Seth mutted.

"You mean you and Bella" I added, "Of course that is a hard love story for me and Nessie to follow, at the time I hated you and I am so sorry for that"

"That's old news, but there is somethings I would like to say. It is easy to say some words 'I love you', its the emotion you put behind it or what those words, those feelings so to you. The hardest moment in my life was when I thought I had lost Bella" I saw him swallow hard, "my life seemed unbearable without her, and even though I know that she would hate it If I killed myself if she ever died I still think I would do it, because my life is not a life with out her"

He carried on to tell us, his side of the story. How love sent him to make a decision to keep her safe, that meant that he had to leave her behind, to ignore his feelings to ensure she was safe.

I couldn't imagine leaving Nessie period, my heart would burst. But I know that deep down I would do exactly the same as him, in more than one situation he has been in. When he left her, saved her, would die for her...

The circle was silent for a few moments after he had finished. Emmett broke the silence, going around the circle offering cigars to everyone.

"How are you going to do it man?" Jasper asked Sam.

"What" Sam replied.

"Emily is mortal"

"Oh that...I try not to think about it, I will live the life to the full, my life with her and.."

"So she's not going to...."

"No, don't get me wrong she loves you guys but she feels she personally can't handle being a vampire. Anyway I can't stay a wolf for ever, sometime I will find a way to give it up and move on with my life. I will live it with her and die with her"

"Wow" I added, "that's..."

"Something" Paul added.

"Well have it different than me Jake, Nessies immortal, so I guess you'll never give it up" He asked.

"I haven't really thought about it but yeah I suppose I would stay immortal for her" Cause I want us to be forever.

The smoke burned my nose, this had been my first time smoking. It was different. Even the vampires smoked. The drinks flowed, and my head swirled, but still my heart was aching until I met Nessie again walking down the aisle.

* * *

My head was banging, this was the only time I wished I was a vampire. Alcohol doesn't even effect them -so lucky- they can't get hung over. A nice cold shower and strong coffee should do the trick.

Last night was starting to look blurred. I remember beers, a lot of beers but what else happened?

I shuffled around in my bed, but it sounded different. In fact it felt different, sharp pricks pressed into my face. I lifted my head up, Straw?

My head swirled as I looked around, the first thing I saw was Paul and Jared in a heap sleeping in the far corner, Sam was in the opposite corner. Who was that red head with him?

Where was everyone else? and why are we in a barn?

Something moaned beside me, I gathered just enough strength to look over.

A small blonde girl, was slumped on top of my arm. Her silk hair flowing over her face.

I swallowed hard, why was I shirtless?

I poked her with my finger, she moaned again and moved in my arm. She swiveled around to meet my face. She was cold and very beautiful, but not my Nessie.

"morning" she whispered opening her eyes. I jumped up, her eyes were red. Vampire red. She quickly did the same. "It's ok Jake, its just me from last night.....you were out of it"

"Who's me?" I questioned.

"Nina, why that's nice" she sighed crossing her arms, "not remembering a girls name the night after"

"The night after"

"You know" she moved forwards, I was frozen. Her hands reached out to my chest I flinched away. "you weren't saying no yesterday"

No, no, please no.....I screamed at myself.

I felt tears flooded my eyes.

"I wouldn't, never in a million years would I do that to Nessie, not even if it meant my death....never would cheat"

"Come on" she whispered, "its too late now" she jumped forwards, her lips caught mine. I shoved her off.

"No" I shouted and turned to run out of the barn.

No.

No.

Please no.

I love Nessie.

I would chew my arm off for Nessie....

I would never....I know I wouldn't.

But then when I ran out the barn door, Emmett was stood there in fits of laughter. Out came Jared and Paul laughing as well.

"Why are you laughing? Edward your going to have to kill me" I said.

A crooked smile crossed his face.

"I am very sorry Jacob for my sons cruel idea of a joke" Carlisle said stepping forward.

"A joke?"

"Yes"

"Thats not a good joke"

"As you can guess Emmett" he said Emmett in a serious tone, "and in fact Edward came up with it, as a joke and to see, I suppose"

"To check if I would cheat what..." I started to argue.

"I'm very sorry but a father has to see, besides Emmett had the idea anyway before even speaking to me" Edward said.

"Emmett" I shouted while I charged at him. He started running, with me chasing.

"Calm down dude, you can't hurt the usher, or be late for the wedding"

After a while, I stopped chasing him and just focused on getting to the wedding. The more I thought about it the funnier it was, I knew in my heart that I would never hurt her.

My heart relaxed, but starting to beat harder the more I thought about my future wife......

* * *

I wasn't sure about this (it was my own idea) but I really couldn't think of anything and I wanted a little twist and Emmett's silly sense of humour. If you like it you like it, if you don't you don't.

But as always if many people don't like it- I will most likely change it (if I ever find the time).

As you can see I'm nervous about this chapter so leave a review if you wish to hopefully settle my mind :)


	75. Renesmee's Wedding day

Ok this is the wedding day. I've put the songs in it, and I think that if you get them ready on youtube and listen to them it just makes (well makes me able to imagine it so much better, but that could be cos I'm weird lol) Everyone whom gave me a song or any ideas are all present in this story, that was a few so I've placed you throughout the story and made you friends of the family, :)

I've put the songs on for youtube in brackets (just type the first part of youtubes address in the bar and then add these on the end- can't get full one on)

And this is a long one, I didn't want to split it up cause all you's are waiting lol. :) and as I have found out my wedding day can't be written in the usual 1200- 2000 words lolso the reception has to be put on a second chapter (along with the names and thank you's to come) :)

* * *

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of_

_Renesmee Carlie Cullen _

_and _

_Jacob Black _

_On December 5th, at eleven o'clock _

_Washington, Forks. Cullen house_

* * *

Renesmee's POV

The butterflies in my stomach are hyperactive, denting the inside of my stomach. How can I be so nervous when know that this is right, that this is what I want?

After the hen party last night we came back to the cottage. Emily slept in my bed along side me, I thought through most of the night how she actually got to sleep. I felt wide awake.

Tomorrow, or should that be today I will be Renesmee Black, or Renesmee Cullen Black- I'm not sure, nor mind. I just feel like I want to get up on this bed and jump crazy, getting all the excitement out of my system.

The boys are all getting ready at Billy's house, I feel like I want to run through the woods and jump into the arms of Jake. Though I think Alice would kill me, 'you must not see the groom before the wedding' she repeated, something about bad luck but that didn't mean anything about phone calls.

I silently hopped off the bed, five minutes ago I heard my mother leave chatting to Alice, in the unfair fast vampire talk. My still partly human self prevents me to catch any of their conversations.

I pushed out the door, shutting it behind me. It was dark outside, well it is winter and seven o' clock in the morning. I knew the boys had been on there stag do, but about one hour ago I heard Emmett about one hour ago, and I had (or was ordered by Alice) to sleep in to eight to get my beauty sleep, but screw beauty I want to hear his voice.

I pushed in the numbers for Billy's house. The line was silent, no ringing or anything. I held it closer to my ear, they haven't got it off the hook or anything have they?

"Nessie" I jumped a sudden voice boomed over the phone.

"Alice?"

"What are you doing? Actually don't answer that I already know, but you have one hour left for beauty sleep"

"I was just.....I needed to hear his voice"

"You will hear his voice in four hours" she said.

"Fine" I said a bit sulky, "I just wanted to say good morning" and to almost check that this is real and not just the best dream ever.

"I know honey, but it makes it more special when you don't have any form of contact."

I had a feeling that Alice was right, I was already bursting inside.

I put down the phone, but picked up the phone and dialed again.

It rang, and rang.

_Hello_

"Hi **BlackTreaderWolf**, are you on your way to Jake's now?" he's a friend of Rebecca's, seeing as her husband couldn't make it due to work she decided to bring her friend.

_Yes, Nessie is that you?_

"Yes it is, could you just pass on a message?"

_Of course._

"Could you just tell him that I love him and that I can't wait to see him later on" I could feel my heart starting to thump hard.

_Yes, I will. Is that everything?_

"Yes, thank you. Bye"

_Bye_

I clicked the phone off.

"Good Morning" A voice softly spoke behind me.

"Good morning Emily, I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, what were you doing?" she asked moving across the room.

"Just sending a message on to Jake" I paused and then let out a large breath, "are you nervous? You don't seem nervous, you seem relaxed, like always" I rushed my words out.

She came closer and put her hand on my shoulder, "Just breath, Nessie you and I are about to do the biggest thing in our lives- well one of the biggest things- and we're not going into it willy nilly. You love Jake don't you"

"Yes, with my whole heart"

"Then whats there to worry about? Today will be perfect, even if things don't go as planned, at the end of the day things will still be great once the both of you share rings" she said, her voice calm.

"Your right" I agreed.

"But don't get me wrong, I still have a little flutter in my stomach, its just normal too" She smiled, her face beautiful and kind.

I held her hand, "Thank you, I'm so glad we're in this together"

"Me too" she whispered back, "So breakfast?" she pulled forward the fruit basket from the counter and read the card.

_To the two beautiful brides, don't forget the most important _

_meal of the day to keep you on _

_your feet._

_Congratulations and all the best._

_Your great friend _

_**blue-eyedCullen4ever**_

* * *

Jake's POV

As soon as I got back from running I had basically sobered up from the not so funny joke, but everything was forgotten as soon as I got my message from Nessie. I can't believe that today is the day, the day I'm getting married, the day my life becomes perfect.

I jumped in the shower, having the luke warm water trickle down my chest. Washing away the smell of booze and cigar smoke. I came out and quickly dried, one of the good things about being warm blooded is that I dry off fast.

I wrapped the towel around my bottom half, Sam patted me on the back as he entered the bathroom behind me.

My house- my nearly ex-house- has become the shelter for the males, even some of the Cullens are here. It was crowded as I walked to the kitchen, I had to dodge Emmett, Jasper, Jared, Seth, Embry and Paul just to get a glass of water for my dry throat.

I shut the door to my bed room and leaned against it, the only room in this tiny house which was all mine and looked at my wedding outfit lying perfectly on the bed but soon enough my eyes moved to my picture of me and Nessie, cheek to cheek smiling at the camera lens and my mothers wedding ring lying in front just waiting to join her engagement ring on Nessie's finger.

I smiled to myself.

* * *

Nessie's POV

Alice pulled me and Emily by the hand into my mothers and fathers bedroom. It has been converted into a beauty salon. A large mirror on the long wall, no longer housing my baby pictures- for the time being-.

The bed was gone and had been replaced with salon like styling chairs.

"Ok so I can't be two places at once so this is **miley341" **pointing to a stylist who was standing by a table full of make up and hair products, "and is going to help you Emily with your make up and hair"

Emily went forward and was directed to one of the chairs by the stylist, "you are mine Nessie" Alice said with a fun but serious look on her face. She pushed me down on the chair and I sat faced away from the mirror while she cleaned my face and tied my hair back.

I still had no idea of any of the wedding plans, all I knew was that my brides maids would be wearing nice cream dresses with gold trims, and regarding my dress all I told Alice- when she disregaded my ideas or plans to get one- was that I wanted a dress that suited me. She said she would pick the perfect dress, and even though most people think the dress is of importance, I think the getting married part is, but I have my full trust in Alice.

She primped and prepeaped me, slathering on foudation and other make up concockions. She flipped the cd player on, 'Better together by Jack Jackson' came on. (.com/watch?v=u57d4_b_YgI), I closed my eyes and listened to the music while she finished off my make up.

* * *

Jakes POV

The clock ticked closer to eleven o' clock. I put on my beige trousers and white shirt. I halved buttoned it so that my chest was on show. I ran my fingers through my hair. I let out a breath of air before leaving my room with the picture of me and Nessie in my back pocket and the ring held tight in my palm.

"Seth" I gestured him to come over to me. In the back ground 'All or Nothing was playing by Theory of a Deadman' (com/watch?v=BkXsOZLVCA4)

"Yeah"

"Guard this with your life, If you lose it" I said

"I know, I know you'll kick my ass. Got it" he said taking the ring from my palm. I looked around the room at the men around me, some dressed similar to me.

"Charlie" I said walking up to him.

"Hey how you going?" he said shaking my hand.

"I'm good, just a matter of waiting now" I replied.

He chucked and gently man punched my shoulder, "Its all worth it in the end kid"

"It sure is"

"So" my father said wheeling his way over to us, "Are you ready to get going?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, and opened them again taking a look around my soon to be ex home. Charlie had already moved in with Sue- who was said to only be coming to the reception party- and left me and Nessie the keys three days ago. A present from my father was that he was going to prepare the house- move our stuff in- so that too would be a surprise and less of a job for us once we got back from our honeymoon.

"Yes, yes I am"

* * *

Nessie's POV

"Ok I think we're done" Alice said running her hand down the length of my dress, "Hair check, make up check, dress check" Alice had already gave me her garter, which counted as something borrowed, but it was extra special to think that my mother too had worn this on her wedding day. Something new was the anklet Esme and Carlisle bought me.

"Wait" my mother said entering the room in her hands she held a thin silver necklace. "One my wedding day my mother and father gave me two heavy silver hair combs with blue sapphires, seeing as hair combs would ruin the style Alice had done to your hair I decided to get the stones and put them into a necklace"

"Oh mom, your hair combs"

Alice lifted my hair as my mother placed the necklace around my neck, "I want to give you this, something you may pass on to your children" She hugged me, "I love you so much Nessie"

"Love you too mom" I had to swallow hard to prevent myself from crying. I looked at everyone in the room, Alice, mom, Rose, Esme, Emily, and Leah. "Thank you all so much, I know that you have done alot for me. For both me and Emily"

They each gave us both a quick hug left the room. My mother to take her place sitting down as mother of the bride while the others stood before me as brides maids. The room was left for a moment to me and Emily. Her father had pasted so she asked Jared to walk her down the isle.

He knocked on the door and walked in.

"Oh wow you two look beautiful" he said. Giving each of us a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you Jared"

Emily left first, we were being driven somewhere. So the wedding at my house was ruled out, I just wondered why I wasn't allowed to come to the house? Maybe the after party?

I took a breath before twisting myself to look in the mirror. I gasped.

My hair was in long flowing over to one side, covering my shoulder. It was waved and band together. Small daises were perfectly placed, I had never seen my hair look like this....it took my breath away.

My face was flawless, it almost looked air brushed. My dress was white and simple, prefect. It had straps over my shoulders and a deep neck line, it sunk straight down casting the shape of my body. My feet were bare, and the silver anklet held its self proud on my ankle.

"You look amazing" A voice spoke.

I turned. "Dad" I said, feeling my eyes get watery.

"I've never been so happy for you" he gave a small dry sob, I rushed up and hugged him sucking back my tears.

"Thanks daddy"

"Are you ready?"

"I nodded my head" I put my arm through his and let him lead me out to the car. He put me in the seat of the Bentley and slowly drove away, leaving the house behind us.

He drove only for a short time, leading us closer to the coast. Once we had stopped and he helped me out of the car my bare feet could feel the sand between my toes. I knew we were at the beach.

"A beach wedding" I muttered to myself, I felt excited and happy. I couldn't see the beach where this was taking place yet as we were parked in front of a huge enclosed mar-key (large tent). We entered to find Emily and all of our brides maids.

"Ok" Alice said, in her authority tone. "This wedding is happening now. Wheres my flower girls?"

Clair and **hermonielvsronald **stepped forward each holding a basket of white rose petals. Alice quickly opened up a section of the mar-key the two flower girls walked away sprinkling flowers. I had to imagine it as I couldn't see the isle yet.

Alice lined up the brides maids and sent them away one by one, she was last. "Ok" she said looking at both me and Emily, "Emily goes down the isle first with her bridal music and then once the music changes that's your cue...Edward" my father nodded.

"Ok" I said half shaking.

Alice had demanded that we stay away from traditional wedding music so she said be prepared for songs with lyrics. I actually said that was fine with me. I'll be too busy looking at Jake.

The day I fall in love started, Emily gave me a finale look before Jared led her through the tents opeing. (.com/watch?v=bjOYwjr1iH4&feature=related) the music sounded so beautiful and live.

The music changed after a moment of silence. My heart filled my throat. 'Better today' began to play (.com/watch?v=3CFcRYaCBYw&feature=related)

"I'm nervous" I whispered.

"I know" my father replied, "I love you Nessie, So proud of you, now shall we?"

I wrapped my arm under his, "Yes" I whispered. He pushed away the white tent sheet and we stepped forward.

My bare feet hit a while isle, it led all the way down to the arch which was made up of white roses, to match the once on the isle beneath my feet. White chairs were in rows, each person stood up watching me.

I could hear the sea as it splashed against the sand.

My heart jumped out of my chest when I saw Jake standing just under the arch. He smiled when he saw me, and I saw a single tear roll down his cheek. I tried to remember to breath.

On the far side of the chairs stood a small band playing the music, **LuV yOu FoReVeR** was playing the piano. I forced myself to place one foot in front of the other.

My eyes stayed connected to his, he looked so handsome in his clothes. His eyes had a light in them. He was smiling so wide. My heart was pounding fierce. As we reach him my father took my hand and put it into Jakes not before giving it a squeeze.

Jake pulled me close and kissed my hand. His breath was warm, our hands shook together. "You look beautiful" he whispered as us and Sam and Emily turned to minister. He spoke the famliar words to Emily and Sam first (leaving out the I do part for the moment) and then moved on to me and Jake, but before any of I do's could occur me and Jake had decided to do our own vows.

"Renesmee I love you so much and from the moment I saw you I knew in my heart that you were so special. I take with you all the bad times we have shared to all the good times, you are not only the woman I love but you are a friend, and a part of me. A piece that was always missing before I met you. I promise to stay with you forever, and to cherish each and every day we spend together. I will forever be by your side"

I felt like sobbing happy tears, he released a few more free tears down his face. My finger brushed them away. I felt like the rest of the people surrounding us had faded away and that all that existed was us.

"Jacob, we've been through so much to get where we are now and I would do it all over again just to be with you. My heart is forever yours, and it will love you always. You are my better half and I couldn't imagine a life with out you" I said swallowing away a sob, "you are the most important precious thing in my life. You always have a place in my heart and may our love only get stronger. I love you for eternity"

"Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do"

"I do"

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do" I quickly said.

"I do"

"I now pronounce you husband and wife"

Jakes hand wrapped around my waist, a place were they fitted perfectly and kissed me. My heart exploded and I kissed him back, throwing my arms around his neck.

The crowds rushed over to us, a lot of hugs and kisses. My hand stayed attached to Jakes.

Oh God I'm married, I joyfully thought to myself. The rings feeling perfect on my finger. We pushed through the crowds hugging our new large family- members- and left to the cars. Me and Jake had our own to return back to the reception at what I still think to be at Carlisle's house.

More rose petals instead of confetti and rice was thrown over us. The band played 'lovebug' in the background by the Jonas brothers (jonas .com/watch?v=a_cXhBy78T4&feature=channel)

I kissed my mother and father, and moved down the isle as more roses were sprinkled over us. The last person we walked past was **Gee 179**who threw a large hand full of roses over us I smiled at her, and she along with everyone else waved at the two newly married couples as we got into separate cars.

We kissed three long times in the car. "Oh I love you Jake" I happily moaned as he kissed the corner of my lips.

"I love you too Mrs Renesmee Black" I smiled wide at my new name.

He drove, but constantly kept a hand holding mine.

* * *

Ok so that was the wedding :) please tell me what you think I spent the whole of last night writing it (going to very early in the morning lol) Plus the people who helped on ideas and songs (everyone who offered) I have begun to put in here. If your name is not here do not worry yet as we have another chapter to come. I also hope you like the way I added you ?

If you did offer help and your name is not here, leave your name in a review telling me (because I am very worried in case I leave anyone out) :)

So tell me what you think I hope you like the music choices, and I know its not the reception for music but I got so many songs and found some of my own (which I loved them all) that I wanted to add them.

Hope you enjoyed this- for some reason whether I was just delirious from sleep deprivation I found writing this one exciting lol xxxxx


	76. Best day of my life

Hello guys thank you so much for the nice reviews, so made up. I wanted to post this up earlier but had computer trouble and then yesterday was totally in panic mode when I couldn't even log on to fanfiction.

My name has changed to Misslittlepinksac so any links to my previous name/page don't work (so need to be changed :) xxx

Hope everyone is having a good summer. Too bad I'm not going on holiday :( had it at the start of the year. My summer seems to just be full of writing lol - but hey its what I love doing. I've got stories coming out of my ears lol (not literially) :P

I've made a youtube account just for you with playlists of all the wedding/ and reception songs enjoy ! (p.s really annoying cant put whole link up ..grrr.) add on the end of .com **/user/mslittlepinkbag**

and if you go to my home page (twitter) on my profile picture is my own (rather badly drawn) image of renesmee's wedding dress. It helped my imagination for writing. :P

xxxx

* * *

"Have I told you yet how beautiful you look" Jake said, helping me out of the car.

"Not yet"

"Well you do" He smiled pulling me into his arms. "I can't believe that this is it, we're actually married"

"It's not exactly it, we have so much more to experience and have the rest of our lives" I smiled, his hand stroked down my head to my back. Our lips touched. Fire works exploded over my skin.

"Come on" he said taking my hand leading me towards the house. "Lets show you the reception"

"Ahh the reception, does this have anything to do with the whole 'keep Nessie out of the house' thing?"

"Yes. Your'll like it, its prefect for us" he replied, his thumb stroking my cheek.

"Jake" I just had to say it one more time, "I love you"

His smiled wide, my heart jumped. "I love you".

He pulled me thought the house, which hadn't changed.

The first thing I noticed were the fairy lights- which Alice has been known to go to the extremes with- the back door double 'patio' doors opened out to the garden. Walking out the door you pass under a huge arch of white flowers stepping onto some type of dance flooring? Tabling was set at the far end of the garden. White and gold place settings, huge ruffles and bows made it look very elegant.

In the middle of the garden/dance floor was a large circular pond, the middle of that pond was solid with bridges either side.

"If you look close" Jacob began to say, "it has our initials carved into one of the bridges, Alice said it was something which would forever be proof. On the other bridge is one for Sam and Emily, I suppose to show that they are partly family now"

"We don't need proof, I just need you to kiss me again"

"All ready becoming the bossy wife" he grinned.

He kissed my lips, pulling me once again into his arms. "I like it" he whispered.

It looked like the band had already set up at the edge of the dance floor.

The tent over head was made out of delicate netting, for it being winter we were having some luckily weather. I held Jakes hand and never wanted to let go.

I could hear Emily and Sam enter through the house. When they walked out of the garden doors they both were glowing in happiness, I wonder if me and Jake look that happy? because I sure feel it.

"Oh Nessie" Emily said rushing up to hug me. Jake and Sam shared a hand shake hug combo.

"Congratulations" I whispered.

"Congratulations" she said back, "Oh wow look as this place" she said her eyes following every fairy light and decoration.

Jake left his hand resting on my back.

"You look lovely Nessie" Sam said as I gave him a hug and a kiss. In the background I could hear more cars pull up and Alice shouting her orders around. 'The guests are to line up and enter slowly to be greeted by them' she called.

"Well this is it guys" I said, wrapping my arm around Jacobs back.

The first at the front of the line were my parents closely followed by Billy and Charlie and the rest of the family.

"Mom" I said as she pulled my into a tight hug, she dried sobbed onto my shoulder.

"Well done baby" she whispered. She moved on to Jacob giving him a kiss. While my father hugged me.

"How do you feel?" he asked brushing a stray hair off my face.

"Happy of course and excited, but I don't think that all this has soaked in yet. Still seems like a dream"

"I know baby, but you look so happy and beautiful. Jacob" he said hugging Jake, "You've both made me proud"

"Thank you" Jacob said. My mother gave me one more squeeze before turning her attention to Sam and Emily.

"Hello Billy" I said, kissing him on the cheek.

"Welcome to the family Nessie"

"Thank you, It's a great family to enter" I replied.

"Erm..." he hesitated, "you can call me Billy or dad....you know your choice"

I gasped, my eyes felt wet. "Dad" I repeated smiling. "Thank you Bill....Dad"

He gave us a small smile and joined my parents who were still by Sam and Emily. In the corner of my eye I saw my father and Billy hug, and then Billy and my mother.

"Hey Becks, Rachel" Jacob pulled both of his sisters into a big bear hug. "Becks this is Nessie, Ness this is Rebecca" I hugged her.

"It's so nice to meet you, and thank you so much for travelling down" I said.

"I wasn't going to miss my big dopey brothers wedding now wasn't I. I'm so happy for you both"

"Granddad" I excitedly jumped into his arms.

He chucked. "Hey Nessie Bear...Jake. Congratulations to the both of you and" his hand reached into his pocket. "Here you go"

He placed a set of keys into my palm. "Its all yours now" he added. I looked at Jacob who gave me a wide smile.

"Thank you grandpa you don't know how special that house is to me" I will treasure it always, remembering the old of it being my fabulous grandfathers house and my then mortal mothers.

"So when do you enter it?" he asked.

"Well actually tonight, we put of the honey moon travel till tomorrow so that we could stay here longer with out the rush to hop on a plane"

"Sensible" he replied, "well enjoy and you should see what Bella has done to the place" he smiled. My mother decorated it, deciding to keep Alice away from it.

"She told you to say that didn't she" he gave me a smug smile before greeting Sam in a hug.

All the guests followed, the rest of the wolves who crowded around us and cheered. Boy's will be boys. Leah and her new boy friend greeted us, he was very polite and sweet and you could see Leah go all doe eyed at him. It was nice to see her happy for a change, it made this special day better knowing that everyone was well and happy.

We thanked Alice and Emmett gave me a real bear hug, sweeping me off my feet and twirling me around. He and Jasper, pretended to hit Jacob in the stomach being the nontraditional uncles in law and instead acting like brothers in law.

Carlisle and Esme gracefully hugged us and told us to live a happy life together before telling us that all the honey moon 'stuff' was prepared and on the kitchen table in Charlie's house.....I mean my house- oh wow that is so weird to say-.

The last guest approached, "Thank you so much for coming **tonks-quinn57" **Jake said pulling her into a hug,

"it was my pleasure" tonks-quinn57 replied. I hugged her next. "Congratulations, great wedding" she added before moving on to Sam and Emily.

We had now hugged and kissed every guest and were now ready to dance to our first song as man and wife.

Alice nodded to the live band as me and Jake and Sam and Emily walked to the dance floor by the pond area. I wrapped my arms around Jakes neck, he placed his hands on the small of my back.

The band began to play (Enrique Iglesias- Hero) I rested my head on Jakes shoulder and we swayed to the music. Camera flashes from the photographer flashed through the sky of the setting orange sun. It looked beautiful.

Jake was warm and smelled so wonderful, my heart fluttered. His head touched the top of mine, his lips kissed my head. This dance is not about swirling around the dance floor doing impressive dance moves but just dancing as a whole.

"I love you so much Nessie" he whispered. I pressed my head against his shoulder more firm.

"I love you"

The song changed to (Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole 'IZ' 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow') and me and Jake didn't move but continued to sway together. Slowly people started to join us on the dance floor.

The music changed. (Theory of a deadman- All of nothing)

"Do you know how sexy you look in that" I whispered.

"This?" he said sounding surprised.

"The open shirt look gets a girl blushing"

He laughed. "I'll have to wear this more often" he added.

Alice ensured that the rest of the reception flowed, me and Jake stood side by side holding a knife and slicing into the rather excellent cake, and the throwing of the bouquet which Leah caught and before I knew it the day had passed us by. One of the greatest days of my life seeming like one of the fastest.

On my way back from the bathroom I bumped into the photographer.

"Hi, Nessie" I said introducing myself.

"of course the bride, I'm **xoJacob black ox **photographer"

"Thank you so much for photographing our wedding"

"No problem, I've taken some great shots of yourself and your husband. Oh I almost forgot" xo Jacob black pulled out a silk padded photo album. "its not got the professional shots in but does have some Polaroids which I take to give the couple on the day, so here you go" she gave me the album.

"Thanks, so kind"

I walked towards the gift table which was piled high with gifts and placed the album on top. I was dying to look at it, but its something me and Jake should do as a couple in private.

My foot kicked something under the table, I bent down and looked at the rather large box. It was wrapped in fusha pink and had a gift tag.

_To the newly weds,_

_this is something cosy, _

_warm and great to share as a couple_

_Lots of love _

_**michaela hale x (Jaspers hyper pixie)**_

* * *

"Before you two leave for the night" my mother said, standing on the porch. "We have a gift for you two"

Alice and the others were inside already cleaning up, I begged Alice to make sure she keeps the odd piece for a scrap book. Like flowers from the arch (which she will dry out for me) and the top layer of the cake for a babies first christening, and seeing as we had two cakes (as I hate fruit cake) we have two cake tops. So I hope that she doesn't expect babies too soon, or in fact two? She and Rose had also taken over all the gifts to our house.

"What is it?" Jake asked, his arms wrapped around my body keeping me warm from the chill in the air.

"Edward" she called.

A car engine reved and out came a black convertible sports.

"Oh my god no way" Jake gasped.

I chuckled, "you've married your way into a rich family" I joked. "Mom you got us a car, but what about my old car?"

"Well your father did beg me to allow him to choose you a car, and this is a new beginning"

"So a new car" I added. "Thank you so much" I hugged her, and ran to my father and hugged him too. With Jake following doing the same.

We said our goodbyes as we wouldn't see them now till after the honeymoon, As me and Jake got into the car, I had a strange feeling. Not a bad feeling, but strange. I felt like I was leaving my old life behind me and for a second I felt scared, but I looked over and my new husband and any negative feelings evaporated away.

What do I have to be scared of?

Nothing.

I waved goodbye as we left in our new car, towards our new home.

* * *

"Are you ready?" I said dangling the keys in my hand.

"Yes"

I pushed the key in the front door and swung open the front door, and even though I have been here numerous times tonight felt like the first.

Jacobs wide soft hands scooped me off my feet and he took the first steps over the thresh hold into our home.

"Welcome home honey" I said.

"Hmm I could get used to you saying that"

He carried me into the lounge and placed me on the couch. On our new couch but.......it looked like Charlies.

My eyes wandered around the room.

"I thought Bella had decorated?"

"She has" I said pushing myself off the couch, "Its perfect, just like it was. She's given it a lick of paint" I could smell the fumes, "but shes decorated it like just how is was. I love it" I said dancing around the room.

"I do too" Jake added, "It's perfect....your perfect"

I ran into his arms.

"Hello husband"

"Hello wife"

My fingers walked up his shirt, hitting his bare chest.

This was it....

This was the night....

My mouth fell dry as I kissed him and began to un button his shirt......

* * *

Lol you have to wait for the next chapter.

Hope you liked this one and like I said sorry for the lateness. It was just one thing after the other.

Big Thank you's to everyone who gave some input even if I never used your idea's !!!

**michaela hale x (aka jaspers hyper pixie- It took me a while to realize you changed names lol) **

**BlackTreaderWolf**

**xoJacobBlackox**

**blue-eyedcullen4ever**

**hermoinevsronald**

**Gee179**

**Tonks-quinn57**

**miley 341**

**LuV yOu FoReVeR**

For all of your ideas and song choices. (I've tried to put most of the songs on the youtube account)

* * *

_Request- I've written a novel outside fan fiction and would love for someone to read it out side of the family lol. I won't make you read the whole thing lol._

_I am offering this to one of you who may be interested in helping me or in my writing outside of ff twilight (lol if thats possible) I really don't mind if no one does. _

_At the moment I am doing changes on it and checking grammar, but for anyone who offers (if more than one wants too will chose one at the moment) will get the first few chapters. _

_If you want to help send me a Private Message. _

_P.s this one is not about Vampires (unfortunately but funnily enough I am writing a vampire one at the moment) _

_And will receive the chapters in the next weeks or so :)_

* * *

Thank you for reading xxxx


	77. Only jake will see me naked

Sorry its been a while, been a crazy week of waiting for exam results then celebrating exam results and as most of you writers know you can only write the best you can when you are in the mood to do so.

* * *

His shirt fell to the floor. I ran my shaky fingers over his chest.

His hands cupped mine, and brought them up to his lips kissing them.

"Should we go and explore the bed room" I whispered. He nodded, and I let us through the house, upstairs towards the main master bedroom. I pushed open the door and walked in. My bare feet stepped on something soft. A rose petal. I shook it off.

Red rose petals were scatted over the floor leading to a rose petal covered bed.

I let go of Jake's hand and walked closer to the bed. I gestured for him to come closer. He did.

I kissed his moist lips. His hands slowly pealed down the straps of my dress. It fell with ease to the floor. This was when I was glad for Alice's choice of sexy lingerie. I felt a bit self conscious at first as his eyes traced they way over my body.

He took me in my arms and placed me gracefully on the bed.

* * *

Jake's snoring was rather soothing, I was actually looking forwards to having that sound fill our room for....well forever. I carefully slid of the bed and slipped on one of his shirts from the cupboard.

The house was silent as I creeped down the stairs towards the kitchen. I flipped on the kitchen light, and searched around the kitchen for a glass. Luckily having a family which loves to do everything for you I was able to find a brand new one, freshly watched in the cupboard. Also on my search I found that the cupboards were packed with different foods, both my and Jake's favourite.

I flipped the faucet on and filled the glass with cold water. Certainly not one of my favourites but I know that Jake likes to have a glass of water by the bed. I grabbed myself a second glass and wandered to the fridge.

A low burn was beginning to build in my throat, that's what comes from a exciting day when you don't seem to have a appetite when your served your favourite rare beef. I could really go for some of that now.

I heard a small creak echo from the hall. I leaned far back around the fridge to have a look.

"Nessie?" A tired voice said.

"Oh Jake I'm in the kitchen"

"What are you doing?" He asked, wrapping his arms around me. He was wearing boxer shorts.

"Just getting a drink"

He kissed my neck. I twisted in his arms to face him and kissed him.

"Do you want anything?" I asked nibbling at his neck.

"There are a number of things, some not suitable for the kitchen area" I giggled. "I'll have that glass of water for now" I gave him his drink and he guzzled down the whole glass. I suppose some activities make you rather thirsty. I poured myself some chocolate milk.

"Do you want to have a look at the gifts? I mean we won't really see them again till after the honeymoon" I said already leading him to the living room where the gifts were stacked neatly in the corner.

After pulling at the largest gift we opened it to find a nice fake fur thick soft blanket. We wrapped it around ourselves.

After a while of ripping off wrapping paper and reading through all the gift tags we were surrounded by masses of wrapping paper. It looked like Santa's work shop. The fur blanket was soft on my skin. I wriggled around until I was close enough to Jake. His hand traced the curve of my back, his fingers edging under the shirts hem touching my bare skin. My flesh pulsed.

My mouth watered and my thighs throbbed. I was slightly sore from before, but I knew that that would not stop me. Jake kissed my neck, then moved down lower to my chest. Slowly unbuttoning my shirt as he lowered his lips. His body was large and warming on top of mine.

Before I realized it the shirt had gently been torn from my body was was lying in a heap. The carpet burned deep into my back, chaffing my skin. I groaned.

* * *

My neck ached slightly as I moved, I heard a faint knock on the door. Jake was snoring loudly next to me, I carefully lifted his arm of my stomach and placed it down. I ran my fingers through my messy hair, my fingers flicked away bits of sleep from my eyes. I could feel the impression of the carpet on my cheek I tried to rub it away as I made my way to the door.

I stopped dead, realizing I was naked. I ran back into the lounge dodging the windows- in which the curtains had not been drawn all night- and yanked the blanket swiftly off Jake, putting a cushion over his bare bum.

After rapidly wrapping the fur blanket around me, I sleepily walked to the door.

Oh god what if its my parents!

I'm half naked.

I took in a deep breath as I creeped closer to the door. I couldn't smell vampire. I jumped when another knock came, it was louder than last time. I quickly glanced at Jake-who infact was still sleeping- and opened the door very slightly.

The sun was just coming up on this chill winters morning. A man in jeans and a t-shirt holding two bags stood there. The corners of his mouth twitched when he saw me. I felt my cheeks burn.

Perv.

"Ms Black" I smiled from the use of my new name, Mrs Black. Mrs Renesmee Black. I snapped back to reality when the boy gave me a 'your being weird' look.

"Yes" my warm breath hitting the icy air created misty white clouds.

"Delivery" he replied, his mouth swatting around a huge wad of bubble gum. I could smell the strawberry flavor on his breath.

"Of what?" I haven't ordered anything, "I think you must be mistaken"

"Breakfast" he replied heaving up two paper bags. "A order from a Alice Cullen, she said for me to knock until you answered"

"Oh well I guess it is for me" he held out the two bags, I was about to take them off him when I remembered the naked thing. Bloomen heck its cold. I could feel goosebumps rise all over my body.

"would you mind bringing it in please"

"Sure" he replied blowing a pink bubble.

He brushed past me rather close, his eyes tight on my blanketed body. If Jake See's you doing that he'd most likely snap you like a twig.

Oh god Jake is Naked.

I rush past the boy just as he says "where do you want it?" and is walking closer to the lounge opening. I block his view to the lounge, a thought of blocking the view with the blanket did enter my head but then again that would be a bad idea.

I gestured with my head towards the kitchen, he gave me a weird look again and put the bags on the kitchen table.

"So er is a tip included......"

"Nope" he replied, shuving his hands in his pockets.

Crap money.

"Would you mind just waiting for a moment, here sit down" I said, he gave me another look- what is with this guy and looks, he must know by now that I am uncomfortably naked under here-. He went to sit down on the chair facing the lounge, "Not there" I shouted in a panic, "here" I gestured to the one with the back to the lounge.

I slowly backed away, "I'll just be a moment"

I double checked that he wasn't looking and quickly covered Jake in the blanket and ran up stairs bearing all.

I pulled on one of Jakes large t-shirts and aborted putting on any shorts because I nearly fell over doing so, the t-shirt was large enough that it acted as a dress.

I jumped down stairs, "Ok so lets give you a tip" I said cheerfully and slightly out of breath.

The gross boy eyed me up and down and then sputtered, I watched uncomfortably as he coughed up his chewing gum.

"Are you ok?" I asked, watching him go red in the face.

"Fine" he replied, his voice strained.

I walked over to my bag which Alice must have left over a kitchen chair, but I stopped when I saw something on the fridge.

_Money for breakfast del. boy._

_Alice xx_

It read, I pulled it off and with out even counting it gave it straight to the boy.

Standing up he ripped open the envelope. His pupils dilated, I guess he got a good tip. I directed him out of the door.

He cleared his throat.

"Thanks Miss, er and you know if you ever want to .....do something some time" he muttered out.

"I'm married" I stated.

He chuckled, "Like I've never heard that rejection before"

"No really I'm married"

"What are you like twelve?" he replied.

"If I was wouldn't it be pervy of you to ask me out anyway? Seriously I'm married, husband in the other room....big muscles"

"Oh" his face went pale, he started to back away tripping over his shoe lace. "Maybe some......" he ran to his van.

Weirdo.

Do I actually look twelve? I shut the door in frustration.

"Who was that?" Jakes voice asked from the lounge.

"We have a breakfast delivery"

"Yum I am starving" Jake replied, I could hear him start to move.

"No don't move" I called back, as I walked to the kitchen. I looked over my shoulder. "A wife has to give her husband breakfast in bed on the first day being married"

He smiled and sat back down.

After feeding each other a breakfast of bagels and fresh fruit, with the occasion of using Jakes chest as a dinner plate. We both got a shower- to be young and in love- and got dressed in suitable clothing for a full day of travelling to Esme's island.

* * *

Ok so here is the next slightly late (soz for the wait) chapter. I actually like this one personally but would love to hear what you have to say. I tried to make it funny, but again thats your decision.

Wanted to keep it mostly PG as I have readers of all ages. I'll leave any raunchy stuff to your own minds lol

next chapter will be their adventure and experience on esme's island.....

love mslittlepinkbag xxxx


	78. one minute into the honeymoon

The plane journey was hot and sticky but not even that put a downer on my buzz. I had a fab wedding and the wedding night, wow. I am so glad my father cannot hear my thoughts because he would definitely disown me, and that's saying something. My life finally feels right, I feel happy and complete and for the moment I feel blissfully happy.

I reach over and grab Jakes hand, his fingers intwined with mine. My whole hand tingles. He lifts my hand effortlessly holding it too his lips. "Love you Mrs Black" he whispered.

Seats in first class was actually the best gift ever from Emmett and Rosalie. I didn't realize that flying could be so comfortable. The Steward passes re-filling our drinks. I notice her giving Jacob a sexy smile.

_I hope she knows I can whip her ass if she looks at him again. _I flickered my ringer finger again as I reached towards her for my drink. My finger caught her skin.

_He is so fit_ I heard her think as I pulled my glass away.

I bubbled in jealously, I love my fella and I know that he is 'fit' and yummy and all mine. I turned Jacobs head and kissed his mouth. Not because I had to prove a point but rather because I just can and I love to do it.

I left my hand on his face, listening to his thoughts.

He fell a sleep a few hours later, only half way into the flight. He so looked peaceful. My hand touched his face again. Images of me and him together fluttered through my mind. We were in a field, lying on the grass in each others arms, it kept flicking to our wedding day. My face sweetly remembered saying yes over and over again. I smiled internally, even in his thoughts I am present.

I think I just can't believe that this has actually happened. I am, and will always be Mrs Jacob Black.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want any help?" I asked Jake grinning at his failed efforts. He pulled sharply at the boats motor.

"No its fine, I'll do it" he told me again for the third time. Men, unable to get help from women- typical-.

"Do you want me to try and find the instructions?"

"No. It can't be that hard. Thousands of people drive boats, its can't be that difficult" he huffed, pulling at the cord again.

"Baby" I said, moving towards him. Taking him in my arms. The small white boat lightly bobbed on the water. "Just take a small break, we're in no rush. We basically have all the time in the world" I kissed his wrinkled forehead.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?" I asked not aware I was doing anything.

"Make everything perfect" his warm brown eyes looked down at me.

"Sweet talk, you should keep this for later" I replied chuckling, kissing the corners of his mouth.

"Do you need some help?" A deep voice shouted.

I looked over my shoulder. A youthful looking man stood in the shadows of the dock.

I gave Jacob a look. I could tell he wanted to do it himself, but I really wanted to get to the island for some serious alone time- and no that's not just for sex-.

"That would be great" I beamed him a smile.

He walked carefully around the shadowed dock towards are boat, which was also in shadow from the large yacht in the next space blocking out the sun.

I climbed up off Jacobs lap, he gave my bum a secret pinch.

"Stop" I playfully whispered, stifling a giggle.

"It would be my pleasure to help. It is my dock after all" the boy told us.

"Wow, I had no idea. Well thank you for helping. I Nessie, this is Jacob" I introduced ourselves.

"Nice to meet you both" the boy said climbing aboard. "Nessie, that's a unusual name" he said moving around Jake to lookat the engine.

"Its actually Renesmee" I explained, "Its a combination of my two grandmothers names"

"Really" he replied, "and what would there names be?"

"Renee and Esme" I told him.

"That's cleaver, I suppose its nice. Like there a part of you" . Jake sat down again, holding on to my waist.

"Yeah I like it" The boy fiddled around with some wires, pulling a screw driver out of his pocket. "You should hear my middle name"

"Oh yeah let me guess, is it your mothers and fathers name combined" he lightly suggested.

"Close" I chuckled. "my two grandfathers. Carlie" He smiled, turning back to the engine. "Carlisle and Charlie" I told him.

"Your parents are very cleaver, its like having a part of them with you"

"Yeah I like to think so, it was actually my mother who chose them. She likes to make things special" I continued. "You never told us your name"

"Jamie. So are you two newly weds?"

My brows knitted together. "Yeah. How did you know?"

"You just have that look about you. Like your full of beans" He clicked something, I sat back on Jakes lap.

The sun had begun to move around. Steams of light pierced through. I moved out of the way. My skin just glittering. Jamie didn't notice anything.

"We're going on our honeymoon" Jake cut in. My hand stroked his back.

"Wow any where nice?"

"Just a remote Island" Jake vaguely added.

"Ok"Jamie said, replacing the engine cover. "That should do it"

Jake jumped up pulling the cord. The engine roared to life. I twirled the screw driver in my hand.

Jamie climbed off the boat.

"Thank you" I called after him, and then I realised the screw driver in my hands. I turned around. "Wait you forgot your screw driver" He jogged back.

Jamie reached over through the crack of light. Glittering sparkles glimmered off his skin. I gasped dropping the screw driver. Immediately he pulled back his hand.

"Your a vampire" I breathed.

Jake jerked in front of me, blocking me from Jamie. Jamie started backing away.

"Wait its OK, its OK" I called after him. I must seem like a human with my beating heart. "I'm a vam...." I stopped looking at the humans on the next boat over. "I'm like you too" I shouted.

He turned and ran.

"Should we go after him?" I asked Jake, tossing the screw driver on the docks.

"Why? he obviously doesn't want to talk about it" Jake started to pull the boat out of the docks.

"I just have a feeling about him" I revealed, sitting down on the ledge.

* * *

"Oh my goodness, just how I remember it" I told Jake gobsmacked, as we pulled into the empty docks of Esme's Island.

Jake docked the boat, and offered a hand helping me off the boat.

The sea was crystal clear, and the sand was as white as snow.

"Its beautiful" I whispered.

"Not compared to you"

I squeezed Jakes hand as he pulled me up into his arms, racing us towards the house.

"What about the bags?"

"I'll get them later" he told me, carrying me over the threshold.

"You've already done that" I said kissing his cheek.

"I know, but I love doing it"

My mobile suddenly vibrated in my pocket.

Jake sighed. "Go and get the bags while I get this" I told him. He gave me a quick kiss, and ran off through the greenary towards the beach.

I looked at the screen. _Alice_

I flipped it open. "Nessie" Alice said,her voice crackled over the line.

"Alice is that you?.....hello......I can't hear you very well....the line is not very good"

The line cracked further.

"Nessie......I....ne....need...to tell you some........thing important"

"I can't hear you very well" I told her shouting down the phone.

I paced around trying to find good reception.

"Alice? Hello" I said again.

I suddenly hit a good spot of reception.

"Nessie" Alice said rushed. "You need to listen to me"

"Alice I'm on my honeymoon, I'm sure this can wait" I moaned.

"Nessie, this is important" I froze.

"Is everyone ok? Grandpa, mum, dad.......Alice tell me" I panicked.

"Your father is storming down" she told me.

"What? He's coming here"

"Yes Nessie"

"Why?" I moaned again, "Its my honeymoon"

"Nessie I had a vision and he saw it" she told me seriously.

"Alice what is it?" I asked, thinking of all the possibilities. What would my father have seen which would make him rush down here?

I listened in silence.........

To be continued.......

* * *

Hello everyone !

I hope you have all had a nice summer, and I'm sure its back to hard work now. It sure is for me. So excited starting uni next week. Eek- also very nervous-.

I apologise for the delay of this story, I wasn't sure where I was going to take it and in fact only thought of this idea (of what would make Edward rush down) just moments ago (of my writing this that is) plus you all know that I write outside of ff, so indeed I have completed another story (if you must know is 64,555 words) so I have been busy this summer spouting out two long novels lol.

Whether they are publishing worthy I don't know, and as some of you may notice I'm not very confident in my work

Anyway.

Not long till New moon, and yes I am sadly counting down to it. I was disappointed by the first two trailers but the latest one has made me very excited indeed. (you can obviously tell I have no life) lol

Hope you liked this chapter- fingers crossed- and hope it was worth the wait. Will try my hardest to write the next, but with starting uni next week (for a very difficult course as well) I don't know when I will next find the time.

So I hope it is not too long of a wait- like months and months-.

Love misslittlepinkbag. xxx

oh and if your wondering the boy on the docks will hopefully make a return. I have two possible story-line's for him


	79. Pregnancy stick no I have Alice

Hello! Sorry for the lateness again (but thats life :)) I hope you like this one. Even though I haven't written it as fast as I used to, I did have a lot of time to think about it and I know exactly where this story is going.

Please review because I get my writers fix from you guys :)

xxxxx misslittlepinkbagxxxx

* * *

I listened falling deeper and deeper into shock.

"My vision was painful" Alice began, "It gave me such a headache"

"Could you please move on to the part you mentioned about me being pregnant!" I barked, my hand wildly clutching the phone.

"Of course, well I saw it. You pregnant, with a large belly but the problem was that......" she hesitated.

"Alice just tell me, I'm sure this situation couldn't get any worse"

Number 1) I'm apparently pregnant

Number 2) In a world of my strange existence my father saw Alice's vision and that is just cringe worthy. My father definitely knows about me and Jacob and our honeymoon night. Ewe.

"Well actually it does Nessie" her tone was still very serious. Her words almost curdled my blood. I was faintly aware of Jacob walking back into room, heavily dropping the bags onto the floor.

"Have you seen this place? Boss" I gave him a weak smile. "Nessie what is it?" he rushed up immedietly putting his hands around my shoulders. "Nessie" he asked again as I gave no reply.

Alice continued, "You die" her words cut though me.

"Die" I repeated. Jacob tensed.

"Nessie please what is it" he begged.

I flipped the mobile onto speaker. "Edward is coming down, amongst Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper."

"Alice what happens?" I managed to stutter out.

_"Give me the phone"_ I heard my mother shout in the background. I guess she is snatching the phone from Alice.

"Nessie are you OK honey?"

"Mom I'm fine! A little confused about whats going on here" I told her.

"Your not the only one" Jacob added.

"_I know, I'm sorry Alice" _She said, again we could here her lowly say to Alice. "I'm reluctantly going to put Alice back on the line so she can explain what she saw. Goodbye baby"

"Its Alice again. You may want to sit down" she told us, Jacob helped me down. "I got the vision a short while ago. Your father, much to my dismay acted a bit in advance the vision isn't set to happen till a few months. I think"

"Just give us the details Alice" I told her. "Your pregnant, by a good few months and from what I see it wasn't that which killed you it was the Volturi"

Volturi. Just like myself, Jacob stiffened beside me.

"Why? How?"

"Well Nessie, they......" the phone went dead.

Damn the battery. I slammed it down.

After a short while Jacob turned to me. "Your pregnant?"

"Maybe? I guess"

He took my hand in his and gave me a small smile, but then his face turned sour. I reached out without thinking and touched his face.

_You hurt Bella from the inside out. She almost died, and there was nothing I could do. _Images of my mothers pregnancy raced violently through my thoughts.

The sound of her bones breaking.

The look of pain on her face........I tortured her.

Then the labour.......if you can call it that.

Blood everywhere.

My human mother dying.....

and I viciously bite her in her dying time.

I tug my hand away stumbling to my feet. Jacob's face is full of pain. "Nessie please don't" he tried to explain, but I barely heard it. The images of myself where dominant on my thoughts.

"My mother had to put herself through that because she thought I was worth it. I know that at the time, everyone thought I was a monster and as soon as they saw me that fissled away, but your not saying that our child would do that to me do you? I'm not even human"

"True, but your half human- you could survive better or you could end up like your mother" he tried to explain. "Nessie I can't lose you and I don't know whether we have the opition of changing you into a vampire like your mother"

"I can't deal with this right now. This is suppose to be our honeymoon. Maybe we should refrain from sex" Half surprisingly for a man, he agreed. "and I can't handle this right now. My fathers on his way down for some reason- maybe cringingly to stop us having sex but I need to get some fresh air" I started leaving the room, Jacob tried to follow. "Alone Jake" he stopped dead.

Great our honeymoon was officially over before it even began.

I walked alone the beach longing for some quick sand to swallow me whole so I could just disappear from my difficult life. The tears dried quickly on my face from the wind directed from the salty sea.

I walked for hours, now no longer on the crisp ocean edge but rather in the jungle of the island. Parts which looked like no one had ever tracked through. Unfortunately it gave me a lot of thinking time.

_I'm not scared of death_. I thought to myself. _I have faced it so many times that this one time shouldn't be any different. _

But the tiny voice in the back of my skull woke up and spoke to me. _But this time there is actually proof that you die. Alice's visions. _

Alice's visions have been known to change though - I argued back to myself.

I'm newly married. How could I die and yet leave perfect Jake behind? No matter what, pregnant or not I would fight to the death to stay with Jake.

I jumped. "Nessie" A small voice called, hidden deep in the jungle. I sounded like a question rather than someone just saying my name.

I pushed deeper into the jungle of greenery. Looking for a face to put to the voice. I stopped dead when I saw him.

"Jamie" I called out, before something hit me in the back of the head.

* * *

Oh and I hope there weren't too many mistakes. Felt so bad if any of you where waiting that I just chugged it out and posted it !!


	80. Authors note about Jamie!

Hi guys,

sorry this is not a chapter but a lot of you have shown some confusion as to who Jamie is (in my latest chapter ending) It is obviously my fault and been too long since I have posted my chapters (which is unfortunate but I am just busy now, with no free summer holidays and in uni now- anyway) but I thought I would just put in this quick authors note to explain who Jamie is.

1; he first appears in chapter 78- Seventy eight!!!

2; Scan your eyes down and you will see that there is a boy on the docks who came to help Nessie and Jake with there boat troubles.

3; His name is Jamie lol

4: your left with the suspicion that he may be a vampire (due to his glittery skin) and he runs off.

5: Will try to do another chapter at the weekend!

6; You all made me feel crazy lol; I thought I had just plucked Jamie out of thin air- you had me questioning myself so I had to go back a few chapters and check lol

See u all, love Misslittlepinkbag xxx


	81. I need more time!

I woke up deep in the jungle, further than I had been before. My head was throbbing. 'Ouch'. I was lying flat on the jungle floor. I slowly pealed myself up. My head now spinning.

"Are you ok?" the voice spoke again, Jamie.

"Well minus being whacked on the head.......no actually I'm not OK" I shouted.

"I apologise for that" he replied.

"What? Why are you apologising? You" I pointed angrily at him, "did this to me" I continued. I touched the sore spot at the back of my head. Blood dampened my hair.

"I know" he sounded remorseful.

My voice dropped down a tone. "Can I ask you something?" I asked, but continued even when he gave me no reply. "Why did you knock me unconscious? Why am I here?"

"I wish I could tell you but I can't"-

"How come?"-

"Because if I start talking about it I know that I won't be able to go through it" he replied.

I stepped back, and began running.

"Jake!" I screamed.

Jamie tackled me, clamping his hand over my mouth and dragging me down to the floor, his weight bolting me to the floor.

"Get off me" I mumbled through his hand.

"I'm sorry again, but I have to do this"

He removed his hand. "Do what?" I panicked.

He pulled something out of his pocked.

A needle?

I felt a sudden sharp prick in the side of my neck.

A fell again into the doomed unconsciousness.

* * *

A loud roaring sound..... of machinary?- I think- it was the first thing I heard.

I sat up, ugh. I felt sea sick. I gathered myself to get up, forcing my legs to work.

I wobbled as I stood up. Not from the needle but something else.

and then it hit me............He jabbed me with a needle!

I can't believe he stabbed a needle in my neck. I was nice to him as well.

My heart sunk. Yet again, nothing ever seemed to go to plan for me.

Where am I? I looked around in the darkness.

I stumbled as the floor moved beneath me. Confused I ran to the nearest wall, and let my hands trace around for signs of a door.

"There's no point in doing that" A chilling voice called out from the darkness.

I jumped, throwing my body against the wall. My breath now the loudest thing in the room.

"Who is that?"

"Your not getting out of here" he continued, ignoring my question.

"What? Please just let me go" The tears where apparent in my voice.

"You don't get it do you. I cant let you go Renesmee"

"How do you know my name?"

"I know more than that. I know your pregnant"

"How?"- I whispered, as he walked in to the sliver of light. It was not Jamie, it was one of volturies guards. I wasn't sure who, but I defiantly remembered him from my mothers memories.

"Is been forescene. Your child, is very prescious to the volturi. They may not have been able to get someone rare such as yourself to join them, but they are not passing the opportunity to have your rare child" His words sent shivers down my spine.

"No!" I screamed, "You are not taking my child" Mine and Jake's. My heart melted just from the thought of him, and it exploded thinking that ourchild could be in the hands of the Volturi.

"Who said you had a choice in it?"

I gasped, searching more frantically now for a way out.

He threw his head back and laughed.

"There's nothing you can do about it"

"Are you taking me to Italy now?" I didn't know what else to say. I felt as if I were falling into shock.

"Yes"

"Please" I rushed forwards, grabbing hold of him. "Don't do this, we can give you anything. Do you want money?"

"I don't want anything from you, apart from your baby"

"You can't have my baby" Tears flooded over my eyes. I grasped my belly, shocked at the size it had grown. But, I just found out I was pregnant. How can I be this big?

"If you are wondering, that injection not only knocked you out. It boosted your metabolism, therefore making your baby grow at rapid speed. We will be there shortly, I would rest if I were you. We would not want to cause the baby any harm"

He left, through a door I could not see through my tears.

Jake, please. Please help me. I don't know what to do.....

It all happened so fast. Too fast.

I cried the rest of the trip, for fear of my baby.

I had no idea if Jake was coming to save us, let alone if they knew where I was being taken.

I tried fighting the next time he entered the room to check on me- on us- but I was weak. The baby, draining away all my strength. It was if I were human. I lunged at him. He dodged me easily. Letting me tumble to my knee's.

"I would not do that if I were you" he threatened, his eyes furiously red. I swallowed hard. Sinking to the floor, and staying there.

Before I knew it. I was being ushered off the boat. Dragged from my spot. Pleading with the strong vampires, begging them to let me go. The sun clear on our skins. All of us glittering like diamonds.

I screamed and shouted for help but no one came. The vampires either side of me battered no eye lash at my distress. It was hopeless. This was happening, and I couldn't believe how fast it had been. How fast a decision had changed my life in a split second.

To them I was not a fellow vampire. I was just a task to be taken care of.

Jamie walked up to us. I thrashed around extra hard. "How could you do this? I'm pregnant. Do you know what they are going to do to me? Kill me and steal my baby"

His face turned down in sadness, but I held nothing for him. He was just like them.

A cold, ruthless vampire.

They carried me into what I thought was the sewers, down and down we went. Finally entering a room, I defiantly remember from both my mothers and fathers thoughts.

The Volturi's room.

"No please, please" I begged. Unsure of what to do. I tried to move, but the two vampires either side of me anchored me down.

I sobbed. Wanting Jake in my arms.

Was this it? Was this how Alice saw me die? Was it this moment right now that I was going to lose the fight for life?

I didn't look up as I sensed more vampires joining us. Fear had all my muscles tensed. It was rather exhausting.

"My dear Renesmee, it has been a long time has it not" a voice spoke. In my fearful heart I knew that it was one of them. One of the Voltuir.

I jolted, feeling the warm kick of a baby in my stomach. Warmness glowed all over me. My hand touched my enlarged stomach. I wasn't sure if my abilities would work but I tried it anyway.

_Hello my precious child. _I thought, _I hope you can hear me. See my thoughts in your innocent mind. _

I didn't know what to say.

_I need you to remember me, the goodness that comes from me and flows directly into you. Our time has been cut short. Delightful pregnancy time has been stolen from me. Right now, you should just be a foetus, but rather your full blown real size. _

I showed thoughts of me and Jake. Happy. Then of my family.

_With what ever happens I need you to remember your family.....please. _

_I love you._

"Please don't" I screamed feeling a contraction hit me. "Please, its too soon. Its too fast....dont do this"

Even I knew my words would be lost on the emotionless Volturi.

"I do hate being beaten" Another Voltuir member spoke. "The Cullens shall learn for going against us"-

"Please brothers, it is time"

I am not going to give birth to this baby, even if it kills me.

I still didn't look up, but one of the hands released pressure from my shoulder.

"Child, it will kill you" Aro? his chilling words sunk in. He was looking into my thoughts.

"I wont, I wont push"- I shouted, groaning as another contraction hit me. "Why have you done this so fast? You can't rush development"

"My dear, we don't want the baby to know who its parents where- and as I recall, you spoke to your father from the womb. We can't have that effect our plan now can we" he walked away. "Get on with it, we'll be waiting and Renesmee, there is no need for you to Push. There are other ways......"

I screamed further as more vampires moved in holding every inch of my body down.

I looked into each of their cold eyes. Breathing more rapid now. You could see my chest moving from my thudding heart.

One vampire, bent down. He was almost on top of me. He snarled, snapping his teeth in my face.

Oh God.. this is it.

His face nessled deep into my stomach, it was then did I feel the wet blood as his teeth cleanly cut through my weak skin.

* * *

Hey guys I hope you like this.

I moved it quiet quickly because I wanted to move it onto the action. When I have the next opportunity to write- I will do it from others pov- and will try to make it sweet (If I can) because she has been taken away from the lovely Jake.

Leave a review as always.

Good ones will encourage me to write the next chapter and negative ones will be taken with respect and prehaps I will rewrite the chapter.

Hope you are all well.

All love, MissLittlepinkbag

xxxx


	82. Don't you dare say goodbye

Hello everyone- Thank you for all your reviews :) There was a mixture, some like it and others did not. For those who did not, what I will say is you wrote as if you thought this was the last chapter- of course anything can happen in a story- but if you are already not aware of my type of writing you do not know how my chapters develop.

- I may write a lot of depressing action but its only because I find that I can write that best than all soppy stuff. Even if you read twilight the saga, Bella and Edward go through so much hardship that their happiness doesn't come till the finale chapters when the Volturi leave. Well that's what I may do with my stories.

**Oh and by the way I hope each of you have a lovely christmas and a happy new year :)**

Oh and read the whole story lol before commenting- I don't want some shocked and upset comments before you read the end lol xxx

* * *

Nessie was lying unconscious on the floor, blood tricked down her wound onto the marbled floor. The many vampires around her watched in ore as the man pulled the baby from her womb, easily cutting the cord with his teeth.

The baby cried- and even though Nessie was unconscious the motherly need in her body was dying to jump out. She wanted to hold the precious baby, but she was trapped- in her body.

* * *

Jaspers POV

Edward had already made a start to race towards Esme's Island, now us the guys (and ladies) left behind decided it was best for us to make a start towards Italy, now that we had lander from a quick plane ride. There's nothing worse than sitting back when one of the most important females in all of our lives is in trouble.

I was driving, it was nice to express my fear on the roads. Dipping and chasing around other cars, not worrying about the consequences. My darling Alice was next to me. Her whole body quivering. It wasn't too long ago that she had been speaking to Nessie on the phone, but since then I fear that things have gotten a lot worse. I can feel the pain, and guilt echoing from Alice's body. I dread to imagine what she is seeing.

Rose and Emmett where sat, restless in the back seat. For the chatter boxes of the family, they were very quiet.

Suddenly Alice screamed. She made my heart jump up into my throat. I stamped down on the breaks, screeching the car to a halt.

She clutched her chest, and clawed at the car.

"Alice, what is it?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

She sobbed, "She's dying"

The emotion contained in this car was stifling, I tried to put a happier spin on it- but even I was finding it hard to control my emotions-.

Emmett growled, ripping the head rest of Alice's car seat and throwing it out of the window.

"Is it the Voltuir?" I asked, though we all knew the answer.

"Yes" she replied, her voice weak.

I began the car up again, the pedal far down- unable to go further-.

The car silent, just the sound of Alice's sobs filling the car.

"Is Edward near her yet?" Rose asked.

Alice sucked in a breath. "Nearly, he and Jacob are close. Carlisle, Esme and Bella are too also nearing them. The only thing is that I can't see whether they will get to her in time......I just can't see"

"Shhh" I put my free hand on her leg, "It's all right. Your getting yourself worked up. Just take a deep breath, the only thing we can do now is just do what we can"

"It isn't enough Jasper......."

"Sure it is" I whispered, letting the damper of emotions in the car fade away as I pushed a sense of joy into my brother, sister, and wife.

* * *

Jacob's POV

_"Look I know this is not the time for this"_I shouted in my mind, as I raced- in wolf form- following Edward. Some how Edward had found the private jet on the Island, it was one of the indulgences of the Cullens._ "But"_ I continued on. _"You cannot shut me out, its me and you now. We have to work together. Talk to me...... I didn't do this to Nessie"_

"Yes you did" he screamed, I was taken back by his aggression. "Its your fault she's pregnant, and it was your fault she ran off alone into the jungle. Your meant to protect her"

_"She doesn't need protecting Edward. She's not a little girl anymore, she's stronger than most of us. Has a sensible mind, and is good in difficult situations. I'm not her baby sitter, I'm her husband. The man who loves her, and would not let anything happen to her"_

"But you have"

_"Much to my own disappointment, I have realised that in this life some things are not preventable"_I couldn't believe myself the words coming out of my lips. I was internally distraught. There are some things I wish I could do again, but at this moment in time I need my head in the game. Renesmee is my focus.

"As she is mine" Edward added.

_"and...."_I began before Edward shushed me. _Why are we stopping here?_ I thought. _Aren't we heading to the Voltuir?_

"We are, this is sort of a back entrance. We don't exactly want to walk right in the front door now do we?" He replied sarcastically.

He pushed open a thick wooden door, it was pitch black inside. I snarled, preparing myself to rip off any vampire heads that I see- and I mean every one-. I followed Edward, trusting his instincts.

The long black corridor seemed to go on for ages. No matter how fast we ran, it didn't seem to end until.......

Bile rose up in my throat as soon as the words left Edwards mouth.

"Do you smell that?....It's Renesmee's blood" He charged through the nearest door. Kicking it down with his strong legs. Before I could even blink, he was tearing at the vampires in the room.

All I could think about was the smell of her blood. A vampire tried to escape I tore at him with my teeth. Like a shark, I cut through his body easily. As if I were bitting into butter. Spitting out his teeth, my eyes scanned the room for the source of her blood.

My heart sunk.

Dread poured over me.

I ran to her limp body.

Skin torn.

Blood everywhere.

I changed back into my skin, feeling myself kneel on the blood.

Edward was somewhere in the room. Grunting as he killed another vampire.

"Nessie" my voice barely a whisper.

I pushed my hands underneath her body, pulling her up towards me. Her head flopped back.

"Nessie" I choked on the words.

I caressed her cheek with my finger. Urging her to wake up.

Her face stayed still.

"Don't you dare leave me. Do you hear me Nessie? Don't you leave me" I screamed, hoping she could hear my pleas.

A vampire head flew past us hitting the concrete walls hard. A tired looking Edward slumped down next to us.

Instantaneously he began crying. Crying like I have never seen him cry before.

It was hard to keep choking back the tears.

I'm not going to cry. Crying means that she has really gone and I'm not going to do it.

The room began to fade away, all there was was me and Nessie. Her in my arms.

Not breathing.

No pulse.

Drained of blood.

I reached for her hand. My fingertips tracing the wedding bands on her finger. Sticky with blood.

I didn't know what to do.

Do I seek revenge? Tear through this whole place killing everyone and everything in sight.....or do I just wither away?

* * *

I would have voted for killing everyone but it was hard to breath let alone move.

Eventually everyone else began to arrive. Setting the scene to a more depressing level. A grief stricken Esme tried to hug me but I refused.

I think that Emmett and Jasper did most of the damage once they had gotten news of her.......- no I'm not even saying it- they killed most of the guards and other vampire followers here. Unfortunately the Volturi had escaped........ I would have to destroy them another day.

Alice left, and eventually returned.

A crying baby in her arms.

"Jake"..... "Jake"

"What" I growled, Nessie still in my arms. Growing colder and colder.

"This is your baby"

I didn't even look up.

"Jake" she tried again, "This is your and Nessie's child.......look at her"

I stood up, still cradling Ness. "Keep IT away from me"

I ran.

Ran with Nessie.

Ran away from the depressing place.

* * *

It had been hard to let Nessie go. After two days straight of holding her it was time to say good bye.

I placed her in the rough grave Emmett had dug. It was in the Cullen's back garden. By the beautiful water fountain which had been build for mine and Nessies wedding.

The last days had been a blare, I hadn't slept. Eatten, even changed from my blood smeared clothes.

My father had tried his hardest to get me to eat. Even to let Nessie go so that the Cullens had the opportunity to say goodbye, but I just couldn't.

My brothers repeated the same words over and over, 'They knew how I felt' but how could they? They hadn't lost their new wife. I couldn't even stand to look at Sam and Emily. They were living the life which me and Nessie should be.

Alice and that damn baby. She constantly tried to get me to hold the kid. I don't want to.

I. JUST. WANT. MY. NESSIE. BACK!

After I had placed her in the grave I slumped back. I didn't want to move. To leave her here alone. I should be with her.

Edward placed a hand on my shoulder. Poking into my thoughts again.

"Renesmee wouldn't want that, would she?"

How much I hated it he was right. If I killed myself to be with her she would be mad at me. Most likely send my soul to hell.

I rubbed my eyes, they were red raw from the constant crying.

Carlisle- being the head of the family began the funeral by saying some words-.

"As vampires we don't know what the next life holds for us. All we can do is have hope. Rensmee Carlie Cullen was a great member of this family, and I am sure that each of you can find a reason why she didn't deserve to die like this" Tears began running down his face, it was hard to stop my own tears from coming. "With her heart of gold and genuine sweetness it is hard to believe that what ever place is for the next life that she will be excepted with open arms. I know she would not want us to mourn her but rather celebrate her life and with that I'm going to suggest that each of us choose just one word to describe Nessie. I choose Miracle...because that what she was for this family"

Bella and Edward were distraught, the desided to keep thier words breif. I bit my lip, as the tears began pouring down my face. My heart was in painful knots.

Bella began sobbing. "You wouldn't believe the pain you get from loosing a child and I wouldn't want to wish it on anyone. She was my child, our child. A friend, a lover, niece, even a mother" I scoffed, choking back more tears. "Someone who is not replaceable in my heart and all I can say is that I love her so much, and every day of my life will never be the same as she was the light of my life. My one word is- and Edwards to- is Daughter, because no matter what she was and always will be a such beloved daughter.

Edward comforted Bella, rubbing her back. His finger caught a few tears from his eyes. He didn't speak, his lip quivered.

Before I knew it most of the people had spoken, I was the last one.

"I would love to give her a great speech" I began, "but as she knows I was never good at speeches. I've listened to most of your words spoken today and one thing in common about them all is that you have all said goodbye." my eyes flooded with tears, "I can't do that. I can't can't say goodbye. I don't want to let go, and no matter how many times each of you have told me that I need to. I physically can't. Renesmee is a part of me, and a part of me has died with her and I don't see how I can live each day with out her. I cannot give one word to express how I feel about her, just because one word is not enough. She was my best friend, my wife, girlfriend, the best thing to have happened to me. "My face was wet from tears, "The one thing I want to say to her is a promise. I did promise her that if she died I would not kill myself to follow her and I will keep that, but I have given up my immortal wolf life. I am no longer a immortal but a human"

Jared, Paul and the others gasped.

"So I keep my promise, but whether I get hit by a bus tomorrow or die of old age the one thing I will tell her is that I will be with her soon. Because there is no way in hell that I can bare to live a immortal life with out her....because that is not a life...thats hell"

I wiped my arm across my face, just glad that this horendis day was finally over. Emmett and Jasper filled up the grave, covering her with soil. I stayed, waiting for everyone to leave so that I could be alone with her.

I could sense that Alice was still here. "Jacob, I know you have asked me to leave you alone but I can't. I know in my heart that Nessie wouldn't want you to abandon your child"

"Thats not a child, its the beast which killed her" I said coldly. Not even feeling anything.

I was permantly numb.

And glad when she and that thing finally left.

I lay on the ground next to her. My hand pressing against the soil.

"Its OK Nessie....I'm here. I'll always be here"

* * *

It had begun raining. My shaggy hair was sticking to my grubby face. I had just finished singing Nessy all of the songs played at our wedding.

The tears never seemed to slow down.

"Jacob" A gristly old voice shouted.

Charlie walked up. Mud getting all over his work boots.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Keeping her company" I innocently replied.

"Son, she's gone"

With out thinking I jumped up pulling Charlie into a hug.

It was those words which hit me like a smack in the face.

She was......she's gone.....

"Come on son. Lets get you dry"

I left, looking behind at her occasionally. Not seeing a grave, but seeing my Nessie just lying there. Beneath the soil.

It was hard, and I felt exhausted so I left with him. Charlie was after all, one of Nessie's favourite people in the world.

* * *

Nessie's POV.

I tried to breath. The air was dense and wretched.

I felt grains enter my mouth. I spluttered, trying to get it out but more poured in.

I threw my body around, feeling a dampness on my skin. I tried to open my eyes but found that my eyelids where weighed down with something.

I wriggled my hand, it moved slowly through the thick dense substance. It was cold and wet. I had no idea what it was.

I continued to push on through what ever it was.

I pushed on further, eventually feeling the cold wet air. I used my fingers to claw my way out of ........oh my god where am I.

In a grave?...

My body shuddered as I pulled myself up and out. Mud spreading all over my body. I sighed relief when I was finally out.

And then it hit me. I sighed again.....

Nothing?

and again......

Nothing?

It was strange I could feel the cool air travel down my throat and enter my lungs. I could also feel and see my lungs expand with the air but the strange thing was that the air made no difference.

I breathed in again. Nothing.

I clamped my mouth shut. Letting no air in or out.

Nothing.

Oh god, why don't I have to breath?

After a while it felt uncomfortable because I wasn't able to sense and taste the things in the atmosphere. I began breathing again, although it felt strange to.

After a while it became clearer where I was. My grandparents back yard. My legs felt like jelly. I warily wobbled over to the fountain. Splashing the water on my skin to get off the thick, sticky mud.

I jumped back in horror.

Spinning around to see if anyone was behind me.

When I realised I was alone I slowly approached the fountain again and looked into the pool of water.

Looking back where two bright red eyes.

* * *

Happy holidays :)

I'm sure you can guess whats happened to her :)

For those of you who thought I had killed her off 'Baa humbug' lol

Hope you liked it. I know, I know it was another sad storyline...buts it all I can do lol. I like drama and sweetness.

Anyway, hope you will make my christmas wish and give me some christmasey (if thats even a word in the dictionary lol) reviews.


	83. Please meet Renesmee Sarah Black

Hello Everyone! Feel completely crap for leaving it sooo long till I updated this story. Seeing as it has been so long, will give a quick recap;

Nessie and Jacob got married! As did Sam and Emily

On the way to Esme's Isle Nessie and Jacob bumped into Jamie, a fellow vampire. It turned out that he worked for The volturi, but wasn't happy about that.

Nessie and Jacob found out she was pregnant.

Nessie was kidnapped by Volturi guards

Her baby was ripped from her stomach.

Nessie died.

Jacob ran away from his responsibility as a father

Nessie had her funeral.

When everyone had left, Nessie crawled her way out of her grave, with bright red eyes.

* * *

Jacob's pov

_I know I must have seemed like a huge jack ass in front of everyone. But I do feel like I have lost a part of myself. _

_Like loosing a limb, I feel like I can no longer stand. _

_Loosing my _

_lu n g s, I can no longer breathe. _

_But even more so, I felt like a jack ass of a father. That's what I am now, a father. I've been seriously blind. How could I say those things? Why would I want to be that why? I know that deep down I am afraid. If I look at my child, I might see Nessie in her and then what will I do? When the crashing waves of pain hit my chest making my heart explode for the millionth time? How can I see Nessie everyday and yet not have Nessie here? Have a new version? The words are stale on my tongue. I have thought this through over and over, and can no longer fight it. I want my baby. I have realized that if I can't have Nessie, then maybe I will have her. _

It's the next day. Everyone is at our….my new house. Everyone is afraid to look at her grave, for reality to set in. That Renesmee Cullen is actually gone.

She's crying in the next room, and no matter how many pillows I use I cannot block out her crying. I want to stay away from her, scared that I might loose her too- That's why I have tried my hardest to push her away, when I saw her beautiful face, I just knew that I couldn't loose something I loved instantaneously, just how I fell in love with Nessie. If I did lose my child, I knew that I would finally die too.

She's pulling me close. Her cries, her protests that I know deep down she wants me. She wants her fathers warming protective hands, wrapped around her. I walk zombie like towards her, through the hall, past the bathroom, looking at Alice holding her, Edward cooing over her and Bella sobbing lightly in the corner.

They each look at me like I'm a mass murderer.

"It's alright Edward says" Reading my thoughts. I'm finally glad he can. I'm too exhausted to speak right now.

Alice nods in agreement. I wonder if she sees what I want to do?

I breath heavily, moving closer to my child.

I see her. I touch her beautiful soft skin.

She smiles. My heart explodes. Nessie, she's so much like my Nessie.

I love her. I know I do.

My skin tingles when I touch her. I go to pick her up. She laughs, looking at me with her large brown eyes. She is so beautiful. The most beautiful thing in the room. Her tiny fingers reach out, I put my finger to her palm. She grasps her tiny fingers around my fingertip.

I smile, Its impossible not to smile. I hold her for what seems like hours. I lie on the bed. Just me and my baby girl, and we both fall asleep together.

* * *

Nessie POV

I lost my balance crashing to the ground. I was a vampire. I was a vampire. A real, heart stopping, breathless vampire.

I wanted to cry, but couldn't. The tears wouldn't come. I dry sobbed.

My hands wrapped around my body, I tried to comfort myself.

My baby? I suddenly remembered. How could I forget my baby?

My hands traced my stomach, expecting the bump to be there.

Jake? I whimpered. My wonderful husband. I ran forward, checking the house.

"Jake?" I cried. Searching the lounge, dinning room, racing up stairs. "Carlisle?...Esme?" Nothing...no one was here.

I tried my parents house next, my child hood home. It too was empty. I traced the lines of my bedroom. Remembering all good memories we shared here. How had our lives changed so much?

I heard a noise outside. I ran, faster than ever outside. I stood silently, still. I could see the grass dance in the wind. A fly land on a flower 1 mile away. I was stronger, I had finer senses, I was in the best shape I had ever been.

I ran, taking off through the woods by the house.

I ran and ran till I stopped dead. Emmett? Jasper? I ran to them. Watching the carcass of a dead deer drop to the floor. I could hear Emmett say how much he missed hunting bears.

"Emmett....Jasper" I screamed. I knew they heard. They both stopped dead. Turned and faced me.

They both turned paler than usual. Looking at me gauntly. I felt sorry for them, they had must been through so much.

Emmett shook his head. "It can't be"

There was now a short distance between us.

"You died" Jasper whispered. I could feel his despair and confusion wash over me. He was losing control of his ability.

"I know I did" I replied.

"How?" Emmett whimpered. I ran into his arms. He exhaled, pulling me into his comforting bear hug.

"I think my human self died....." I cried, again, dry sobbing. I had lost the human think about myself. Had I lost my soul?

Jasper hugged me too. He was just as broken as Emmett.

"Uncle Emmett...Uncle Jasper....I'm scared" I buried my face into both of them.

My body shudded. They backed away.

"Nessie? are you okay?" Emmett's worried face stared at me. His body tensed in anguish.

"Yeah...I think so" I replied. My stomach swirled. I coughed. I retched. And when I looked at my hand, I saw blood.

* * *

Jacob POV.

My child slept soundly on my chest. She was one piece of the puzzle and slept soundly there. As I looked at her miniature body I began to think of names to call her.

How about my mothers name? Sarah?

Nessie? Renesmee Sarah Black?

I nodded, carefully rising to my feet.

My large hands, protectively held her softly. I walked downstairs.

My family was there.

Edwards solemn face, as it has always been lately, looked up at me when I entered.

Bella was sobbing. It hurt my heart to see her constantly sobbing, it made it impossible for myself not to cry. I inhaled.

"I love her so much...this child" I smiled looking down at her. "She has so much of Nessie in her. I was childish at first running away from my responsibilities..." I began.

Alice was looking out he window, she turned to look at me. "I've picked a name" I continued, "Her middle name is going to be Sarah and her first is going to be....."

At the same time Alice's blank face looked up. Her mouth hung open and her eyes widened in shock. "Renesmee" she whispered.

At first I thought she mean the name, but from the look on her face I knew she meant my Nessie. My wife.

My heart sunk in my chest, how was my Nessie back?......


	84. Hasta la vista Volturi

Jacob POV

The first thing I saw was my Renesmee in Jasper's arms, sagging weakly. At first I thought that he had her dead body and I was ready to wrap my hands around his neck, but then I saw her eyes flutter. Before anything more could be done I knocked Emmett out of the way, slammed into Jasper and tore Renesmee from his arms, cradling her in mine.

I hate to admit it but my hands were badly shaking and I was close to tears. Was this a dream? Could this really be happening, was my Nessie back?

I held the two women most important to me in my arms, my heart was bursting out of my chest. There was one thing I really needed to say. "I love you"

"Oh Jake I love you so much" her words rang around my body.

"Your eyes" I gasped, before Edward and Bella took over screaming for someone to get Carlisle. With my child cradled to my chest I watched as they towered around her, blocking Renesmee from my view.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, his words rushing out.

"Edward do something" Bella sobbed.

Behind me I could hear Emmett and Rosalie discussing if she was like Bradley. The boy who died, the youngster from our pack. Vampires killed him, and turned him. But werewolves cannot be turned, it turns us into something different, something wrong.

"She's nothing like him" I snapped shooting them a look.

"She was coughing up blood" Jasper said before retreating away, probably after my face dropped. Blood just like Bradley.

"Its can't be true" I denied, "She is nothing like him" I said again, "Bradley was a werewolf and was bitten by vampires, Nessie just...died" my lips trembled. I couldn't believe my Nessie was back from the dead.

"Stop" Renesmee suddenly shouted. We all turned to face her, Edward, Bella, Carlisle and Alice backed away from her. "I just want to see my child...now"

"Is it safe?" Bella asked. The words hurt my Renesmee, her face scrunched up in pain.

"How can you say something like that? Mom, funnily enough you went through the same process as myself- perhaps its a Cullen curse- but how could you even think that I could hurt my baby?" she sobbed.

"Carlisle is there any medical explanation" Edward asked, standing between me and Nessie blocking her view to our child. "How is Renesmee back?"

_Back off Edward!- _I screamed in my head.

He shuddered.

_Be glad she's alive- _

Carlisle scratched his chin, "The most reasonable explanation is that when Renesmee died, from the trauma, it was her human self who died and not her vampire self"

Alice gasped, "You had to climb out of your coffin"

The room fell silent in shock. "I'm fine" Renesmee said, "that wasn't the worst part...the worst part was seeing my reflection with my red eyes. Forgive me for saying this but I was proud of my human side. I always thought it gave me this chance for normality...and made me less inclined to be a real monster...I have never wanted the taste of human blood so much. This churning of my stomach and burning of my throat is hurting me so much...I've never felt this way...and regardless of this hunger, all I want is to hold my child and try to forget this situation"

"I trust you" I said, dodging through the crowd. "I was going to call her Renesmee after you...be kind of stupid now seeing as your back"

"Did you choose a middle name?" Renesmee said absent minded as I handed her our child, her face glowing with happiness.

"Sarah"

"Sarah...your mother, I like that"

"Yeah well" I shrugged, "Still need a first name"

"It will come in time" she smiled, "She is so beautiful"

The longer she held her the lesser tense everyone was. In the end it was evident to them that Renesmee wouldn't hurt her child.

"She looks like you" Edward said leaning down and kissing Renesmee on the head. "I missed you so much child"

"I know dad"

"How come you were down for so long? There was no sign of life, or that you were going through the change" Emmett asked, tactful as always.

"I don't know" Renesmee replied, "I remember dying, being on the edge of life and death and the strange thing about it was that I am certain I saw a bright light, and then I felt as if I was torn away from the bright light and thrown into hell. Pain and darkness followed. Next thing I knew I was in a grave"

"Your home now" I said wrapping my arms around her.

"Mmm, your so warm now"

I leaned to her ear, "It still feels like a dream"

She whispered back, "It feels like its been a nightmare"

* * *

Jasper POV

Alice was still at Jacob's and Renesmee's house. Jacob wanted some alone time with Renesmee so Alice offered to Sleep. Edward and Bella stayed there as well- and everyone else came home with me-. To have lost a child must have been horrible, but amazingly she's home.

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, when I heard a swooshing noise. I jumped to my feet and saw Renesmee at the foot of my bed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Jacob fell asleep- its weird that I can't sleep anymore" she shook her head, "I wanted to talk to you...alone"

"Sure, go ahead"

"Wars and fighting is your expertise..."

"I suppose"

"good, you can help me"

"Who do you want to fight?" I asked.

"I want to kill the Volturi"

* * *

Hi everyone!

I need your help! I can't for the life of me think of a good name for Jacob's and Renesmee's child. I want to try and make it original like Stephanie Meyers did for Renesmee, but have never been good in the name department.

So, a little game or competition- though I don't have a price- CAN SOMEONE COME UP WITH THE NAME OF THIER CHILD AND YOU WILL BE THANKED- if chosen- IN AN INSERTED AUTHORS NOTE!

Either put it in the review or personally message me.

Thank you, hope you all had a lovely summer. Back to school now I suppose?

Love Misslittlepinkbag xxxx


	85. Sorry authors note and new name!

Holy Molly has it been this long, only realised after a reviewer kindly reminded me in my latest review. Firstly, as a I have done before, I apologise if any of you are waiting for more chapters. I tend to forget that people 'perhaps' like reading my work.

Secondly I chose a name. I read all those who offered up ideas. Now is when I thank everyone;

**lime likes .jam**- (I know you have no spaces and three full stops in your name but for some reason when I spell it out like that and save it it automatically just delets the first two words so ends up just saying jam? lol)

**Alexiatwifan- **

**TWILIGHTGIRL1002-**

**goodgirl24-**

**mellie newbold-**

Thank you, you all chose beautiful names. And even though I wasn't able to choose all of your names, I will consider using them later on in the story. Thank you very much.

-I bet your wondering which name I chose. Well a big thank you to **_mellie newbold!_ **with the name Elly- (Ellie as spoken) a combination of Edward and Billy's names. In the true spirit of Stephanie Meyers a combination of two names, of people important in Nessie's life, I truly like the name and hope you all do too.

Introducing (Eventually) **Elly Sarah Black**. Lets hope this new name, finally chosen will give some inspiration.

As always, Misslittlepinkbag xxx


	86. Ellie, no! Elle, no! Elly, Yes!

Jasper POV

"Renesmee look at me- You can't be serious, you want to kill the Volturi"

"I'm more serious now than I've ever been Jasper. Look at what they have done to our family, my family. It's time this ended"

I sat up, my whole body felt intensely uncomfortable. "This is not like when you were younger Renesmee, we can't rally up family and friends- If we were to fight. It would be the few of us against dozens, if not more of them. They have an army-we have family"

Her face was as cold as I had ever seen Renesmee look. My heart sunk seeing her dark side. "I didn't come asking for your permission. I'm telling you, I'm killing them, Whether your with me or not"

"Nessie?"

"Jasper. I love you, and I do appreciate your opinions- but they have to die. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder, wondering what they're going to do next. I have a child to think of. I've grown up in a world like this, I can't expect her to" her eyes saddened "Her lovely face. She's family. She's my baby. She's a combination of my love for everyone- in this single bundle of joy" she paused, gazing into the oblivion "When I look at her, I see Jake's sunshine glow. Alice's wired personality and Billy's awkward kindness" she softly giggled to herself "She has a part of everyone in her, and it hurts me to think that I nearly lost that"

I placed my calming hand on her hand drawing her eyes back to my face. "You've just explained the one think most important to you in this world. Start a war and you could lose her"

"I have to do something" she painfully bit her lip, closing her beautiful eyes "They've taken something away from me...inside. I feel wrong. I don't feel like me...I don't feel like me" she repeated.

"Your adjusting. Its too soon to be making big decisions like this. Nessie I beg you- we only just got you back. Let us just be a whole family for once, peaceful, being together"

...she took her time to reply. I could see the clogs in her mind churning and processing our conversation. After a few painfully quiet minutes she stood, nodded her head and kissed my cheek. "Do you want Jacob?"

"No. This stays between the two of us. Its on hold for the moment Uncle Jasper, but its inevitable, the Volturi will die by my hand- one way or another"

* * *

Renesmee POV

I slipped back into Jacob's arms. He tiredly gave me a squeeze. "I thought I said you weren't to leave my side" he grumbled, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"I didn't go far- Just needed some air"

"Renesmee" he asked, with questionable eyes.

"Hmm"

"What was it like?...When you died?"

"...Um...It was dark. Uh I don't remember much. The pain, I remember, before I died. It felt like I was being pulled away, and no matter how hard I willed myself awake- it was a losing battle"

"Did you see heaven? Or Vampire heaven?"

"I didn't die properly...I'm still here"

"You were gone, if not for a while, did you see anything"

I didn't want to answer his question. "I'm glad to be back to see our child"

"Nessie? I can tell when your keeping something from me"

"Um..." I sighed, "My heaven is here with you...but I was somewhere, for a while" before I was torn out, by this vampire curse "It was warm, and bright, and made me feel whole and made me feel like everything was going to be okay. That my family were sad-yes- but that they would slowly move on..."

-"Never" he whispered.

"...There is a place for us, when we die"

"So there is an after life for vampires?"

"...You see, that's what I don't know. I think I was in human heaven...because my human side died" lowering my voice I added, "Why would heaven let in creatures that feed on blood?"

"Nessie, your not a creature. Your the most lovable, kindhearted woman. Heaven would be lucky to have you- though they'd had a hard fight if they were to take you away from me again" his hand stroked my cheek. Hmmm, he was so warm, more so now I was dead. "What's the matter? I can tell that something is bugging you"

"I ...I just. I'm finding losing my human self difficult. I feel different. Feel the hunger- worse than before. I'm scared that I've lost my humanity"

"You haven't. I can honestly look into your eyes and see my Nessie. My unchanged, original Nessie"

"I'm not unchanged" I gave him a slight smile, "I'm a mother, and your a father"

"I know" He whispered, "Looking at her, doesn't your heart just burst. To have this miracle- a gift from the woman I love"

"You played some part in making her too" I added.

"True" he grinned, "Something I wouldn't mind repeating..." he chuckled, and it was hard to resist kissing him. My lips parted and the heat flared as our lips touched. "Our angel with out a name. Blank Sarah Black"

"Actually" I interrupted, "I was thinking of a name...It was something so obvious I don't know why I never thought of it before"

"What is it?"

"Elly"

"Elly" he repeated.

"Meaningful, like my name. A part of my father, and a part of Billy. Two, of many, important people in our lives. If you don't like it we..."

"Elly. I love it. Elly. Elly. My Elly. Our miracle...just like you were my miracle"

* * *

Hey! Just wrote this real quick. Was going to wait a few more days till I began it but had a nagging feeling and well...I wrote it, and yes it is 01:01 am. Humph. :) Hope you like the name! Again a big thanks to mellie newbold for coming up with the name Elly.

If you don't like it lol, guess its too late. Written it into the story now. Ah well, 'My bed is calling. Night all!"

Misslittlepinkbag xxx


	87. Authors note- a little update

Hello everyone!

Wow I am really sorry about not posting for a couple of years. I love the twilight books but feel as though the movies have ruined it for me, so I'm not the biggest fan of them, but still love Stephanie Meyers and now I'm waiting for The Host movie. I hope I will be able to update this story but just need to get into the spirit again.

This is a little up date for those who are interested that I am beginning to post my own fiction on Wattpad. So far this isn't my vampire novel but if I manage to get people reading this first book I will definitely post parts of the vampire book. I hope everyone is okay?

Thanks, Misslittlepinkbag. :)

P.S for those interested in reading the Wattpad story just send me a message and I'll give you the link. I'm under a different pen name on Wattpad. xx


End file.
